Satchel

We got a magazine in the mail today. Mama gave it to me after school. It’s one of those that sells lots of different kinds of candy, which means big changes are about to take place.

The best thing is that there are chocolate creme eggs in it. My grandpa and I wait patiently for the first signs of chocolate creme eggs because they mean Spring is here. And Spring is the best time ever.

We always buy them together and split them in half. They are white and gloppy in the middle, except for a little bit of orange. Grandpa says that’s supposed to be the yolk. I think that’s silly ’cause yolks are yellow. But I guess those chocolate egg guys are doing the best they can.

I show Mama the eggs. “Grandpa’s going to be so happy. He loves these things.”

“Grandpa hasn’t been very hungry lately. He may have to wait a bit.”

I nod. I know Grandpa has been feeling yuck. But he will still be excited. I take the magazine into my room, away from my little brother, Henry. He’s only three and still ruins magazines.

In my room, I take out my special bag. It’s a backpack with blue-and-white stripes. And it says Rhys across the top in green letters. That’s my name, and you say it like “Reese,” not like “Rice.” Grandpa gave me this bag when I was born. He calls it my “satchel.” No one knows this, but I named my backpack Satchel, and it’s my favorite thing. I take it everywhere, and when no one is around, I talk to Satchel like he’s real. He feels real.

On Wednesday, I go to Grandma and Grandpa’s. I go every Wednesday after school. I need special time with them without Henry. Because he’s destructive, and I want some bigger-kid time. When you’re six, you aren’t destructive anymore.

I lay with Grandpa in his bed. I showed him the Cadbury chocolate creme eggs, and boy, is he excited! He says he doesn’t quite feel ready to eat them, but we will save them up. Then we lay together and watch Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Grandpa and I have three favorite things. We like chocolate eggs, the song Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head and putting our feet in the ocean.

Mama and I go to the grocery store after she picks me up, and I see my very first Cadbury chocolate creme egg! I’m so excited that I do something bad. I slip two of them into my sleeve and don’t pay when we leave.

I feel really bad about it when we get home. I know I did something wrong. So, I decide to save them for when Grandpa feels better. I slip them into Satchel and tell him the whole story. He knows I was just overexcited.

I get two dollars a week for doing chores, and I’ve saved eight dollars. On Friday, I take all my money with me when I go to the store with Daddy. He is surprised when I want to use it on chocolate eggs, and he shakes his head. “That’s too much money and too much candy. You’ll get sick.”

“No, Daddy. I’m buying them for Grandpa and me for when he gets better. We love them so much.”

Papa looks at me, then nods his head and says, “Okay, Rhys. You get them for Grandpa.”

I don’t get to go to Grandpa and Grandma’s for a few weeks because Grandpa’s tummy hurts and Mama says he doesn’t want to get me sick. I feel sad, but I just concentrate on getting more eggs and putting them in Satchel. I start sleeping with Satchel, and he makes my dreams good. I’ve got like twenty-five chocolate eggs now.

I come home from school one afternoon, and Mama and Daddy are both there. Mama’s eyes are red, so I know something is wrong. Daddy says, “Rhys, let’s sit on the couch together and talk.” I don’t want to sit on the couch because they are making me scared. But I do, and they both have their arms around me. I feel sick to my stomach.

Daddy says, “Honey, Grandpa died this morning,” and Mama starts crying.

I feel like I’ve been hit in the face with a soccer ball. My head has a weird numb feeling, but I know it hurts. Grandpa and I talk about dying a lot. He always says, “Rhys, I’ll die first, and when you get old, you come, and we will race on the clouds.” I always laughed when he said that, but now I don’t want him to be on a cloud. I want him to be here singing Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.

After a few days, we go to the place where Grandpa is. Before we go, Daddy tells me that Grandpa will be there and in a box. He says that it’s so people can say goodbye, but I don’t have to look because it won’t look like him. I don’t really want to go exactly, but I want to see Grandpa. I know he’s going to heaven, and I’m not sure if they have chocolate eggs or Raindrops keep falling on my head. And I don’t want him to miss those things when he’s waiting for me on our cloud, so. I take Satchel with me.

We’ve been at this place for a while. There are a lot of people, all talking to Mama and Grandma. Daddy has taken Henry outside. Nobody is near Grandpa’s box. So, I slip over there, and go up to Grandpa. He doesn’t really look like Grandpa exactly, and it’s kind of scary. But this is really important. I take my creme eggs and put them all around Grandpa. I feel much better knowing he will have lots of them as he waits for me. Then I slip in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I’m sure God has a DVD player.

I feel much better, so I go sit and get my tablet out of my satchel to play a game.

I’m playing a game when I hear my mom yell, “Rhys!” She is not a happy camper.

I look up and see her standing next to Grandpa. I think she is mad, so I slowly walk over.

Mama is kind of crying, and her face is red. “What did you do, Rhys? Why did you do this?”

The tears start bubbling out of me. “Because they are Grandpa’s favorite thing ever , and I wanted him to have some while he waits for me.”

She looks like she’s going to yell again, but then Grandma is there. She kneels down and puts her arms around me.

“You’re so smart, Rhys. You know exactly what Grandpa needs. You even put in his favorite movie.” She’s hugging me tight, and I can’t stop crying because I want Grandpa to be happy, but I don’t want him to go and leave me.

Grandma lets go and smiles at me. “Tell you what. Why don’t we get a bag to put everything in and put it near his toes so he knows where it is?

I wipe my eyes and nod my head. And then a thought dashes into my mind. It’s such a good thought. But it hurts too. I don’t want to do it, but I need to.

“Grandma! Take Satchel. Put all the eggs in Satchel, so Grandpa knows where they are.”

Grandma’s eyes get all shiny. “I can’t take Satchel, honey. You love him. You need it.”

I shake my head until it hurts. “You have to, Grandma. Because Rhys is Grandpa’s name too and if he gets confused, he’ll see the name and it will be okay.”

Grandma is crying now, and it makes me start again. “Okay, Rhys. I know Grandpa will understand how much you love him.” She grabs an egg and hands it to me. “You need to take an egg, Rhys. Now it’s your job to get Spring started.”

We hug and cry a bit more, and then I kiss Satchel goodbye for now, and I take my egg outside to sit on the steps.

Daddy and Henry are playing outside. When Henry sees me, he comes tearing over. “Rhys!”

I pat the step next to me, “Sit with me, Henry.” He sits and smiles. “Henry, do you know the secret to getting spring started?”