I appreciate all of life’s gifts.

Living in a state of gratitude is an important key to leading a joyful, abundant life. Being grateful means feeling sincere appreciation for what you already have. You could acquire every material thing in the world, but without gratitude, your possessions would be just objects. Feeling appreciation is one of the best emotions you can experience. Focusing on all you have instead of what you lack helps enhance your well-being, creating more happiness, optimism, and better health. And the more you appreciate, the more you receive.

Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.

The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely

you will have even more to express gratitude for.

— Zig Ziglar, American author, motivation speaker, salesman

There are many degrees of appreciation, but when I’m fully present and in a grateful state, it is awe-inspiring. There are no words to express the immense joy, love, contentment, and peace I feel. My energy becomes lighthearted and wants to burst from my body. The feeling of gratitude has the power to cleanse and restore the body, mind, and spirit.  

I didn’t understand the healing power of gratitude before I faced my bleakest time. My life had been exceptional—I had an incredible husband, an amazing daughter, wonderful family and friends, a beautiful house, satisfying work, and incredible nature right outside my door. I loved my life, but I took much for granted. Then everything changed.

Quite unexpectedly, my husband Don died. His kidney ejected a blood clot, which led to sepsis and organ failure. I was inconsolably in shock right after his death—totally devastated. I couldn’t accept that he was gone and soon became lost and unraveled. Three weeks later, a fire destroyed a portion of our home. My sixteen-year-old daughter and I had to move into a rental for seven months while the damaged part of our house was torn down and rebuilt.

During this time, I could not find reasons to be thankful. My husband, the love of my life, was no longer there, and now our family home was uninhabitable. Not being able to grieve in the familiarity of our home was overwhelming. What was once my reality, my security, my life, no longer existed. I felt empty, hollow, alone.

Even so, gratitude started to surface. My parents, who had been visiting us stayed for a few extra days to help out, and my next-door neighbors, Dan and Stephanie, housed all of us for a week. The insurance company could not find a rental at first, so my friend Susan called Pat, a local realtor, who found a place for us to live. The owner of the townhome quickly prepared the rental so we could move in a week. Another friend, Ramona, and her daughter, Melina, took time off work and school to help us deal with the aftermath of the losses. I felt thankful for all the family, friends, and strangers, that came together to help us through this unimaginable time.

Moving into the rental, we only had a couch and the two beds the restoration company had cleaned, a few clothes, and my husband’s car—both mine and my daughter’s cars were burned in the fire. The rest of our belongings were removed to be deodorized and cleaned to eliminate the smoke damage. The cleaning would take several weeks, so a trip to the store was required. The last thing I wanted to do was go shopping, but we needed pillows, sheets, blankets, and towels. For five weeks, we lived with the bare minimum. I had just four turtlenecks, three pairs of jeans, and one pair of athletic shoes. Living with less gave me time to discover how little we truly needed.

All of these sudden life changes—death, fire, and moving—made me lose my sense of security. I grew depressed. But in the midst of these struggles, I slowly found gratitude and eventually, some peace. Let me share some of the details with you.

The fire occurred around 6:30 p.m., Election Night 2012. My parents, daughter, and I had just finished dinner, and I went to put my pajamas on to watch the results. My parents lived about ten hours away and had driven down for my birthday, something they had not done before, but they knew we were grieving and wanted to be there for us. They were supposed to leave the previous day but my daughter asked them to stay for one more night. In hindsight, this was such a blessing because they took care of her as I dealt with all the fire insurance paperwork, inspections, and aftermath.

The night of the fire, a man driving by happened to see the first flames. He knocked on my door and told me I had a fire in the garage. My first reaction was disbelief. How was this possible? I ran to the door leading to the garage, and when I opened it, I could not believe my eyes. I screamed, There’s a fire! Everyone get out of the house! as I ran to the phone to call 911. We all met up outside in total shock. It had only been three weeks since Don had passed, and now this!

At first, it was just a small fire and I thought the fire truck would arrive quickly and distinguish it. But soon the whole garage was engulfed in flames and the fire headed to the second story. Our neighbor across the street set up lawn chairs for us in their driveway. Watching the fire grow, I was paralyzed knowing there was nothing we could do except wait.

Several minutes later, the fire trucks, with their sirens blaring, pulled up in front of the house and started hosing down the flames. I was sitting in the dark, in my pajamas, across the street from my house watching my home burn down. I was speechless. I felt nothing. No breath, no thought, no feelings, no time, just emptiness. My body was there, but the me—my soul—had vanished. It was like watching a movie, not a scene from my own life. A few friends who heard about the fire had come by to console us. We all just watched in silence. No one said a word. At least to me.

When the fire was finally out, a fireman walked me through the house to survey the damage. It was dark, deserted, and smoke-filled—like an eerie fog had rolled into my home. The floor was dirty and wet, with the imprints of firefighters’ boots left behind. Walls were missing and soot lingered in the air making it hard to breathe. It looked more like a war zone than my home. The destruction was hard to comprehend.

As the fireman walked me through the charred remnants to show me the damage, I realized we had lost all our holiday mementos, including ornaments of “Our First Christmas Together,” “Baby’s First Christmas,” and handmade items my daughter had made. Christmas was our favorite holiday so losing all that was so heartbreaking, especially with it being just seven weeks away. Thoughts started surfacing of Why me, God? I know we don’t get more than we can handle, but a fire now, really? I quickly willed those thoughts to stop, knowing they were not going to help. Somehow I knew I needed to be grateful for what I had, not the material items I had lost.

All my life I have tried to find a positive reason for unwanted situations, but Don’s death followed by the fire stopped me cold until I realized it could have been much worse. What if the man had not been driving by at that exact time? Would the rest of my home have been destroyed? What if the fire had occurred at two in the morning when everyone was asleep? Would we have escaped safely? Also, the fire happened a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. I think it would have been too overwhelming and heartbreaking to live in our home through the holidays without my husband. Maybe there was a reason for the fire I could not see.

The week before the fire, I thought, Why notme instead of someone else? I felt this question deep in my soul. Bad things can happen to anyone. Of course, it took time to get there, but this one question provided me the opportunity to look at my life and be appreciative for everything I had been given. Don and I were together for 25 wonderful years. We raised a beautiful daughter that both of us adored, and built a happy life together filled with family and friends. Not everyone gets to have this experience, and I feel extremely blessed that I did. And I am very thankful to all the firefighters for saving a portion of our home, to the man who first saw the fire, and for all the people who helped us to rebuild our lives. Yes, there was so much to be grateful for.

Finding Gratitude in Challenging Times

I believe we would not evolve emotionally or spiritually without life’s ups and downs. When challenges present themselves, having a mindset of I believe there is a reason for this or something beneficial can be created from this helps to work through the obstacles. The event may be terrible, but some of our greatest learning opportunities come to us in painful times. Difficult periods happen to everyone and can make us stronger and, hopefully, smarter, if we gain new insight and understanding.

Another way to work through challenges is to acknowledge them, because they cannot be wished away. Eventually we must accept unwanted circumstances. For me, it took time to process all that had transpired. I had to learn to be gentle and patient with myself. Now, when challenging times occur, I try to remember it is a temporary situation and will pass.

Challenges can bring gratitude, because in their midst there are still good things in our lives—if we are open to seeing them. Looking for something beyond the loss allows us to appreciate the things we still have, such as family or friends. When we search for gratitude, it will appear.

It may be challenging to be thankful in difficult times, but blessings can occur. I know someone whose husband was laid off and it was hard for their family. During this time, he took several computer classes and at the end of nine months, he was offered a new position at the same firm for twice as much pay because he had acquired more skills. Now he is making three times as much and is grateful for the furlough which allowed him the opportunity to improve his professional expertise.

When we feel gratitude, it is difficult to be in negative states like anger. The best way to get out of a negative space is by reaching for a grateful thought of something positive in life, for example, good health or your home. Embrace this feeling, and once it is there, hold on to it and watch negative emotions decrease.

Can’t find anything to be grateful for? We can visualize a desired life—better relationships, improved health, or a more fulfilling job—then be thankful for the visualization. Practicing gratitude for a wanted desire before it happens unlocks the door for it to appear. Difficult events occur in everyone’s life and finding something to appreciate can be hard to achieve. It may require extra effort to discover a blessing. I have had my share of such days. But appreciation for something, anything, can help to lead us out of this dark place.

The Benefits of Gratitude

Developing an “attitude of gratitude” helps to create inner peace. When we are in a grateful state, we feel whole, complete, and in awe. True appreciation is a feeling that cannot be expressed by words alone—it is the joy of simply existing. I no longer want to say I am grateful or thank you without feeling this emotion.

One of the easiest ways to enter into this space is to appreciate the present moment. This is where I feel a relationship with all things. Gratitude says to the world, “I am thankful for you, for me, for everything.”

When we appreciate and are content with our current gifts, more will come into our lives. The statement, “We reap what we sow,” is very true. What we put out to the world comes back to us. When we feel deserving and worthy of these offerings, we start to see more gifts appear. If we feel we don’t deserve these gifts, we can block them from coming into our lives. We are not given dreams we cannot achieve. We receive what we believe.

According to Robert Emmons, the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, practicing gratefulness leads to better health, more joy and happiness, and having more compassion. His definition of gratitude has two components, “First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean life is perfect; it doesn’t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. . . . The second part of gratitude is figuring out where goodness comes from.”1 Emmons continues, “We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.”2

It may take some effort to feel grateful, but we can change our mindset. Repetitive thoughts are simply patterns we continue to create. When feeling ungrateful, we can switch our thinking and place our attention on something in life to be thankful for, and this starts a new thought pattern. Gratitude changes attitude.

I purposely seek gratitude. Am I in grace all the time? No, but I now find it easier to return to this state when feeling down. Many of us have reasons to be thankful, but we tend to concentrate on what is wrong in our lives instead of what is right. Embrace the good and make a conscious effort to connect to gratitude. This act awakens positive emotions that spread throughout the body and into the brain, allowing for serenity and better clarity. Helping others also simulates better feeling emotions. Make gratitude an action word by performing an act of service, such as walking a sick friend’s dog or delivering groceries to someone unable to shop for themselves.

Cultivating Gratitude

There are many ways to cultivate gratitude. One technique is to start each morning with appreciation. Create an affirmative statement like “I am grateful to be alive today.” And end each day with thanks. It can be as simple as, “Thank you for this day.”

Before going to sleep, try to find something new to be grateful for. The blessings do not need to be big or unusual. Be thankful for blue skies, or for the bed that allows our bodies to rest so we can handle tomorrow’s challenges. If we fall asleep in a negative space, we will not receive a good night’s sleep and could wake up in that same state. Why not get a better start on the next day by appreciating today? Appreciation is paying it forward to yourself.

A second technique is to create a gratitude journal because the act of writing down our blessings reminds us to focus on the good. Or if not a journal, take a few moments to think about life’s gifts. There is no magic number of blessings to count. Today there may only be one item and the next day five or ten. Do whatever feels right. Starting and ending the day with appreciation opens gratitude’s door.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.

— Albert Einstein, German theoretical physicist, Nobel Prize for Physics 1921

When we start looking for gratitude, new opportunities to be grateful appear. The more we practice seeking appreciation, the more we will experience it. Be thankful for even the smallest of gifts, like getting the perfect parking space or someone holding the door open. And when finding something to be grateful for, pause for a moment to acknowledge what is being received and feel gratitude. When we do, ordinary events become blessings.

Gratitude for Our Tribe

People are certainly among our greatest blessings and help us to develop and grow. My husband did that for me. When we first met, he said I was a rose ready to bloom. And in a card many years later, he wrote that the rose had bloomed.

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy;

they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

 — Marcel Proust, French novelist, critic, essayist

I am so blessed for the unconditional love my husband gave me. He introduced me to new topics and ideas that opened whole new worlds. Don was intelligent, funny, compassionate, giving, and a calming force when I needed one. He was extremely dedicated and he tirelessly helped his clients prosper and improve their lives. Don’s discussions were inspiring and thought-provoking because his thinking ran very deep as he considered all possibilities. He was always supportive, understanding, and never tried to change me. He accepted who I was, flaws and all, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Sharing his life with me is one of the best gifts I will ever receive.

I am very grateful for my daughter, who has walked this journey with me. Now, eight years after our tragedy, she is a beautiful young woman with amazing courage and compassion. Her incredible strength is one of an old soul and is exceptional. Her love, support, and positive words mean everything to me. I cannot express my appreciation for all she has done. She was my grounding force when I was lost and could not find the way back to myself. Through her loving spirit, I found joy again. She taught me to see what is truly important in life is everyday moments. She gets excited over ordinary things, like eating dinner with family, looking at a rainbow, or talking with her grandparents. She is my greatest blessing.

The people in our lives aid in the unfolding of our path—helping us to see something in ourselves that we do not recognize and assisting us to create future blessings that are not yet imaginable.

Teaching Moments

Tragic events can bring teaching moments, and I am grateful for the lessons I learned from experiencing a house fire. First is to be grateful for what I have now because there is no guarantee that I will always have these blessings. Second is that I can live with significantly less stuff. And third is to accept what comes and have faith that I can survive challenges.

A few years ago, on a flight back home, I sat next to a woman who was losing her eyesight. She mentioned that she could only see the outline of my face. During our conversation, she talked about working as a lab technician and how independent she used to be. This woman had visited Italy and lived in Anchorage, Alaska, before moving to Arizona, where she had resided the past forty years. But she was going blind and needed help so she was relocating to Seattle to live near one of her sons.

Her house sold in just one week, giving her little time to sell her possessions. Her exhaustion—physically, mentally, and emotionally—was clear. The flight from Arizona to Seattle included two plane changes, one in Los Angeles and another in Sacramento. Not being able to see, she had to rely on the kindness of strangers to get her from one plane to another. During the flight, I helped her to the restroom and then carried her bags to hand them to the next stranger, an airport employee who would help her board the next aircraft. This woman had to trust others to help her and that everything would work out. There is peace in letting go of the “how” and just having faith that all will be okay.

This brief encounter was a big learning experience that included great life lessons. It taught me to be grateful for the ordinary things we take for granted, like independence or eyesight, to have faith that solutions will appear, and simply to let others help. It’s important to be a giver as well as a receiver, as there are gifts in both.

And there are benefits in the sharing of stories because we may discover that it’s possible to survive great challenges. This gives us hope and allows us to form connections, making our journey more of a collective pilgrimage rather than a solo one. We were not meant to travel alone. Be grateful for everyone and everything in life because when we live in gratitude, we will discover more happiness, love, and compassion.

In counting my blessings, not my losses, I found joy again. Life offers many wonderful opportunities to feel blessed. Waking up tomorrow is a hope, not a certainty. One of the most overlooked items on the gratitude list is our life-sustaining breath. We take it for granted. But without it, we cease to exist. And I am grateful, dear reader, that we are all here, enjoying each breath together.

Take a few moments every day to be thankful. Make gratitude a practice by feeling it, showing it, and doing it. Embrace the emotion and live in this space. I have found that being grateful leads to a more content, peaceful, and meaningful life. Appreciate the present moment because this is where all possibilities exist.

Tune Up!

Exercise One: Start a Gratitude Journal.

Seek gratitude every day and record these events into a phone, computer, tablet, notepad, or book. Revisiting thankful moments helps to recognize the joy in ordinary life. When we give greater attention to gratitude, more appears. Below are some prompts to get started.

1.    What made you smile today?

2.    Did you talk to someone who made you feel special?

3.    Was time spent with a loved one?

4.    Did you have a bed to sleep in and food to eat?

5.    What made you happy?

Playlist:

“Thankful”by Kelly Clarkson

“I Wanna Thank You” by Mavis Staples

“I’ve Got Plenty to Be Thankful For” by Bing Crosby

“Wind Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler

“Because You Loved Me” by Céline Dion