Leaving the World Behind

You wake up with a start, confused. What? What just happened? You were just crossing an intersection after getting off the interstate and for a split second you saw headlights rushing towards you from your left and now you’re just… here? It was like you were teleported or something. You take a look around and find yourself seeing… nothing? You are surrounded by a never-ending white void. In fact, as far as you can tell, you don’t even have a body - looking down, you only see more of the white void you have found yourself in. Then, all at once, you come to a conclusion: you must be unconscious. Yes, that must be it; you must’ve gotten T-boned by some driver who was not paying attention and now you’re in the back of an ambulance on the way to the nearest hospital. Or you’re still knocked out, spread across some part of your car, but you hope it’s the former. In any case, you would like to wake up now; this strange realm of unconsciousness is quite unnerving. At least you have a cool afterlife story to talk about. You put all of your focus into waking up.

…

You try harder.

…

. . .

Okay, that's… fine, you think. That you can’t wake up. Your body will get you up when it needs you, and you suppose that the pain you would feel right now would just make you faint anyway. It’s fine.

You start trying to figure out what to do to pass time when a spirit-like being manifests in front of you. In fact, they are very spirit-like; they are completely translucent, almost blending in with the white void around you. They don’t have many notable features, minus the grey hooded cloak they seem to be wearing and a couple of black dotted eyes. They stand a couple feet taller than you.

“Hello, traveler,” they say to you. Their voice is strangely calming, but you can’t place why, despite this quite literally being your subconscious.

“Hi…?” You respond, greeting laced with confusion. “Who are you? What’s going on?”

“Oh, yes, you must be terribly confused right now,” they say. You nod in response. “Well, let me begin with an introduction; my name is Charon. I am a Spiritfarer.”

“Spiritfarer?” You question. In any other context, you would find that title interesting, but right now it is nothing less than terrifying.

“Yes, that is my duty,” they respond. “I help transition spirits from the land of the living to the afterlife.” Okay, no, certainly this is just your subconscious making an interesting character idea or something and not anything else. You decide to keep focusing on the spirit and not on your thoughts. “Do you recall what you were last doing?” The spirit-like being continues.

“I was last on the road, crossing an intersection when I think I got hit by a car,” you answer shakily. “Am I okay?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Charon replies. “You are dead.”

No. Nonononono, you can’t be. You were - you were fine not even a few minutes ago, how could you be dead? You can’t - your friend is waiting for you at their house right now, he just bought it a month ago and you were coming to visit, and you really don’t want to leave him hanging so you just need to wake up and -

“Please calm down, my friend.” Charon says, putting what feels like a hand on your dead non-existent shoulder.

“You - you just told me I’m dead and you expect me to be okay with it!?” You exasperatedly yell in response.

“No, I do not,” they respond calmly. “I only want you to calm down.” Somehow, their words seem to do just that - you think you feel the shock starting to wear off. You take a minute to compose your thoughts.

Okay. So. It seems that you’re dead, which explains the fact that you still haven’t woken up from this nightmare. This spirit - Charon, they said - is apparently called a Spiritfarer, someone who is supposed to guide spirits like you to the afterlife. This strange void you’re in must be a space between the living world and the afterlife, which makes sense; this place is the definition of limbo. Okay, you think you’re ready to continue talking.

“Okay. Okay, I’m fine now,” you assure Charon, who seems to be encouraged by your response.

“Good.” Charon replies, taking their hand - at least you think it's their hand - off of your shoulder. “You calmed down quite quickly, compared to other spirits I have ferried.”

“I… I think I just haven’t fully registered it yet.” You guess. “Give it some time.”

“Ah, I see.” Charon responds. “Would you like to sit down and have a chat? I have found that it helps to do that.”

“Sure,” you suppose, sitting down as much as you possibly could in the strange form you’re currently in. You presumably have infinite time here, after all; a talk wouldn’t hurt. Charon mirrors you, still ending up a good foot taller than you even while sitting down.

“So… what even is this place?” You start. Might as well get to know what eternity looks like.

“Well, as I am sure you are aware, this is the afterlife.” Charon responds. “Well, more like the entrance to the afterlife. The afterlife does not accept new residents until they have come to terms with their circumstances. This may seem like a white void to you, but there is a door just over that way,” they continue, pointing to your right, “that leads into the afterlife.” Looking where he was pointing, it was just more white void. “The entrance is also white, which is why it isn’t visible to you. I only know where it is because of how long I’ve been here,” Charon explains.

“What is there in the afterlife?” You ask, continuing their thought.

“There are many things in the afterlife, but what a spirit sees is entirely dependent on the spirit themself.” Charon elaborates. “If a spirit was partial to more tropical climates, then they would perhaps find themself in a beach house on the coast. If they had a special interest in jungles or rainforests, they may find themselves with a large jungle to explore. The afterlife presents you with whatever pleasures you would like, my friend.”

“Wow.” You say, amazed. This is honestly better than what you had in mind for the afterlife. “I figured that the afterlife would be less… personal than that.”

“Well, the afterlife is nothing but personal. I even had one spirit from the planet of Kjahlog -”

“Wait, I’m sorry, what was that?” You interject. “Did you say…”

…

Y’know what, after some thinking, you decide you aren’t even going to try to pronounce whatever the hell that was.

“The name of the planet is in an alien language to you, so you probably aren’t able to pronounce it.” Charon explained, picking up the conversation. “In any case, this spirit’s afterlife consisted of nothing more than their favorite cuisine. That is it. Their food would be so outlandish to you that I am not even going to attempt to explain it, but my point remains; your afterlife can be whatever you wish it to be.” That is extremely interesting, you think.

“You get more spirits than just humans?” You inquire, now very curious.

“Why, of course!” Charon replies excitedly. “The Universe is a rather large place, my friend. There are more civilizations out there than there are numbers in your species’ number system.” Strange - Charon speaks like they aren’t from Earth.

“Are you from Earth?” You ask Charon.

“Good question! No, I am not.” Charon supplies with an encouraging tone, confirming your suspicions. “I was from - well, perhaps it is best not to say the name for your sake - but I was indeed not human.”

“Then how are we able to communicate right now?” You ask further.

“Us Spiritfarers are bestowed with a sort of omniscience when it comes to communication.” Charon explains. “When a new spirit arrives on our doorstep, we find ourselves able to communicate fluently in their language. There is no conscious thought to it; we just know. Two billion years here, and I still wonder about it myself.”

“Wait, sorry, two billion years!?” You interrupt. “You’ve been here that long?”

“Sure have.” Charon answers. “Lived in my own afterlife for about five hundred million years before I found myself as a Spiritfarer. It was quite peaceful there, but I find myself preferring this position more. I’ve met quite a few good friends here.”

Oh, right. You remember your friend David, who was currently sitting in his house waiting for your arrival, unknowing of the fact that your body is probably splattered across the pavement of some intersection not even a thirty-minute drive away from him. Just like that, you find yourself back on the topic of you being dead.

“I see something is on your mind.” Charon detects, catching your attention. “Do you wish to talk about it?”

“Well, I suppose I have no choice but to, given it’s the reason I’m here.” you respond, your gaze drooping slightly.

“I see.” Charon observes. “Well, as much as I would love to empathize with your current circumstances, I can only provide my sympathy; my own death was so long ago I no longer remember it. I would still love to talk with you about it, though.” You wouldn’t normally discuss such a sensitive subject with someone who was practically a stranger, but you couldn’t really care anymore. Not under these circumstances. You take a minute before you start speaking again.

“My friend, David, I was on my way to see him,” you start. “He just got this really nice house in the Bay Area - you know, right down in San Francisco - and he wanted me to come see it. It cost him nearly a million dollars, but it was definitely worth it - four bedrooms, four bathrooms, the whole nine yards. It even has this nice-ass kitchen, like something straight out of a Michelin star restaurant, which is perfect ‘cause he is a damn good cook. I wonder what he’s doing right now.”

“Sounds rather fancy.” Charon supplies.

“It is. He deserves it though, he works IT and I swear some of the stuff he deals with baffles even me,” you continue. “I miss him already.”

“I’m interested in hearing more about him, if you don’t mind.” Charon offers, to your slight discomfort. “How did you know him?” You hesitate, but decide to talk about him.

“We’d been friends since high school.” You start. “It’s pretty funny, actually. The first time we met was actually when we got into a fight. This girl starts flirting with me - pretty overtly, mind you - and I obviously engage, ‘cuz I’m a sophomore in high school. Well, David comes up to us and I find out that apparently this girl was his girlfriend, so he starts getting on me about talking to her and we fight. Ten minutes later, we’re both sitting in the principal’s office waiting to get yelled at when we overhear some other students talking about Nirvana and he comments about how much he likes them. Before long, we’re talking up a storm about rock music and became friends. He dumped that girl, like, a week later I think.”

“Sounds like you got him out of a bad relationship.” Charon observes.

“Yeah, I did.” You continue. “I didn’t even fight him because of the girl, I could already tell she was bad news. I was just pissed he wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“Good thing he didn’t, in that case.” Charon concludes.

“Yeah.” You finish. Both of you stop talking for a moment, until Charon picks the conversation back up.

“Is there anyone else you were close to?” Charon asks. Strangely enough, this question doesn’t make you uncomfortable.

“Yeah, there was one other guy,” you start, “this guy named Laine. I met’em while I was in college, he had been my roommate during my junior year. I hadn’t seen many like him before - he didn’t talk often, but when he did I swear he said some of the most thought provoking shit I had ever heard. He was the most contemplative guy I’ve ever listened to. I actually remember once, during my 26th birthday a few years back, he had seen I was a bit down so he decided to talk to me - I was only feeling bad ‘cuz David couldn’t make it that day. Anyways, Laine sat down next to me and just started saying the most philosophical stuff ever. I actually remember one thing he said to me, when we were talking about the afterlife, he told me ‘I really hope that when we die, we just turn into a pine tree or a flock of seagulls. I don’t wanna leave this world behind.’ That line stuck with me for a while. I hope he has those seagulls and pine trees, wherever he is now.”

“Is he still with everyone else, down on Earth?” Charon questions.

“No, unfortunately.” You reveal. “He passed a few months after that conversation to an aneurysm. Just dropped dead at work one day. He was only 25, man.” Your voice shook slightly as you finished speaking.

“That’s saddening to hear,” Charon responds. “I’m sure he has a nice flock of seagulls in his afterlife. Maybe you’ll even get to see them.”

“Really?” You ask, both surprised and hopeful. “How?”

“Well, despite my title, I’m not too sure how it works,” Charon starts explaining, “but I believe it is possible to visit the afterlives of others. I never did it myself, since I didn’t have anyone to visit, but I am sure there is a way. I could look into it myself, and let you know, if you would like?”

“Yeah, that would be great!” You excitedly respond to Charon, now in a better mood. “How would you be able to talk to me, though?”

“Well, I can visit the afterlives of others whenever I please - with their permission, of course.” Charon elaborates. “While it isn’t often, there are enough Spiritfarers that some of us could have small periods without having any spirits to guide, so during that time I could try to find an answer. I do hope, for your sake, that it is possible.”

“I would like to have you visit, regardless.” You say. “You’ve been very kind to me during all of this.” Charon seemed visibly touched at your statement.

“Thank you!” Charon says, proud of themself. “Not very many spirits tell me that, although I often don’t get to sit down and talk with them like I have with you. They are often through the door to their own afterlives within a few minutes.”

“Why is that?” You inquire.

“Very often, I get those who have died of old age.” Charon starts. “They are usually already accepting of their death, and thus only need a quick explanation before they are off.”

“I see.” You reply, sitting in thought for a moment. Contrary to how you felt when you arrived here, you do feel more accepting of your circumstances now. As much as you don’t want to move on quite yet, you know it’s best to focus on your future instead of your past. You’re sure that Charon has other spirits to attend to, anyways. “I think I’m ready.” You finally supply.

“Are you sure? I don’t mean to rush you - other spirits could wait a little longer if you need more time.” Charon asks kindly.

“No, no, I’m fine - If I don’t get on my way now, I’m not sure I ever will.” You explain.

“Very well then.” Charon accepts, standing up from the ground - or at least whatever surface you were sitting on - extending their hand to you. You take it and stand up, noticing that you can now see the rest of your body, which has taken a form similar to that of Charon’s. Charon beckons you to follow, leading you towards the entrance of your afterlife, which you can finally see. From what you could see through the doors, your afterlife looked nothing less than serene - rolling hills, greener than most you had seen before, adorned the landscape, rivers and trees dotting the land. Looking at it, you felt you could finally rest. Even further, beyond the hills, sat a house strikingly similar to what you had seen of David’s home. You’re glad you’ll still get to see it.

“Well, this is where we will depart.” Charon says to me, an almost imperceptible melancholy in their voice. “Are you ready?” they ask, tone gentler than anything you had heard before.

You hesitate. You could say no and sit down with them a bit longer - continue chatting about your lives and the afterlife. You could talk about your family, who you were never close with, or your career, which had yet to take off. You could keep telling yourself that this was the most elaborate dream, and that you would wake up on David’s couch, him making some of the best breakfast you have had in awhile. You already knew your answer, though. Charon never even needed to present the question.

“Yes,” you reply with finality, stepping through the door.