When Will Someday Come?

The engine of the pretty blue car was loud and I ran my hands over the smooth leather seats. “I like your Chevy ballet, Grandpa.”

Grandpa’s laugh was warm and always made me feel a happy tickle on the inside.

“Chevy Bel Air, sweetheart.”

“Do you love it?”

“I do! It was made in sixty-three…same year I was born.”

“Gran says you’re an old fool sometimes.”

Grandpa’s laugh roared out again. “Well, your gran is probably right.”

“Can I drive it?”

“Someday Charlie girl. Someday.”

***

Grandpa’s strong hands wrapped over mine. They were rough and very warm.

“Keep going sweetheart, you’ve almost got him!”

My hands struggled to keep turning the handle but with Grandpa’s help I was able to do it. I squealed and laughed as the wriggling silver fish finally came out of the water. “I did it! I did it!”

Grandpa’s arms wrapped around me hard. “You can do anything you set your mind to. Now, let’s take a picture.”

I nodded eagerly. “Can we take it in front of the Chevy ballet?” I knew the right name now, but I still loved hearing Grandpa laugh every time I said it wrong. “What’s the color called again?”

“Azure Aqua.” The pride in his voice was unmistakable.

I stared longingly at the car. I think I loved it as much as Grandpa. “I really want to drive it.”

“Someday Charlie girl. I promise.”

***

My tears made a small puddle on the Bel Air leather backseat, but I was still too miserable to move. Once upon a time I had been able to stretch out completely, but now I had to curl up in a miserable ball. That suited me just fine. I heard the slight creak as the car door opened and a moment later the familiar scent of Old Spice cologne reached my nose.

“What’s the matter, Charlie girl?”

“I hate my curly hair and I especially hate these braces!”

“Well, I think your hair is beautiful,” Grandpa said. “It looks just like your mom’s hair and your gran’s.”

“Well Josh Payne said my hair looked like an ugly mop and now my smile looks awful too.”

“Well Josh Payne is an idiot. Why do you even care what he thinks?”

I felt heat in my cheeks and I swallowed hard. “I fell off the ropes course today in front of him and everybody else. He laughed at me and said I was weak sissy.”

“You are not weak, my girl. Anything you put your mind to, you do it. I’ve seen it time and time again.”

I decided right then and there that I was going to get better at climbing ropes. I wasn’t going to let Josh beat me ever again.

Now, your gran has supper ready, so come on in the house; your mom should be here in a bit to pick you up.”

Grandpa’s arm went around my shoulder as we walked back.

“You’re beautiful, Charlie girl. You are smart and you are strong. Don’t you ever let anybody make you feel like you're not.”

I smiled again. Being with Grandpa always made me feel better.

I looked back at the car in gratitude. It always made me feel better too. One of these days I would drive it to school. Nobody would think I was weak then.

***

“I won the spelling bee!”

Grandpa looked up from his paper and a huge grin spread over his features. “Congratulations, sweetheart! I knew you would win.”

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for helping me practice.”

“Anytime.”

“Josh was so mad he threw his second place trophy on the ground. Everybody laughed at him.”

Grandpa chuckled and shook his head. “Still tryin' to one-up that boy, huh?”

“Can we go fishing today?” I wanted to celebrate and a trip to the river sounded perfect.

Grandpa’s eyes creased a bit. “I had some things I was planning on doing to the car today. Want to be my assistant?”

“Oh yes!” That might even be better than fishing. “Grandpa, as soon as I learn to drive, you’re going to let me drive your car, right? It will make everybody jealous…especially Josh.”

Grandpa just laughed and didn’t answer, but I wasn’t worried. Grandpa always let me do what I wanted.

***

Mom hadn’t even opened the passenger door before I was running into the house. I threw my purse down on the couch, opened the pretty wallet Mom had bought for me and yanked out my brand-new driver’s license. I felt so light I could almost imagine I floated into the kitchen.

“My goodness, what's got you so excited?” Gran was pulling eggs from the fridge and I saw flour, sugar and chocolate chips already sitting on the counter. My favorite cookie ingredients.

“Mom already told you, didn't she?” I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t stop grinning.

“She texted me,” Gran said in a slightly sheepish tone.

“You didn’t tell Grandpa, did you?”

“Of course not.”

“Is he in the garage?”

Grandma gave a small laugh. “Where else would he be?”

The hood of the car was up, and Grandpa was humming slightly as he bent over the engine. I didn’t completely understand everything he did to the car. I had a basic grasp of changing the oil and checking the spark plugs, but when Grandpa started throwing out words like point dwell, choke, or vacuum advance, I suddenly felt as lost as I sometimes did in Spanish class.

“Look! Look!” I waved the precious piece of plastic around.

“I will, as soon as you hold still.” Grandpa laughed and even now I still felt the warm tickle rise inside me.

“Well, well,” he said a moment later, staring at the picture. “Guess I better warn everybody I know to stay off the road.”

“Grandpa!”

He grinned and handed the license back to me.

“Can I drive your car now?” I’d told everybody in school that once I got my license I was going to drive Grandpa's car. The jealous look on Josh’s face had made me feel warm inside.

“Someday, Charlie.”

Wait. What? That wasn’t the answer I was expecting. The whole trip here, I imagined myself behind the wheel, windows rolled down, and my hair blowing in the breeze.

“When can I drive it?” I knew my tone sounded sulky, but a cloud had suddenly marred my perfect day.

“You can drive it when I think you’re ready,” Grandpa answered, an unusual note of firmness in his voice. “This car isn’t like your mom’s Camry. It’s got a whole different feel to it that you aren’t used to. Just be patient.”

I didn’t want to be patient. I wanted to drive the car!

Gran and Mom kept shooting me odd looks through dinner. I barely touched any of Gran’s delicious meatloaf. Even the cookies didn’t taste that good to me. Grandpa just ate, talked, and joked as usual. I guess Gran was right and he was a stubborn old fool.

***

Sweat poured down my face and I wasn’t completely sure I could feel my arms anymore.

“It has to be at least forty pounds,” my gasping breath sounded like I had just finished a marathon.

Grandpa pulled out his blue bandana from his back pocket and wiped his brow. It had taken both of us to haul the beast in. He reached out and patted the giant catfish and gave a low whistle. “I know they can get a lot bigger than this, but in all my years I’ve never seen one this size in this ol' river.

“This is the best day ever!”

“You know what to do.” Grandpa said.

Without thought, both of us hauled the fish in front of the Bel Air.

I couldn’t stop laughing. Did posing a catfish in front of a classic car qualify as the silliest thing I had ever done in my life?” It certainly didn’t stop Grandpa and me flashing our cheesiest grins as I snapped the selfie.

“Make sure to print that one out, Charlie girl. I want to put it on my desk. A perfect memory of a perfect day.”

“Grandpa? Know what would make the day even more perfect?” Amusement and exasperation warred across Grandpa’s face. “What would that be?”

“Let me drive home?”

It had already been a month since my sixteenth birthday, and no matter how much I begged, cajoled, or bribed, all I ever got was the “I’ll let you drive it when you're ready” response.

“Let’s load up the car. I can’t wait to see your gran’s face when you show her that monster.”

“Grandpa, I told everybody at school you were going to let me drive the car!” The words burst out and I wished them back instantly. Too late, so I might as well see them through. “People are starting to not believe me. Josh Payne flat out called me a liar!”

“I don’t care about Josh Payne or your infernal competition with him!”

I took a half step back, a sick feeling rising inside. Grandpa had never raised his voice to me before.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Actual tears were in Grandpa’s eyes. “I didn’t mean to yell. I just love you and I want you safe. Can you please just trust me?” He sighed then and shook his head. “Let’s get home now. You’re spending the night, aren’t you?”

I nodded curtly, but no other words were spoken as we put the catfish in the giant cooler and Grandpa loaded everything in his battered blue tackle box. I could feel the sun’s warmth on my skin but the day felt in shadow now.

I didn’t understand. Grandpa wanted me to trust him, but didn’t he trust me? He had always told me I could do whatever I put my mind to, but when it came to the thing I wanted most, he wouldn’t give me a chance. Did he think I was weak after all?

Grandpa squeezed my shoulder when we got inside the car. I turned my face to the window so he wouldn’t see my tears.

I am ready, Grandpa. What do I have to do to prove it to you?

***

I was shaking. I could feel the metal key digging into my palm.

The car sat in all its beauty before me. It was so big. So much bigger than the Camry. My eyes roamed over the shiny curves, the wide windshield, the long back end, and all the way down the silver hubcaps.

No, I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t. Grandpa wouldn’t forgive me if I did anything to his car.

Just a spin. Just a little spin. He’ll be so proud of you.

I shook my head. No, he wouldn’t be proud. He’d be disappointed in me.

I needed to turn around, go back to the house, crawl in my bed and be patient.

“Anything you put your mind to, you do it. I’ve seen it time and time again.”

No.

Yes. I was so weary of waiting for “someday”.

No, I couldn’t. Could I?

***

I was flying. I was absolutely flying. The wind whipped around my face, blowing tendrils of hair in my eyes. Squeals of laughter burst from me, even as I felt a trickle of tears on my cheeks. My hands gripped the steering wheel, my eyes locked on the piece of road the headlights illuminated.

Go back! Go back, you idiot.

Power. Such power. How could I ever go back to a boring Camry after feeling such power?

Go back! He’ll never forgive you for this.

No! I was proving myself. Just a little farther and then I would turn back. The power was intoxicating. How fast was I even going? Fast. So fast.

Too fast!

The curve appeared. I screamed. A jolt shuddered through the car. I was spinning, spinning. I needed to stop.

Screaming. Who was screaming?

Oh, Grandpa, you were right. I’m not ready! I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I want to go fishing. Grandpa…