If it Fits

It’s ironic because I was the idiot who thought of the whole thing. Now here we are at Prom and the poor guy is leaning for a kiss. It was never supposed to end like this. I wish we could go back to the day in January–take back my stupid idea.

We were in the park on the last day of Winter break. We had been friends so long and could talk about anything for hours. The idea came to me when we got to talking about high school regrets and things we hadn’t crossed off our mental bucket lists. Neither of us had ever found the courage to try the whole dating scene. I told myself I was saving myself the heartbreak, the drama, the feelings that always ended it. He told me it was his anxiety that kept him single but I know now that wasn't the only reason.

We both joked about how funny it was to be going to college missing out on what seemed like a big milestone. So many things we wouldn't know how to navigate you know? I thought to myself what if we were socially stunting ourselves? That's when it finally hit me.

“Why do people try on clothes?” I simply asked Mason.

He quickly answered, “So we know that they fit right.”

“Exactly! We check the size and see how the style looks. You gotta know what you like and don’t like, right?.” I said. Mason just slowly nodded.

“Are you gonna try to sell me something? Chrissy you know I'm way too easily guilted into buying stuff!” He laughed lightly.

“I'm not selling you something to buy but I'll sell you on an idea.” I remember smirking so hard my right cheek felt stuck.

When I told him he looked at me for a while like when you’re trying to decide what to get for dinner. I just stood there with a big dumb grin on my face waiting for him to understand. The plan was so simple. We trial date for the last few months of school and then go off to college with a basis of what to expect. It was fool proof until it wasn't.

In retrospect I should have known something was up. Those first few weeks Mason was so excited to pick me up in the mornings to go to school. He would bring coffee and play my favorite songs. I just thought he was really dedicated to the plan. Maybe that’s what I wanted to believe. We would hold hands in the halls and he would carry my books. I would tell him how good his hair looked or compliment his cologne even when I didn’t like it. It was fun playing pretend, it was like we were younger again.

We had been friends since that day in the auditorium. After mom passed, I preferred to practice my violin alone. The orchestra director used to let me in during lunch when it was usually empty. He never asked too many questions – didn’t want to upset the kid with the dead mom. Playing reminded me of her so I cried a lot in the auditorium that year. Music was a love we shared.

One day through my tears I saw someone in the audience. I didn’t know it yet but it was Mason. He was reading as he always was. He told me books are where he found his friends. He liked to read in the auditorium because my playing let him concentrate. At that time his mom was always crying since the divorce and his sister was going through a rebellious stage-not that she has stopped since. We bonded a lot the rest of the year. Adjusting to a single parent life was hard but we made it a little easier for each other.

So on Valentine's day we thought it would be funny to go super over the top. We were trying to make fun of the couples that seemed like they had something to prove. I had bought a teddy bear that was almost as big as me. But when Mason showed up to school with a basket of my favorite candy, a handwritten card, and necklace with a treble clef charm my stomach sank a little. He thought the bear was hilarious. He said it reminded him of his favorite book when he was little. I faked a smile as well as I could but I had an awful feeling for the rest of the day. I chalked up the thoughtful gift to him being a really good friend.

The first time Mason took me to Parker's Pizza was after my mid-semester show in March. He knew I loved pizza and didn’t want me to go home alone since my dad works night shifts.

“Can we get one large pizza with half pepperoni and mushrooms and sausage on the other half.” He already knew my order. I was a little embarrassed about my strange topping choices and had probably told him twice. I'm always surprised how much he retains even after reading so many stories.

“Chrissy, your solo was amazing! What song was that?” he asked me after we put in our order.

“It was Serenade for Strings and it was all the violin players but thank you. You know how many times I practiced for that. I thought my wrist would fall off!” I said laughing.

He told me how much he loved to hear me play and that he would be in the front row for all of my shows for life. We spent the rest of the month having Friday dinners at that place. He always kind of had a twinkle in his eyes but I thought it was the shoddy lighting.

Then four weeks ago, Mason asked me to Prom. I had never been a fan of school dances but I guess the last one is the best time to start. He even asked his mom to go dress shopping with me. Her daughter skipped out on Prom as a form of retaliation so she was more than ecstatic to go with me.

She insisted I looked best in green because it made my eyes pop. While she was racking her brain about the perfect shade for me, I was flooded with guilty thoughts. Then she brought out this absolutely beautiful gown. Silk base and seafoam green, perfect for the ocean theme. Shoulder cut off, minimal cleavage and had a beaded bustier. When I put the dress on she told me how good it looked on me but, we soon revealed the zipper couldn't get past my lower back. The dress would have been perfect but it just didn’t fit. I ended up getting a different dress, leaving the other for its rightful owner to find. I told myself that I would call off the plan after Prom. Me and Mason would have a fun night and go back to normal for the last month.

Now as we sat on the bench in the courtyard Mason’s pursed lips inched toward me. The moment was in slow motion. I only saw him as a friend, nothing more. I never wanted to break his heart and I should have called off the plan months ago. I think I liked the feeling of being seen. He was always a great friend but I'm not the one he is supposed to be with. I suppose I got what I needed from this experiment but I know his expectation was about to expire. I put my hand on his chest gently to keep him at bay. His eyes opened and I can only imagine the shock on my face. He immediately was flustered and began apologizing.

“You have nothing to be sorry for but I think I do.”