THE INVISIBLE OPPORTUNIST

I get out of the shower and reluctantly look in the mirror, the monotony of my life as it’s become another day, another dollar and I wonder what happened to me. When did I decide to settle for this life, when did food become such a comfort to me? I reluctantly stand on the scale because I’ve been dieting all week and I have to push down on my stomach just to see the number. UGH, why bother for only a pound. Where did I go wrong in my life, nothing’s turned out the way I want it. I so want a do-over, I’m alone and I refuse to get a cat because I don’t wanna be that person. I get dressed and I go to the job somewhat dreading not the job but my coworkers especially one, Eliza, what is it about these attractive women that seem to enjoy putting other women down, especially when they’re no competition to them. I don’t know why I don’t say anything and defend myself probably because it’s them against me. Eliza and her minions. Mostly women wanting to be like her so they act like her. Just a couple of weeks, ago I walked into my cubicle and there’s a picture of a pig taped to my wall. Of course I look right over to them and they’re all snickering like who else would it be obviously. I smile and snort, which makes them laugh even harder and I’m like I’m not helping myself. I look over to Fred, who is also on their radar sometimes. I mean his name just says pick on me doesn’t it? My name is no better, Agnes who names their kid that? It says future spinster, doesn’t it. I may be fun sized, but I think I dress nice. Fred dresses like he’s wearing his dead grandfather’s suits, and he parts his hair way over to the side just an inch above his ear everyday for as long as I’ve been here five years, he eats the same thing , peanut butter and jelly on white bread, a bag of chips, sometimes he’s daring and the chips are flavored, a Snickers, and a 16 ounce Diet Coke, that he sips on all day. Like how do I know that, I’m just as sad as he is. He eats at his desk, but so do I, we’re the only two in the office at our cubicle's, everyone else goes out. We could go to the lunch room, but this way we don’t have to interact with anybody. I finished my lunch and I head to the restroom, I pass by Eliza’s desk and of course she has multiple pictures of her and all her friends and outings, vacations, a little make up area and a bowl of good candy. I want to take one, but I don’t. I kick something with my foot and I looked down and it’s a lipstick that must’ve fallen from Eliza’s desk. It’s the good kind not the CVS brand. I pick it up quickly look around and it’s only me and Fred and his back is towards me and he’s playing on his phone. I proceed to the bathroom and I put a little bit on and it makes me feel good, I rubbed my lips together, wash my hands and go back to my desk. A few minutes later, people come back in the office from their lunch break and of course Eliza notices right away and I instantly panicked but all she says is “ what’s that expression lipstick on a pig” and snickers and looks around for collaboration, and of course they all snicker with her. I’m like did she just say that and my mouth falls open which makes them laugh harder. I get up and I go to the break room because I don’t know what else to do. Fred comes in and he just looks at me like he feels sorry for me, but he doesn’t want to get involved just then we hear a commotion from the office area and somebody runs in the break room and says “the police are looking for you, Fred” I look at Fred and he looks completely panicked and he doesn’t take his eyes off the doorway, waiting for them and I see him reaching in his pocket and throw something small into the trash. He runs out to the office area and of course I go over to the trash and pull out what he put in there and it’s a little tiny, bag of a white powder substance. I have no idea why I put it in my pocket, just then a coworker comes in and tells me that Fred has just been arrested for killing his wife. So right away I’m thinking what was in the bag? I also have no idea why I went into the restroom, pulled out the lipstick and proceeded to put the substance on the lipstick by gently rolled the lipstick in the powder, put the cap back on wiped it down held onto it with the sleeve of my sweater, and I walk back to my desk, not knowing, no planning what I was doing. It’s a crime of passion. I’m thinking. So Fred and the police were gone except for two offices, searching his desk area. Apparently Fred’s wife was dead. These thoughts are going through my mind and I just discreetly drop the lipstick back on the floor and kicked it under her chair, so she’d see it, and I sat in my desk, feeling triumphant. I wasn’t even scared really I felt like I was in the right not realizing what could happen if I’m caught. Not caring, I guess. I feel like I need a cup of coffee with some cinnamon roll cream, I get up to make it. I go back and I sit at my desk and I wait . Everyone is in a huddle talking about what just happened and the boss comes out and says “OK everybody let’s call it a day. The police need everybody to be out of here.” I watch intently as Eliza goes back to her desk, she sees the lipstick bend down to pick it up, starts to put it in her purse, then decides to put it on. I watch the lipstick glide over her vile lips and feel something I’ve never felt. Is this what revenge feels like, I like it. She grabs her expensive coat. She walks by me and snorts, I can’t help but smile and say under my breath see you tomorrow Eliza, I grab my stuff walk over to her desk and I triumphantly empty her candy bowl into my purse and say to myself thank you Fred, walk back over to my desk and I finally take sip of my well earned coffee.