Fantasy Fiction Teens & Young Adult

“Destiny comes today.” Her silver eyes opened, the words echoing in her head. The guides had finally spoken to her. For many years she had lingered, never speaking, lost in the gloomy, grey light of her room. She sat huddled in the corner, arms wrapped around her frail body, deep in thought or maybe meditating. The room was cold and damp. Old wallpaper hung from the walls, curling like the smoke from the small fire burning in a barrel in the center of the room. Her mind held wisdom that no one could fathom. Wisdom that could save the colony, and maybe the world.

Many years ago, the world had fallen quiet, and so had her guides. Once, she had been the Oracle that led the colony and helped to rebuild their world, but now she waited. Waited for the guides to end their slumber, and return to her. In the silence, she had been nearly driven mad, seeing the colony fail, not knowing how to help. In the beginning, the faithful had waited with her. Offerings and prayers had been left for her, but now, she had been mostly forgotten. As tradition, the youngest daughter of each family, upon reaching the age of seven, came to serve the Sister. Now, bringing little more than the necessary food and drink, it was their responsibility to keep the fire and be taught the stories of the past. And to hope.

The dawn broke slowly and the work began. Those who served made their way down the hall, the older girl leading the way, and the younger trailing behind her like a shadow. Both wore shifts of greying home-spun fabric. Their bodies thin and their eyes hollow. There weren't many of them left. Most of the faithful had given up on the Oracle speaking again, and some families even refused to send their daughters to serve. Now, these were the lost, the unwanted. It seemed appropriate that they be given the task of serving the forgotten.

“Is she awake?” Maya shuffled closer to Julia, the tray of food she carried growing heavy in her hands.

“Just take in the food, she won’t notice anyway, she never does.”

Maya took in a deep breath and walked slowly into the room. Her hair fell into her eyes as always, successfully creating a barrier between her and the rest, as well as hiding the burn scar that had marred half her face.

“Hello?” Her voice was shaking and quiet.

The figure in the corner did not move. Her head was lowered, the sound of her breathing, ragged and slow, seemed to fill up the room. Maya had heard rumors of the Sister who never spoke, but this was her first time actually being in her presence. She wasn’t exactly frightened, but her heart pounded in her chest loud enough that she was sure everyone could hear. Their first meeting. The faithful still hoped the Sister would speak to one of them. Maya knew it wouldn't be her. How could it be her, the disfigured daughter that no one wanted?

She squinted her eyes in the dim light trying to get a better look at the woman. Tears spilled from her eyes as the woman’s sadness washed over her. Her head was shorn, her hands long and slim. Her frame was gaunt and her arms wrapped around her shivering body. Was she simply cold in the chill morning, or was she holding herself together?

As she edged closer, Maya looked for a spot to put down the tray without spilling the small amount of soup and even smaller glass of milk, precious resources that could not be wasted. Setting down the tray on the worn cot, and picking up the rough blanket, she stole another glance at the woman. She took a step back when she saw the other-worldly silver eyes staring back at her. Captured by those eyes, and fighting the urge to run, Maya edged closer, holding out the blanket.

“Are…are you cold?” The grey blanket seemed to carry the weight of the world as she draped it around the woman. “I brought your food.” Voice barely above a whisper, Maya gestured toward the tray, still unable to break free of the woman’s gaze.

What is happening? Maya’s panic was building, and she felt like she was falling into a trap… or finding her destiny. Both thoughts were terrifying.

“Maya, hurry up! We have so many chores to do!”

“Shhhh… She’s, she’s looking!”

“No, she’s not. Why would she be looking at you anyway?”

“I’m not sure.” Try as she might, she could not seem to shift her gaze away from those eyes. They seemed to swirl and almost glow, even in the dim light. Entranced, Maya stepped closer.

Crystaline tears shimmered on the Sister’s pale face. Why is she crying? Overcome with unexpected emotion, Maya could feel tendrils of pain, seeming to spin out from the woman’s eyes, filling her mind with images, memories that were not hers, but somehow belonged to her. She swayed, her knees nearly giving out.

As Julia reached for the younger girl, Maya lowered herself before the silent woman. She reached out a shaking hand to wipe the tears from the pale cheek, feeling surprised at the heat she felt, and allowing her fingers to linger near the warmth.

“Maya, no!” Julia rushed forward. “We are never permitted to touch her!”

Julia’s stunned voice seemed to break the spell, and Maya was finally able to shift her eyes away. As she scrambled to her feet, her hair swung back, revealing the scars she had hidden away. The Sister whimpered, eyes wide as she touched her own cheek softly, wincing as though she could feel Maya’s pain, but how?

She started to back out of the room, Julia gripping her arm, urging her to move faster. She stopped in fear when she heard the sharp intake of breath coming from the woman in the corner. Without a meaning to, Maya hurried forward, reaching out her hand, helping the woman struggle to her feet.

“You’ve come at last,” the Silent Sister rasped. “You are the one, the chosen one, the one that will save us all.”

Posted Nov 23, 2025
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3 likes 2 comments

M.L. Rowlett
03:45 Dec 04, 2025

Hi, I’m from your matched Critique Circle. Not sure if the comment section is the place for this content but I didn’t see any other options. Okay, let’s do this. :)

From the start, I like the setup, I can picture it clearly. I’m interested in the colony’s customs, state of the world, and the mysterious guides. The depth of character in the youngest girl with the scars made me want to read more. There’s a defined time of day, place, culture setting, and big picture conflict. When bringing in objects, the note of the colony’s scarce resources was a nice touch. Or that the colony was well-off and didn’t care to honor tradition. I like the ending and that it was foreshadowed at the beginning. That sets up reader expectations in a fulfilling way. The descriptions of the Oracle were bone-chilling and vivid. You used the right ‘toward’ not many get that correct and instead add an ‘s.’ That’s another cause for celebration.

My advice (to listen to or ignore) is to take out the filler words to tighten the prose. For the dialogue, I’d be eager to have the heart of the characters shine through more. I was confused if it was the third person past tense POV narrator asking the questions or if they were from Maya’s head. Some of the character physicality could be written in more enticing ways. Consider having a physical exchange in response to a question being asked that’s not verbally answered. I’d like to know what memories Maya saw, to be immersed in them as the reader and better understand the Sister/Oracle. At times, I was confused when characters were addressed. On that note, passive voice can be made more active to push the story and help with pacing.

Overall, it was a great read. Your writing style inspires me to take a prompt and think in fresh and creative ways. Well done.

You took a leap of faith and entered the contest. It was nail-biting when I pushed “submit.” You are talented, creative, brave, and yearning to learn. Go you!

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Amy Hammond
23:35 Dec 04, 2025

Thank you so much for your reply, and great suggestions!! This is my first attempt at entering a contest, so your encouragement is particularly welcome, and will help me to improve.😊

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