The News

“Joe! Maria! I have news.”

“Maria, who is that?”

“It's Linus.”

“Why is he shouting?”

“Linus, did you run?”

“Maria, put down your groundnut basin. Joe—Joe—stop—why are you washing a car here? You know what, it doesn’t matter—”

“What do you mean? This is my hustle. And what is wrong with this place?”

“It's the side of the road.”

“And so? Should I wash it inside a house?”

“Right in the market... Fine. Wash it wherever you want. Both of you need to hear this now.”

“Have you brought another dry gist?”

“Joe, so you noticed it too?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“What’s wrong with my gist?”

“Hah! Can you believe his question?”

“Stop poking me, Maria. I agree with you.”

“He brings old news. Even babies have heard it by the time he tells us.”

“It’s very true.”

“Must you people always do things like this? This is a very serious matter.”

“You always say that. But I don’t have time. This groundnut will not sell itself.”

“When have I ever brought old news—”

“Like the eclipse.”

“Who wouldn’t want to hear about an eclipse?”

“One day after it happened?”

“Look, that wasn’t my fault. The radio announced the wrong date.”

“You mean the radio that only works when you hit it a few times?”

“That one.”

“Joe, do you remember how he told us about a curfew?”

“One week after it already started.”

“I was at the police station trying to bail my nephew when he called. I saw pepper, and it cost so much money I almost cried.”

“That your nephew likes trouble oh!”

“He was only strolling.”

“Around midnight?”

“Okay. I’ve heard enough. This one is different. This is about—”

“Customer! Buy groundnut! This groundnut is sweet like sugar!”

“Maria please leave that man alone. We—”

“Sir! Customer! How can you walk away without looking at it? You are an enemy of progress! Good things shall pass you by!”

“Maria… the man is allowed to change his mind.”

“How can he leave when I was already counting the money in my head?”

“But why are you calling customers when I have something to say?”

“Linus, will you pay my sons school fees?”

“And the owner of this car will be here in thirty minutes.”

“Just listen—”

“Auntie, buy your fresh groundnut here! Fresh groundnut—”

“Maria!”

“Maria, please let Linus talk so he can go away.”

“Yes, you’re right Joe. Linus say it now!”

“Why are you making me sound like a mosquito?”

“At least you know what you are. Buzzing when people are trying to make money."

“Fine. I’m going.”

“Maria, call him back. This one might be different. He was sweating.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Maria, he’s really leaving.”

“See Joe, I haven’t sold half my groundnut. And Linus is wasting our—”

“But what if the thing he tells us changes our lives?”

“If he heard something like that, would he share it?”

“Fine, I’ll call him myself.”

“Don't bother me with it.”

“Linus! Linus! Why are you walking so fast. Please slow down.”

“What do you want?”

“You made me run all this way.”

“You wouldn’t let me talk.”

“Maria and I… wait let me catch my breath… we… we want to listen.”

“I’m not going back there. I will tell you now, and you can tell your sister yourself.”

“Isn’t Maria your sister too. We’ll listen. I swear.”

“Maria—”

“I’m here.”

“Maria, listen closely. On the Ado-Ekuma expressway this afternoon—"

“Oh, the new road?”

“Joe, how is it new?”

“Wasn’t it built last year?”

“Last year is already old. The road has potholes now.”

“Ah!”

“Wait—"

“You haven’t used that road in a while, have you?”

“No. Anyway, that’s our country for you.”

“Nothing works here.”

“I heard they maintain roads abroad.”

“I heard they build roads in the air.”

“What? Seriously? It’s called a flyover, and it’s not built in the air.”

“Linus, why are you acting like you know everything? And why are you breathing like that?”

“I’m telling you… it’s… it’s a flyover.”

“If it’s flying, isn’t it in the air?”

“Maria is right.”

“No, Joe, it doesn’t—”

“Linus why are you arguing instead of talking?”

“Yes, talk! You still haven’t shared your very important news.”

“Unbelievable...”

“That you drove a professor for ten years does not mean you need to use big grammar.”

“Along the highway—”

“Which highway?”

“I told you Linus doesn’t know how to gist. How can he talk about a highway without saying which one.”

“But I said it—”

“Maria, did he say anything?”

“No, he said along the highway—”

“Fine—"

“Linus, there’s no need to look at me like that.”

“Along Ado-Ekuma highway, a tank—”

“Oh, so that’s how we started talking about flyovers.”

“And America.”

“Did you hear that in America they only eat burgers?”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know, but I heard that’s all they eat.”

“Wait! I think something is wrong with Linus. He is not arguing. And he is shaking…”

“Maria, you are right. He is sweating too much.”

“Linus what’s wrong?”

“Along Ado-Ekuma expressway… a tanker fell…”

“Say it now. Why did you stop? What happened to the tanker?”

“Maria stop shaking him so he can talk…”

“A tanker fell and... and there was fuel everywhere—”

“A tanker!”

“With fuel?”

“Yes—”

“When?”

“One hour ago—”

“And you waited this long to tell us—”

“I was… I didn’t…”

“Maria, lots of people must be there by now.”

“Joe, do you still have containers—"

“Yes, they are behind my house. We can take bike together.”

“It will be fast—”

“Stop! You need to—"

“How much do you think one gallon of fuel will sell?”

“Double.”

“Tripple if it's still scarce.”

“Maria! your—"

“Bike!”

“Madam.”

“How much to Erine Street for two?”

“Don’t go!”

“Forty.”

“Go! Go!”

“Madam, sir… hold on tight!”

“Maria! The tanker already exploded! Your husband’s—"

“Sir! Please stop shouting near my store! Can’t you see they already left?”

“Madam, sorry.”

“Don’t stand there if you won’t buy anything. Move!”

“Sorry, Madam.”