Yearning for something lost is a terrible problem to overcome.

I'm going talk about some questions I've asked bec of yearing because of dreams and it involves the almighty. People might be little upset. Read in its entirety please before you judge. Dreams are teaching and can cause emotions you never knew existed until you experience the full vividness it can be. The yearning of remembering and not feeling it physically is torture.

Yearning for something lost is a terrible problem to go through. The emotions felt are deep and darkening, and you can get lost in the yearning until you're so blinded by it; you can't see straight. It just takes until it becomes a boardline ocd-obsessive problem. Producing more emotions that control you yourself as a person even subconsciously. Self control is a vast tool on many levels for a reason.

Yearning is desire used by humans to do a various amount things to others.

But, we all yearn for something deep inside; something inside our core we can't explain what it is, so we fill it with anything and everything that brings contentment we call peace and happy.

Maybe, it's partially because of the trauma of bad parenting due to the never ending cycling of this pattern through the ages.

We all yearn for something: Wealth, love, a home, fame, peace. Control, kingship, being greedy and hoarding it all- because of a deep yearning of 'I want, I take', but it's because we all yearn for that empty place in us to be filled and we don't know by what. So we learn ways to release endorphins instead.

But yearning for something lost. It means you felt something deep that it tore at your core and ripped it to pieces.

Do you want to know what I yearn for that I've lost or better phrased what I got to dream and still miss?

Something that we as awhole lost and don't remember what it feels like in the waking. It's almost as good as a warm spring day and how the sun warms your skin sweetly or how the steam in the hot shower wraps around your body, making you feel safe for minute.

Would it be fair to say I miss a dream? Or that I miss many of my dreams becauseof the emotion I got to experience? I yearn for them like I've lost something sacred, like i carry a broken heart. Wounded. But I did, I lost something I think we used to feel as a whole and I got to dream it.

But, I dreamt so vividly of the emotion that surrounded me; was in me and you could breath it out as warm air. The brilliance of the golden light was incredible. Do you want to know what feeling I was overwhelmed with? Love. Pure, warm, unfiltered love and it was everywhere.

I yearn for it in the waking deeply. I've only come across 2 accurate detailed descriptions of the same longing pain. Buffy and Wanda. A TV show.. a writer out there in Hollywood understood it correctly. At least 2 people in this world.

How could they not assume correctly. Happiness has been described as 'a home', 'a comfort' and what happens when your home is destroyed whether by outside forces or your family leaving trash and clothes everywhere for you to pick up. Hurt. Longing. Yearnings-while not just accepting that life happens and arbthe same time it does.

Could a level of despair bring about such dreams of a memory from what it was like being in the womb and incorporated it with something so profoundly spiritual? Because what was that. The actual almighty of all? My subconscious hard at work? This sensation was not from the religions god but the actual one made of love, one of a different kind- something we rewrote in history and with religions- making what is being worshipped something else? Something that's yearning itself for humanity to be devout to.

I can promise the questions I woke up with were outrageous. Especially with the question why. And those kind of whys get to be a massive undertaking when everything gets broken into unblurred lines and subcategories.

The yearning I feel happened since my birth. Even in the womb I felt that not being wanted because of fear.

I just wanted to be loved. My family, my grandma and mother had me as a role- one golden the other scapegoat and to be treated like each in the same house really can hurt in deeper ways. I recognized it without understanding at such a tender age of toddler. Do you understand this. I know I'm not alone with understanding this concept.

I remember sobbing in my sleep begging why they don't love me. Nothing else. And within that yearning I dreamt a dream that felt like a memory. Standing in a hedge garden and this beautiful lady with a bright blue sash bent over me and touched my face. I couldn't see her face but she was beautiful. Her hair dark and thin RAINBOWS SHIMMERING under the sun as it touched her hair under a soft cloth covering.

And the warmth of love radiating everywhere in that dream too was to much for my little mind to take. I began to draw in black, and now I wear black mostly with splashes of items to cause rainbows in my real life. Didn't you know sparkles make everything better: it does for me!

I still yearn for that embrace of that warming love. It was blissful. I was so young, a baby understanding a difference not many ever will understand.

And when you yearn that deeply for a very long period of time, you end up doing intense things to get it back,to figure it out aand become a Radical if you will. Thinking outside the boxes and thinking outside that. It's like thinking about thinking. My yearning has driven me to great lengths for understanding why. And in my yearning of the thing I know we lost, solve a few human spiritual quest along the way. It's plausible and that's the best part.