If only…

When Violet was in the forest, everything seemed to come into focus and create a certain peace in her heart. If only it could be that way with others. She never got along with people and tended to shy away from any human interaction. When she was 11, her parents tried their hand at homeschooling, but was only met with silence and next to no progress. Math and magic study was irrelevant when in the woods and so was everything else in the world. Violet was kicked out of her town around 19 and forced to travel on her lonesome. If only she hadn't been so abstinent to looking people in the eye or sharing a laugh with the gate guard. If only she had an ember of interest towards humanity.

If only, if only, if only.

Those words echoed through Violet's head constantly as she trekked over mountains and slept on pine beds. Yet there was no regret in those two words; they were simply a shadow she couldn't shake off.

There was a time when a wagon crossed her path and a cloaked sorcerer offered her a ride to the nearest village. He was certainly a kind lad with a hero complex and followed her a good few miles before coming to the conclusion that she couldn't speak. Of course, that wasn't at all the case. Violet's mouth was simply glued shut the moment he came into sight. His big brown horse and wagon had blocked the view of the maple leaves for the majority of the day. He walked by her side, chattering away for hours, completely oblivious to her apparent discomfort. After a while, Violet had run suddenly off the path, making it impossible for him to follow with his wagon.

“Why am I like this?” she wondered, while staring up at the stars one night.

“Why can't I stand people?”

Maybe it was their breath and their dirty scent. Or their uncanny destructive tendencies that seemed to leave a path of ruin behind each step. Maybe it was everything combined that repulsed her so much. It was easy to forget how Violet herself was a person as well, but every time she remembered, questions of whether she should like herself floated through her head. In what way was Violet any different than the things she ran from? Was it that she was able to see exactly how bad they were for the trees and animals? Or that she refused to interact with them? Could it be that she had deluded herself into believing she was any better than other humans? So many questions pestered her at night, but overthinking was the result of living in a silent world with no one who spoke her language.

The next day, Violet awoke to the chirping of chickadees and the sun shining in her eyes. Everything was prettier in the morning, and made a good start to the day when she absorbed the magical feeling. After stretching, she continued on her aimless journey with nothing but herself. Food could be scavenged from plants and animals, while water was easy enough to find if she followed the birds around midday. She refused to carry anything made by her kind and if needed, would use large leaves as something to hold food in. Has she always been like that?

There was a time when everything seemed normal; where speaking to family and friends was easy. A time where Violet's eyes saw not just the bad things about humanity, but the beautiful things as well. The music, the smiles, the awe she felt as sorcerers demonstrated their divine power during unifying festivals. If only she could go back to that time. Then maybe, just maybe, things would make sense.

“No.” Violet said outloud. “Things couldn't be any clearer than they are now.”

It was evident that she made the right call in rejecting humanity.

Years passed, and the days seemed to blur together and get mixed up. It was the same routine, every day. Wake up, find food, walk, drink water, walk some more, eat again, then fall asleep by a different tree that appeared far too similar to the last. There came a time when Violet got so bored that she began singing to the animals and making up entire conversations with them. That slowly led to her feeling bad about killing them and the decision to stop eating her furry friends. Every winter became harder than the last, as her body became frail from malnutrition making it an easier target for frostbite. But still, she made it out alive every time with what seemed to be a stronger resolve to be less human-like.

One spring day, Violet was drinking out of a stream and she caught a glimpse of something in the water. It was a wavering creature with scruffy blond hair that covered most of its face and body due to its length, and long bony limbs that crouched into a bunny-ish squat. Its mouth opened to show blackened teeth that should be falling out by the look of them. It was certainly an ugly thing. She had never seen a friend like this before, but it couldn't hurt to say something to it.

“I'm Violet. Would you like to be my friend, mystery creature?"

Its mouth opened in time with Violets as if to interrupt her, but the moment her mouth closed it did the same. How odd.

“Oh well, I have plenty of friends anyway.” she said, leaving the water creature to be on its own.

After what felt like an hour of walking, she came upon a path. It had been a while since she decided to walk on human made trails. There wasn't the scent of people anywhere near so there was little chance of them finding her. As time went on, and the sky began getting darker, a mouthwatering aroma started wafting through the air. This was something Violet hadn't smelled in forever. It was cooking meat. That meant there were other people around and that she should stay far away, but it was just too good to ignore. Driven by an unseen force, she began running toward the smell, whacking through over growth and dodging trees. It wasn't long before she saw a fire that had five slabs of sizzling meat being held over it by a metal contraption. Along with that, there were three burly men and two women sitting around the fire. Their clothes were different than she remembered. The women had long frilly fabrics that covered their whole body while the men wore lots of shiny things.

Suddenly there was a shrill noise that caused all the birds sleeping in the trees to fly away. One of the women was standing paralyzed, pointing at Violet with her face all contorted into an abnormal expression.

“What is that thing! It's watching us, Arthur!" the woman screamed, backing away from the fire. Everyone's heads turned, and each person had their share of disturbed expressions. The man closest to her looked ready to attack but Violet was suddenly far too hungry to care about what was happening. As her stomach growled louder than it ever had before, she lunged toward the meat with a monstrous snarl, attempting to snatch it off the metal. Unfortunately, she hadn't noticed that man step closer and reach out to strike her hard in the gut. Violet toppled to the ground, only a few feet from the fire.

“Stay back everyone!” The big man who hit her said. “It's a beast.”

A beast? She wondered from the dirt covered ground. Were they referring to her? It hurt to breathe and hurt even more to move, but for some reason Violet tried jumping for the food once more. This time she was whacked in the face with something heavy that made a loud and official crack the moment it made contact. Though her vision suddenly went dark, she could feel something wet trickling down her neck and face.

“I think it's dead.” Someone said, as Violet bled out.

Could they have meant her? Was it possible that the odd creature from before was her reflection?

“What- what is it?” Someone else asked, from much farther away.

No. No, she wasn't the monster, they were! The humans were terrible creatures who had no care for anything or anyone but themselves. That wasn't her. If only, she had the energy to say so.

“Oh my goodness! Its- its a person."

This voice was quieter, but it sounded like she was scared. Or sad. There was a sudden clamor of voices but she was too far away to understand them.

If only Violet could say the hurtful words she'd been wanting to yell for so long to these disgusting people. They were monsters! Not her!

If only, if only, if only. But she was far too tired to do so.

How did this end up happening? She wondered as her couscous seemed to slip into a fog. Had she truly become so much of a terror that the real demons were afraid of her? How… She only wanted to help. She only wanted to be with the trees. If only, they saw why she did it.

If only… if only… Maybe people weren't all bad…

Could it be… that they were simply clueless to the horrors they committed?

If only… she tried to tell them instead of running.

If only…..