Who We Become

The radar screeched—it was coming fast.

“It’s gonna hit!” Josh yelled next to her, strapping himself into his seat. Vega clicked her own buckles and pspspsps’d for her cat, Macaroni, to jump into her lap. He did and hunkered down under her protective arms.

“I love you, Macaroni,” she peppered the top of his head with kisses.

The impact jostled her like a jackhammer. Macaroni dug his claws into her legs, panicked. The console screamed and lit up like a Christmas tree.

“You okay?” Vega looked at Macaroni when the ship stopped swaying.

“Yes, thank you.” Josh answered, thinking she was speaking to him. She didn’t bother correcting him, it never worked. His fingers danced across the console, silencing the noises and most of the lights. He zeroed in on the screen flashing the most.

She looked up, wondering what hit them.

And froze.

Her mouth fell open in silent awe.

Large golden eyes stared back at her—a purple dragon drifted in the viewport. It was like the eyes were apologizing for hitting the ship, but Vega also felt them look deeper.

“Josh,” she whispered.

Josh continued to fumble with the warnings, not looking up.

“Josh…” She waved her hand at him.

“What?” He said, poking at the screaming monitor.

“Look,” she pointed.

“Kinda busy,” he sighed, flipping more switches.

“Josh. Look.”

“Vega, I am busy.” He shot out, slamming his palm on the console.

“Josh.” She slapped his knee, harder than she meant to.

“Vega, please,” he said softer than she anticipated, “hold on just a second.”

“Look, though, Josh!” She wailed.

He slammed both fists into the console, triggering more screeches. “AT WHAT!” He shouted, startling her. “What the hell is so important?” He finally followed her gaze. And froze, hands poised above the console.

Then the dragon flew off, behind planets. After a few more moments of his mouth opening and closing, he said, “No, no, that—” He looked to her, the viewport, his hands covered his face. He messed with his hair and exhaled hard. “We are dehydrated, stressed…” He shook his head hard, then returned to the console, eerily quiet and body tense.

Vega was certain she saw it. What else out there was around them that would have caused it? Vega nuzzled Macaroni’s nose. “A dragon!” She exclaimed. Macaroni, her rescued orange tabby, remained to be the only male figure who hadn’t let her down.

“That stupid cat should’ve stayed home,” Josh attempted to cover his growing stress.

She fought the bitter wave of anger punching her stomach. “Do not ever say that again.”

He remained quiet, studying the monitor.

She had been so excited about this anniversary trip that she hadn’t considered the reality of limitless space surrounding them in such a confined area. It was a maddening thought she struggled to keep at bay—it hit too close to home.

But it wasn’t always bad. Just the stress from space treasure hunting. Every couple goes through it, right? Vega flitted between waves of wanting to hug, strangle, kiss, bury six feet under the thick-thighed, but even thicker-headed guy next to her. He was funny. He was sweet.

Was.

Back then.

She’d become so numb to the rot, to the awkwardness of her trying to maintain their dying one-sided relationship she’d forgotten when back then was. At the beginning, they were wild, passionate. When was the last time they touched? Longer than she had Macaroni.

She wished Macaroni was the man Josh refused to be.

Sensing distress, Macaroni lifted a paw to her cheek and patted it. A sudden wave of tears stung her eyes as she thought of Macaroni, her family, friends, life. A wonderful life that she cultivated, blossomed; where she was loved and she loved unabashedly in return.

Everything Josh wasn’t.

But she had to admit it was why she was attracted to him in the first place. Not a bad boy, but enough edge. She hated that even now she missed the man he used to be—jawline and all. She grimaced at the thought of him letting himself go. How rude of her. She’d never let him control her eating and exercising habits—again.

Ugh, but how she wanted that chiseled jaw back. How dare he look like that and tell her how to enjoy her anniversary trip. Dragon or not, this was her experience as well. Jerk.

“We have four minutes of air.” Josh spat, sitting back eyes wide. “The … whatever it was cracked in that small room in the Treasure Room. Mark the time of your watch.” He set his.

Panic pulled her above the hatred. “What?” She started to hyperventilate, rapidly petting Macaroni who nipped her hand from the increased, sudden intensity. Vega didn’t notice. Memories flooded behind her eyes.

Things she’d done.

Things she hadn’t.

“Hey—hey, breathe,” he said, reaching out a hand as if to comfort her, she welcomed it, But he pulled his hand back, like he thought better of it.

“What do you mean no air?” She asked. He stared blankly. “Josh? What is going to happen? What do we do?” Questions gushed like a waterfall.

“We will be fine,” Josh interjected.

“But four minutes? You said this was going to be fine. You said we were going to be ok. Promised. Now we have four minutes.” Her teeth gnashed, she gripped her arm rests. Macaroni recovered from the rough pets, blinked and immediately started grooming the out of place hairs. Vega kept muttering, “Four minutes.”

“Stop. Calm down,” Josh regretted the words.

“Calm down?” She shrieked. “You bring me up to space, Josh. Space!” She flailed her hands about her. “We saw a dragon you can’t bother to address. A dragon, Josh. And we can’t enjoy it because we have four minutes left.”

“Dragons don’t exist,” Josh replied.

“That’s not the point, it’s having a conversation with me,” She threw her hands out toward him, pleading.

“Now?” He asked through clenched teeth, taking an exaggerated bewildered look at his watch.

Vega burst: “You never want to talk!” Her face was hot with anger, embarrassment, fear. Tears overflowed, much against Vega’s wishes.

“We must fix the hole so you can tear my head off later.” Josh swiftly unclicked himself out of his chair. She caught a glimpse of his sculpted cheeks and remembered a reason, albeit superficial, why she fell in love with him: a physical adonis. But as much as she liked his ass, he could act like the worst one in the universe.

She hated she still wanted the person he was.

Who they were.

Even small talk. Even something as small as a dragon.

But she knew he was right.

Now wasn’t the time.

She cringed at how she internalized his favorite phrase.

But—

Four minutes.

Less.

Panic painted her every move, word, breath. She stumbled out of her chair and followed Josh to the cockpit door.

One last time:

“When is the right time, Josh?”

“We have less than four minutes,” He shook his head with disgust. He turned back to her.

“I’m so lonely.” She wept.

His jaw clenched—not in anger, but something closer to hurt—but he looked away before she could fully see it. “You have the cat.” He muttered.

Her shoulders slumped with heavy resolve.

She looked at him through blurring tears.

How did she allow herself to get this far… gone?

“Space Jockeys will come. They’ll salvage the ship.” Josh used the tone he used to tell her the conversation had moved on.

A breath.

His watch beeped. The sound slicing through the tension.

“We have a little over three minutes. Do you really want to spend them trying to figure… this out?” He whispered, nearly lost to the sound of her world imploding pulsed in her temples.

“And what if I do?”

She stared at him, his eyes purposely avoiding hers. She swore there were tears, when he opened his mouth, she hoped he’d changed his mind in those precious seconds: he’d say, yes, let’s figure it out, you were never the problem, I was, I was why we failed, you never were. Even hearing Macaroni is both a great name and a gourmet dish would do something.

Instead, he inhaled sharply and—

“Come on.” He clapped his hands once and turned to the door.

She crossed to him, reaching for his hand. “Let’s spend our last three minutes together.”

They touched.

His fingers twitched like they almost remembered how to hold hers. He allowed her to explore his palms with her fingers. “Josh, please. We’re dying and you won’t even look at me.”

He briefly made eye contact, opened his mouth—her heart rose—but instead he threw open the door. She sighed and followed him throughout the corridors. “Dirty dishes, I see.” He nodded at the kitchen as they passed it.

Vega chewed the inside of her lip. Treasure Hunting in space sounded like such a great anniversary gift. Until the dragon. Until the hole. Until the old dishes. Until she may die with a man who doesn’t love her. He had become a stranger while standing next to her. She regretted everything for the past ten years at that moment.

The thought hit her harder because the clock was still ticking—two minutes left and she was thinking about ten years.

“We have to go through here,” Josh ordered, opening the door to the cramped Treasure Room. It narrowed toward the far wall. She nodded and walked in, immediately tripping over a box. She noticed the air felt thicker than usual here. “At least it was empty.” Josh sighed, maneuvering through the room.

Her real treasure was sitting in the cockpit.

The ship shuddered like she did thinking of Macaroni being blissfully unaware of his impending death.

Vega picked the box up—purple, the exact hue of the dragon’s scales. The gritty texture didn’t match the smooth-looking material it was made from. Her fingertips, hands, arms, legs, everywhere felt instantly scratchy.

No, not scratchy.

Buzzy?

Yea, a buzzing under her skin.

But it wasn’t fear or adrenaline—it felt like a second heartbeat, almost like something was awakening and calibrating. She panicked, thwapping her arms, but the sensation subsided quickly. Vega exhaled, writing it off as fear. Fear of failing Josh, no, Macaroni. Failing herself.

Beep! Beep!

“Come on! Two minutes!” Josh yelled from the back of the room. She folded the box back together, tossed it on a chest with precision.

How was she so confident with that?

Her mind felt bright. Clear. Colors looked like someone turned on the saturation of the universe. The adrenaline of the last two minutes of her life must be kicking in. She felt warm. Warmer than she had ever before. Like whatever eclipsed her sun finally stepped aside, allowing the warmth to embrace her.

She figured she was delirious. Is it like when you’re crazy? Do you know you’re delirious if you’re delirious?

“It’s like you have no sense of urgency. Two minutes and we start to die.” Josh seethed.

“The hue of it was beautiful. Do you know what hue it was?” She asked with a broad smile.

Josh gave her a Are you kidding me? look. To be honest, Vega wasn’t sure where that question came from. “We will need use some of this stuff to set cement ourselves in here.” Josh growled.

“Tyrian Purple,” she said, gliding through the room.

“I… don’t care. Snap out of it. Once I open this door, that hole is going to be a vacuum to space. Hurry up. Why are you being dumb?”

“So purple it’s almost bloody.” Vega responded to his narrowed eyes.

“Seriously, Vega—tie that around yourself, grab something, and also bring me that chain.” He motioned to an anchor. Her body reacted before her mind caught up. She picked up the chain and handed it to him.

“I thought you were ready!” Vega yelped at Josh dropping the chain and struggling to pick it up.

“It’s—it’s fine…” Josh’s voice trailed, fighting to pretend the chain wasn’t heavy. How had she picked it up with ease? “We need to hook it around that pillar.”

They both shoved the anchor around the pillar so when the chain was taut, it would catch it. He was eyeing her. Had she been holding back strength? She could smell the anger welling in him. Almondy.

Macaroni never felt anything but unconditional love for her.

She couldn’t wait to be done with this anniversary.

“A minute forty-six left?” She chimed.

He glanced at his watch, eyebrows shooting up. He didn’t need to say anything, she knew she was right. He sighed, his shoulder slumped a bit. “Look, I’m sor—” The door behind Josh tore open and Josh’s words catapulted out of the ship with him. He was right, it was just like a vacuum. The only time he’d ever be close to using one, Vega thought.

For a heartbeat, as the vacuum grabbed at him, his eyes locked on hers—not angry, not annoyed, but terrified and scared.

Then she realized she was standing, like her feet were glued to the floor. Treasure whipped around her, nicking and slicing Josh on their way out.

She waited for the panic that didn’t come. Fear slid off her like old skin, replaced by a quiet certainty that wasn’t entirely her own.

She looked at Josh, flailing about in the taut anchor chain. His mouth a gaping maw as he rasped for breath. She knew she had fifteen seconds to look at him in the eyes while consciousness was still there.

Without breaking eye contact, Vega picked up the anchor from the pillar it was hugging. If Josh could’ve screamed, he would’ve. How was she doing that?

Vega walked to the opening the dragon caused and hooked it to the framing. Josh was twirling around.

Maybe the dragon hadn’t collided with them—it had chosen her.

She watched Josh until his bloated body stopped twitching.

A strange calm washed over her. Like someone had rearranged the grief in her, folding it and putting it away so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed.

A hum.

It grew louder, vibrating the walls. The hole began to repair itself using the anchor that was wedged in. As the ship sealed its wound Vega realized she was breathing—truly—for the first time in years.

Soon, she was alone in the restored, silent treasure room. Only her and the box from before. She picked it up, translated the engraving. “Nanobots.” She didn’t recognize the language though her body did. The buzzing came back and she understood. She closed her eyes and imagined being in the cockpit with Macaroni.

She opened her eyes to a startled Macaroni, haunch flared, ears flattened, pupils dilated with rage and intensity. Then confusion. Something dripped from the ceiling and shaped itself into her—his Vega.

He gave her a tentative sniff, a whisker brushing against her skin—enough. The nanobots carried over to him. He warbled and hissed, yowled and scurried. He was scared, she understood, like she was moments ago.

Soon, his own buzzing stopped. He did a few kicks of his legs, then licked his front paws and gave his face a few swipes. “Meow?” He jumped into her lap and nuzzled her chin.

Something distant grazed the edges of her awareness.

Even so, she wasn’t afraid. “No more timer, that's nice. I love you, Macaroni Baboni.” She rubbed his nose with hers. Her emotional regulator. He didn’t seem too concerned with Josh’s absence.

She sat, absorbing the galactic knowledge the nanobots poured into her. It was like a tiny, voiceless conversation. She realized her problems were insignificant. And a major one was gone. Eventually she would mourn him and what they were together.

But first.

The Space Jockeys.

She sensed their ships all around her, drifting like skeletal vultures. They found Josh’s body and posed it with ritualistic curiosity, arranging his frozen limbs like a puppet. They handled him with casual detachment that made Vega smile as her consciousness melded with the ship. Their long, double-jointed limbs gathering the floating treasures.

Finding what they wanted from the scattered trove, the Space Jockey crews descended onto the cockpit. They broke into the hatch and folded themselves into the ship.

Once they were inside, she locked all exits.

She tasted their panic. Their fear brushed against her mind like a sweet scent. Delicious.

The dragon was never the danger. The danger had been inside all along.

The walls flexed around her like her lungs preparing to inhale.

She felt the ship’s metal respond to her thoughts, pliable as muscle.

Macaroni pressed his forehead to Vega’s, their nanobots singing between them.

“They came to scavenge,” Vega whispered, rising as the walls shifted around her. “But we’re the ones who feast.”