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Malcolm Twigg

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Sep, 2023

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28 Followers
14 Following

23 Stories

488 karma pts

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Kiss Me Goodnight Sergeant Major

Weekly Contest #350

Note: This story intentionally uses outmoded language in a humorous context. The trigger warning shown is intended as an integral satirical part of the overall story and should be read as such. Trigger warning. The following content contains words and expressions that will offend almost everyone nowadays and are so far beyond their sell-by date they are practically fossilised. You can almost hear dinosaurs chomping their way through outmoded verbiage. Don’t say you were not warned! ...

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The Exacerbationist

Weekly Contest #301

The Exacerbationist: do you like that? I made it up. I mean, there has to be a singular word to describe someone for whom Fate lurks around every unexpected corner waiting to give a swift kick up the ass. Enter your author, looking warily behind him. And I promise, all that follows is the unadulterated truth, blow by blow, as it happened. Forget poetic licence - you couldn’t make it up!There is a small town in the south west of the UK that was more California than California is now, even before the Summer of Love. Still is. It’s known as the...

5 likes 2 comments 2
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Dickhead

Weekly Contest #299

Rumbold Crucible was a journeyman magician: at least, that’s what his graduation certificate said. The reality was that he had barely made the grade, couldn’t recall a spell without the aid of a crib sheet, and he liked a drink … or two … or three. But, like all magicians in Ramshot, the epicentre of all magical activity in Ransidd Province where the paranormal was … well … more or less normal, he had an assistant. Which was just as well, because although Grundle was not himself imbued with magical influence, he thankfully possessed an annoy...

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The Peacemaker

Weekly Contest #299

CW: Strong language, sexual harassment, violenceIt’s High Noon in Doomstone, embedded deep in the southern Bible Belt like a crapulous cancer coagulated in the country’s colon, where the only discernible difference between the local Pastor and a radical Mad Mullah is the colour of the robes and the shape of the headgear: in the former’s case, conical. Even the hardware is the same - lethal rifles festoon the shoulders of their respective followers like garlands on a Christmas tree - or dates from a palm tree, depending on the adherents’ part...

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Renaissance

Weekly Contest #272

The view from the first floor bedsit window tonight was dreary. Great drifts of spume hurtled across the road, leaving shallow lakes to creep across the promenade and pour back into the ocean.. Richard turned away and sat morosely on the thread-bare chair beside the bed, dully regarding the marked and faded wallpaper, the fly-specked single light bulb oscillating gently in the draught from the ill-fitting windows. He turned his attention to the faded and patterned floor covering. If he looked closely, images danced before his eyes: the head ...

26 likes 6 comments 6
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Hair of the Dog - Part One,

Author's note: this is patently not a short story - it is adapted from my novel of the same name, but the circumstances fit the prompt so precisely it was difficult not to publish. It may be continued if circumstances allow.Rumbold Crucible, Sorcerer (third class), woke up feeling that someone had been using his head as a bell clapper. He groaned and reached out a scrawny foot to lever himself out of bed. It was only when the bed tipped alarmingly and he fell out that he realised something was wrong. In glazed disbelief he just had time to w...

4 likes 3 comments 3
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Dance with the Dust

Weekly Contest #267

Falahim hunkered under the overhang watching the wind-whipped sky shred clouds like strips of oily cotton-waste, with flesh-abrading jet streams of grit flying by on each side.This Howloon was unseasonal. But, then, Synapp was a unique world. Falahim tried his best to close his ears to the battering "SKREE...EEE" of the wind hammering around the makeshift shelter. Sand coated his cloak with a residue of clinging, choking dust. He drew his hood close around his head until it all but covered the lexine eye guard. Even ...

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Gumshoe

Weekly Contest #266

The broad who walks into the joint isn’t much to look at, but there’s something about her that demands attention. Maybe it’s the ‘45 in her hand. It’s still smoking. And the way her hand is trembling makes everyone in the bar duck. Well, I say everyone. There’s just me and the barkeep. And then there’s just me and the broad, because the barkeep disappears and don’t come back. So, I gingerly take the piece out of the broad’s hand, because from her appearance there’s likely no way she’s going to use it again, except by accident. In all my year...

10 likes 10 comments 10
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Frenemies

Weekly Contest #263

Satirical religious intolerance, stereotypical mysogynistic reference and anti-woke opinion.The atmosphere in the boardroom of G.O.D. Enterprises spoke volumes, reflected in the number of Special Advisors present, amongst whom a nervous HR manager sat running a finger around his collar.A dapper-looking individual with a Mephistophelian goatee sitting at one end of the table sighed. “Well? Is nobody going to set the ball rolling?”His opposite number at the other end wearing an immaculate white suit snorted. “My life! You already set more...

9 likes 8 comments 8
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Born Under a Bad Sign

Weekly Contest #261

Day 1‘Start a gratitude journal’ they said, Well, here it is, started. It’s purposely not credited with any dates, because I don’t expect to be making consecutive entries. But the fact that it is started should qualify as gratitude on some count. Gratitude on their part that I’ve agreed to do it, for a start. I mean, what good is it supposed to do? I’ve certainly not got anything to be grateful for with this burden lobbed on meDay 2Today started off well. I knocked a saucepan of boiling milk over. It was the last of the milk in the fridge so...

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Happy Birthday!

Weekly Contest #261

This piece contains satirical and stereotypical mysoginistic and racist reference.Dear Sue,Just a quick note to say how much I appreciated the table cigarette lighter you got me for my birthday. You don’t often see them any more. They’re practically antiques now that everyone has gone over to vapes. Of course, we haven’t been in touch for a while so you weren’t to know that I’ve resolved to give up smoking. No matter, it’s a very nice decorative piece and should come in very handy for what Gerry got me … if my resolve slips at all. You ...

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The Puppeteer

Weekly Contest #261

The time: around 1955, I would have been ten years old. The place: Woodville Church of England Junior School. The day: irrelevant, but probably Thursday of a balmy Spring afternoon. It always seemed to be Thursday and balmy in those days, with the smell of chalk dust in the air and lazy motes of it drifting in the shafted sunlight through the windows. It’s a wonder we didn’t all come down with silicosis. It always seemed to be springtime then as well, and if it wasn’t there always seemed to be snow on the ground with cream bursting...

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A Grave Business

Weekly Contest #260

Reference to alcoholism, infidelity and homosexual intolerance.A crowd of us stood around the open grave. A motley crowd, it has to be said. Fred hadn’t yet arrived. “We always said he’d be late for his own funeral,” Albert said to a mumbled chorus of assent. “Too right,” Ron agreed. “Who thought he’d actually live up to it? Well, I say live ...” The vicar glared, glancing at his watch, “Against my better judgement I’ve already broken with tradition and agreed to conduct the entire ceremony out here,” he complained, fiddling w...

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The Fates

Weekly Contest #259

Death was a long suffering individual. To most of humanity that was probably thought well deserved: the longer the better in their undoubtedly biassed opinion. Death was acutely aware of this and it didn’t do much for his mien. Even an immortal with a soul as dark as Death has feelings. He also had sisters, which went a long way towards explaining his black moods. Anyone who has triplet siblings who not only look alike but finish each other’s sentences - and all too often his own - can be excused for feeling a tad liverish at times.He took o...

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Picture This

Weekly Contest #258

They say that a picture paints a thousand words. What would you say if I told you that photographs spew out a whole lexicon - literally? Never heard of a talking photograph? I wish I hadn’t.I mean, sure, you do get these AI induced talking photos nowadays, but there is an intermediary process involved. You have to put words into their mouths in the first place. At least at the moment. When AI gets to access written documentation and extrapolate around it, that's when it starts to get really creepy.For the rest of you, that is. Me? ...

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