Ghost in the Window

I live in Mary’s garden shed with my mom. After you walk into the shed you climb the ladder and that’s the loft where we live. Mary said there used to be holiday decorations here and she moved them so we could have more room. There isn’t enough space to sit up without bumping my head on the roof part. We have an air mattress to sleep on, but it leaks even though Mommy used lots of duct tape on it.

We both have our own blanket. My blanket has rainbows and also there are knots that make fringy edges that I like to tickle on my cheek to help me go to sleep. Mommy’s blanket is only a gray rectangle. It doesn’t have any designs or fringe on it. She used to have a pillow that she shared with me when she was at work, and that was so comfortable! Then it got wet and moldy because there was a leak in the roof. Mommy had to throw it out. Sometimes she remembers about it and gets mad all over again at me.

My blanket also got moldy. I wanted to throw it out, too, but Mommy said I would be awfully cold without my blanket so I changed my mind. The mold is only on one of the fringy edges and one corner so I always put that side by my feet so that I can’t accidentally breathe it in. I’m scared of getting mold in my lungs.

Mary uses the bottom part of the shed for all of her garden stuff. The biggest rule in the shed is “Don’t Touch Anything on the Shelves!” That’s because everything is very dangerous, like the poisons and sharp tools.

I had to wear all of my clothes all of the time when we first moved here because it was always really cold and rainy. Mommy works at nighttime and it was extra hard to stay warm by myself. Most mornings I woke up shivering while it was still dark. I can see out the window if I climb on top of the potting table. I used to sit there and watch for her with my teeth chattering so hard I thought they might break.

When she finally came home we would go back to bed and sleep close to each other to be warmer. Mommy needed her sleep because she worked all night long. If I make too much noise Mommy throws her shoe at me and yells, “Silence!”

She mostly misses me because I am really good at dodging, but sometimes if she throws the shoe if I accidentally make a noise then I am too surprised to dodge. I always practice being so silent like a ghost. I always tiptoe and I always never bump into stuff. I like to pretend that I am invisible.

Mommy’s shoes are very beautiful but they are also very sharp. My favorite shoes are pink and very, very sparkly. I can’t wear them without tipping over because they have very long heels that Mommy said are called “stilleto” and they are very poky. One time I was sitting on the floor and I thought I was very quiet. I was only practicing my name in the dust on the shed floor, but then Mommy yelled, “Silence!” and I jumped but didn’t dodge her shoe fast enough.

The pointy part poked my cheek really hard and I said, “Ow!” When I touched my cheek there was a little bit of blood on my fingers. I started to cry by accident and I tried really hard to make it stop. I closed my mouth very hard to keep my cry noises inside my throat. I was still too loud and Mommy threw her other shoe at me and I didn’t see it because I closed my eyes so tight to stop making tears. That shoe hit me on top of my nose and it hurt the worst even though it didn’t bleed like my cheek did.

I ran outside even though it was raining. The yard was still more brown than green and everything was very wet. I went into the bathroom and I sat on the potty hole but I didn’t need to go. The bathroom was not very leaky and so I stayed there until it was dark and Mommy went to work.

I mostly just sit on the potting table and watch the raindrops on the window since outside was boring. I pretend the drips are racing each other. I try to guess which ones would get to the bottom of the window first. It seemed like it never stopped raining.

The first time I saw Mary through the window was the happiest day! She was wearing a bright pink floppy sunhat even though it was still a little bit cold and rainy. Everything was better after Mary started gardening. It’s a lot more sunny every day. I don’t have to wear lots of layers anymore. Now I watch out the window for the pink hat every morning instead of waiting for Mommy to come home. And I play outside now so that Mommy can sleep without me being a brat and waking her up all the time.

The first day that I saw Mary I was so excited that I almost fell when I was jumping off the table. I ran up to her and said, “Hi! Who are you? Do you live here? What are you doing? I like your hat!”

Mary’s mouth had made a tight line. It wasn’t a smile, but it wasn’t an angry face, either. Now I know that’s the face she makes when I’m being good. If I’m being bad she makes a very, very angry face and I have to go back to the shed and only watch her through the window..

Mary is the same every single day. She always wears her pink, floppy hat. She always works in the garden every morning until her watch beeps. Mary has some rules that are the same as Mommy, like don’t touch stuff and I have to be quiet when I am watching her, and some rules that are different like stay away from the patio. Mary never changes her rules and I don’t have to be very careful because her rules are easy to remember. Mommy makes new rules and sometimes she forgets to tell me. I used to have to be very quiet when she was sleeping and now I have to be very silent because Mommy throws shoes when I am breathing too loud.

I don’t have to be silent when I am with Mary, just only very quiet. Mary never yells at me and never throws things at me even if I accidentally break a rule. She only gives me an angry look that means, “Go away and stop bothering me.”

Mommy yells all the time. She says she is talking normal, but her talking sounds like yelling to my ears. She always yells at me that she isn’t yelling. It is very hard to stay silent when Mommy is sleeping, but when Mommy is awake I only want to go away from her. She always tells me the bad things that I do that makes her not like me very much and she says “sorry” isn’t good enough because I still keep being bad.

I love the sunshine and I hope it never rains anymore! Mommy only comes out of the shed at nighttime to go to work. Mary comes outside every morning and we always spend the whole time together and it is always so much fun! My favorite is when I get to be a helper, like when Mary tells me to turn on the hose or bring her a bucket. One time I asked her if she wanted me to turn on the hose for her but she gave me a very angry face and I knew I broke the “be quiet” rule and I only could watch from the window that day.

I always feel a little bit sad when Mary’s watch beeps. Even though Mary is too busy to play with me I still have more fun playing when I’m not by myself. I feel lonely and I really miss Mary a lot in the afternoon. Is she inside the house or did she go in the back door and out a different door? The fence is all made of wood and really high. I can’t reach the top even when I stand on the compost bin. Sometimes I put my ear on the fence and close my eyes really hard so that I can open my ears more, but it’s always only quiet.

Today is a little bit happier because Mommy left a takeout box on the potting table. Her job gives her one free meal. When she can’t eat it all she shares with me. I’m not allowed to touch the box until lunchtime. Mommy says if I eat it for breakfast then I would be hungry again at lunch so I have to wait.

My tummy was growling as soon as I saw it. I tried to guess all morning what it might be — usually part of a cheeseburger or chicken strip and a few french fries. On leftovers days I always have a picnic outside. I like to sit on the ground with my front facing the shade and my back soaking up the sun. So even though I was still a little bit sad when Mary’s watch beeped, I was also happy for Picnic Day.

I’m surprised because Mommy is awake. I’m looking for my food but the box is open and empty.

“What’s your problem?”

“Did you eat my food?”

“Your food? Oh, excuse me, but did you work all night or did I?”

“I thought it was for me.”

“Yeah, well, then you should have eaten it. It was just sitting there and I didn’t want it to go to waste.”

“It wasn’t! I was going to have a picnic!”

“Ha, picnic! Must be nice, while I’m working my ass off to take care of you. Maybe I shouldn’t bring any leftovers home anymore since you don’t appreciate it.”

“I do appreciate it, though. I’m just hungry.”

“If you weren’t hungry enough to eat it earlier than that’s on you. I only get one meal a day while you get to spend all your time picnicking in the all-you-can-eat garden buffet. Go eat some carrots or whatever. I’m going back to sleep. Get the hell out of here; I’m sick of looking at you.”

I’m walking through Mary’s garden to see if the raspberries are ripe yet. It’s true I can pick as much food as I want to eat, but a bite of cheeseburger feels different in my tummy than a hundred fruits and vegetables. The berries are still whitish-pink and hard, but I don’t know what else I want to pick. I really want a french fry.

But someone is coming out of the house! It isn’t Mary, though, because she isn’t — wait, yes, it is Mary! She’s not wearing her pink, floppy hat. And then a whole bunch of children poured outside behind her and I can’t understand what anybody is saying because they are all talking at the same time. Their talking sounds like yelling, but not in the same way that Mommy’s does. They are happy-yelling? They are so loud that I thought there were more children, but I can see now that there are three.

Everybody is yelling but also very smiley and not mad.

And now I smell french fries. Another woman comes outside with her arms filled up with brown paper bags that the children are grabbing away from her. They all get quieter when they sit at the patio table and dump out their bags — french fries! And a bunch of paper-wrapped bundles are getting passed around. One of the girls unwraps her bundle and it is a whole cheeseburger! I can feel my stomach growling now and it won’t stop. Should I just go up there?

“Mom! Are those people still here?”

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think she would bother us. Yes, they’re still here but only the mom and her.”

“Grandma? Who is she?”

“Never mind, sweetie. Just eat your food.”

“Can she eat with us, too? And play with us, too?”

“Yeah, Mom, I feel really bad. We can’t just sit here eating in front of her. Should I offer her a burger?”

“No! No, don’t do that. If you start feeding them they’ll never leave.”

One of the girls who was my size waved and smiled, “Hi! Do you want to play with us?”

I am so happy! I wave back and I start running to her, but then I look at Mary and freeze. Mary has a very angry look on her face.

That means I’m being bad.

Everybody is looking at me now, but only Mary has the angry face that means I have to go away back to the shed.

“Why did she stop? Where is she going?”

“She’s going home now. Just finish eating. Don’t worry about her. After lunch will you guys help me harvest crops from my garden?”

“Yeah!”

Mommy is asleep so I need to make sure that I’m extra quiet when I climb onto the potting table. Mary and her grandchildren and the other lady spend the entire afternoon in the garden together. They are happy-yelling, laughing, and even screaming but nobody looks scared.

I sit very silently on the potting table, pretending that I am an invisible ghost, and watch them through the window until the sun is setting and they all go into Mary’s house together.