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Weekly Contest #299
(some mild swearing and sexual references) It was her fault. Don’t get me wrong – I did the deed, but after you hear my story, I hope you’ll agree with me that she had it coming to her.We had history. I thought it was mutual love – the proof being that in the colony, we were the mates with the most kits: 478 and counting. At least, we were counting.Barbara was always up for it, and I should have known something would happen. I mean, even though I’m a healthy, hot-blooded buck, I can only manage so much rumpy-pumpy. And apparently, it wasn’t ...
Weekly Contest #266
I have something phenomenal (an actual phenomenon, in fact) to record, but first things first. On a whim the size of a house, I bought a typewriter.I’ve always coveted one of those you see in old films, though not for any practical purpose – I have my laptop for most writing tasks, or a pen and paper as back-up when circumstances dictate. But I’ve always liked the aesthetic of a Royal, a Remington, an Underwood. And the clunky sound of them; it seemed like real work was being done with each punch of a key, unlike the practically effortless s...
Weekly Contest #265
My legs were falling asleep; the Council had been in session for almost an entire day, with arguments tossed to and fro around the clearing. The issue was whether Buruzagia, the Chief of our tribe, should leave the village and trek north to the Mountains of the Mun, there to seek, and return with, the Great Gauza, which had been lost years before to the mountain folk.I fidgeted, and not for the first time, trying to bring life back to my poor numb limbs. Buruzagia noticed and copied me. Ostentatiously winking in my direction, he clapped his ...
Weekly Contest #264
(some violence to animals)The drive leading to the house must have been a mile long, at least. It was as straight as a die, affording an unashamed view of the estate’s grandeur. On both sides, immaculate lawns stretched away into the distance, punctuated here and there by mossy stone statues of indeterminate subjects – possibly animals. And there up ahead, at the vanishing point, the mansion itself, imposing even from a distance. Behind and in front of us, other limousines swept along in an impressive caravan, neither rushing nor dawdling, r...
Weekly Contest #263
(domestic violence and swearing)“I’m home!” came the voice from the hall.Oliver dropped his comic, rushed from the living room, sprinted along the hall, and jumped into the arms of his father.“There’s my Ollie,” his father said, giving him a big hug. Ollie hugged him back, breathing in the smell of sweat and coal-dust. This was his favourite moment of the day.“What you been up to, son?”“I won a race at school. Miss Jones said my story was good. Pete Wood had a fight with Benny Henderson, and he won. We had gym – I climbed a rope right to the...
Weekly Contest #262
(sexual references)I was nineteen, going on twelve in terms of relational nous.It’s not that I was unwilling to enter into a relationship – in fact, it was my wildest dream – but from an early age, I’d been chronically shy. Put a goose in front of me and the very last thing I’d have said to it would have been boo. I’m better now, but that doesn’t negate the frustrated yearning I went through as a teenager.This shyness didn’t extend to male relationships, however; I made friends easily at school, in the football team, and at the summer holida...
Weekly Contest #261
I’d like to thank you for not giving up after the twins, and for the months of discomfort while carrying me, the pain when bearing me.I’d like to thank you for your early care, even though later I’d discover that you’d sometimes actually been rather negligent – almost fatally so: there was that time you dropped me going down the stairs and I bounced, ending up at the bottom in a pool of blood; then you let me wander off while you were cleaning and I ended up on the main road, seen by a passing lorry-driver and taken to the police station; or...
Weekly Contest #260
‘“… but it was all a dream!”We groaned, Pete, Tilly and me. Mick had led us a merry dance, taking us on a convoluted adventure that took in a car journey, an accident, a romantic meet-cute with the paramedic that tended to him, a dash across town with sirens blaring, another accident, Mick having to get off the stretcher to tend to the paramedic, the green blood, Mick limping down the road, desperate to get away from the ambulance but being pursued by the ambulance driver, the driver getting knocked down by a passing truck, more green blood,...
Weekly Contest #259
“Course, machine 5 was down, so we had to run 7, and you know what 7’s like. You might as well do the whole thing manually, it’s so slow. Anyway, Foreman Stokes got extra hands in, and we finished the batch just about on time – well, a little late, if the truth be told, but we got it done, thank Brother, and that’s the important thing, right? John?”“Sorry, what?”“I said, that’s the important … you haven’t heard a word I’ve been saying, have you?”“Sure! Something about your machine being down. That’s too bad.”“No, I … ah, never mind. Where ha...
Weekly Contest #258
My father died, and after the funeral and all the legal matters were over and done with, my mother asked me to help her clear his things out of the house.I’d been busy on a project at work, and by the time I got round to calling on her a few days after her phone call, she’d already put all his stuff in bin bags and plonked them in the hall.“Why don’t you want to keep any of this?” I said, picking my way past the bags.“It’s all up here – all the stuff I'd like to remember anyway,” she said, tapping her temple with a finger. “Do you fancy a cu...
Weekly Contest #257
They called Francisco Ramirez King Lear for a reason.For one thing, his preferred mode of inter-city travel was private plane. In the early 2020s he’d bought one of the last Learjet 75s produced, and it wasn’t cheap. In fact, he liked to flaunt his wealth, which derived from his business: he was the undisputed king of drug traffic in South Texas.One of his daughters had come up with the nickname. If it had been anyone else, it may not have stuck, but Concepción – Concha – was the youngest and his favorite, so he took it on board and over tim...
Weekly Contest #256
“Zounds! Thou shalt taste the tip of my lance, worm!”“Not if thou dost taste the tip of mine first, cockroach!”The two knights huffed at each other through their visors, their horses copying them beneath their blinkered hoods.They turned their trusty steeds and clip-clopped back to either end of the tilt – the posh word for the separator that ran down the middle of the jousting field – there to tarry until the baroness dropped her hanky, thus setting the joust in motion.The ‘cockroach’ was Sir Gladhehad, the land’s jousting champion for the ...
Weekly Contest #255
(suggestions of violence to humans and animals)It had been burning him up for many months, at first in a great blaze, then as a constant heat. It was with him when he woke, pleasant dreams melting into the reality of his agony; it was with him when he showered, had breakfast, dressed; it was with him as he travelled to work, scanning the faces of his fellow commuters for the man; it was with him at work when he should have been concentrating on the accounts; it was with him at lunch, which he now took alone; it was with him on the way home, ...
Weekly Contest #254
(contains sexual references and mild swearing)I have to word it carefully. Too little detail – no one will take any notice; too much detail, or too extreme – everyone will be incensed, disgusted, turned off.A major consideration will be medium, of course. I could send it out as an anonymous e-mail, but there’d be a chance of tracing it back to me if things got out of hand. Notes under doors? Better – it has the whiff of a mystery hand at work, although people may simply throw it in the rubbish, thinking it’s a publicity flier. Or I might get...
Weekly Contest #253
I’m following Petra’s instructions, trying to be aware of the moment, feeling my body, paying attention to all my senses, drinking in my surroundings.If I’m honest, I reckon it’s all mumbo jumbo really, this mindfulness lark. I’ve come through life so far without it, existing perfectly happily as a regular human being … although ‘happily’ might be an exaggeration, thinking about it. After all, I am seeing Petra.I don’t get how her suggestion can help me speak to people, though, make friends, fall in love. But in for a penny, in for a pound, ...
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