Good and Mad

“Look, I think…have thought for a long time…that there is something wrong with Anna,” Fred confessed as they walked into the conference room.

Sylvia frowned, opened her notebook and said, “Wrong in what way? If you mean she’s a difficult person to work with, well don’t I know it.But coming from you it sounds like a diagnosis.”

“Not an official one.She has some major issues though.If she didn’t we wouldn’t be having this meeting. She’s become quite the liability don’t you think?” Fred sat opposite her. “I mean I guess we should hear her out, but I don’t have much patience for what she did. We have to protect ourselves.”

Sylvia played with her phone and looked thoughtful. “Maybe there is something that is going on with her. I’d never know since we don’t have that sort of relationship. I guess she must talk to her friends, but she’s always all business or all sarcasm with me.”

“That’s just it,” Fred said.“She doesn’t get any of my sympathy.She presumes she’s in control but it seems impossible for her to control her impatience. Imagine telling a client it’s their capricious decisions that made their project go south. Even if it’s true, you just don’t.”

***********

Anna could feel the rage and indignation emanating from the back of her hands as she lifted her pen and put it down on her notebook. She’d never had a poker face and was sure that every other person in the room could read her thoughts by glancing at her face. She wasn’t the type that blushed or bulged; nor did she become stoney and pale.Anna’s face contorted through the cycle or disbelief at being blindly called to a meeting that turned out to be an ambush and the outrage at the expectations that the others had for her to bow and apologize.

For what? A series of unfortunate events resulting in the supreme unhappiness of an erratic client. In hindsight she saw she’d been set up for failure. She had done her job too well for too long. She’d cleared hurdles that would have sidelined an inferior competitor. Using her brains, connections, creativity and moxie, Anna had done more for the client than anyone had. Now, she was further expected to bear the burden of their whimsey and grovel.

In a clarifying flash she now knew that the responsibility she’d been given and accepted, the amount of work she had done beyond her regular hours, and the pride she had in her ability to solve problems and create opportunities had become a gift to her supervisor. The operation was entrusted to her and now they said she had failed.

She’d spent the last half hour enumerating to the executive group the ways that not placing a scaffold of support behind her efforts had doomed them. Anyone else might have realized they were all waiting for her misstep. She had finally made it. Worse, they wanted her to be humbled. It wasn’t enough to have a mess that would have to be cleaned up, but they wanted Anna to capitulate.

Anna was good and mad.The phrase elicited times from her childhood when she had seen her mother, father or other members of the family zero in on the “good” part of righteous anger. It always meant that your mad was in the service of a larger injustice.Effecting you, but not about you…exactly. Sometimes it was quixotic, or delusional, but always there was a heartfelt belief that being mad was the only appropriate response.

Under the circumstances Anna tried to redirect the analysis of the problem to the broader issues.Characteristically, the others who wanted nothing more than to punish her or those who avoided their own responsibility kept directing the harm to her personal attributes. Finally, all Anna could do was monitor her explosion meter.If she wanted to continue in her job she needed to get out of the room. It took her saying no less than three times, “Are we done here?” before her supervisor took in Anna’s resolve not to bear the lash of self-recrimination.She’d not caused the situation so much as ridden it to the logical end.

Anna burst from the conference room and was on the sidewalk before her second breath. Stomping down the hill toward her office she seriously considered what else she could do with her life. She had promised her best friend she would not quit without calling her first. Anna reached in her bag and dug out her phone. It went to voicemail…now what?

**********

Laura placed her phone next to her on the lab table. She could easily see it over the top of her microscope. She knew it was against the rules, but she wasn’t working on anything that could be contaminated and the only other person in the lab was Rob. She had promised Anna she would be available for moral support in case she needed it. Something told Laura that she should be more careful so she turned down the phone’s buzzer and slipped it in her pocket. She still wasn’t sure she could trust Rob not to rat her out.

Just to make sure, Laura turned around to where Rob worked behind her at another lab table and said, “I though your group’s project wrapped up yesterday. What are you working on?”

Lifting one side of his earphone, he said, “Did you say something?”

“Just asking what you’re working on. I though you finished yesterday.”

“We did. I’m just running the last part of the analysis again.To make sure. I’m the most careful on the team and wanted to avoid getting any blow back from Oscar. You know that sometimes he comes in on the weekends to check our work? “

Laura turned more fully toward him, “You’re kidding! Seems like a waste of time for someone, as he constantly reminds us, who is way beyond our level of expertise.”

Rob smirked, “Yeah, except he loves to catch any of us screwing up. That seems to give him more pleasure than anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s planted cameras in here. Despite his no electronics rule which makes no sense.”

Laura turned back to her work, “That’s a disturbing idea.” She touched the phone in her pocket and hoped Rob wasn’t right.

Laura was there because her own team had been so slow this week they hadn’t run the final analysis of their own work. She’d hoped she could finish by lunch, but it looked like she’d be there longer. As she settled back in, she heard the door open and assumed it was Rob letting himself out. But almost immediately she could smell it was Oscar. He emanated a distinct odor of stale cigarettes, spearmint gum and a whiff of CK One.

“Rob, how many times have I told you that earphones aren’t allowed?” Oscar boomed.

“Sorry boss…it just helps my concentration,” her co-worker cooly replied.

“It’s the last time.You’re out of here. Gather your stuff and stop by the office. Tell Jean you need her to figure your last check.

Rob seemed stunned.When Laura turned she could see him glaring at Oscar. Then, he picked up his belongings and pushed past Oscar out the door.

As Oscar turned to follow, Laura’s phone buzzed. She’d prayed that since it was hidden in her pocket and on low that it would blend into the lab noise. No such luck. Oscar turned back around and asked, “You too? Aren’t the rules clear?”

“It’s just that I’m expecting an important call….” Laura trailed off.

“No calls. No electronics. I should can you too but this work needs to get done. I expect you to finish both your own and whatever Rob the robot was working on. I bet you’re glad to get rid of him too. Go put that phone in your cubby and just get your work done. Consider this your warning.”

Laura’s hand cradled the phone as it continued to buzz. She slowly walked past Oscar and then turned and went back to collect her own things.Without another word Laura walked past him and out the front door. As soon as she got into her car she dialed Anna, hoping she wasn’t too late.

**********

They decided they would eat at the new birria place. Anna picked at her food while Laura inhaled hers.

“I’ve never been fired,”Anna shared.

“Your record is still intact. I’m just glad you didn’t tell them you quit. You’ve worked too hard on that project. They need it to continue for their sake, not yours and you’re the only one that can finish it up.” Laura said.

“And then, when I’m no longer needed, that’s when they’ll fire me for some reason that I surely gave them in that meeting today.” Anna sighed.

“Hey, why are you in a worse mood than I am? I’m the one that quit…as in I no longer have a job and so you’ll have to cover the rent,” Laura smiled. “Kind of funny that I made you promise to call me. That was my trigger to leave that stupid place.”

“Great—now I’m going to feel guilty about that along with all the anger I still have.”

Laura looked at her friend and said, “Don’t. I’ve never liked that job but you like yours too much. It’s the people not the job you want to quit. It’s a lot harder to walk away from a job that provides a positive reflection of who you are.