** Sensitivity Warning **
Dear Courageous Reader,
After the book bans and seahorse protests at my school, I developed a case of absurdity neurosis so severe I could no longer teach! As a cure, my shrink recommended finding schools more absurd than mine. Of course this was ridiculous! But I was desperate.
So, I visited Blaze Union and the Puddin’ Head Island Schools. Although I am still shocked, I am grateful to be able to share Blaze’s amazing story as an antidote to the absurdity spreading across our world.
However, be warned: This story is absurd. It may make you feel very silly, sad, or angry. It may disturb you. You may develop absurdity neurosis symptoms, like I did. Or strangely, this story may help cure you, like it did for me. Let me explain.
I’m sorry to say that this journey involved a great deal that I found absurd disturbing—as if many Puddin’ Heads had been infected with a numbskull virus. You see, this story includes large hand discrimination, attacks with cake guns and cookie bombs, stick whacks to the noggin, dangerous hand-altering experiments, and so on.
Sensitive readers may find these sorts of things too disturbing to read despite their own absurdity ailments. I’m sorry to tell you that sometimes human stupidity causes harm. I know these sorts of things are tough to think about; the truth sometimes does hurt. Thus, if you are hoping for a safe and comforting story, or a sappy romance, then please save yourself some time, close this book and find another. Life is short, you know. Besides, those kinds of stories will not alleviate absurdity neurosis one bit.
But for the brave truth seekers, read this story as quickly as your heart and mind can handle. Absurdity looms large on the horizon. Develop your absurdity immunity, before it is too late.
Spoons up! Heigi hooga!
W. T. Kosmos
Paradox, USA, Earth, Milky Way
