The Hands of God Bled Tears of Red

Content Warning: This work depicts religious coercion, mentions of physical and phycological punishment, and explores existential and moral themes some readers may find distressing.

"I feel I'm doing something wrong."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well...because something just isn't right."

"..."

"..."

"That may be true but you never answered my first question."

"And why should I? Isn't the answer obvious. I'm doing something wrong. That's why I'm being punished."

"No. I think you're just interpreting this as punishment. It isn't. Really."

"What? So you're saying kneeling here before this altar with my knees so bruised I feel I'll never stand again isn't punishment? This is punishment at its finest. Whether you want to admit it or not."

"...It isn't punishment."

"Bah! Have it your way."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Are you going to stand there, watching my agony? You truly are no better than this god I'm made to assume I bow before."

"I'm no god."

"Oh, I know you're not. Believe me."

"Why are you here if you don't believe in our god?"

"Your god, you mean."

"The point stands. Why do you live here without believing in our God."

"Will you lay off it? Is it too much to say that I don't have a choice in this."

"But you do have a choice. You chose to live with a habit. To adopt the holy doctrine and live by its word. To bask in the glory of God and all He gives. On all accounts, you chose this."

"No. I did not. You fool no one, yourself aside, when you say that. There is no freedom here. 'Our' god watches us suffer without interlude. When I struggled through my life until I collapsed here begging for help do you know what I found?"

"Gods light. That which you have absconded, even now?"

"I found that there was no air to breathe nor bread to eat. The god you believe in gives nothing, and his lands are barren."

"I don't think the lands barren so much as you are unwilling to accept His blessings. Our God gives unbiasedly, and you reject it. That is why you are here, now."

"Unbelievable! I can't understand why you place your trust in these lies. And I hate to admit I cannot scorn you for it. You grew up on them while I...did not."

"Many learn to serve. You need only accept the Lord, and He will see your cup filled till it overflows. He knows you by name and sees your soul. Character aside."

"But he is not real! This god you are talking about only exists in your mind. There is no place beyond this world! There is nothing but the vast void of space and its ever stretching expanse. No being can exist there, and no god would want to live in such isolation."

"Exactly. And that is why He created us. He wanted soul to build connection with and life to hold in His hands. He created the galaxies and everything within."

"So what, are we nothing more than playthings in some sole deities hands? You don't hear anyone bringing up what may lay further. And why would god torture us so, unless he were wicked. Why would he require such strict repentance if he loves us. That is not affection."

"But it is. He loves us so much He sent His son to die on the cross. I do not forgive you. He does. You say He is wicked, but all I see is care and temperance. Tell me, would you let your child go without punishment for wrongdoing? Of course not. So He punishes you, you repent, and are made anew."

"So you say your god is some Nirvana to strive for and the only way to reach it is through constant self torment and hate. That is what you are saying. I cannot live up to the image of a God if I am soaked in the red of sin. It is that which trickles through my veins now. And yours. You cannot rip it away. Unless I am expected to bleed myself dry for a god I cannot see and who is not promised."

"He is promised. It is spoken that He rose once, and He will one day return to do the same for us. That we will rise in white robes and ascend to the clouds, then beyond. That He offers us a home at His side. He is good, and He is righteous. Through Him we can lay us down a bed of the softest wools and rest knowing that we are baptized in the light of day. You, as a woman, must repent more often, because it was the woman who sinned first and man who bore it beside her."

"Right. Yes. And that is why all women must suffer at a mans lead isn't it. Because it was man who chose to follow the woman, so the woman always incurs deceit and destruction."

"I must say this is the sole time I have witnessed you correctly interpret the holy text. I am impressed."

"Don't belittle me, you mentioned it. Need I remind you it is also always you who puts me in this position, and not 'our' lord? In this case he has no power, because he cannot make me fall to my knees and wish I was never woven in my mother's womb."

"You forget yourself. Our Lord is offering us eternal life and all you see is drivel. He is merciful, and extends his arms around each and every one of us. With the way you mention living we may as well never have existed. Isn't it better to believe in a promise of eternal life than the possibility of dying one day and that being the end forever? His promise is sweet, and it pains me that you cannot see that."

"It pains me that is all you know! If you want to say that he is resurrection aren't you admitting you only believe in him because he promises something better than dissolving to dust? Isn't it better to live your life full and unrestricted than in constant groveling to a deity with motives that are too wide and deep for us to comprehend?"

"...Just keep praying. He'll hear you. Eventually."

"And keep pretending, for there is no ear to listen or eye to see except yours and this cruel worlds. Just accept that you are terrified of death and the uncharted territory of it. That is why you cling to your beliefs. That is why you whip yourself and hope for penance, and I will tell you it will get you nowhere but on the ground groveling once more as I am now."

"Quiet! Enough. I have had enough of you. If it were left to me...your punishment would be ceaseless."

"Then you would be no god, but a devil."

"..."

"..."

"All expected from you is to kneel. Think on your failings. Pray for forgiveness. And when you inevitably sin again, I will bear its weight, and retrieve the whip with your name on it."

"Ah, so you finally admit it is punishment."

"......I will see you in an hour. When I return I want to hear your apology to the lord."

"Then here I shall remain, knelt. And when you return I will have nothing on my tongue for your ears."