Drowning in Dreams

Selena walked down the all-too-familiar sidewalk, past the buildings filled with mementos of her life. Colorful banners invited everyone to join in the familial atmosphere. The smiling business owners selling their wares, some made with techniques passed down for generations, waved at her as she passed. Patrons, people who knew her from before she could walk, laughed without a care in the world.

She wrapped her olive peacoat around her lithe frame, her ebony hair tied back with a silk scarf, a gift from someone special. Her heart was racing, her gloved hands were trembling. The clinic was within walking distance just outside of her hometown, just far enough away from wandering eyes and gossiping mouths.

She didn’t want to go, didn’t want to hear what they had to say.

It’s going to be ok. It’s just wedding jitters, that’s all. They’ll just give me some pills, and I’ll be ready in time for my final fitting. Nothing is going to go wrong, not a single thing will…

“Ma’am?”

Selena broke out of her fog at the sound of another woman’s voice. She was at the front desk at the clinic, the one where she did the tests, answered their questions, and was told to come back to once the results came in. The secretary with a tightly pinned bun looked at her with concern.

“Oh, um, I’m here for my appointment. It’s at ten?"

Selena gave the woman her ID while the secretary typed on a computer older than her.

“Miss Valencia, I see. The doctor is running a bit late, so he wants you to wait for him in the waiting area down the hall. It’s the first room on the left; you can’t miss it.”

Selena nodded, following the secretary’s directions. The waiting room had only a few unfamiliar people sitting on the geometric patterned chairs, their colors faded with age and use. The beige walls displayed artistic renditions of legendary people and landscapes. She turned her head away from an image of a romantic couple in a field of flaming roses at sunset.

She sat in an empty chair in a corner, the one farthest away from the others. She wasn’t in the mood for socialization or seeing a familiar face. She waited for what might as well be an eternity for the door to open and a nurse to call her name.

The hallway was cold, the staff shivering in their scrubs. She overheard one of them complain about the broken A/C over cups of weak coffee. With another turn to the right, she was in an office. The walls were like the others, only with an abstract painting in spring colors.

The man sitting at a dark wooden desk was clearly loosing hair, yet he brushed what few strands that remained across the bald spot. There were no photos of family on the desk, just a computer, a plain white mug, and a plant in need of water and a larger pot.

“Hello, Miss Valencia. Please, take a seat.”

Selena does so, her still trembling hands now resting on her lap.

“We just got the test results back. I must say, I haven’t seen anything like this before. They’re remarkable, in a word.”

Her already frayed nerves burst at the seams. Her heart bounced between her spine and sternum. Her own mind betrayed her by forgetting how to think, to remind her how to breathe. The words fall from her mouth unbidden.

“I don’t care. I’ll take whatever you prescribe me if it means I stop waking up in a cold sweat from how vivid these dreams are.

The doctor was silent for too long. His planned dialogue didn’t account for this, no doubt. He might have anticipated joy, relief even, not hostile rage.

“Well?” Selena continued despite her growing panic.” What’s wrong?”

"Its…not that simple. In a case like yours, there are many complications-”

“How can there be complications from dreams!?”

The doctor stared at the abstract painting, gaging how she could react to his next words.

“Are you familiar with the study of reincarnation? It’s not a common field, but there have been experiments and testing done on the subject. It’s one of the many things we’ve researched here, and we’ve discovered that memories of past lives can appear as dreams.”

Selena’s confusion was evident on her face.

“Wait, you can’t be serious. Are you saying that’s what my dreams are? But…it doesn’t make any sense. How does that explain all those…”

Fantastic elements. It would make sense if they were just part of her imagination, but how could it be possible she’s been dreaming about her past?

The doctor took a folder from his desk drawer.

“Perhaps this will help.”

Selena allowed her trembling hands to bring the folder to her line of sight. Inside appeared to be pages of an intricately drawn children’s story.

Long ago, when kingdoms ruled the lands, there were grand creatures who ruled the seas and the skies. The oceans had leviathans, the skies had dragons. Many humans crafted temples for these beasts as a way of appeasing them or asking for blessings like magic or safe travels. Offerings could be simple, but there were also tales of great sacrifice. One day a ship filled with treasure meant for a rival kingdom was lost at sea. Both kingdoms were in a panic, fear of potential war hung over the citizens who were doing their best to survive. The king who collected the gifted treasure declared he would ask for aid from their ocean’s leviathans in locating the treasure, ignoring the lives that may have been lost. A child of one of the lost sailors was a young woman awaiting the day she would find her groom. Hearing the king had little concern for the sailors, she went in secret to the temple where the king would go. There it was declared by the head priestess that an offering of a pure maiden must be given in exchange for the treasure’s retrieval. The morning arrived with the declaration, and the young woman declared she would be the sacrifice. She was decked in pearls and shrouded in silk as she was led to a cave near the shore, left alone as the sun set. She sat there in darkness waiting for her fate, the salt of the sea thick in the air. The creature rose from the depths, shifting to a more human form as he entered the cave, his magic lighting the torches inside. What happened between them is lost to history, but what is known is that the lonely leviathan and the lost woman fell in love. In time the sailors were saved, each brining back a portion of the treasure to the proper kingdom. However, the greed of the rival ruler could not be sated by the retrieved shares. They wanted more, but the leviathan was not in their territory, thus asking them for the gifts of the sea would not be possible. So, one day they sent a spy to the cave, where they saw the woman sleeping beside her beloved. Struck by her beauty, he stole the sleeping maiden away from her monstrous love, taking her not to the rival kingdom as he was told, but to a remote area where no one could find them. Both the leviathan and the rival king were in a panic at the woman’s loss, one for what this would mean for his kingdom, the other for what terrible things could happen to his beloved. Days turned into weeks, then months, and as years passed all hope was lost. And so, the leviathan sleeps, the ocean salty from his tears. He promised to awaken once they were reunited, offering all the riches of the sea for a reward. It’s been enough that women and girls have been left where the leviathan was rumored to sleep, until both kingdoms fell and the story became legend.

Selena looked up at the doctor’s smiling face.

“But…this can’t be real. I can’t be some reincarnated lover of a monster. I’m getting married in three months!”

The doctor’s face deflated in an instant. His hand moved but she couldn’t see where it went or what it did. Another person in a medical coat entered the room, their hand in their pocket as they approached her.

No, the dreams are not…

“Miss, we need you to calm down.”

She didn’t have the chance to fight back before the needle pierced her skin. She drowned in her thoughts once again, her senses overwhelmed with places and voices that felt familiar. The taste of the ocean in the air, the chains wrapped around her trembling body, the torches igniting on their own as a large shadow shifted from a creature of myth to a more humanoid form.

She awoke to the stinging of her wrists, bringing her back to reality. She was tied to a chair in the middle of a room as the doctor from before, the associate, and two other people in white coats stood around her. The room itself was only illuminated by a single dangling lightbulb, the walls bare of all colors save for gray.

“This can’t be the way to go about this,” the associate said to the others.

“You saw the reports,” one of the unknown people replied, “this could-”

Her doctor punched the other man to the point of collapse.

“The ends are worth it,” he promised the rest. “It’s not just our lives, but everyone’s life that will change. What’s one sacrifice to accomplish a miracle?”

They were all silent as Selena’s heart threatened to burst from her chest. Her mouth was dry, her throat tight, unable to make a sound that wasn’t a whimper. The main doctor glanced at her as if remembering she was there.

“You understand now, Miss Valencia?”

Selena didn’t respond, only stared back at him with panicked eyes.

“Part of the research we’ve done with dreams is to find you. Giving him women who claimed to be you hasn’t worked. All that mattered to him was the real reincarnation.”

Fear turned her veins into rivers of ice. Her family, her friends, the one she planned to spend the rest of her life with, if what they said was true…

“But…,” she managed to cry, “I can’t be her!”

Darkness overcame her again as once again her body is injected with a sleeping agent. This time she was shrouded in darkness until she returned to the real world. It’s then that she found herself returned to a familiar place, an older place.

The waves crashed against the shore and the once jagged rocks. Long ago they shielded the once trembling young woman praying that she made the right choice. Selena could still see the darkness engulfing the outside world save for a few errant stars. Flames in iron torches flickered against the damp walls of a cave. She rested on a bed of blankets and pillows likely taken from the clinic. Someone had changed her clothes to something better suited for a red carpet than a winter’s night. It was more than the weather that left her shivering.

Selena heard him coming before she saw him. Just as before, the image of a large beast cast a shadow on the cave walls, shifting as it drew closer. She could feel his smile, see the scales glinting against the light of the fire just before he reached out to touch her.

She shrank away before contact could be made. In an instant, her fear morphing into something older than her younger body could understand.

“I… remember…everything! You kept me here, kept me too scared to run. You had the lives of my father and the others over my head. I gave up my family, my future, for a promise you had no intention of keeping. Did you think I wouldn’t know, after all these rebirths? How no one survived the storm, how you imprisoned me with lies?”

The night was filled with the sound of screams until the rising of the morning sun.