Driftwood

“And who do you imagine will come to rescue you from this desolate little town, dear?”

“My future husband, duh!” she retorted. It had always been the same answer.

“Good gracious, Cassandra.” A mirthless laugh escaped from the woman across from her, “I sure wish I shared the same assurance in the future.” She sighed, taking a sip from her tea. “But I’ve never been one for fruitless fantasies. The charming notion that life will sort itself out if you simply wish hard enough belongs in the same realm as unicorns and fairies - delightful, but hardly dependable.”

That condescending, self righteous bitch.

Cassie slammed the café door on her way out onto the bustling street, the salty air stinging her already wet eyes. Checking her phone for any missed messages, her chest tightened, as it always did, when she saw her notification tab was blank.

No texts, no calls, no one.

Ever since her friendship with Rosa had ended, she’d been half expecting her old friend to reach out with an apology or even a simple check in, anything to sweep it all under the carpet.

So with an empty phone and even emptier belly, Cassie headed towards the shore. It was a gorgeous day, too spectacular to waste on sour mothers and absent friends.

But her mind soon betrayed her and despair filled her stomach as she went back to the last time she saw Rosa.

“How could you shut me out like this!”

When her friend had met a kind, handsome and wealthy man, Cassie couldn’t have been happier! But soon after the engagement was announced, Cassie began to feel like Rosa was leaving her out. Missing brunches, skipping pilates, various excuses for the lack of invitation to Sunday dinners.

Rosa said she was just busy - there was lots of wedding planning involved and new family members she was getting acquainted with. Cassie didn’t believe it, she only felt herself being pushed out. When Rosa did not elect Cassie as her maid of honor, or to be any bridesmaid at all, she saw red.

Shaking the recollection away, Cassie stomped down the main street of the town and bopped along to the metal song that had been stuck on repeat in her head all week. Taking a left down a quieter laneway lined with stalls leading towards the beach, she inhaled the coastal air. “Good fucking morning!” Her smile stretched across her face like she didn’t have a care in the world.

“Morning, Cass.” The gentleman behind a newspaper stand continued tapping on his phone as she passed. They all knew her, heard her. She was part of the town.

Exiting the laneway, she dug into her bag for her sunglasses only to find a pair with no lenses. “They’ll do.” she murmured while putting them on. Still squinting as she approached the golden sand, she took in all the beach goers. Tanned bodies, bright bikinis and some muscly surfers heading in from the water.

Maybe she’d find her husband at the beach today - maybe he’d be rich and a lawyer too.

“But you said I was your friend!”

The memory rang in her ears as she slid out of her shoes and soaked in the sparkling horizon ahead.

“Hello, Cassandra.” A strong looking woman slid up to her in bright yellow and red clothing. Surf patrol.

“Well, how do you do Captain!” She saluted.

“I hope you’re not here to cause trouble today.” She peered at Cassie over the top of her sunglasses.

A stern but fair warning.

“Not at all, ma’am,” Feigning shock, Cassie pressed a hand to her chest, “I wouldn’t dare!” She giggled.

A sigh escaped the senior lifeguard, “I know the suspension has now been lifted since the last… incident. But that doesn’t mean we can have any repeats. Understood?”

Cassie’s chest tightened, a wave of guilt washed over her. “Understood, ma’am.” Saluting the woman once more, she headed off to the secluded rocky end of the beach. Less people meant less trouble.

There was a time, long ago, when Cassie used to spend countless afternoons on this beach with her friends- or so she thought they were. It didn’t matter anyway, it was nice to spend time around other girls. Even if they made her do stupid things and said it was more fun when Cassie swam in the water by herself. She didn’t mind. It was a first just to be included in the first place. She hadn’t known what it was like to have friends until she entered middle school.

Since then only a handful of people had come and gone. All ending similar to Rosa. Hurt and angry most of the time, Cassie knew someone was out there for her. They’d come to rescue her eventually. She really hoped it would be a rich, successful husband since her experience with girlfriends hadn’t proven successful.

“But you said I was your friend.”

Her mother didn’t care, she was too busy immersing herself into Cassie’s “normal” sisters’ lives. They’d all cast her aside long before she even started school. Cassie was unmistakably unloved and misunderstood. For now.

My future husband is coming. Half jokingly, half not, she thought about her Prince Charming. Will he know where to find her? Maybe he’s already searching but has got lost?

Dropping her bag on the rocks and checking she’s out of view in the crooked rock formations, she stripped off. It was her favourite place to get some sunshine and feel as one with the earth, salt and sea. A meditative ritual.

The rock welcomed her flesh with a burning kiss and uncomfortable jabs down her back. Her naked flesh glowed in the sunlight. One with the earth, salt and sea. Her mind became blank once more. Until…

“How could you shut me out like this!” She seethed in front of a group of unfamiliar, shocked faces in the pink and white shop. “You can’t ignore me like this, Rosa!”

Mortified, with a red rash crawling across her chest, Rosa stood above the shocked woman, while sporting a silky white gown, “Cassie, please leave. You are not welcome here today.” Her eyes thick with fear but she held her gaze at the woman who had just crashed her wedding dress fitting.

“But you said I was your friend!” Now openly sobbing despite the audience, Cassie poured everything out.

“We were friends, Cass, but you inserted yourself where it’s not appropriate.” Looking more sympathetic than before, she gingerly stepped down from the podium and tried to reason, “You cannot show up to people’s houses inviting yourself over to dinner, or to a pilates class which you don’t attend, or at a restaurant...” Her voice broke, “.with my fiancé, it’s just not normal!”

Pulling her pitiful self upright, Cassie locked eyes with Rosa once more. “But you said I was your friend.” Her voice was barely a whisper. Why did it always end up like this?

Rosa slowly nodded, horrified but concerned, she looked past the distraught woman as two large men flanked her estranged neighbour.

Ex-neighbour. Cassie was never told Rosa’s new address but she had showed up anyway.

Rosa silently thanked one of her real friends for having the sense to call the police. She cursed at herself for not listening to their warnings either. They all knew she wasn’t well.

It had to be for the last time.

The rain tasted like salt, or maybe it was her tears, it was hard to tell anymore. Cassie didn’t flinch when the first cold drops landed on her bare arms. The sky had gone the color of old bruises, and the wind kept snapping at her hair, but she stayed planted on the rock, like she was part of it. She must have fallen asleep again. But she couldn’t hear the lifeguards or anyone calling her this time.

Not moving a muscle, She thought about her mother, the clipped tone, the tidy way she folded her napkin at the café, the tiny smirk when she said fruitless fantasies. Cassie wondered if she’d even notice if she were gone for good. Probably not.

The sea swept across the rocks and crept closer, foam licking her feet. She watched the ripples drag away bits of seaweed, small shells, and a cigarette butt. Everything gets carried somewhere else eventually. Maybe that’s all she was waiting for. To be carried.

When the waves crept to her waist, she still didn’t move. Her fingers numb, she couldn’t tell if she was shivering or if her body had just forgotten how to care.

“Any time now,” she murmured to the air. Her voice, swallowed by the wind.

The water pulled harder. Cassie thought about how quiet it would be under there, how soft.

Her bag, clothes and sunglass frames drifted past her.

The tide rose, her eyes closed, and she let herself be tugged toward the edge just a little.

For a moment, she imagined arms around her, holding her steady, pulling her up, Rosa’s, her mother’s, Prince Charming’s or even the strong arms of the woman lifeguard. But when her eyes opened again, they were met with the grey sea stretching forever.

Cassie exhaled, slow and peaceful. No one is coming.

And then she went.

Just another piece of driftwood the tide took quietly away.