Carved In Wood

My steps were slow and deliberate, as the dead leaves crunched under my feet. The fog was weighing heavily on my spirit. I slow my pace; it's been twenty years since I've been in these woods. The trees dance overhead, mocking and cruel, full of life. The path was almost fully gone, but I knew it by heart. After all this time, my legs were on autopilot as my eyes wandered around me. The greyscale was almost theatrical, the goosebumps on my arms danced, seeking attention. I followed the curve, the dirt path sinking beneath me as the ground anticipated every move. My anxiety was rising, matching the brisk air floating around me. A cool slicing breeze, I hadn't noticed before walking into the forest.

The sun was lost this deep in the woods; the rays barely snuck through. I noticed a familiar tree, the bark dull in its years, the broken trunk completely torn from its branch. A childish giggle caught my attention, as my best friend and I dangled recklessly from the thick branch. A smile threatened my lips but fell shortly after the tug. I keep walking into an open clearance, the trees parting around a small subtle homemade tombstone. A grey teddy bear holding stems that no longer had the pedals blooming in beauty. Patches of dirt danced around the bear, a small token in the hollow depths of the wilderness. My legs no longer moved on their own.

Every step growing sturdier than the last, the effort is taking a lot out of this middle-aged woman. That all too familiar giggle swarmed my head, the cackling joy throbbing into my temples with a damaging pitch. The noise is trying to escape through my flesh, crumbling me in front of the dingy teddy. My best friend's favorite toy stared me in my eyes. Tears threatened to spill over as I looked up to the faint, haunting scene in front of me.

“This should be our kingdom, and we shall be princesses.” Her voice carried on, the words curved, and the young girl grinned a wide, toothless smile. Her eyes met mine, an innocence I would never see after that day. The ghostly figure giggles once more, darting to the left, stopping near the tallest tree in the clearing. I push myself to my feet and grasp the teddy bear in my hand. The once fluffy and soft fur was matted and grainy on my fingers. I stand near the tree, walking around the wide waist, as the sun peers through. Torturingly so, the glow hums on the bark, the deep scratching more apparent in the wood,

“R + P.”

My fingers trace the ‘P’, a reminder that she was alive. That she was once living and breathing in front of me. The letters began to drip blood, a deep color staining the wood. I snatch my hands back from the rushing river flowing back into the clearing. Pooling over where her flower lay alone. The bear in my hand is burning frantically, wanting to return to such a sacred place. My feet stumbled backwards, before I could register, the giggle turning hauntingly dark in my mind. The fog slowly reached the space, the only area protected by its depressing steam. It circled me, threatening everything I had covered up. The memories I allowed to bury themselves deep within my mind, the memories I haven't allowed myself to touch in forever.

The air felt thick, constricting my breathing with every passing second. I shouldn’t be here; I shouldn't have come back to these damned woods.

“You aged.” A small voice broke through my degrading thoughts. My head turned in time to see Penny standing small and alive in the middle of the grass. The spot was flourishing with bright green grass, and the teddy disappeared from my hands. As she dropped hers from behind her back, holding him once as he also was. Her small feet danced around the middle of the grass, every step growing with her.

“I aged.” My voice broke through, and she looked up at me with that grin, that smile that meant everything was okay. Even when it shouldn't have been.

Her little eyes watched me in an adoration I was unsure I deserved, “This was our kingdom.”

“This was my kingdom…” I repeat softly, a shudder sending through my body. My legs were fighting to stand as they trembled at the sight of her.

“You look so beautiful.” I push the words out; my voice was hoarse. The girl merely smiled once more, “So do you.”

The pool of blood was growing as she watched me, her expression unchanging, the smile not wavering as the thick substance choked deep within my throat. I reached out for her, her giggle returning as I struggled, a deep weight pulling me to the bottom. I gasped deeply; a twig snapping snatched me out of the thunderous red waters. My head whipped around. Penny was gone, and her teddy sat untouched in the center of the field. I stood slowly, my entire body shaking as the scene introduced itself to me once more.

“Is this it, Raven?” a deep voice spoke to me. I turned to see the detective walking calmly toward me.

“This is it,” I say, nodding, my eyes refusing to part with the dead lily hugging the bear, “This is where I buried her.”

“After...” his voice trailed off.

“After I killed her,” the admission hung between us. I felt him tug my hands as he swept the cuffs around my wrist. He walked me backwards, the clearing zoomed outwards, Penny and I playing as she ran around me, her figure turned towards me, waving sweetly. Younger me watched, before turning to face me as well, the rock already hidden behind my back. A grin completely different from the one beside her. The detective swirled me around as the faint scream rung through the forest. The woods breathe around me, the bark shrinking with every step. Trapping me in a loop of torturous implication. This damned place. A place I never wanted to see again, but they knew. Everyone started to piece the puzzle together. It’s been twenty years since I've been in these woods.

His hands shoved me roughly into the back of the car, a little girl stepped out of the woods, covered in blood, frantically running towards the lake. I scanned my eyes over my clothes, the clothes probably fully submerged in the water after all these years, I finally allow that tear to fall, damn these woods.