The Fluorescent Afternoon

Eve sat under the warm glow of hundreds of fluorescent lights. The office was busy, with the constant sound of clicking keyboards, phone calls, and printers.

Eve sat at her desk which she normally kept tidy but today was a cluster of crumpled sticky notes. She glanced at her phone. No messages.

She sat, trying to compose an email to a colleague but was having trouble focusing. She had messaged her boyfriend Tyler twice, but had received no reply.

Tyler had spent the better part of the last few months living at her apartment, watching movies or playing video games with her late into the night. Normally he lingered in the mornings, having coffee with her before they left for work but this morning he was gone when she woke up.

Bbzzzzz. Bbzzzzz. Her phone buzzed into the desk and she grabbed at it with reflexes she didn’t know she had.

I don’t think we should hang out anymore. I’ll get the rest of my stuff while you’re at work. Sorry I didn’t know how to tell you.

Eve’s heart sank into the pit of her stomach. She reads the words again—slowly this time.

I don’t understand. I thought things were going well. She didn’t know what to say.

Hanging out with you was fun, I’m just not into you romantically, and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.

Eve stares at the message. How could she have gotten the wrong idea after having been practically inseparable for the past 4 months?

I just don’t understand. It’s as if repetition of the same text would make the situation more clear.

I like you, just not in the way you like me. I knew from the first time we hung out it was never going to work out like that.

From the first time?

They had so much in common. The first time they hung out they stayed together for 6 hours. Playing at the park with Eve’s dog, followed by dinner at a local restaurant. That evening was followed by almost nightly adventures to new restaurants in the city, and nights where they sat cuddled together watching movies late into the night. They had even gone away together to a neighboring city, spending the weekend at a hotel.

In every memory Eve had assumed their relationship was progressing. At this point she had assumed they were together. A couple.

Her chest pounded. Her breathing became shallow. Her hands started to have a slight shake. She puts the phone down and tried to focus on her email.

According to Tyler, they were just “hanging out”. Something friends did. But all those nights cuddled together on the couch followed by intimate evenings—that’s not how friends behaved.

Why did you spend so much time with me? She picks the phone up without realizing. Her thoughts continue to spin. Why did you spend the night with me?

To see if you were different.

Eve’s thoughts swirl. She puts the phone down again.

She doesn’t know when she picked it up again, rereading everything in disbelief.

Her heart races.

Her vision starts to blur.

Every sound in the office begins to sound louder as her hearing sharpens.

She puts the phone down again, this time louder.

Eve’s heart finds its way from her stomach, and moves up into her throat.

She tries desperately not to throw up.

She puts her head down onto the desk as the cubicle walls begin to close in around her.

Eve chokes back tears.

Jessie, who works in the cubicle directly across from Eve’s, turns around. He’s been eyeing her ever since she started repeatedly putting her phone down—a little louder than she thought.

He pauses, not sure he should say anything when Eve begins to gasp for air.

He wheels his chair without getting up through the little walkway that separates them.

“Are you okay?” He asks, his voice barely louder than a whisper

“N—,” Eve tries to say no, but chokes on the word

“Just try to breathe,” he puts a hand on Eve’s shoulder “In, out, that’s right.”

Eve begins to rock back and forth in her chair.

He begins talking about the weather. His voice is soft, even.

Eve and Jessie have been working in cubicles near each other for the better part of 5 years, and have only exchanged small talk. Weather was his go-to. An easy topic.

After a short while Jessie stands, his chair rolling back a few inches away.

“Let’s get some air.” A gentle command rather than a suggestion. He leaves no room for refusal.

Eve wants to sit on the floor in the corner of her cubicle with her head between her knees. However she wipes the tears from her eyes and stands up. After a few steps forward she trips over a small bump in the carpet.

Her heart is pounding. She’s sure that everyone is looking at her as she and Jesse pass by their cubicles. Jesse seems unfazed.

Windows line the south wall of the office, giving way into a balcony. Eve stands at the door. For a moment she looks out. The hum of fluorescent lights can be heard under the audible phone calls her coworkers are making.

How can they carry on like nothing has happened? Eve wondered. As if this was a normal day for everyone but herself. Did nobody but Jesse notice her life was falling apart?

The door lets in a gush of air as it swings open. Something else Eve is convinced everyone has noticed.

Outside the sky is a clear blue, not a single cloud in sight.

Eve walks to the balcony railing followed by Jessie. He looks slightly uncomfortable, as if he’s unsure whether he should stay by her side any further, or if he should let her have a private moment.

She takes a large breath as the wind ripples through her hair.

Slowly, the tightness in her chest begins to fade.

Her hands begin to steady.

She begins to wrap her mind around the absurdness of modern dating.

She couldn’t believe all that she had invested into a relationship that never really existed.