violence is another form of toxic love

This story includes themes of consuming blood, withdrawal, and bloodlust.

Being a vampire is grueling. Being a vampire around humans is even worse. We’ve been discriminated against since the start of time, and before humans even had power over us. Vampires have always been seen as hungry creatures. We’re most commonly associated with bloodlust, the hunger or lust for blood. But for me, I’m hungry for vengeance.

“Are you here for the interview?” The man speaks to me. He’s short and wide, with square rimmed glasses and brown hair. His suit is tidy, except his tie isn’t properly tied.

“Hm,” I say with a nod, adjusting my silver hair. Today is different, I may get a job in a human company. Of course, my identity must be concealed.

“Follow me please..” He speaks after clearing his throat. I follow after the man, whose walk is closer to a penguin's than a human’s. He leads me to a room that has glass walls. Inside, a woman waits for me, her hair curled, her skin dark. She quickly reapplies her red lipstick in a tiny mirror, only putting it down when she spots me and the man in the corner of her eye. She smiles and waves us in.

Opening the door for me, the man once again clears his throat, “Good luck, sir..” He hands the woman a yellow folder and then waddles off.

“Hello,” she quickly checks the folder, “Kaspen, come on in.” She tucks the folder under her right arm and opens the door wider with her other arm. She gestures for me to take a seat at the large conference table. I do as she implies, folding my hands in my lap.

“So, I see you got fired from your last job, may I ask why?” She begins, taking a seat at the head of the table.

“They didn’t believe I was an asset to their company. They got rid of a bunch of different people for the same reason.” Hopefully she will believe it. The truth was, that they got rid of me because of the whole “vampire” thing.

“Alright, how can you help our company?” Her amber eyes stared at mine. She was obviously hard to please.

“I am willing to do anything. Truly.”

Have you ever laid on your couch, staring at a screen, and dragging your finger from top to bottom to hopefully get new results? It’s a truly pathetic feeling. The only way to drag me away from the phone is the rumbling of my stomach. This may be the one thing I hate about being a vampire, bloodlust. Other than the fact of being judged my whole life about something I cannot control. My fridge is filled with these clear blood bags, ethically sourced, of course. To get these, you must go to the compound, which is lead by the vampire clans leader. The only problem, the vampires there love to ask questions.

I grab one of the bags and rip it open with my fangs that have already descended in hunger. I hate feeling this way. So desperate for this liquid, that it controls and overpowers everything else. I chug it, some leaking out the sides of my mouth and down the sides of my face. I’m more hungry than usual. Sometimes I can go a day or two on just one of these bags. This is my fourth one in two hours.

I grab my phone again and refresh it. There it is. A fresh email from my new place of employment.

To Kaspen Halloway

We are pleased to inform you that we have decided to welcome you into our work place. We hope that you will enjoy it here. For further questions, please call or message the number below. We will send another email regarding when you will start as the position of an administrative assistant.

xxx-xxx-xx87

Company of Banecoll

I momentarily forget about the blood dripping off my face to celebrate. Of course, my idea of celebrating is a small smile and eating cake with friends. But it's not like I have any friends to invite and the ability to eat cake, anyways, so I let the smile slip through the cracks in my lips.

The next week, at seven in the morning, I arrive at the office. I chose a simple black button up and black slacks. I enter the office building and click on the elevator button. I sit and wait there, my dress shoes tapping impatiently on the floor. It finally opens, and right as the doors are about to shut after me, I hear someone. “Wait,” a voice calls, “hold the door!” I quickly reach a hand out to block the door, and the boy narrowly slips in. He lets out a sigh of relief. He seems to be carrying coffees, around eight of them. “Thank you.” He has brown hair, a bit overgrown with a curl to it. His skin is tan, with freckles. His eyes are a yellowish amber. He seems to notice me staring, because he meets my eyes and chuckles. “My name is Ryker, nice to meet you.”

I stand there, paralyzed for a moment, before quickly reaching a hand out and grabbing one of the cardboard coffee carriers. “I’m Kaspen.”

“Oh, you’re the new hire.” His lips seem to no longer carry the smile aspect. “They won’t keep you for long.”

“Sorry, what was that?” I purse my lips at him.

“Nothing.” The elevator door opens to the second to top floor, where we both step out. I follow him like a little duckling with his coffees in my hand. Ryker heads down the hallway and right into the huge office at the end.

“Wait, are you supposed to go in there?” I almost reach out and grab him. He opens the door wide open and strolls into the middle of the room, setting down the coffees on the desk. I stand at the doorframe, not knowing whether to follow his lead, or to stand there like a lost puppy. The desk chair is turned around, facing the wall. My guess is that the owner of the company is in it.

“Here are your coffees, sir.” The boy motions for me to come closer, which I obey shakily. I set the other coffees down and stay quiet.

“Thank you, son.” The boy, who really is the same age as me, must be the owner's son. Which makes him my boss, I guess. Ryker grabs me and pulls me out of the office, shutting the door behind both of us. I didn’t even get a chance to see the guy's face. That would’ve been great.

“So,” I begin, finally catching my breath, “you’re the son of my boss.”

“Don’t act like that means anything, he treats me like his errand boy.” Ryker scoffs.

The woman who interviewed me shows up, and I realize she eerily looks a lot like him. “This is my sister, Kaida.”

“We’ve met.” She smiles, a smile that I worked hard for. “I was really impressed with his interview.”

From there, Kaida takes over, showing me my cubicle, what I’ll be doing and even gives me someone to show me how to do the tasks, a guy named George. Stupid human. From seven to four, I work hard at organizing my space and starting my first assignment. I’m glad to have a normal job, it’s hard enough for humans to find jobs, much less a vampire.

By the end of the day, I’m exhausted and the familiar dizziness of needing a blood bag floods me. Luckily, I brought one to work with me, but it was hard sneaking off to the bathroom with one of them. It’s not like I can drink blood in public. I don’t know why I’ve been needing blood more often lately, I might need to talk to my compound leader. But, I have a feeling they will just tell me to rest, sleep for a few days. I’ve never liked sleeping for long periods of time.

The subway back to my place was long, and my dizziness only got worse. By the time I was at my apartment door, my hands were blurry and I couldn’t find the key. “Crap,” I shoved the supposedly right key into the key hole and twisted with all my strength. The door burst open and I almost fell onto the floor.

I ended up going through seven bags. I was a bloody mess by the end, and so was my kitchen. I only had around ten blood bags left, I needed to go to the compound soon, or I would be left with none. I quickly cleaned up my mess and got into a steamy shower.

I brought two of the ten bags to work the next morning. Hopefully the assignment I would be given would keep my mind off it.

“We have nothing for you to do, so you have a free day.” Kaida spoke, a light laugh on her painted red lips. “Good for you, got your work done early.”

“Nothing,” I said, desperately, “nothing at all?”

“I mean,” she sighed at my pathetic tone, “you could help Ryker out with his assignment. He doesn’t know what to do.”

“Okay,” I stood up from my uncomfortable chair in my cubicle and started making my way over to Ryker’s section. Before I could take another step, however, Kaida put her hand on my shoulder and stopped me. She was stronger than she looked.

“Be careful. He’s in..” she dragged her top teeth over her bottom lip, “a mood today. Okay?”

I nodded in acknowledgment, and she took her hand off my chest. I went over to his section, where he was sitting at his desk, his face in his hands. “We’re going to be working together.” His head quickly snapped up to meet my eyes at my words.

“Are you sure?” Ryker spoke, his voice a little too shaky.

“Yes.”

“Okay, pull up a chair.” He motioned to the chairs, which one of them I grabbed and put beside him. He then explains his assignment and we get to work. It’s around two when I start getting dizzy again. I can feel my eyes drift to his neck before I make them look away.

“I have to use the bathroom,” I stood up and grabbed my briefcase, “I’ll be back.” I began to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist.

“Why are you taking your briefcase?” He questioned me, a look on his face. Oh, I messed up. How do I even explain this?

“Oh, no reason, I just get nervous with people I don’t know well and my personal belongings.” He still seems skeptical, but slowly releases my wrist. I can feel my heartbeat in my ears at this point, and I feel as if I am about to tip over. I turn away and try my best to not run to the bathroom and seem stable. Once the stall door closes behind me, though, all hell breaks loose. The two bags rip out under the stress of my teeth and pour into my mouth. I was lucky to not get any blood on my clothes, but my face is messy again.

The two bags weren’t enough, but they’ll hold me over.

In front of the mirror, I stare at my blood stained teeth and face. My fingers reach up in a fetal attempt to wipe the blood off, instead smearing it across my lips. I look crazy like this, and slowly my brain begins to understand the fear of vampires. Blood-crazy beings that can’t keep their fangs off peoples’ necks.

I quickly wet a paper towel and did my best to wipe the blood off. I pop a mint into my mouth as well, I don’t want to breathe the scent of blood into anyone’s face.

The next two hours are painful. I can feel Ryker’s eyes on me, judging and skeptical. If he found out I was a vampire, he’d go straight to his father and tattle on me.

A little before four, he starts to pack up his stuff, so I follow suit. All I have is my briefcase and computer. A simple silver one. We both walk out at the same time. The silence between us is tense, he can clearly tell something is up and that I’m not who I say I am. I can quickly feel my dizziness come back quickly. My eyes drift to his neck again. His tan skin and the three freckles that lay on his jugular vein. I loosen my collar and take a subtle step away from him.

His scent quickly fills up my nostrils, and it suffocates me in the small space. It’s not the scent of a human. Rather something more, wolf like. A werewolf. I thought those were extinct. Their blood is sweet, almost the way someone would explain the taste of a peach. I remember my mother giving me a few sips when I turned fourteen, a tradition held up by my compound.

I grab at the metal bar in the elevator, trying to not quite literally pounce on the poor werewolf. The small ding signaling that I’m on the main floor comes too slow. I basically ran out of the confined space, gasping for air.

If he is a werewolf, he must already know that I’m a vampire. If the pale skin, and sharp teeth doesn’t already give it away. Then, if he knows, why does his father keep me as an employee?

“Kaspen,” his voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I quickly tidy myself, “why didn’t you do it?”

“Sorry?” I say, breathless but doing my best to conceal it.

“Bite me, I mean.” He still hasn’t left the elevator, but instead holds the door by keeping his hand in front of it. His eyebrows are narrowed, his eyes hard.

“So, you know.” I run a shaky hand through my hair, which I have noticed getting thinner by the day.

“Obviously.” He finally steps out of the elevator.

“Why would I bite you? It’s not like I can’t control myself.” Lying through my all too sharp teeth.

“You vampires have no control. You killed my mother.” Ryker’s voice almost sounds broken.

With that, I turn and leave the building. I’m afraid to answer his question. I’m afraid to go crazy and start biting people left and right. I call a taxi and go straight to the compound.

Two days later, I found myself at work again. I had missed the previous day, presuming that I was sick. Ryker stares at me, practically the whole day. I feel as if I hurt him, but my thoughts weren’t rational. I even admitted to being a vampire. But, he also in a way admitted he was a werewolf to me. I get my assignment done for the day, and as I get up to leave, Kaida approaches me.

“Hey, welcome back.” She smiles, and hands me a coffee.

I take it with a smile, it’s not like I can keep the stuff down. “Thanks. Yeah, I just had a major migraine.” She must already know too. The company is run by werewolves but they let me work here. Psychos. She must’ve even known when I came in to be interviewed.

As Kaida and I talk, Ryker joins in too. Kaida makes an excuse to leave, leaving him and I alone.

“Do you want to go get a bite to eat? There’s a tiny cafe a block away.” I find myself asking him, even though I can’t eat like him. I usually avoid restaurants.

“Sure.” So, we went into the elevator together, once again. The walk to the cafe is short, but he shivers outside in the cold weather. I gently offer him my jacket. He takes it.

For once he doesn’t look at me with that almost stern look, but instead a softer one. I buy a donut for him and we sit down at a small table.

“I didn’t kill your mom.” I start talking, feeling as if I owe him an explanation. “I’m sorry if a different vampire did, but I’ve never killed someone. And, if it makes you feel better, I drink animal blood.”

“So, you’ve never had werewolf blood?” His mouth is half full with his frosted donut, but the pain in his words is clear.

“I,” I sigh, “I can't say I haven’t.” The sides of my mouth tip downwards slightly, and I feel a bit guilty. But it was oh so sweet.

“Isn’t it like some tradition?” He puts his donut down and adjusts his brown hair.

“Yeah,” I look away from him, “that’s a way to put it.” We continue to talk for the next hour, and the sun ends up going down. For some reason, I don’t get that odd blood lust like usual.

The next morning, my hair is thicker, my body a little less thin, and my face a little brighter. My body must be trying to tell me something.

Ryker and I continue to go on our little adventures. Whether it’s going to the park, or a restaurant, we get closer by the minute. The more we get to know each other, the more alive I feel. In a way that makes me question my intentions with him.

“I’m sorry for not being honest to you,” two months later, I'm finally able to apologize, “I should’ve told you sooner.”

“Me too,” he admits, “but it’s okay now.” He adjusts the scarf that’s around my neck. It begins to snow, the park mostly empty around us. We meet eyes for a couple seconds and then lean in at the same time.

I never thought I would kiss a werewolf.

But, maybe vengeance wasn’t what I was hungry for, maybe it was being loved.