King-Size Candy Bar

"Eheheheheheheheheheheh." fluttered out of thin strips of fabric over Charlie's lips.

"What the hell was that?" Jimmy spat out between his fangs.

"Eheheh, sorry, ” he said, squinting through three layers of wrapped cloth. I laugh when I’m nervous."

"But why did it sound like that? " he said and waved his cape over his face.

"I don't know. Ehheheheheheehhe–Can we go?"

"No, my older brother told me this house hands out king-size candy bars, and I’m getting one."

"But, but there's not one other kid on this street. Ehehehehehehe, I think your brother is messing with you.

“Dude, that sound, stop it.”

Charlie pointed with his linen finger, “Look, they don't have a light on or pumpkins sitting out.”

“You need to get a grip, Charlie. Are you calling my brother a liar?”

“No, but but.”

“Look, if we don't get candy, we will just ding dong ditch them.”

“Noway, they probably have cameras.”

Geez, Charlie,” he hissed through his canines. “You're a mummy and I’m Dracula, they won't know who we are.”

“Ehehehehehehehehe.”

“If you do that again, I will bite you.”

They stood in front of the moonlit, crusty house and began to shuffle up the walkway of dead leaves. Each step crackled on the brown-and-orange carpeted yard.

Crunch crunch crunch.

A cloud came in and smothered out their only light source.

Crunch crunch.

“Ehehe.”

Jimmy whipped around and flashed his sharp teeth at Charlie. “I think the door is open.”

“I wawawa- want to go.”

Jimmy pulled out a glow stick and snapped it. He gave it a shake and tossed it onto the gray porch.

The green light rod bounced and twirled on the rotted wood until resting between two bare feet. A lady in a nightgown picked it up and lifted it up to a doll she cradled. “Goo goo gaa gaa,” she gurgled.

Jimmy's plastic teeth popped out.

“Eheheheheh.”

Crunchcrunch crunch crunchcrunch crunch.

“EHehehehehehehehheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh”

“Charlie?” he looked back to see a sack of candy where his friend was.

“Goo goo gaa gaa.”

Crunch crunch crunch.

“Goo goo gaa gaa.”

Jimmy's pointy latex ears perked. “Forget it, I’m out of here.” He took off like a bat out of hell.

When he arrived home, his brother stood in the kitchen with a shit grin. “How's that king-sized bar?”

“Not funny, Mike.” He gave his brother a stink eye and tossed his sack of candy on the table.

Mike lifted the bag and dumped the treasure out. “Did you get anything good?”

“Noway, you don't get any. If you want candy, you can go to that house and get Charlie's. He dropped his and ran.”

“The whole bag is just sitting there?” He chuckled, “What a wimp, let's go get it.”

“I'm not going back there.”

“Come on, we’ll split it.”

Jimmy ripped open a piece of chocolate and took a bite. “I don't care if it is Halloween, that lady standing there with a doll freaked me out.”

“Huh? No one has lived there for years. Not since the daycare was shut down for the cruelty to the children. They put that lady into a mental institution.

“Then who was that?”

“Nice try, dingbat.” Mike snagged a fun-sized bar from the pile. You can't spook me.”

“Fine, we split it, and I’m standing on the sidewalk while you can grab his bag.

“It's a deal.” They shook on it.

When they arrived, a flickering light pulsated over the porch, and Charlie's pouch sat next to the closed door.

“There was no light before.”

That's weird,” Mike said and took a step onto the crunchy walkway. “This place has no electricity.”

“Whatever, just grab the candy and let's go.”

“Awwww, is the pup scared?”

“Huh?”

“That's what a baby bat is called.” Mike giggled, “See you on the dark side.”

Crunch crunch crunch.

He picked up the bag and looked back at Jimmy with a smile.

The light bulb popped.

“Goo Goo Gah gah.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

“Mike?”

A break from the clouds let the soft moonlight spill onto the empty porch.

“M M M-Mike”

“Help– Eheheheheheheheheheh!”

“Charlie?”

Jimmy grabbed another glow stick from his pocket. He snapped it and gave it a shake as

he scurried over to a side window. He glared through the years of caked-on dust. Charlie's bag

of treats was tipped over and spread across the wooden floor.

A muffled “Ehehehehehe.” came from an open window on the second level. Jimmy climbed up a decaying lattice to take a look. He bit onto the green light and stuck his head in the opening.

Bang. The lady hit Jimmy on the head with her doll, knocking him out.

His eyes opened to a neon lime hue illuminating the room. He tried to stand, but his hands were tethered to a rod.

Jimmy, you okay?” Mike asked.

“I think so. What happened?”

“Ehehhe, she hit you with her doll. She got us all with it. Now we're tied inside these old baby cribs.”

“Charlie, I thought you ran away?”

“I came back for my candy and I got wacked.”

“What is all over your face?”

“Chocolate,” Charlie said.

“She keeps coming in here and jamming candy in our mouths,” Mike said as he wiped his chin. “Here she comes.”

“Goo goo gah gah,” she gargled, and jammed a Snickers into Charlie's mouth. “It's nap time, my sweeties,” she thrusted a Milky Way into Mike's kisser.

“Help,” Jimmy shouted.

“Shhhhhhhh, you little twat” the lady growled and stuffed a butter finger into his oral cavity.

The chocolate began to melt and leak out of the corner of his lips. A brown saliva goop dropped onto his bare legs. He looked down to see he had nothing on but a diaper.

“After nap time, I will freshen you all up. Get you out of those diapers so you're nice and clean for when your parents arrive to pick you up,” she placed the doll in an empty crib and shuffled out of the room.

All three boys spat out the candy pacifiers.

Why are we in diapers? He said with a shiver. Where are my clothes?”

“Eheheheheeh, she thinks we're babies or something. At least she didn't unwrap my costume thanks to my double knots.”

“I think I can get loose,” Mike said as he fidgeted with his restraints.

“Really? Hurry—”

“Quiet,” The lady yelled as she entered the room. “I said it's nap time. My house, my rules. She shoved three more bars into their mouths. “If I come back in here, there will be hell to pay.”

“I’m free,” Mike whispered and hopped out of the tiny prison. He waddled over to the other two in his makeshift high-rise cotton shorts and loosened their nylon cuffs. “Let's get out of here.”

They ran to the window and began to climb down. Mike was first, followed by Jimmy.

“Ooffff- ehehehehe she's got me.”

They looked up to see Charlie dangling vertically halfway up. Her hands stuck out of the window with a tight grip of his gauze wrap.

“I said it's nap time,” she howled.

He began to unravel and spun to the ground like a yo-yo.”Eh-eh-eh-he.”

Jimmy and Mike grabbed Charlie's hands and dragged him out to the street.

The front door slammed open, and their heads shot up to the abandoned dwelling.

“Bad boys,” she yelled with her fist, “Wait until your parents hear what you did, you ungrateful bastards.” The door thumped closed.

They stood speechless. Not even a nervous chuckle out of Charlie as chocolate ran down their torsos and onto their diapers. The three boys looked at each other with an unspoken understanding that this never happened and made their silent journey home.