Revitalization

Ten years ago, I vowed never to see you again, and ten years ago, you vowed never to mention me. What led to our family dysfunction in hindsight is minimal, and yet it has broken our family. You wanted me to become a doctor, to continue the Golanski family name. We come from generations of doctors who were proud, but that does not give you the right to dictate my choices. I want to reconcile, but I also want an apology. Dad, I respect and love you but telling me my career choice would shame our family is unfortunate.

I often practice the above paragraph in my head, adjusting the wording according to how my week has gone. It has gotten to the point where I feel I am losing it, at least that is what my girlfriend thinks.

My Dad and I were once close, until one Christmas fight ten years ago. We gathered and made our usual announcement: “Family, what are you grateful for this year?” Everyone had their usual response, but when I mentioned quitting medical school to start a comic book business based on an idea I had been working on with my girlfriend for years, well, eye rolls were obvious, particularly with dad.

“Is this some kind of joke?” he said.

“No,” I responded. “I know our family's history of prestige in the medical field, but this is the choice I have made.”

“Shameful.”

Perplexed, I looked at my mother, who was signaling for us both to calm down with her eyes, “I am an adult and have made my choice.”

My Dad said bluntly, “Your choice shames our family.”

“That is very hurtful.”

“All the decades of sacrifice your mom and I made to put you in good schools, so you can be prepared for the real world, and you choose to read comic books for a living?”

I lost it, “How dare you insult my choices!” My girlfriend tried to calm me down, but I was not having it: “I will never speak with you again.”

Now my girlfriend and I were on the road only to see my mother, at least that is what I wanted to tell myself.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” Clarissa asked.

“It has been ten years, and he isn’t getting any younger,” I slightly nodded while paying attention to the road.

“Are you nervous, worried, scared?” Clarrisa followed up.

“A part of me is scared, and a part of me knows we have to mend our resentment... who am I kidding, yes I am scared.”

“You don’t need to be afraid,” she said, putting her hand softly on my shoulder. “There is resentment, and feelings which have not been addressed, but he is still your father.”

“I know, honey, but I have told you how hard on me he was growing up. He always wanted me to be a doctor, just like him, to continue the Golanski legacy. Any time I wanted to do something different, whether it be music, teaching, or anything else that did not end in me becoming a doctor, he would push back.”

Clarrisa looked at me and said, “My dad was sort of pushy too when it came to my career, but maybe when we get up there to see your parents, and you have a heart-to-heart conversation with him, you can let him know this conversation will not end in judging.”

“If only my dad were not so stubborn,” I laughed.

“The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, Michael,” she teased.

We were 30 minutes away from my parents' house on a cool summer day, and yet I drove stiffly as a board. What if my dad and I immediately get into an argument? What if I’m too scared at the last second to knock on my parents' door? What if my dad is right? What if my decision to leave medical school to open a comic book business was a bad idea?

Anxious thoughts continuously flowed through my head as I did my best to avoid traffic. Clarissa noticed I was quiet, “Michael, are you in your head again?”

“You know me too well,” I said.

“Don’t overthink this visit,” She smiled. “You know what you need to do. Be gracious to your father, start off light, and let go of resentment. I promise you can do this. Do not be afraid.”

“Why are you always so reassuring?”

“We’ve been together for years, and you’re just asking?”

“I guess you continue to surprise me, Clarissa.”

“Before we get married, I need you to promise me one thing.”

“And what is that?” I pondered, blocks away from my parents.

“Promise me you’ll never doubt my intentions.”

I pulled up to my parents' parking lot, “I promise.”

My mother greeted us and immediately offered water. I could tell she was evaluating my mood since she had a look of worry on her face while pouring our glasses.

“Mom, where is dad?”

“He is in his man cave, reading a medical article. He has been retired for 5 years now but still spends all his free time when not mowing the lawn reviewing the latest medical insight.”

“Sounds like my dad,” I shook my head.

“Michael, please speak with your father, and please bury the hatchet. He is expecting you now.”

I looked at my mom and responded, “I will, mom.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Clarissa asked.

“No, babe, I need to speak with my dad alone.”

“I understand, Michael,” she said, kissing me.

I entered my dad’s man cave, and to my surprise, he was sitting in his chair waiting for me to sit down.

Before I could say a word, he said, “Michael, I am sorry.”

I looked at him in shock, “Dad, you have never apologized for anything that had to do with my life choices. I do not know what to say.”

“Michael, I have regrets. I was always hard on you because I saw a lot of myself in you, and I wanted to continue the Golanski family legacy. I saw how gifted you were academically, and that led me to push you harder for a career I felt was best. In doing so, I forgot the most important thing in parenthood: letting your children choose their own path.”

“I still don’t know what to say.”

“I want us to move forward as a family. I was spending this time reading one of your comics from the business you run, and I must say, the comic is quite good. I see why your business has been successful. Michael, I am proud of you.”

“Thank you, dad.” “There is so much more happening in my business to show you.”

He gave me a hug and smiled, “Show me over a cup of coffee and your mom’s world-famous apple pie.”