Joey Green

Joey Green – Ghostwriter

Ghostwriter and author of more than 60 books published by major publishing houses. Funny. Versatile. Prolific. 35-years experience.

Overview

I'm a former contributing editor to National Lampoon, a former advertising copywriter at J. Walter Thompson and Walt Disney World, and the author of more than sixty (yes, sixty) books published by such major publishing houses as Penguin, Little, Brown, Simon & Schuster, St. Martin's Press, Hyperion, Rodale, Andrews McMeel Universal, HarperCollins, and many more.

My books include the middle-grade novel "Not So Normal Norbert" (written with mega-selling author James Patterson), "Last-Minute Kitchen Secrets," "Last-Minute Travel Secrets," "Last-Minute Survival Secrets," "Contrary to Popular Belief," the best-selling "Joey Green's Magic Brands" series, "The Mad Scientist Handbook" series, "The Get Smart Handbook," "The Partridge Family Album," and "The Gilligan's Island Handbook"—to name just a few. To promote my books, I've appeared on "Good Morning America," "The Tonight Show," "Conan O'Brien," and "The View," and I've been profiled in the "New York Times," "Washington Post," "Los Angeles Times," and "People." I've also written for "Rolling Stone," "Time," and "Reader's Digest."

I can ghostwrite your non-fiction book or novel from scratch, rewrite or polish your existing manuscript, edit, do developmental editing, or copyedit to make your manuscript shine. I'm fast, funny, efficient, meticulous, and professional.

My goal is to understand your objective, see your vision, bring out your story, and give your manuscript life. I give honest and constructive feedback. I pride myself on being flexible and easy to work with. And I love clear, concise, vigorous writing. I'd be delighted to discuss your ideas with you.
Services
Non-Fiction
Entertainment Home & Garden Self-Help & Self-Improvement Travel
Fiction
Humor & Comedy Literary Fiction Middle Grade Science Fiction
Languages
English (US)
Awards
  • Clio Award for Creative Excellence
  • Miami Herald Silver Knight
Certifications
  • Cornell University, BFA

Work experience

Self-employed

Jul, 1994 — Present

As a former contributing editor to National Lampoon and a former advertising copywriter for J. Walter Thompson and Walt Disney World, I have written more than sixty books and articles for numerous magazines, including Rolling Stone, Time, Reader's Digest, Spy, American Way, and The American Bystander.

Portfolio

Excellent Book
FOR USE IN SCHOOLS AND LIBRARIES ONLY. Inside, you will find a wild and wacky collection of cool experiments you can do with things found around the house! Joey Green has been a TV guest on ""The Tonight Show,"" ""Rosie O'Donnell,"" and ""Conan O'Brien.
Every 18 seconds another Baby Boomer turns 50 and confronts that dreaded milestone: middle age. But the "Me Generation" seems to be defining middle age based on a projected life span of 120 years. In other words, they're in denial, big time. This lighthearted ... read more
Holiday trivia from best-selling author of the arcane, Joey Green, who has been called “a connoisseur of unconventionality.” Priced and sized to fit perfectly in a stocking. The perfect gift for the Christmas-obsessedChristmas compiles the mishaps, the mayhem,... read more
Takes a humorous look at what our most famous authors might have said if they had written television commercials
An entertaining and practical guide that offers a behind-the-scenes look at more than forty of America's favorite brand-name products discusses their history and inventors, how they got their names, and the offbeat ways in which they can be used. Original.
Get on the bus and take a ride with the Partridge Family, America's first family of prime-time pop. Reminisce as sex symbol Keith almost flunks sex education and Laurie's new braces nearly come between her and Mark Hamill. Relive Danny's date with the draft bo... read more
This handbook reviews all the episodes and movies related to the popular comedy series. Each episode summary may also contain Tropical Inventions, a Castaway Quiz, and Comments section.
Selected by bestselling author Joey Green, a collection of 400 quotes by Marx and Lennon, juxtaposed to reveal their hilarious similarities. No, not THAT Marx and Lenin! Here's a much funnier and artistically talented pair from history. Revolutionaries in thei... read more
Does The Wizard of Oz touch a spiritual chord in each one of us because it has a certain Zen to it? Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, is clearly a Zen Master. She sets Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road to spiritual enlightenment. When Dorothy, the Scarecrow,... read more
Not So Normal Norbert

James Patterson

James Patterson's rollicking new middle grade novel is a hilarious adventure into a futuristic world, where different is dangerous, imagination is insanity, and creativity is crazy!Norbert Riddle lives in the United State of Earth, where normal means following... read more
In clever one-liners that take a tongue-in-cheek look at the “problems” that accompany fame and fortune, these silly passages poke fun at the absurdity of modern society’s complaints while reminding people how good they have it.
Voted the funniest college humor magazine in America by its own staff, the Cornell Lunatic celebrates its 30th anniversary with this collection of comedy—jam-packed with insanity—that will have readers convulsing with laughter. From articles such as "The World... read more
We must declare war on the disease of hyperefficiency and reembrace the American virtues of laziness, indolence, and sloth. . . . Workers of the world unite! . . . Take a vacation! . . . You have nothing to lose but your health insurance." -You Know You Need a... read more
Book by Green, Joey
So what DOES happen to a torn dollar bill? And what should you do with a defective coin? Dr. Knowledge answers these questions and provides many more fascinating facts in this entertaining book about everyone’s favorite subject—money! Packed with unusual, ... read more
Monica Speaks!

Monica Lewinsky

Working as a Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, Ziggy demonstrates the true holiday spirit to a pickpocket and a suspicious policeman.
We may be a society perpetually on-the-go, but we've still got a little downtime when we go. In just a few short sittings, The Bathroom Professor makes any reader a scintillating cocktail party guest, successful game show contestant, or basic, well-rounded per... read more
Did you know that Baby Magic Baby Powder repels ants and Campbell's Tomato Soup prevents blond hair from turning green in a chlorinated swimming pool? Many of the foods and household items on the shelves of your kitchen and bathroom cabinets have properties an... read more
The "Bob Newhart Show" is one of the best-loved sitcoms to come out of the '70s. Joey Green, author of The Partridge Family Album pays loving tribute to the show with more than 60 photos, interviews with cast members, a history of how the show came to be, an e... read more
The successor to Paint Your House with Powdered Milk and Polish Your Furniture with Panty Hose offers unorthodox, slightly illicit uses for brand-name products and reveals their secret histories. Original."
At long last, the Spam Guy and the Duct Tape Guy have teamed up to bring the world the ultimate bubble wrap bible.Here, in one comprehensive compendium are oodles of quirky and innovative uses for everybody's favorite wrap 'n' pack -- Bubble Wrap.Plus:Great Mo... read more
Senior Moments

Joey Green

You've hit the golden years, but it feels more like the Twilight Zone. You receive birthday cards from funeral homes. You need three pairs of glasses to get through the morning paper. Your old friends are dropping like flies. On a good day, nothing hurts until... read more
More mad-lab fun! Here's an all-new book of wacky experiments and off-the-wall tricks kids can perform with things from around the house, from the original "Mad Scientist," Joey Green. Readers will learn how to create their own: ? Anti-Gravity Bucket ? Disappe... read more
A collection of experiments includes those that can be performed using ordinary household objects, such as making a battery from money or a beach ball-powered elevator, plus explanations of why each works. Original.
An inspirational compendium of historical trivia and pop culture designed to amuse and delight readers of all ages, including tales of John Grisham's trouble getting published, Barbra Streisand's failed debut, Edgar Allen Poe's expulsion from West Point, and o... read more
Offers unconventional uses for brand-name household products, along with information about the history of each product
Everyone loves popular biography, especially when served up in concentrated, fact-filled listings, each one enhanced by an eye-catching photograph. How They Met tells the entertaining and often enlightening stories of all those twosomes for whom the total was ... read more
Stories and verses featuring Baby Mickey and his friends celebrate the events in a baby's life and provide examples of friendship and cooperation
Just graduated with no prospects whatsoever? Been fired from your job? Rejected from a snazzy college? Looking for that next big break but coming up empty handed? Fear not, you’re in excellent company . . . • Albert Einstein failed the entrance exams to the Sw... read more
The many uses for this simple, versatile, and long-lasting toy are enumerated in this paean to a classic toy, including mobile radio antenna, Pecan harvester, and zero-gravity prop on the Space Shuttle, not to mention the slinky walk down a set of stairs. Orig... read more
Warnings-they're everywhere.On toys. On hair dryers. On compact discs. On take-out coffee cups. Almost everything for sale today comes with a warning. Why? Now, most people have enough common sense not to take a bath with an electric blender, but thanks to a f... read more
A rollercoaster ride with the best college humor of the 1970's (and a smattering from the 1980's while your back was turned)
Get ready for more than 100 awesome science experiments that are too cool for school. Chock-full of nonstop madness and jam-packed with easy-to-understand step-by-step instructions and photographs, this is the one book no Mad Scientist should be without. Insid... read more
America's brand-name wizard is at it again, this time creating culinary magic in a cookbook packed with fun, fast, unexpectedly delicious recipes and little-known facts all revolving around brand-name pantry favoritesAs a magician of brand-name miscellany, Joe... read more
Jesus and Muhammad presents for the first time the sayings of Jesus from the New Testament and the parallel teachings of Muhammad found in the Koran and Hadith. These quotes clearly show that the core values of Christianity - love, peace, compassion, forgivene... read more
Please remove sticker affixed to back of book in the bottom left-hand side.
Joey Green has become a cult favorite for his offbeat uses for brand-name products. In Supermarket Spa, he turns his attention to the hidden pampering potential of dozens of everyday items found at the local grocery store.With Supermarket Spa, you can...* Cond... read more
Solve your gardening problems with items from your pantry From the man who taught Jay Leno to shave with Jif Peanut Butter and Rosie O'Donnell to condition her hair with Reddi-wip, Joey Green's Gardening Magic is a compendium of practical tips for any gardener... read more
From the man who's been called the Mad Scientist of Home Improvement―who taught Jay Leno to shave with Jif Peanut Butter and helped Rosie O'Donnell condition her hair with Reddi-wip―here is another irresistible volume filled with fun, offbeat ways to fix thing... read more
To wander through the pages of Joey Green's Incredible Country Store is to experience the innocence and warmth of a bygone era. In this treasury of tips, recipes, and make-it-yourself concoctions, you will discover which country-store gadgets and gizmos have s... read more
This genuine imitation of Sarah Palin’s diary, fabricated by a bona fide satirist, reveals spurious behind-the-scenes happenings with all your favorite mavericks from the extended Palin family—Todd, Bristol, Piper, Willow, Trig, Levi Johnston, John McCain, and... read more
In Selling Out, author Joey Green has taken the voices of famous writers past and present - from Nathaniel Hawthorne to e. e. cummings, Jane Austen to Erica Jong - and fashioned their words into the ad campaigns they might have written if their prose pushed br... read more
Is Everything You Know Wrong?Set the record straight!Debunk myths!Learn the truth behind fallacies, falsehoods, hearsay, and lies!Isn’t it time you knew the honest-to-goodness truth? We’ve all come to believe hundreds of “false facts”—myths that we’ve blindly ... read more
If you've ever wanted to step into your favorite movie, Vacation on Location, Midwest is the perfect guidebook. Author Joey Green gives readers detailed, chronological, scene-by-scene breakdowns with addresses and maps to visit sites in the Midwest where the m... read more
The golden days of complimentary in-flight champagne and cushy sleeping car coaches on the Orient Express are largely behind us. Say hello to $50 "leg room upgrade" fees and bedbug-infested hotels. What's a weary, frustrated traveler to do? Ask Joey Green for ... read more
Hundreds of humorous yet helpful tips on using brand-name household products are presented by the author from his wackyuses database. He explains what chore or problem the product can be used for, such as using Alka-Seltzer( to clean a toilet, or using Bounce(... read more
Why does a pickle light up when you plug it into a wall socket? Can iron burn? Are Cheerios magnetic? Explore these strange questions and more in The Electric Pickle, an indispensible collection of 50 madcap experiments based on the periodic table. Each projec... read more
Last-Minute Survival Secrets contains more than a hundred ingenious survival tips that may sound quirky at first, but really do work. Readers will discover a wide range of handy and unusual secrets to outsmart the unexpected and escape perilous situations usin... read more
Your guests are arriving in a half hour, and your dinner has taken a turn for the worse. The lettuce has wilted, the gravy's lumpy, and the pie crust has burned! Time for takeout? Not if you have Joey Green's Last-Minute Kitchen Secrets. This book contains mor... read more
A book that proves idiocy is as old as timeThink civilization has deteriorated and that people these days are dumber than ever? Dumb History proves that we didn’t invent stupidity in the 21st century. You’ll find facts from throughout the ages about everyone f... read more
From the guru of brand-new uses for brand-name products come ideas and tips for culinary fun, cleaning shortcuts, and kitchen cabinet remedies Joey Green has fascinated readers for more than a decade with his quirky and innovative tips to make domestic enginee... read more
From the man who knows how to fertilize houseplants with Jell-O and give someone a dry shampoo with Quaker Oats comes the first book of pet care tips that tackles everyday pet illnesses, quirky behaviors, and animal smells and stains by tapping into the power ... read more
Home remedies remain an appealing alternative to costly doctor visits—they're effective, inexpensive, and ideal for everyday illnesses and injuries that don't require hands-on medical care. When brand-name product guru Joey Green tackles a subject like home re... read more
From the guru of discovering extraordinary uses for brand-name products come brand-new ways to make cleaning, organizing, and decluttering quick, easy, and a lot more funThe public is endlessly fascinated by quirky and offbeat uses for their favorite products ... read more

Joey has 7 reviews

Professionalism

Quality

Value

Responsiveness

Cynthia R.

Cynthia R.

Dec, 2023

Joey has done an excellent job on helping my MG manuscript become stronger through his help. First, he gave him his feedback through a developmental edit review which helped me understand what parts needed more work and portions that needed to be removed. Then after his review, I decided to work with him again to edit my manuscript based from his feedback. He made an outline for me before worki...
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Karen L.

Karen L.

Dec, 2023

Joey is absolutely amazing. Like so many, my children's book is a labor of love, and Joey was supportive and in tune with what I was looking to accomplish. He nailed it! You would be hard-pressed to find a better writer. Karen
Michelle S.

Michelle S.

Sep, 2023

Joey was great to work with. He took the time to fully understand all aspects of my project and independently researched areas I wanted in the book. He was always quick to respond to my questions and comments. He finished the manuscript ahead of schedule and was quite helpful educating me re: next steps. I highly recommend him.
Amy R.

Amy R.

Aug, 2022

Joey was exceptional to work with on my project. I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to collaborate with him. He is a true professional!
Clyde J.

Clyde J.

Jan, 2022

Joey has worked on three projects for me now and I couldn’t be more pleased. Insightful, easy to work with, funny, very fast, and just a great writer - I highly recommend!

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