3:10pm

3:1Opm every week day is my favorite time of the day. Well every weekday when school is in session. At 3:00pm I start brewing my tea so I can be ready to enjoy it while I watch out my living room window. I have positioned my lazy boy chair so that I can get a perfect view of the bus dropping the school children off . It does not always drop the kids off at precilys 3:10pm but never before 3:10pm. No I don't have a child that gets off from that bus but I think I may have a granchild that does.

It's not just the bus I watch for . I also watch for the familiar purple striped volkswagen bug to be parked along the street. It also arrives right around 3:10pm. When I first saw it parked on my street I gasped. It's the only one of it's kind I have ever seen and I immediately knew it's owner was my only Child Emmaline. I had gotten her that volkswagen bug for her the day she graduated college and became an Rn. However, when I bought it for her it was just plain black. She used money from her first pay check as a nurse to get the purple stripes added. When she came home with it that day I was so angry. I felt like it was a complete waste of money. That started the string of arguments that adventually lead to my sweet Emmaline moving out and not talking to me. To be honest I do not remember what most of those arguments were even about. It's been more than 6 year ago now

I always have and always will just want the very best for my Emmaline. The problem is what I think is best for her is not always what she thinks is best for her. Even right down to her name. I loved the name Emmaline since I was a little girl and always said that I would name my daughter emmaline if I ever had one. I always thought it was such a sophisictaed name. Shortly after Emmalines thirteen birthday she had all of her friends start calling her EJ becaue she felt it was way cooler. I think by the time she was 16 I was the only one who called her Emmaline anymore.

The first day of school this year I happened to notice the car parked outside my house. I was hopeful that my Emmaline was coming to see me. It was a false hope because she does not even know I moved here. In fact if she did she probably would not park infront of my house everyday. I imagine she is still pretty mad at me. When I saw her get of her car there was no mistaken it was her I could recognize her beautiful red hair. A tear streamed down my cheek when I saw a little girl with similar red hair run to greet her after exiting the bus. Ever since then I make a point of watching out the window every week day at 3:10pm. It's the only glimpse of my family I ever get. My bitterness has made me a lonley old lady.

I schedule all my appointments and errands to make sure that I am always home to watch for the school bus. Some days I am disappointed and the volkwagen does not come by most days it comes almost like clockwork. It is getting close to the end of the school year and I am trying to get up the nerve to go out and say hi to her. A lot has happened since I last spoke to my sweet Emmaline. I would love to be a apart of her life again but I am so afraid that she will reject me. That's why I have been waiting til the end of the school year.

My logic was If I waited til the end and she rejected me. I still had a whole year of watching my beautiful daughter and grandaughter at 3:10 pm. My days have been really bleak since being diaganosed with stage four cancer . However, I can have a really bad day where my pain level is just horrific and my 3:10pm viewing brightens my whole day. On Halloween I even got to see the little one dressed up as a bumble bee she was so cute. I have no idea what her name is or who her father is. I'm not sure if Emmaline is still with the father because she always comes alone to the bus stop. There is so much I want to ask Emmaline and so much I want to tell her but I am to parlyzed by fear to do either.

Tomorrow is the last day of school and I am not sure if Emmaline will pick her up from the school that day for end of the year festivities. I have decided today will be the day I will make my move. I'm not sure if my cancer will allow me another school year of 3:10pm viewings.

So, If I gonna to take a chance at reconciling with my daughter I need to do it now I have thought long and hard of how I'm going to do it. I have finally come to the conclusion that I am going to go out on my porch at precisely at 3:10pm and call her name. It will be her choice whether she chooses to come see me or ignore me. I do hope it will not be later, I miss her so much. Everything I once was mad at her about does not seem the least bit important anymore, Well, excuse me It's time for me to go. It is about three oclock and I need to start brewing my tea. This time I will brew enough for two cups just in case my Emmaline agrees to come in at 3:10pm. Wish me luck .