I Smiled And The World Sung Once More

When I first entered the movie business, I was four years old. And it was very subtle.

A few commercials here and there. Maybe a photo shoot for a semi-popular brand if I was lucky.

My mother never seemed to like that I wasn’t ‘Making as much progress as I should.’

Woe to her. I didn’t care.

I loved it.

The costumes, the lights, the ease of it all. How I could just smile and see everyone in the room feel a little lighter.

But my mother was always there, whispering into my ear. No, don’t smile like that. Where’s the rest of your makeup? How are you going to go to the shoot looking like that?

But when I was thirteen, I landed a kinda big part in a popular TV show, and overnight, watched my fan base explode. Once the show wrapped, everyone wanted to do collabs, and companies were calling about more roles, and agencies were pushing to represent me.

My mother was ecstatic. “They’re finally recognizing our talent!” She crowed, pushing me away from my dressing room mirror so she could fix her smudged makeup.

Our talent? I’m the one putting in the work. But I never said anything. She was my mother, and she loved me in her own, strange way.

But she started pushing me harder.

By the time I was sixteen, I had done three pretty big movies, and my mother was still pushing me to do more, which is about where the true story starts.

***

“DIANE! Get your ass out here or else!”

I made a little noise, whirling around the room, trying to find my favorite jacket. I had an interview in thirty minutes, and I needed to leave, but it wasn’t my fault that my mother took an extra hour getting ready and told me that we were leaving five minutes ago, when I was still in my pajamas.

“LET’S GO!”

I spot the jacket and dive for it, scrambling out of the room as my mother keeps screaming at me to hurry up.

On the way to the interview, my mother starts criticizing my appearance.

“Where’s the shirt I laid out for you? Didn’t I tell you that the agency wanted a more mature look?”

I gritted my teeth, but kept my voice calm and diplomatic, a gift from the many acting classes I had taken over the years.

“You didn’t tell me that, and I didn’t see a shirt laid out for me.”

She scowled. “Well, I did. You just need to learn to look better.”

I nodded, ducking my head a little.

After a while, we got to the studio where the interview was being held. The host went over a few talking points with me while I got my makeup done, and before I knew it, I was about to be in front of a live audience and a live stream.

My mother pushed me forward, a muttered, “Smile,” being the last thing I heard before I was greeted by a roaring crowd.

I pushed a 1000-watt smile, and slipped into the stage persona I had used in interviews for the last three years.

But I had something big planned for today.

Most of the interview passed in a blur. Me and the host cracked jokes, I spoke a lot about some issues in our current world, completely ignoring my mother’s whispered “Stop it!” from offstage.

But when I was asked about my plans for any future roles, I took a deep breath.

“So, I know a bunch of people are super excited to hear about any plans I have for later in life.” I could practically feel people sitting on the edge of their seats. “And, I just want to say, I am going to be taking about ten months off from acting maybe longer, because I will be focusing on my own mental health and wellness.” I heard a few gasps and distressed cries from the audience, but I powered through. “I am happy to announce, though, that once I finish the break, I will be coming back to acting.” I smile my iconic smile, and I heard a sigh from the entire room.

Well.

Almost the entire room.

My mother looked murderous.

The host and I exchanged end-of-interview pleasantries, though my mouth was suddenly very dry.

But at least my mother waited until we were back in my dressing room to explode on me.

“What…exactly did you mean when you said you would take a break from acting?”

I could tell she was trying very hard not to scream. At least not yet. I had no doubt that she would after she heard this next part.

“Mom…I’m done with how you treat me. You act like you were the one who made my success, but that is not true. So I have been in the process of getting legally emancipated from your ‘care’ since I turned sixteen. I have been going to therapy since I was fourteen, and I put a down payment on an apartment in New York.” God knows I can afford it, with all the money I had made.

She just stared at me, open mouthed. “You—you can’t do this,” she sputtered. “After all I’ve done for you—”

“And I appreciate that,” I interrupted. “But I made my own success. And you have no legal right to me anymore. So, goodbye, Mom, and I hope to maybe reconnect one day, but for now, I need a lot of time away from you.”

***

When I walked away from that studio and got in my own car that I owned, I felt freer than I had in…maybe ever. Lord only knows what I will do in the future, but right now, I’m content to have a few months to myself in New York.

As I drove down the road, listening to a random violin song, I smiled, and laughed out loud. And in between the blaring horns and glaring lights on the road, I could almost see the people who supported me humming along to the music, helping me forward.

After all, we are only as strong as we are united.

And I smiled, and the world sang with me.