We are not in Kansas anymore

CW: Strong language

“Chris, you know we gonna get killed, right?”

“Not going to happen.”

“And how do you figure that?”

“Simple, it’s Christmas Eve, and no one is expecting us until after the holidays.”

“Yeah, but we stills have to show up to gets paid.”

“Babe, why don’t you let me do the thinking. All I need you to do is just sit there and look pretty.”

“What, and end up dead?”

“Look, no one is going to die. This is our third load. If they were going to kill us, they would have done it the first time.”

“Everyone knows, you never kill the guy the first time, bad for business, you sucker him in and gets more and more delivered, and then on the third delivery you wack him.”

“How did you figure that?”

“Simple fool, each load gets bigger, and each time they pay, they lure us in. This is the biggest load.”

“Where do you get this stuff from, babe?”

“Look, back in San Antonio...”

“No! No more, I don't want to hear about how shit went down in Texas, we ain’t in Texas anymore.”

“Kansas.”

“What?”

“We are not in Kansas anymore, The Wizard of Oz... Dorothy, you know.”

“You watch too much TV.”

“If we gets a motel with cable, can we watch that tonight?”

“I was thinking of It’s a Wonderful Life.”

“I would have thought if a girl was going to gets killed in the next day or two, the least you could do is let her watch The Wizard of Oz.”

“You. Are. Not. Going. To. Get. Killed.”

“I am if we turn up to that meet.”

“Fine.”

“So I can watch, Wizard of Oz?”

“Sure, if it will keep you quiet, you can watch Oz.”

“Quiet! Who else would be dumb enough to help you smuggle a truck full of guns over state lines? What was it when we were at home... ‘Aw, c’mon, babe, come with me, it’ll be fun,’ I could do ten years for just sitting here.”

“Provided no one wacks us?”

“Yep, provided no one wacks us.”

“So tell me again why you think they are gonna wack us?”

“So you are worried.”

“I wasn’t until you started running your mouth, and now... well... let’s just hear it through.”

“Running my mouth! Running my mouth! That’s the thanks I gets for trying to keep you alive.”

“OK, OK, poor choice of words for God's sake. Let’s just hear the thinking, OK?”

“Well, if I was running my mouth, and I ain’t, I might say... it stands to reason that they are gonna wack us.”

“You said that, but what’s the why? After all, we provide a good service, they order them, pay half up front, and we deliver them. What’s not to like, babe?”

“Don’t babe me, I wouldn’t be talking to you now but for the fact my life might be on the line...”

“Look, babe, I’m sorry, OK, like I said, that was a poor choice of words.”

“Poor choice of words, my ass.”

“Will you just tell me... please.”

“Give a girl a goddamn minute, will you? I’m still mad about that quiet crack.”

“OK, OK, just make it quick.”

“OK, it’s the standard sting, right. Now you run a sting, hell, I did several in San An..., well...let’s just say several before. You orders the product, and you pays for it, timely right.”

“That ain't no sting, that's buying stuff.”

“YOU, then makes another order.”

“But what...”

“Let me tell the story. The more you interrupt, the longer this damn thing gonna take... You place the second order. This one is a slightly bigger order. Like the first order was just a little trial run, feeling us out, so to speak. Then comes the kicker. You order a big order, an order so big it takes everything you've got just to pay the down payment. Now you have just about all your money in this order, so you change the delivery. Saying it’s security.”

“How did you know they changed the destination?”

“Just makes sense. They need us out of the way somewhere. So here we come, crossing state lines, in this big dumb truck of yours, all the way to the destination. Then, well, you know what happens next.”

“What happens next?”

“Really, you don’t know what happens next?”

“Just say it.”

“KABAAM! That's what happens next. They kills us fool and disappear with the guns. Now this works two ways... these rednecks mothers are all part of the watchyamacallit church.

“The True White Jesus?”

“Yeah, that lot, they squirlier than a rabid bobcat, they got issues, right? Issues with blacks, the government, vaccines, and fuck, everybody who ain’t imbred White Jesus loving motherfuckers just like them. So killing us makes perfect sense.”

“If they kill us, they don’t get any more guns?”

“Chris, you think you are the only one who sells guns. Get real, in any city in this country, they could find five fools just like you. No, they gonna kill us for three reasons. One, they killing them some non-believers. Let's face it, Chris, no one's gonna think your momma raised you to believe in the White Jesus...”

“My momma raised me Pentecostal.”

“She sure did, and that’s why I likes you. Anyways, the White Jesus freaks, well.. let’s just say we ain’t on their side of the aisle. So they gets rid of some non-believers. Second, if we were ATF, they're hiding their tracks real good like. And third, they don’t have the money to pay us off, and they still gets the guns. All we gets is a shallow grave in the Appalachians.”

“You really think so...”

“It’s the way it works.”

“So why did it take you more than five hundred miles to work this shit out?”

“I didn’t. I just had to wait till you was in a more receptive mood.”

“Receptive...”

“C’mon, Chris, if I had said this as we left your lock-up, would you have listened?”

“No, you're right, I was just seeing dollar signs...”

“So turn us around and let’s see if we can’t get us some Christmas music on that radio? If you step on it, we might even make it back for Christmas day, and momma is sure to be cooking up a storm.”