Chasing Cats

I had absolutely no motivation to do anything at all. I could vaguely hear the booms of thunder in the distance as I looked at my phone. 9:09 am on a Saturday. I cursed and rolled over. I couldn’t stay in bed forever, I would feel too guilty spending a day I’m not on schedule for work doing nothing.

I got out of bed, put on pants, and looked out the window. I could hardly see anything through the rain, it was a downpour. However, my favorite breakfast place was waiting for me and I wanted a coffee too much to wait for the rain to end. Besides, a walk in the rain would feel better than blankly staring at the wall or doomscrolling Instagram. I got my stuff together, got my umbrella, and set out.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be happier. I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, friends I would hang out with from time to time, and my job as a fast food manager pays me just enough for me to keep living (with some support from my parents…it’s 2025 and the economy is in shambles). That being said, I live alone, and every time I come back from a shift at 2:30 am I’m reminded of that fact; being greeted by an empty apartment exactly the way I left it. The food rots in the refrigerator, I stopped eating as much not too long ago. Nothing tastes like it did in my childhood.

A flash of lightning illuminates the surrounding area. In the sudden light, I see a cat. Its fur is black as night - it reminds me of a crow’s feathers. It sits on the sidewalk in front of me, seemingly unbothered by the storm.

I extended my umbrella towards the cat, offering some respite from the rain. The cat didn’t seem to appreciate my gesture, with a flick of its tail it started running off down the sidewalk. I gave chase. I can’t quite describe what I was feeling at that moment, as my legs flew over the pavement beneath me. Did I really want to help the cat? Or did I want a companion, something to make me feel less alone? I knew I could give that cat a better life than it would have without me!

Somehow the storm increased in intensity. Thunder and lightning mixed together in a perfectly chaotic fashion. The wind blew rain in my face, stinging my cheeks and my eyes. Through my blurred vision, I could barely see the outline of the cat ahead of me. Though I was moving fast, it was moving faster. A gust of wind blew my umbrella away, and I was fully immersed in the surrounding storm. I was more drenched in water by the second, but I kept going.

I wiped my eyes, somehow I got the sense the water on my face was no longer just rain. A chance, a single chance, that’s all I needed and then the cat would realize it was much better off by my side. Why couldn’t this cat let me at least attempt to take care of it? Why did Ryan have to leave me, breaking my heart as I swept the floor during my work shift? Why did Tyler have to ghost me, exiting my life just as suddenly as he entered it? I can’t let this cat get away, I can’t be completely alone forever!

I tripped on something, though it may have been just air. I crashed to the ground, hitting the pavement and skidding forwards. I felt pain bloom throughout my body as multiple wounds opened up, especially on my right leg. My head was spinning, and as I lay on the ground I dimly saw my blood mix with the rainwater. I was crying now, fully sobbing. Yet through the haze of tears and the rain, I saw the cat. It stopped running, and now it was simply looking at me. I couldn’t make out what I saw in its eyes. Pity? I felt humiliated and broken. I put my hands on the ground and pushed myself up. Every tiny movement I made hurt me.

“Cat,” I begged, “please come with me. Let me take care of you”. The cat took a step forward. Then another. Then another. I reached out my head hesitantly, hoping it would let me pet it. The minute my hand touched its head, lightning struck a nearby streetlight. The cat flinched hard and then ran away.

I dragged myself to the steps of a nearby apartment building. The rain poured, the wind blew, and my leg bled. I took out my phone and looked at the last thing Ryan texted me. He said he wanted me to have the best life I could, and that he felt like he dragged me down, so he was breaking up with me. I’ve never disagreed with anything more. Whenever I’m sad, I reread that message, and remember that there was once a time I was loved. It really never was about the cat.

I slowly realized the apartment I was sitting in front of was Liam’s. Liam and I had known each other since college. We befriended each other in our second year, and he showed some interest in me, but after we graduated I ended up ghosting him. He had some anger issues he was working through, and it was hard enough for me to make it through each passing day. I thought about him from time to time. I looked at my leg, and figured I could really do with some bandages. Maybe Liam had some? I rang the doorbell, hoping he’d be happy to see me.

I waited about two minutes, and was just about to leave, when Liam opened the door. He looked older, more tired, and he noticeably gained weight, but he still seemed somewhat happy to see me. “Oh wow, hey! It’s been so long!” he exclaimed.

I tried my best to smile. “Likewise! How have you been?”

“Never mind that, you look like a drowned rat. Get in here, let me fix you up”.

I graciously accepted his offer, stepping into his house. Liam also lived alone, but I never would have been able to tell. Everything was neat and organized, and it smelled nice too. Liam led me to a small coffee table, where I sat down. A vase of flowers sat in the middle, adding a little bit of color to the space. The storm continued raging outside, but in the closed space the sound of rain hitting the windows was calming. Liam returned shortly with a first aid kit, and after propping my leg on a nearby chair, he got to work. “How’s life been with you?” he asked.

I sighed. “Life’s a bitch dude.”

“Mm. Wanna tell me about it?”

“I just…it’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship.” When I said this, Liam stopped working for a second, but then he resumed his task. “I totally get that I don’t need one, but still. I get lonely. I’m actually all wet like this because I was chasing a cat, hoping to get a new pet”.

Liam gave me a quizzical look. “Did you really think you’d be able to catch the feral cat?”

I laughed somewhat awkwardly. “I don’t know, maybe? I wanted to at least try!”

Liam chuckled. “It’s alright. I finished bandaging your leg by the way!”

He certainly did. It wasn’t perfect by any means, and I could already see traces of red, but it was something.

Liam cleared his throat. “You know…if you’re really looking for a relationship…would you be interested in going on a date? You know I liked you in college, and even though you ghosted me, those feelings never fully faded. It’s almost time for lunch, we could go to McDonald’s or something!”

My heart started pounding, and my breathing quickened. I wanted a relationship so bad, but at the same time, I was scared. Scared I would fall fully in love again, and then get the carpet swept out from underneath me. I was twice bitten, doesn’t that allow me to be four times shy? Liam must have noticed my hesitation, and he gave me a strange look. “Come on. You told me you wanted a relationship. I’m here, I’m pretty attractive, I’m emotionally available. Were you lying through your teeth?” Thunder boomed in the background, accentuating his words.

I started panicking even more. “Listen, I-. It’s not you. You’re an amazing person! But still, I’m not sure- I don’t want- I-”

“You don’t want what? Happiness?” Liam’s voice was rising in pitch. “You’re nothing but a pathetic coward. You’re no better than that cat you mentioned earlier. Just as the cat didn’t let you take a chance on it, you won’t let anyone take a chance on you”.

“No! It’s not that! I just…” I faltered, words were failing me again. I stood up, I had too much nervous energy to keep sitting

Liam’s gaze hardened. “Get out of my house. Now.”

“Liam I’m sorry!” I exclaimed. “I’m sorry I’m like this! I’m sorry I’m scared! I’m sorry I ghosted you!”

“Do you know how long I waited for you?”

Despite everything, I felt a little bit of heat rise to my cheeks. “No one asked you to wait for me!”

“I loved you!!” I dodged the vase Liam threw at me, and it shattered on the wall behind me. I yelped and started running towards the door. “That’s it!!” Liam yelled. “Run from me like you run from all your problems! Maybe if you run fast enough they’ll disappear!!”

I burst through the door, running full force through the storm. I ran, not looking or caring where I was going. Suddenly, headlights cut through the rain and illuminated my face. It was the last thing I remember.