Enya

ENYA

The two men looked up. Way up. To the top of the tree.

“Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?”

”If you think you’re seeing a naked woman stuck at the top of a tree, then yup, you’re seeing what you think you’re seeing.”

”Huh. I wonder how she got there.”

*****

Lane looked at Enya, her eyebrow arched. “So, let me get this straight. You think that being a human is so much easier than being a cat?”

Enya was sitting on the kitchen counter. She swished her tail and looked at Lane. Instead of answering her right away, she licked her paw and commenced cleaning her face—lick, lick, rub, lick, llick, rub—until it was cleaned to her high standards.

Lane huffed.

Enya cleaned.

Lane turned on her heel and left the room.

Enya watched her go before she jumped off the counter and followed her into the living room.

Lane eyed her companion, saying nothing.

Enya jumped up and sat beside Lane. “Yes, I do believe that humans have an easier life than cats.”

Lane shook her head. “Seriously? If you behaved the way you just did, you would have no friends, human or otherwise. You would be alone because humans don’t respond to rude.”

”And that’s a bad thing because …”

Lane sighed. “Enya, there are certain societal norms that people are expected to follow. One of them is to speak when spoken to. By not answering when I asked you a question, you showed contempt.”

Enya started to lick her butt without answering.

”Seriously? That is totally rude!” Lane folded her arms across her chest, shaking her head.

Enya continued to clean herself, speaking between licks. “I need to clean myself … I don’t have the luxury of a shower or a bath like humans do … I have to rely on my own kitty-clean regimine to ensure cleanliness.” She stopped long enough to give Lane the stink eye. “You don’t want a dirty, matted, flea-infested cat, do you?””

Lane shook her head and hose to ignore the goading question. “What is it that makes you think humans have it so good?”

Enya, finished with her hygiene routine for the moment, jumped up on Lane’s lap, circled a few times, made some biscuits, and settled in. “Well, for one thing, there’s your lifespan. You live way longer than we do.”

Lane bent sideways to make eye contact with Enya. “Really?”

Enjya was unconcerned. “Well, most humans live longer than cats.”

”But what about you, personally?”

Enya turned around on Lane’s lap so that they were looking at each other. “I realize that I am special. I do not have the same life as a normal cat. But I am still a cat, and it is very hard being a cat.” She broke eye contact and looked out the window.”

”You are my familiar. You’re what, two hundred and seven years old? That’s a boat load more than twenty years.”

”Yes, and for all those years, I have been your cat.” Her ears twitched. “A very special cat, but still a cat.” She turned back to Lane. “I depend on you for almost everything in my life.” She cat-shrugged. “You decide when I eat, if I go out, what I have to do to support you and your witchy ways. You decide when I get brushed, when I go to the vet. You even decided when and if I would have kittens. You get to make all the decisions.”

Lane’s mouth hung open. “Are. You. Kidding. Me?” She looked at Enya with complete surprise. “I ask you about everything. Remember way back in the beginning when I asked you if you wanted kittens?”

”I do.”

”And what did you say?”

”I said that I would rather cut off my own tail, and beat myself to death with it than have kittens.”

”Exactly. And what did I do?”

”You cast an avoidance spell.”

”Exactly. And what have I done every year since?”

”Asked me if I wanted to have kittens. And every year the same answer.”

”Exactly. It was your choice, and I made sure you didn’t have kittens.”

Enya stood up on Lane’s lap, then jumped onto the back of the couch and settled. “You did. But you controlled my fertility. I didn’t. So much easier than relying on you to cast an avoidance spell.” She swished her tail. “I notice that you don’t have any children.”

”True. So?”

”Well you got to make the choice yourself without any hocus-pocus. You didn’t have to rely on anyone.”

Lane could understand Enya’s point-of-view. Sort of. But she knew it wasn’t that cut and dried. Enya didn’t need a job to support them. She didn’t have to cut the grass. She didn’t need to fill up the car with gas. She didn’t have to make sure the magic was kept well hidden. Instead, Enya just benefitted from the fruits of Lane’s labours.

“You know, as my familiar, I’m completely responsible for you? For every aspect of your life. And you, in response, are my helper, my second, my familiar.”

Enya swished her tail. “I don’t like being your ‘second.’ It is demeaning.” She paused, licking her paw and washing her face, again. “I believe that I would be a very successful human.”

Lane shook her head. She knew that Enya, like most cats, was a narcissist. That she believed that the world revolved around her, and that she was the centre of the universe. That her existence was the reason for all others to exist. And now Enya was unhappy with that existence. She wanted something different.

”So, Enya, what is it that I can do to make your very difficult life so much more rewarding?”

Enya slitted her eyes. “You knowLane, as Oscar Wilde reminds us, ‘sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.’”

Lane smiled. “The actual quote is ‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.”

Enya swished her tail. “Regardless, I believe that there is something that you can do for me.” She jumped off the back of the couch and sauntered over to the fireplace, avoiding eye contact.

This, Lane knew, was not a good sign. Enya loved nothing better than making direct, penetrating, intimidating eye contract, making people squirm and feel uncomfortable. She would take every opportunity to stare down anyone brave enough to look directly into her bright green eyes. Lane and Enya had been together for a very long time, and Lane was sure she could count on two hands the number of times that Enya avoided eye contact with her. This was not a good sign.

”What do you have in mind, Enya?”

Instead of answering, Enya jumped up on the bookrest where The Book of Spells resided, Lane’s most prized possession. Enya delicately walked around the book, not laying a paw on the book itself.

Lane shook her head. ”No.”

This time Enya made eye contact. “You don’t even know what I want.”

Lane shook her head again. “It doesn’t matter. Whenever you get the idea that what you need is in The Book of Spells, nothing good happens.

”I don’t know what you are talking about.” She swished her tail.

Lane got up and walked over to the book. She picked Enya up and placed her on the floor. “Really? The plague in 1893? Grasshoppers everywhere because you liked chasing them. The flood in 1907? You said you were tired of listening to the villagers complaining about the drought. The spell you cast on Edward Green that sealed his his mouth shut because he spit on you? The same spell I had to reverse before any realized what had happened? New Coke because you thought if would be funny.” She turned back to the book. “Every time you try magic, we have to flee because what you do is so … so in your face, and weird.” She looked back at Enya. “Once people start thinking witch, we have no choice but to pack up and leave. Think Salem, Massachusetts, 1692.”

”But you are a witch, and I am your familiar. We do magic. That’s what we do.”

”Correction, Enya, I do magic. You don’t.”

”And yet, I do manage to cast some spells.”

“And they all turn out horribly.”

Enya twined between Lane’s legs. “At least the ones you know about.”

That stopped Lane dead in her tracks. “What do you mean?”

Enya ignored her question. “I want to be a human. And The Book of Spells has just that spell. I can be human.”

Lane was dumbstruck. “So, you’ve been pawing through The Book even after I told you it was off limits?”

Enya went back to the hearth. She tucked her tail under her body, and sat there looking at Lane. “You go to work, and you’re gone for hours and hours. I get bored.”

Lane pursed her lips, and considered what this could mean. Most of the incantations in The Book of Spells were just that-incantations. They worked using words, not ingredients—no eye of newt, unicorn horn, or dragon scales. Just words.

And there lay the problem. Enya had all the words, and she was enchanted. Not exactly magical, but magic adjacent. She could conjure an awful lot with her words and a few magical hand symbols.

“Enya, you can’t be a human. You’re a cat. The two are fundamentally different.”

Enya latched her gaze on Enya. “But it’s okay to turn someone into a frog?”

Lane turned to walk into the kitchen. “That’s nonsense, and you know it.” She turned to look back at Enya. “And I mean it, no spells. You’re a cat, not a human.”

*****

“Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?”

“If you think you’re seeing a naked woman stuck at the top of the tree, then yup, you’re seeing what you think you’’re seeing.”

”Huh. I wonder how she got up there.”

Lane rushed into the clearing. She looked up. The first man turned to her.

“You see her? The naked woman at the top of the tree?” He pointed.

”I do,” she said looking up. Then she turned her attention to the men. She traced symbols in the air in front of her with her hands. “But you two don’t. You won’t remember anything about the woman in the tree. As a matter of fact, you both think it’s time to go and have a coffee in town.”

The first man looked at the second. “We should be going. I could use a coffee.”

The second man agreed and they turned and walked out of the forest.

”Enya. I see you up there.”

Enya was holding on to the tree for dear life, but she managed to loosen her grip enough to wave her hands in Lane’s direction. “No you don’t.”

”It won’t work on me, Enya.” She continued looking up at her familiar. “Must be cold up there. How long have you been treed?””

”Since you went to bed.”

“Huh.” Lane continued to look up at Enya, trying not to smile. “Pretty exciting being a human, right?”

”I’m over it. I want down, and I want to be a cat again.”

“And you promise, on your magic, to never use The Book of Spells without my permission?”

There was silence from up in the tree.

“On your magic, Enya.”

”Fine,” she said, exasperated. “Just get me down.”

“Hold on.” More waving, more words and then Enya was a cat again.

As she jumped lithely down out of the tree, landing beside Lane, she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lane bent over and picked Enya up. “Tell you what?”

”How ridiculous human bodies are. Can’t climb worth a pinch.”

Lane shrugged. “I never felt the need to climb to the very top of a tree, so I have no idea.” She started walking home. “How did you get way up there?

“I used the transformation spell after I climbed the tree. In retrospect, not my best idea.”

”It’s a wonder the branches didn’t break. You’re a lot heavier as a human.”

Enya shut her eyes as Lane scratched the area between her ears while walking home. “No kidding! And what’s with no fur? I was freezing up there! And how do you balance without a tail? I thought I was going to fall out of that tree, and I probably wouldn’t even have landed on my feet! I could have been killed! And no whiskers! Ridiculous! I banged my face on one the branches. I’ve probably got a black eye. And how can you do anything without claws? How do you protect yourself with those tiny, ineffectual stubs at the end of your paws? Might as well have nothing! And your eyes are horrible. I couldn’t see anything last night. It was scary …”

Lane listened to Enya’s rant about the shortcomings of being human. She let it wash over her, just happy that her friend was safe again.