MY FIRST

The relentless tick of the clock on the wall sent her blood rushing to her ears. Her hand hovered over the doorknob, barely able to grasp it through the tremors racking her body.

She just needed a minute, just one minute to slow down the pounding in her chest before her fingers grasped the cold knob and swung open the door. She knew once she crossed the threshold, nothing would ever be the same.

Her mind wandered, flashing images of the life she had lived, only 28 years of it, and how only one month had sent all she had built crashing down.

Her life had been unceremoniously normal for the daughter of a wealthy businessman. Grand houses that felt too cold, lavish jewelry that hung too heavy, and artisanal clothing that clung too tightly to breathe.

That never stopped her from wanting more.

Her life was suffocating her, packed with items that never seemed to fill the emptiness around her. Not until the day she met him.

In a sea of high class, respectable men, Oliver was the complete opposite with the worn slacks that hung loosely on his hips, and a shirt that clung too tightly to his skin. Her eyes snapped to his in the midst of the elaborate party, catching glimpses of subtle dimples that shone with his bright smile.

He maneuvered through the throng of Armani suits and leather shoes; a silver tray balanced on his hand. He was undetectable, unnoticed as he smiled politely at the guests, offering them refreshments.

Her breath hitched as he inched closer to her, feeling suffocated beneath the chokehold of the pearl necklace hung around her neck. She tugged at it absentmindedly, watching his approach.

Soft dimples appeared as his smile grew, taking her in. “Drink, miss?”

Honey-brown eyes danced in the light, sparkling beneath the crystal chandelier.

“Please,” she rasped, clearing her throat as pink shot to her cheeks.

He flashed her a grin, eyes dancing with mischief as he handed her a glass of bubbling champagne.

Their fingers brushed and fire erupted on her skin, barely keeping the contents of the glass from spilling on her gold, satin dress.

She mumbled her thanks, taking a long gulp of her drink to ease her nerves. She never enjoyed the fundraisers her father dragged her to every weekend. But, as the daughter of the chairman and chief executive of the largest global financial services firm in the country, her presence was mandatory.

Oliver had flashed her a sly smirk, aware of how flustered she was at his presence, before sauntering off through the crowd.

She sighed in relief, cursing herself at her lack of composure. This wasn’t the first time she had seen him at one of these functions. Always watching him from a distance as he worked the room, balancing serving trays in each hand, with that same infuriating smile. She always knew she wanted him to be her first, she just needed the opportunity to make it happen.

She couldn’t help but be jealous of him. Here she had everything a person could possibly want, but somehow, his genuine smile was one she never seemed to be able to have for herself.

The cold liquid burned down her throat as she drowned her drink in one gulp, setting it down a little too aggressively at the passing server’s tray.

Sharp eyes caught hers, flashing a disapproving look. Her father seemed to never look at her in any way except disappointment and discontentment. She avoided his gaze, slipping through the throng of businessmen and social climbers towards the bathroom, needing a moment to collect herself.

After taking several deep breaths in front of the mirror to calm her nerves, she had marched back out of the bathroom, nearly colliding with a silver tray.

“Whoa, careful there. Nearly drenched that pretty dress.”

Her eyes snapped up the the dimpled smile that curved so naturally on Oliver’s face. “You okay?” He asked, his brows furrowing at her silent stare.

“Yes, yeah. Sorry,” she stammered, feeling the flush overtake her cheeks and neck.

He gave her a lopsided smile, making her skin burn hotter with his attention. “I’ve seen you at plenty of these parties. What’s your name?”

“Samantha. Sam.”

“Nice to meet you Sam, I’m—”

“Oliver,” she interrupted unconsciously.

Her eyes widened at the smirk that split his lips.

“I- uh, it’s on your name tag.” She stumbled her words, trying to hide the fact that she had reached out to multiple organizers from the first party she had seen him in, trying to track down his name.

“Oli.” Her heart skittered at his gently tone, at the smile that crinkled his eyes at the corners.

“Now that we’re friends, wanna tell me why you’re hiding by the bathroom instead of mingling with New York’s most eligible bachelors?”

Her face scrunched into a scowl. “Not unless I want to hear another story about the stock market or their invigorating games of gold.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her tone.

The second she walked into a room, she was hounded by men trying to show off their many uninteresting accomplishments. She was gorgeous, but she knew that they were only seeking her out to get to her father, something that she had come to terms with long ago.

“Sorry.” She sighed, feeling the blush return to her cheeks at her outburst.

“No, no. Please, don’t apologize. I only hear snippets from those conversations, and it takes all my willpower not to fall asleep straight into the hors d'oeuvres.”

A giggle bubbled up in her chest passed her lips. She couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed at one of these events, or ever.

He eyed her closely, watching the blush return to her skin under his gaze. “I know this is really forward, but would you wanna get out of here?” He looked down, not meeting her gaze. “I know we don’t know each other, and I’m probably freaking you out with my forwardness, but I just figured—”

“I’d love to.” She breathed, surprising him. She had been obsessed with him since the very fist time she’d seen him, she didn’t want to scare him off with her eagerness.

If she left early, she would have to endure an earful from her father. She could practically see the scowl on his face, but for once in her life, she just wanted to do something for herself.

He smiled brightly at her, his dimples making an appearance. “Great, good. Um. I just have to take this back to the kitchens and grab my stuff. Meet me outside in 10?”

She nodded, a smile spreading on her face. "Meet outside in 10.” She echoed, feeling her heart flutter in her chest.

She kept herself small as she maneuvered through the crowd, grabbing her purse and coat before sneaking to the door that led out of the venue.

She stood outside in the cold November air, basking in the beauty of the night sky, speckled in the distant city lights. The smell of salt drifted by on a cold breeze from the ocean, and she wrapped her coat tightly around herself.

“Ready?” His sweet voiced grabbed her attention as she turned to look at Oliver.

He had ditched the stuffy bowtie and wore a black leather jacket that made him look even better. Her breath hitched when she noticed the helmet resting under his arms. Excitement bloomed in her body as he walked toward the motorcycle parked only a few feet away.

“Where to?” She asked, taking the second helmet he had handed to her.

“Well, I have a few ideas. But I gotta say, that dress your wearing is gonna turn a few heads wherever we go.”

She frowned down at the gold gown, cursing herself for choosing it over the shorter, less flashy one. Well, her father had chosen for her, if she was being honest.

She smiled wickedly at him, digging into her purse. “I can fix that.”

Her hands tightened around the familiar cold metal she always kept on her. She flipped the blade open with ease, the sharp tip glinting in the streetlights.

“Um, why do you have a knife?”

She shrugged, handing him her purse, jacket, and helmet. He took them tentatively, watching as she bent over, grabbing fistfuls of fabric in her tiny hands.

“My father. He says I should always carry something to protect myself with. Apparently pepper spray isn’t good enough for his highness,” she said bitterly, using the sharp blade to cut through the silk of her dress.

When she was done, a large scrap of fabric lay discarded at her feet, turning her gown into a minidress.

She twirled in place. “Better?”

He grinned, raking his gaze over her long legs. She blushed, taking her jacket to cover herself back up, but loving the way he looked at her. No one had looked at her like that before, with eyes that sparkled with mischief.

“Well, well, aren’t you full of surprises.” He laughed, shaking his head.

“You have no idea.” She dropped the blade back in her purse before setting the helmet on her head.

He followed her lead, taking a seat on the bike, revving the engine to life. She climbed behind him, wrapping her arms around him tightly before they sped off.

They had driven for an hour, watching the city flash by in an array of colors and lights, before finally stopping at a humble-looking bar. There was nothing fancy or lavish about it. Just a bunch of young adults throwing back drinks, playing pool and laughing around them.

She had never felt more at peace than she did at that bar, talking with Oliver and getting tipsy on cheap drinks.

It was 2 AM by the time they left, stumbling through the empty streets towards the secluded beach. Her blood thrummed with anticipation as they walked hand in hand, bare feet sinking into the sand.

They sat side by side on the cold ground, grains of sand sticking to their sweaty skin.

“Thank you, for today,” she said sweetly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

He chuckled, his fingers brushing lightly on the small of her back. “I had a great time, you’re really unlike anyone I had ever met before," he smiled, his dimples making an appearance.

Her fingers slipped into her purse, fumbling around as she held his gaze. “I know one thing that can make the night even better," she said in a low, husky voice, inching her face slowly towards his.

His eyes flashed with mischief as he brought his lips closer to hers, fluttering them closed.

She smirked at the sight, her fingers wrapping tightly around the object in her hand. “Ever since I met you,” she whispered softly, “I knew I wanted you to be my first.”

He sighed contently before she brought the object down on his neck.

His eyes snapped open, wide with shock.

She giggled at the sight of him, of the crimson gushing out of his neck.

He sprung to his feet, his hands wrapping around his neck as he choked on his own blood. His eyes widened further as he brought his hand in front of his face, the red coating his palm. He stumbled back, falling to the ground.

She stood above him, watching as he struggled to heave in breaths, the sound wet and raspy.

“Thank you, truly. I really needed this tonight.”

She leaned beside him, planting a soft his to his bloodied lips, before yanking the switchblade out of his neck.

She stood and watched as the blood coated the sand around him, as he struggled to breathe, then finally, as the light left his eyes.

She sighed in content, cleaned the blade on his pants, then walked back up the beach to go home to her lavish apartment.

The obnoxious click of the clock snapped her back to the cold room she stood in, her hand still hovering on the doorknob. She breathed out a sigh, thankful she had taken a minute to steady herself.

She schooled her face then ran her hands down her plaid skirt, wiping the sweat that felt sweetly similar to blood on the fabric.

Her hand grasped the doorknob as she willed tears into her cold eyes. She turned it and crossed the threshold into the courtroom, masking the smirk on her face.