Golden Threads

I was sent to Earth to reap the soul of a girl who was supposed to die within an hour.

Car accident. A wrong way driver barreled into her tiny Toyota Prius that never stood a chance and neither did she. The machines that kept her breathing had more life than she did.

It’s my job to help souls nearing the end to let go and peacefully cross over. Sometimes, they follow me quickly, content with closure, at rest and ready for the beyond. Sometimes, death comes abruptly and they’re wracked with mourning and regret for things left undone and unsaid. Some are afraid, most are at least apprehensive, so I do what I can to make the transition easier for them.

But the instant I saw her, I knew I couldn’t extinguish such a brilliant light from Earth.

To say she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen would be, frankly, a little creepy. But she was. It had nothing to do with her appearance and everything to do with the golden light surrounding her like a halo, as if she were the true angel in the room. Beneath the crisscross of inflamed cuts and gashes across her face and arms, beneath the blood and grime matting her honey brown hair, beneath the bandages and IV tubes wrapped around her, she was radiant. It stunned me to find how much life she had while she barely clung to her own, how much love and laughter she still had inside her, still had to give.

Tentatively, I sat down by her bedside and took her hand gently in mine. It’s more a gesture out of habit than anything else – it’s not like they can feel me. But I felt a spark leap from her cold hand to mine, as if lit by her inner warmth.

Is it time? she suddenly asked, almost making me jump. Her voice was deeper than I expected, more resonant and melodic. It didn’t hold a trace of fear, more like curiosity, like she already knew who I was and what I was here for.

But I couldn’t do it. I was definitely going to get fired, but I couldn’t do it.

That’s up to you to decide, I told her.

I get a choice in the matter? Aren’t you supposed to ship me across a river or open the gates for me or something? Her words were light despite the heavy subject, and I could almost swear the tips of her silent lips quirked up in a playful smirk.

It’s all up to you. Right now, your body isn’t strong enough to make a decision, so your soul is taking over. You’re in the in-between, in a limbo of sorts, which is why you can hear me.

I wish I could see you. It’s like talking to a blinding light.

The parallel was striking, watching the blinding, golden light around her. She couldn’t see me, but I could still give her something.

My name is Spencer.

Spencer? she repeated with an imperceptible crook of an eyebrow. That seems like a really … ordinary … name for an angel. Then again, so is Michael.

Would you believe me if I said my middle name is Michael?

Angels have middle names?

No, I’m totally messing with you, I laughed and I couldn’t recall ever laughing on the job. That alone was startling, but even more so was the ring of her laugh, clear as a bell and joyful.

I’m Tori. Tori Rose, because humans do have middle names. Rose is so typical though, if I had to be named after a flower, why couldn’t it be a peony?

A smile tugged at my lips. Why is that?

I don’t know. I like them. Does everything have to have a deeper, philosophical reason behind it?

I guess not.

Tori paused. To the rest of the world, she would look exactly like she just did – frail body frozen in medically induced sleep. But to me, I saw an anxious churning in her aura, her golden light flickering for the first time since I stepped into the room. My heart wrenched and it suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe at the thought of her not breathing, at the thought of that light burning out. I glanced at the monitor beeping her slow pulse, the pallor of her skin, and the numerous injuries that nearly negated the vibrance of her subconscious voice.

Spencer?

The sound of my name from her made something flutter in my chest, as if my wings got reversed and tickled inside my ribcage.

Yeah?

I’m scared, that vivid voice wavered, and I caught my breath.

Right now is the time I’m supposed to tell you everything will feel so much easier if you follow me. That there’s no more pain or sadness or worries, that everything is light as a cloud and bright as the sun. And it’s all true, but I can’t tell you that. Because, Tori, you are the sun – you’re brighter than anything I’ve ever witnessed and if you leave, the world will be a darker place because of it. So I need you to live.

Tori was silent for a moment, pensive and lost somewhere in her subconscious. When she did speak again, her charm returned.

Doesn’t that go against your job description? she teased.

So much. But that’s how much I need you to stay.

Then let me give you a new job. Be my guardian. Stay with me and help me get through this.

***

Day in, day out, I would sit beside Tori, putting in all of my energy to keep her strong. My powers weren’t designed for this, meant to help someone struggle past their last breath rather than help them get off a ventilator – which the nurse unhooked Tori from after a few days.

Most of the time, her soul was a bundle of energy, relentless in her chatter and laughter.

Do you have wings? she once asked.

Yeah.

What do they look like?

Black, with, like, golden veins or threads through them.

Ooh, that sounds pretty. Reminds me of my prom dress. My date totally didn’t match though.

Other times, I would slip in through the wall to find her light struggling to glow. Those were the days more of her friends and family would visit, crowding tearfully around her bed. I would try to give them some privacy until I felt Tori reaching through the in-between towards me.

Stay, she would tell me those days. I know they mean well but I need you right now more than them. Does that make me a horrible person?

How could I ever possibly convey to her, with the shimmering radiance around her, she is incapable of being anything other than golden?

So I would just lay my hand over hers, a phantom touch going straight through her, but there came a day I could swear her pinky finger twitched the slightest bit.

***

One day, I felt the change right away,

Tori’s light was brighter than ever but it was like I was seeing it from far away or through a dark filter. I could barely sense her through the in-between, just enough to feel her stirring, bursts of pain starting to work into her senses as her body woke back up to life with a writhing jolt. As the first shreds of consciousness started to rip her away, she clutched at the air where my hand laid beside hers.

Spencer? she cried to me, her voice echoing. Spencer, where are you?

Right here, I squeezed her hand tighter though neither of us could feel it. Right here, I’m always right here with you.

What’s happening?

You’re waking up. You’re healing and you’re waking up, and soon you’ll get to be with your family and friends again. You’re going to get back to real life.

Spencer? Are you real? Tell me this was real and not just some comatose hallucination.

Yes, it was all real, I so desperately wanted to tell her. What I would give up and did just so you would live again, and even if you’ll think this was all a dream, even if you don’t remember this, I will. Because you kept me living too.

I swallowed hard, pushing down my throat the painful joy of having her open her eyes again but the beautiful sorrow of losing her once she does. She’s been my light while she’s been in darkness, and the last thing I could do was press a ghost of a kiss to the back of her hand.

“I’m real,” I told her, and in that moment, when I felt the touch of her hand in mine, I truly was.

***

I got fired after that, as I expected – breaking the whole “obey your Father” thing. I wouldn’t take back a second of it.

Tori woke up, and after several more weeks, was discharged from the hospital. I had wanted to check up on her, but with the new human body, it wasn’t so easy to just slip through the walls anymore. Besides, I knew she wouldn’t even know who I was anymore – what happens in the in-between stays in the in-between, we’re worse than Vegas in that respect. I sent her a bouquet of peonies, but I asked the flower shop not to include a card.

I was trapped down on Earth, punished to live out my life as a mortal, but it felt like the greatest reward just for getting Tori out of the in-between and back to life again. Even if I couldn’t be in her life ever again, knowing that she’s out there shining bright made the world a little bit better. It’s like looking at a cloudy night sky and knowing the star is somewhere out there anyway.

***

“Yeah. Yeah, Steph, I know I’m running late. I swear I’m two blocks away. Give me a minute.”

I whirl around the corner as I shove my phone into my pocket, eyes averted just long enough to crash straight into someone.

“Oh my gosh! I’m sorry!” I hold out a hand as my coffee splashes onto the sidewalk, narrowly avoiding the shoes of the stranger I rammed into. “Sor-ry.”

As I glance up at him, something in my chest stutters, which is a super weird reaction. Sure, he’s attractive – sooty black hair, charcoal eyes flecked with gold, sharp jaw, and broad shoulders stretching out a thin black T-shirt – but it’s not like me to drool over a random, pretty stranger. No, there’s something … different … about him … and by different, I mean very … familiar.

“Sorry about that,” he says, and something about his voice…

He starts to briskly move past me when I call out to him.

“Wait!” I feel my face flush, the outburst so unlike me, but something in my soul says I can’t just let him leave like that.

He turns around slowly, and my eyes linger on the black tattoo of angel wings on his bicep, the ink broken so that his golden skin looks like threads weaving through the wings.

He catches my stare but I don’t get embarrassed – instead, he almost looks, expectant. Infinitely patient and waiting, though I can’t remember for what, or even remember why I should remember, but I should.

He watches me gather my scrambled thoughts as I eventually work out the words, “Have we met before?”

The stranger stays silent and still and I shake my head, confused. “I, I don’t know. I can almost swear I’ve never seen you before, but, do I know you? How would I know you?”

He gives a mysterious smile that looks both sweet and sad before stepping into the crosswalk, glancing over his shoulder.

“Let’s just say … you gave me a job once.”