There Was Flour Everywhere

The grumbling of the world shook the pantry shelves. Sacks of flour and tiny packets of spices tumbled to the floor and mingled their contents. Jars hopped and crashed, spouting shards and foul-smelling jam everywhere. My fingers trembled under the weight of little packets of baking powder, and another growl sent them to the floor. I could not do this. How could anyone?

“Psst...”

I spun and looked at the large blob of flesh standing beside me. It was a marvellous sight. Put simply, he was a giant moving head with feet growing out of his chin, and hands where his ears should have been. Long fingers jutted out from his palms, always at work to keep his folding skin from covering his eyes.

“Hey, kid,” he blared like a trumpet. “Let me tell you a secret.”

“Hello.”

He paused and I thought he was expecting me to say something.

“I know exactly what it likes to eat,” he said.

He wiggled his bulbous, creaky hands and fished out a roll of paper from his layered face. When I grabbed it, it was damp, though still the second cleanest thing here. I spun it slowly.

And I shouldn’t have!

It broke free from my hands and rolled away from me, wrapping itself around the long rows of shelves, slithering through spices and flavours of jam until it came up behind me. It writhed about my ankle like a toothless serpent, then curled up and... probably died.

“This is a grocery shopping list!” the Blob said.

Another rumble. Nearly slipping on the strange jam, I read the tiny, handwritten letters that told me everything I was supposed to pick up. There must have been thousands of items in there.

“You mean I’m supposed to get all this? Are you mad?”

He let out a horrendous, roaring laughter. “Don’t worry! Chomono is all bark and no bite.”

I instinctively held my breath while he spoke, but the Blob did not reek of anything. It might have been the cleanest thing in this whole place.

“If all you want to do is sit there and feel sorry for yourself,” he said, “I can find someone else...”

“No, wait!” I steadied my breath. “I’ll do it.”

He smiled. His yellow teeth liked to keep some generous space between each other.

I tore a scrap of paper from the rest of the grocery serpent. Thankfully, it didn’t notice.

Ten kilograms of flour, said the first line.

The whole world shook when the thing’s stomach churned again, and I could feel my body gaining a feathery weight.

On my way, I slipped and skidded over spices and broken jars. I dragged along as many strollers as I could: two. I pushed them on as I hastened back to the baking aisle. The Blob was no longer there.

I counted every tick on my wristwatch, thrashing the flour in the trolleys.

Second ingredient: ten jars of meat.

I looked at the jam lined up behind me and assumed that must’ve been it. I stacked them into the trolley while I read on.

I froze as I read my own name on the third entry. A jar slipped from my fingers.

I looked around for that Blob to curse at him and ask him the meaning of this, but I was all alone here.

Ticking echoed.

Fourth ingredient: twenty teaspoons of vanilla.

Fifth ingredient: blueberries, as many as you can get.

“Time’s up, kid. Chomono is growing very hungry.”

“But I haven’t found all the ingredients yet! And what are you doing? Why can’t you help?”

“A chef must be creative with the ingredients at their disposal,” he said.

My trolleys bashed and rattled against each other as I yanked them along. The Blob’s gait was in fact a cheerful, weightless hopping. He could take flight if he wanted to. I followed him up the aisle to the fading pantry exit.

A sudden cold washed over me. Darkness loomed heavy above us, ready to pounce down on its prey. It might as well have swallowed us long ago. The Blob did not seem to mind the floor of hard, rugged rock that dug into his feet.

“Welcome!” he said, stretching out his hands as far as they could go.

What a cheerful place. This was my kitchen. Well, parts of it, at least. Despite all the gloom, silvery appliances, pots, and plates glinted happily, neatly arranged as I’d always left them. My jacket was in a sorry state, though, not unlike me. Cupboards hung directly above the ovens, secured with thin chains that disappeared into the bleakness of the sky.

There was no place where I could dump all those kilograms of flour, no place where I could make a big-enough meal for that… thing.

The trolley wheels were wedged in tiny cracks, so I began to throw the sacks of flour over my shoulder. The thing was going to eat me alive anyway. Why would anyone bother? I don’t know. I couldn’t be at peace if I wasn’t bothered.

“Listen up, kid. The ingredients you managed to gather will be used for ten good sponge cakes! A nice little treat for Chomono.”

A loud gurgling shot up through the void, and the large pots clattered in fear.

“Not long now!” said the Blob.

I dashed past him and into my kitchen, straight for the rack of knives. I cleaved open sacks full of flour I knew I wouldn’t need, turned on all my ovens, prepared the cake tins… I was only too happy to do this. Who would not fancy a busy restaurant night?

I spilt the cheerful toppings on one batch of cakes with one hand while mixing batter with the other. I kicked and opened drawers, knocked over sacks that were blocking cabinets, and turned on mixers.

Tick.

I struck the service bell and the thing’s growling echoed alongside its chimes.

Tick.

The Blob turned sideways, and with his gnarled fingers wrapped the cakes up in beautiful boxes, setting them on the strolls he’d brought over in the meantime.

Tick. My wristwatch shouted in my ear.

Before long, ten lush, bright cakes were stored in boxes and ready to be sent out. I could make children, friends, and families happy with them. These were cakes, I knew, that they would remember all their lives.

“Wonderful,” the Blob burped, his mouth watering at my cakes. They were the most colourful things I’d ever seen.

They were packed in beautiful boxes, though I doubted the thing would care what state they were in, or if they were even edible.

The Blob rotated his hand, which I assumed meant he wanted me to follow him.

We skulked and hopped on past my kitchen and further into blackness. I could still clearly see the moving pile of flesh with hands and feet, hopping toward my doom. What a lovely sight.

The Blob stopped and turned sideways in a few steps. His long fingernail lifted his eyebrow, and he gazed at me with a fierce green eye.

“We’ve arrived.”

I stepped forward. We were on the rim of the abyss brimming with thousands of rows of serrated knife blades. Each was freshly sharpened, almost glistening in this darkness like my kitchen was, reflecting the light we could not see. The whole thing was moving, its teeth trembling with its churning stomach.

The Blob dexterously unpacked all my cakes and tossed them into the gaping maw. Most of them rushed past one blade to be caught in the hundreds that followed below.

“I see he didn’t like it much, kid.”

“What do you mean? You gave me the ingredients.”

“One ingredient is missing,” he said, and looked at me as though he knew what he was talking about.

“I have to throw myself in,” I said to myself. I thought it would have made more sense if I said it out loud.

I stood in front of the grumbling mouth. I could see myself falling in; perhaps the Blob could hurl me down there if he was fast enough. Still as a statue, he gave me his smile full of uneven teeth.

I tossed my hat down, watching it sway like a leaf blown by unfelt wind. It made it past most blade-teeth, at least. Behind me, there was nothing.

“Come on, chef. Cakes are nothing without you.”

The great maw gurgled lightly as though in his approval.

I looked into the void that hung above us all and realised how futile this had been. I could not do it. I could not even try. I stepped back, sinking into the dark.

The Blob kept his smile until I could no longer see him. I stumbled into my kitchen.

There, on a clean wooden counter, was a small plate with a peanut cake I had kept for myself; or perhaps I’d forgotten to give it to the Blob. I adorned it with leftover blueberries, its sugar crystals glimmering like stars. I sat on the floor to eat, leaning against a cabinet.

I licked the plate clean as I sat there, looking about myself. There was flour everywhere, woven with the colourful candy and fruit I had spilt on the floor in an attempt to save my life.

I got back up, grains of flour sticking to my blue palms. A heaviness in my eyelids told me that I had dozed off. I walked back through the fading door, and into the pantry. I could not lift my weary gaze away from my shoes. Down the unending aisles, I found the long grocery list and snatched another tiny part of it. Sparkling empty glasses beside me began to chink as the grumbling of the world shook the pantry shelves.