The Sideshow

They sat side by side beside the campfire, the crackling glow of the flames illuminating their faces.

‘I’ve missed us being alone together. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Calem,’ said Toren.

Magsi coughed. ‘Yes, well, we’ve been riding together.’ She blushed as she realised what she had just said.

‘Riding?’ Toren raised an eyebrow.

Magsi paused a moment before she smiled slightly and said, ‘Yes, that’s right.’

Toren looked a little sad. ‘Oh, so you don’t want me anymore?’

Magsi shuffled closer and put a hand on his leg. ‘I didn’t say that.’

‘Oh!’ Toren looked at her in surprise.

He swallowed nervously.

‘You’re okay with this?’ said Magsi.

He nodded.

Magsi maintained eye contact as she trailed her hand lightly up his thigh.

Toren’s eyes twinkled. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’

‘Oh, I know’, she said, all the while looking into his brown eyes.

She withdrew her hand and pulled her shirt up and over her head, her skin goose bumped in the cool night air.

With a smile, Toren pulled her towards him, and their lips met, hot and hungry.

Magsi looked at Toren, then down at herself. She was wearing her shirt again. ‘I feel like time has skipped and there are things missing’.

‘You’re right,’ said Toren. ‘It’s very strange.’

‘I feel kind of satisfied and wanting a cuddle.’

‘That’s…good? I think?’

Magsi nodded hesitantly. ‘I guess so.’ She sighed. ‘I suppose it’s played merry hell with the word count.’

‘Toren looked at her, clearly puzzled. ‘What’s a word count?’

‘I’m not sure why I said that, but…’ She looked at him, a haunted look in her eyes. ‘Are we just characters in a story?’

‘Who have been censored,’ said Toren.

Magsi frowned. ‘So some fool author just made me frown?’

Toren chuckled. ‘I think he is making me laugh too.’

Magsi shuddered involuntarily. ‘This is very strange.’

A cat slinked from behind a bush and approached the campfire.

‘Hello puss-cat,’ said Magsi, bending down to scratch the feline behind its ear.

‘Meow,’ it said.

‘Now, where did you come from?’

‘Imagination. I’m a narrative cat,’ said the cat, surprising them with its ability to talk.

‘And I’m a he, not an it,’ he said.

‘Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m surprised,’ said Toren.

‘What is going on?’ demanded Magsi.

‘Ah, this narrative has arisen because the Author, hallowed be his name, has run out of ideas for the story he was telling.’

‘Did you just praise the author?’

‘I had to. He’s writing me too,’ said the cat testily.

‘Why does he not just stop writing?’ asked Toren.

‘Yes, because this is very annoying,’ said Magsi. ‘I’m pretty sure we were supposed to be having a good time earlier, but we keep skipping the good bits.’

‘Yes, well. He needed words and didn’t check the entry criteria for the challenge,’ said the cat.

‘I see,’ said Toren, even though he had no idea what the cat was on about.

The cat, seeing he needed to spell things out, sniffed and said, ‘He has to write fifty thousand words by the end of the month, and he’s stuck on the main story. '

‘Then why did he cut words out?’ Magsi resented missing out on whatever Toren and she had got up to.

‘Ah. He wrote some filthy stuff. Unfortunately, anything too graphic is not allowed.’ The cat executed a passable approximation of a shrug. ‘So here we are, discussing narrative arcs and word count.’

Magsi glowered at the sky, as if she could see the author looking down on her. ‘Shouldn’t he just write what he knows - what he’s interested in?’

‘Exactly,’ said the cat, ‘Hence the spicy filth.’

‘I’m not sure how I feel about that,’ said Toren.

‘And that’s because he isn’t sure how you feel about that either.’

‘You know, I’m going off you, cat,’ said Magsi.

‘How do you think I feel? At least you have an existence outside of this bizarre meta-conversation. I don’t even have a name.’ The cat’s tail flicked from side to side in annoyance.

‘Then we should give you one,’ said Magsi.

‘That would be nice, thank you.’

‘How about Mittens?’ said Toren.

‘No,’ said the cat.

‘This seems to be all about writing. How about Quill?’ said Magsi.

‘Now that is better. Quill the narrative cat.’ Quill’s tail stopped twitching.

‘It has a certain ring to it,’ said Toren.

‘How long is the author going to keep this up, do you think?’ wondered Magsi.

‘As long as is needed. Theoretically, it could go on for another eighteen thousand words or so, as that is how many he has left to write for this stupid challenge,’ said Quill.

They looked at each other in silence, the seconds ticking by as they wrestled with the concept of their predicament.

Toren’s stomach broke the spell by grumbling loudly.

‘Will we get lunch?’ he asked.

‘You can probably call out for a delivery,’ said Quill.

‘Call out? You mean shout for food?’ said Magsi.

‘No. I think if you write your order on a scrap of paper, put it in a bottle, then throw it into the river, that should work.’

‘Crazy,’ said Toren.

Magsi rummaged around in her pack and pulled out a pencil and paper.

‘I didn’t know you had pencils in Asterland,’ said Quill.

‘Neither did I,’ said Magsi.

‘Convenient,’ said Toren.

Magsi squinted at the pencil. ‘It has “plot device HB” written on it.’

‘Ah, I see. At least he is honest with his inserted objects,’ said Quill.

‘Let’s decide what we want while he goes and writes some of the actual novel,’ suggested Magsi.

Toren agreed, and they began to think about food.

Some time later, they finished the list and popped the rolled-up note into a bottle that they conveniently found by the fire.

Toren drew back his arm and threw it as hard as he could. It landed in the water with a loud splash, and they watched it bob away until it disappeared around a bend in the river.

‘Now what?’ said Magsi.

‘You wait,’ said Quill.

‘I don’t want to alarm you, but have you seen Calem or Gerain recently?’ said Toren.

‘Oh, you won’t see them here,’ said Quill.

‘Why not? We only made camp here this evening,’ said Magsi.

‘He’s forgotten about them. Can’t be bothered to write more dialogue for them, let alone any description.’ Quill licked his paw.

‘He was quick enough to write the smut,’ said Toren.

Quill stopped licking his paw and looked at Toren. ‘Well. I can’t say I can comment on that.’

‘Why not?’ asked Magsi.

‘I just can’t, so stop asking,’ said Quill. He sounded nervous.

‘Okay. Sorry I asked.’

‘Anyway, I think he is feeling a little better now. He may even make this weird little story within a story more interesting for you,’ said Quill.

‘By interesting, I hope you don’t mean dangerous,’ said Toren.

‘Well, I can’t promise that. At least you won’t be stuck next to this campfire, wondering what it is you’ve missed out on.’

‘I was wondering about that, actually,’ said Magsi.

‘There was a lot of squelching and grunting. The readers don’t really need to read about that,’ said Quill.

‘Let’s not dwell on it,’ said Toren.

Magsi sighed. ‘Okay then Quill. What do you have for us?’

The cat seemed relieved that they had changed the subject.

‘What about lunch. When does that arrive?’ asked Toren, who was nothing if not single-minded.

‘Around about now,’ said Quill, nodding at the river.

Floating along the river was a small raft. On the raft were a couple of small boxes.

‘Best catch it before it floats past,’ said Quill helpfully.

‘This is a strange way for a food delivery to arrive,’ said Magsi.

‘At least it won’t expect a tip,’ said Toren as he waded out to the raft. He grabbed the two boxes and came back to the riverbank, throwing the boxes to Magsi before climbing back out of the river.

Magsi opened a packet.

‘Wow. Dry ham sandwiches,’ she said in an unimpressed voice. ‘We didn’t order this.’

‘Ah, yes. I’m afraid you’ll get those no matter what you order,’ said Quill.

‘Better than nothing,’ said Toren as he ripped his packet open.

‘So what now?’ asked Magsi.

‘Well, he has started writing this again. That means he is on a hard bit,’ said Quill.

‘So now we get to go somewhere?’

‘Yeah. Look, there’s a door.’ The cat nodded behind her.

And sure enough, there was a door. It was just there, a frame containing a wooden door.

‘Well, that doesn’t lead anywhere,’ said Magsi.

‘Bet it does,’ said Toren, speaking with his mouth full of sandwich.

‘He is right, of course,’ said Quill.

‘Then where? Where does it lead?’ demanded Magsi, her tone indignant.

The cat’s tail swished. ‘That would be telling. Also, I don’t know.’

‘What do you think, Toren?’ asked Magsi.

There was no reply. Toren had vanished.

‘Toren? Where are you?’ Magsi spun around, scanning the surrounding area several times, but the man was nowhere to be seen.

‘This is awkward,’ said Quill.

‘Why?’

‘Toren just died in the main narrative.’

Magsi looked at the cat, stunned and, it had to be said, disbelieving. ‘Was I there?’

‘Yes. And you were quite upset about it.’

‘Of course I was upset! I’m upset now,’ said Magsi.

‘You shouldn’t be. I mean - he is only using me and you as a sideshow while his subconscious considers the storyline.’

‘And that works does it?’ asked Magsi.

‘Sometimes. But not yet this time,’ admitted Quill.

‘Ah, I see. We are just padding his word count.’

Quill seemed a little embarrassed. ‘Yes.’

‘So, he has got nothing for us here, apart from that unexplained door, and this pointless conversation.’ This was a statement, not a question.

‘No,’ admitted Quill. ‘Although, in his defence, he is about to write a big confrontation with the undead emperor. No, wait, I think the emperor is—’

Quill winced. ‘That was yesterday’s version.’

‘I don’t care where or what the emperor is. I care where Toren is,’ said Magsi.

‘I told you—’

‘Yes, yes. He’s dead in the main narrative. But this’, Magsi thrust a finger forcefully downwards, ‘as you have previously pointed out, is not the main narrative.’

Quill’s whiskers twitched. ‘Perhaps.’

‘Perhaps?’

‘Perhaps it is time for you to go through the door,’ said Quill.

‘It is? Will Toren be there?’

‘Perhaps,’ said Quill.

Magsi let out a short snort of exasperation. ‘And are you coming with me?’ She held up a hand, forestalling a reply. ‘Let me guess - perhaps.’

Quill shook his head slowly. ‘No. It is time for me to… disappear.’

And Quill grinned a wide grin that may or may not have been seen in other stories. Then, he slowly faded out until all that was left was his grin, which finally vanished with a pop, leaving Magsi alone.

She stepped through the door.