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Espionage, global disaster and bulls! Race against the clock to avert global disaster with Harlan Stone in a thrilling novel.

Synopsis

Harlan Stone is a special agent who reports directly to the president. He’s been dispatched to Pennsylvania Dutch Country to investigate a bizarre occurrence—a farmer’s bull has gone sterile for no discernable reason. On his train trip back to DC Harlan’s approached by Angelica. Harlan senses she’s a foreign operative, though he has trouble getting a solid read on her. The Pennsylvania bull is just the tip of the iceberg; within days every bull in the country has become sterile, and within a week—every bull on earth is shooting blanks. It becomes clear that there is a force seeking to rid the world of the methane gasses these animals produce. Questions fly around the Oval Office. As events spiral out of control, Angelica reveals to Harlan that she is an alien, and hails from a colony called Perigee. She explains that humans are in fact a rampant disease that has infected the planet. Earth, and its solar system, must be remain stabilized or Perigee itself will be destroyed; and that stabilization is being threatened radically by climate change and ever-rising temperatures and sea levels. Life as we know it is on a stop-watch – Tick… Tick… Tick…

Tick Tick Tick by Steve Zettler is a spy action thriller with more twists than a Guy Ritchie movie. A race against time to stop the next global disaster Harlan Stone must figure out what is causing the global beef market to collapse. Is it a rogue nation? A domestic experiment gone awry? Crusading eco-terrorists on a mission to alter the trajectory of mankind? Or something more sinister?


The books' greatest strength it was that I simply could not guess where the book was going. From the outset Zettler has the reader going one way and then having them back tracking within a dozen pages. I had jumped from a terrorist cell to extremist eco-zealots then onto cattle rusters all within 6 chapters and back again and the reveal later on is not what I was expecting. However, the biggest strength is Zettler’s character development. Even smaller characters are written with a descriptive flair that I have rarely come across. The Turk, Angelica, Davenport, General Dixon and Lou Walsh are really well fleshed out even the POTUS comes off as a political character that we have all come across and can understand. That being said Harlan Stone is the success story of this novel and is absolutely a character a reader can root for. Methodical, deliberate, improvisational and when necessary ruthless, Harlan delivers and is definitely quite the modern-day spy. This for me is the best part of the novel. Harlan is a classic hero, stoic, competent and driven, my favourite description of him throughout the book is simply this, “He had grown up standing while others sat.” He isn’t insubordinate or churlish but he isn’t perfect either some of his decision making is questionable but ultimately, he gets the job done often putting himself in harms way. He is a leading man that we can all admire. Angelica is also extremely well-constructed and is not just a typical love interest, her character really develops as the story progresses and she becomes ever more human throughout the book. This gives Harlan someone to bounce off and probably stops him from becoming another soulless government agent.


Tick Tick Tick is not just a spy novel with goofy gadgets and bad guys around every corner. Zettler does pose some ethical questions to the reader and for the environmentally inclined there is a genuine question to be pondered about ends, ways and means. Some readers will understand the reasoning of the villains and likely sympathise and I think that must be deliberate on the part of Zettler. This is not a story about good and evil but survival and pragmatism, Zettler builds a world that is not black and white but various shade of grey and there is plenty of grey in it. There is just the right amount of political wrangling as well and the clash of government departments and ego massaging that is probably very realistic. As for the writing style itself it is pacey and does not mess around with long winded prose. Yet there are touches of class littered throughout, the Turk’s speedbag hanging in the office becomes an unusual anchor in the book and is a nod to perhaps someone Zettler himself once knew.


There are a couple of weaknesses to the book. The first and this is really minor is the use of three letter acronyms throughout. As an Englishman I am somewhat familiar with US culture and I have visited Washington DC and seen a number of the locations described in the book. That being said some of the agencies referred to throughout the novel does require the reader to have a decent understanding of US military, justice and law enforcement departments. Even agricultural departments on occasion. Zettler could do a better job of describing some of the locations in the novel and making them stand out in the reader’s mind, but again this may because I am not an American. What it does mean though is that any reader needs to come to the book with some knowledge of the US agencies and geography. That being said, my major problem with Tick Tick Tick is that roughly half way through the book there is a tonal change and a decision made by Zettler that really changes the course of the book which from a personal stand point was not for me. We’d moved away from a gripping spy novel and the hunt for a culprit into the realm of conspiracy. For me personally this really undermined the plot of the book and even started to place it in the realms of absurdity at times and it did read as if the author was stuck between styles and genres. Once I had moved past this though I did enjoy finishing the book and knowing the author comes from an acting background I could actually see Tick Tick Tick on screen and become a well-adapted screen play. Zettler closes the book very well and leaves the ending open to interpretation. I think there could definitely be a sequel but Tick Tick Tick could work well enough as a stand alone novel.


I would ultimately recommend this book. Despite my grievances about the tonal change midway through the book I must admit I have not come across a novel that has wrong stepped me this much in a very long time. I would argue it has jumped genres as well and much like the Men In Black film all those years ago it is hard to describe a novel that can combine global bovine infection, extra-terrestrials, spies and a love story. If you are after a fun, easy to read action packed spy novel with plenty of twists and turns then Tick Tick Tick is definitely for you. It won’t be for everyone but I get the feeling that Zettler knows this and that Harlan Stone will develop quite the loyal fan base and become a character that people really respond to.


3/5

Reviewed by

I have a keen interest in politics, military studies and science fiction. With over eight years of military experience I think I can add some nuance to certain political and historical book reviews from the practical experience I have acquired having been an end user of foreign policy decisions.

Synopsis

Harlan Stone is a special agent who reports directly to the president. He’s been dispatched to Pennsylvania Dutch Country to investigate a bizarre occurrence—a farmer’s bull has gone sterile for no discernable reason. On his train trip back to DC Harlan’s approached by Angelica. Harlan senses she’s a foreign operative, though he has trouble getting a solid read on her. The Pennsylvania bull is just the tip of the iceberg; within days every bull in the country has become sterile, and within a week—every bull on earth is shooting blanks. It becomes clear that there is a force seeking to rid the world of the methane gasses these animals produce. Questions fly around the Oval Office. As events spiral out of control, Angelica reveals to Harlan that she is an alien, and hails from a colony called Perigee. She explains that humans are in fact a rampant disease that has infected the planet. Earth, and its solar system, must be remain stabilized or Perigee itself will be destroyed; and that stabilization is being threatened radically by climate change and ever-rising temperatures and sea levels. Life as we know it is on a stop-watch – Tick… Tick… Tick…

We Didn't Start the Fire


Call them Manny, Moe, and Jack. Call them anything for that matter, because those are not their real names, which should have been more than obvious to the individuals they encountered. But in this mad, mad world of theirs, only a few caught on. Scarcely a soul bothered to look beyond the screen of their cell phone. There was a change in the air, but people, being people, shrugged it off. It can’t happen here, not in my backyard, etc. 9/11 could never be repeated. And that was exactly what this trio of terrorists were counting on, the inability of Americans to see what was right in front of their eyes.

These interlopers didn’t hail from the Western Hemisphere and their real names, after any feeble attempt at an English translation, would consist of a long string of useless vowels with a maximum of two consonants. And even then, these names would be totally unpronounceable by the average Joe. Therefore, they had adopted the names of Manny, Moe, and Jack, and had gone largely unnoticed until security caught up with them.

Not one of the three had ever been celebrated for an iota of originality. And two of them weren’t tremendously different creatures, in looks, political beliefs, hairstyles, shoe size, or thought processes. One might call them somewhat cookie-cutter by US standards. Resembling a small, somewhat ruthless portion of political zealots, they were blunt, limited in English vocabulary, methodical in the extreme, and murderous to the point where they outright enjoyed and reveled in their line of work, which in fact, was just that—homicide. In the past, Manny and Moe had taken a great deal of pride in the sheer number of people they had eliminated, wherever they might have appeared. They enjoyed living the life of strong-armed thugs, the ultimate gangsters. Over the years they had appeared in quite a varied assortment of places, mostly in Europe. However, no previous operation resembled the massive scale of this current undertaking. Though, this US thing was a new ball of wax for them, and a way of life for which they had difficulty adjusting.

Jack? Well, Jack was not so much the killer. He was a bit of a poet, unpredictable. He’d been conscripted, and Group never fully trusted the draftees. There was no telling what they might do. Most of them were dreamers looking for a mild form of adventure and travel, or worse yet, something to write about. They were essentially bored with home life and had a burning desire to get the hell out of town. Group didn’t pressure those who did not want to serve in far-off lands. Jack was just looking for something different. He found it, but he wasn’t overly joyed with what he had found. He hadn’t fully understood the demands before signing on. Tragically, for Jack, there was no turning back now. Going home on his own was out of the question. Group had him in their clutches, and Group was going to hang on to him for as long as it took to get the job done. At this point, Jack understood that if he didn’t play along with Manny and Moe this could easily become a suicide mission.

The three had arrived in Atlantic City on a Tuesday afternoon in mid-July. They were on an operation that could have been accomplished by just one of them without much difficulty, but Group liked to have backup. “Always the friggin’ backup,” Moe would often grumble. He didn’t relish having others constantly looking over his shoulder. But much to his chagrin, he wasn’t in charge of this undertaking. And never would be.

Group was insistent on keeping records, detailed records, and had found that three renditions of any given event, or operation, provided the most thorough, reliable, and accurate reporting, leaving very little room for details to be accidentally overlooked, or worse, embellished upon. A practice for which Moe was notorious. When eradicating infestation, annihilating diseases, vanquishing enemies, detailed records of past failures proved to be very dependable roadmaps, scientifically. And at this point, failure was no longer an option. The timetable had been moved up. The clock was ticking, and ticking very quickly.

Interestingly, draftees, like Jack, often supplied more accurate and truthful interpretations of events. They were still somewhat innocent and drawn to the truth. Some at Group considered this a fault of over-exposure to liberal sensibilities, and the influence of Female intrusion into leadership positions. Manny and Moe tended to exaggerate, and Group was aware of this. They pictured themselves as heroes of a cause and believed they should be far more highly decorated than they had been. Nonetheless, they were efficient at what they did, despite their often-unorthodox methods. They were good foot soldiers and followed orders; not without question, but they followed directions to the letter.

Manny and Moe had been working together for so long that neither of them remembered what their first assignment had been. Their success ratio had been high, better than any other combo Group had sent out, and that’s exactly why they were finally handed this North American part of the operation, an assignment at which every other team had failed. Miserably. Group realized that this was no time to rely on the inefficiency of amateurs. Year in and year out there had been small gains, but nothing significant had been accomplished, and the opposition numbers had done nothing but expand and multiply, and at an alarming rate as of late, a trait for which diseases were notorious. This disease, these people, were basically a cancer in their eyes, and these operatives were in the US to eliminate that cancer before it spread further. Group had grown weary of these vermin[SZ1] , and it was time to bring this conflict to an end; it had gone on far too long. A meticulously developed solution had become available, and now was the time to put it to the test.

And time was running out on Group. Recent evidence indicated that this disease was beginning to branch out, looking for new territory to infest. Probes had been sent to unexplored realms. Like all cancers, it was masticating. If that continued, if it was allowed to set up operational bases Elsewhere, there would be a total collapse of any environment Manny, Moe, and Jack were familiar with. And they understood that all too well—this had now become a life-or-death situation.

Despite having never visited Atlantic City in the past, boredom set in quickly for the trio. The room was dull, on the sixth floor, with no ocean view; it simply looked down on a parking lot that was consistently vacant. The Ferraris and Lamborghinis parked Elsewhere. The walls of their room were decorated with faded watercolors of overweight cats with neon eyes. The one armchair was frayed with age, and with only a pair of queen-size beds, two of them were forced to sleep together on any given evening. They would flip a casino token every night to determine who the unlucky ones would be. Each preferred to sleep with no clothing, which became dicey at times, their bodies reacting unpredictably to the steamy setting.

The city itself was still the gambling mecca it had always been, but people had become so inured to losing their life savings that even the suicides had diminished to near zero. Though the number of children roasting in overheated locked cars while parents became spellbound [SZ2] by slot machines remained steady. The restaurant in their hotel, though glitzy, served nothing but reheated canned entrees such as chili and Campbell’s mushroom soup. Quite naturally, the gambling floor sparkled like an amusement park.

The three of them had never before gambled anywhere on Earth. They had no understanding of how it worked or why people wasted so much time on it or got so much enjoyment out of losing their life savings. Still, they quickly became fascinated with it all. Even for Manny, Moe, and Jack the lure was irresistible. Group had advised them to steer clear of the gaming tables. But it hadn’t been a direct order, and the attraction was far too great. The lights and noises were mesmerizing.

These emissaries each had an uncanny head for numbers, and not long after arriving, by working as a team, they had determined the precise win/lose ratios and odds for every form of gambling the citywide casinos had to offer. Counting cards proved to be child’s play. It was as if they could read the minds of the blackjack dealers. Craps, roulette, even the slot machines were no match for their mathematical prowess as they hopped from one machine to the next. One casino to the next.

As a result, within seventy-two hours of their arrival, they had accumulated a vast amount of money—and had been summarily banned from setting foot onto the floor of every gambling house in the city. Their photographs had been digitally circulated throughout town by a private security firm, along with unflattering descriptions of their physicality and poor clothing choices. They didn’t take to the banning happily, and when alone in their hotel room, lounging in their nakedness, they spoke in their own language.

“These filthy creatures encourage you to bet, encourage you to win, throw their Females and booze at you, encourage you to wager higher, and then when you do win, they throw you out on your ass. You don’t even get to keep the Females as a consolation prize.”

“I’ve always liked the Female aspect of these operations, especially in Eastern [SZ3] Europe. They are so easy if you have enough money.” Moe offered a lecherous smile. “The Jersey Girl thing is okay, but I do prefer the Estonian Females. It would be nice if things worked that way back home, though I don’t see how it could be accomplished. I like dipping this organ of mine. It makes me feel wanted. Even if it is just a Jersey Girl.”

Manny was only half in agreement. “Yeah, the Females are a nice bonus, but it annoys the hell out of me that Group won’t let us eliminate people on this gig. That babe at the Caesar’s blackjack table would have been number one on my list. That smug little look, the not-so-subtle nod to the goon who threw us out; I would have loved to put the touch on them both. Leave them gasping for air on the boardwalk while their blood oozed into the wooden planks. They wouldn’t know what hit them.”

Jack muttered, “Obviously,” and rolled his eyes, wishing he could somehow escape these two morons. His thoughts were interrupted by an aggressive knock on their hotel room door, and he stood to answer it. “We need to be very careful how we play our cards.” He then opened the door.

It was The Boss. Again, The Boss’s actual name was so alien to the English language that there is little point in translating it. In the beginning, The Boss was simply referred to as “A.” But she would, in the days to come, assume the alias of Angelica. This was done to blend in with the locals; though, in reality, she was somewhat ill-suited to blend in unnoticed. [SZ4] She was well aware [SZ5] that she was more highly educated than these three put together, and she resented being forced to deal with them. However, Jack seemed to be a bit more intuitive than the other two. When she spoke, she also used their native language.

“What’s with the knocking, A?” Moe asked.

“In case you dopes have forgotten, we’re becoming one with these people. Everyone in America knocks on doors before they enter so we will also knock on doors before we enter. It’s that simple. Next, have you already forgotten that you’ve been wired? We’ve all been wired. This room has been wired. I hear everything you’re saying. Group hears everything you’re saying. Everything I’m saying, for that matter. What’s all this talk about killing people?”

She studied the three of them.

“Yes, Manny, I’m talking to you. Did you think that comment would slide by unnoticed? We are not authorized to kill anyone. Get that through your thick head. I personally placed that in the operating instructions, don’t improvise.” She eyed the three of them closely. “We want this to run smoothly, without violence.” Moe appeared confused. She added, “Improvise? Is that the word you’re having trouble with, Moe?”

“Yeah.”

“It means make shit up. It’s an English word, perhaps not translated well, but I threw it in as a test. And you failed. The three of you should be spending your time working on improving your English, rather than pissing and moaning as if you were back at Base lounging in the enlisted man’s club.”

“I was only thinking of the old days. I wasn’t going to do anything. I follow orders. You know that. It’s in my record. I’m not killing anyone until I’m told to,” Manny grumbled. “This too will change. And I’m looking forward to the time it does. Nothing’s set in stone. Nothing ever is. Group’s directives can change like the direction of the wind. And when they do, I will be ready. The Females will not be in charge forever. And I do hope they’re monitoring, and I do hope they hear that. I hope they know where I stand.”

“Should I take that as some sort of threat?”

He didn’t respond.

“Good. Keep your opinions to yourself. Group is adamant about murder. And so am I. There will be no killing on this operation. That’s a Female directive. Historically, freelance termination is where past operatives have continually gotten themselves into trouble, especially here in the US. And often Elsewhere. Remember when they ran to save the Europeans? Once we started slaughtering people these Americans instinctively fought back, no matter where we struck. They quickly developed a counterattack, which I needn’t remind you, they are extremely good at. And in every past instance, they’ve fought back with intensity, successfully and lethally, and that’s why they’re still a thorn in our side, that’s why we’re still where we are, especially here in the Eastern States. Have these clowns never lost a war?”

“Vietnam?”

She switched over to English. “For crap’s sake, Moe, don’t take things black and white only. That’s old-time stuff by their words. You should be spending your time working on English speaking. Learn to be as good in English as me. Read a book why don’t you? There is a bible in that drawer.” She pointed. “It doesn’t make any sense, but you can learn English words.”

“English is a shit, bastard language.”

“There may be truth in that.”

“I am now knowing improvise. Every day something new[SZ6] .”

“Good for you, I report it to Group. Look, we’re here to dispute a disease and that’s everything. Murdering people is bad to the strategy. This new [SZ7] approach had been built up ages ago, but it took change in Group’s leadership to perform it. Plus an adjusting in the technology. Now that we Females are controlling functioning, Group is going to design operations the Female way. We’re permitting the science work. Give the disease nothing to strike back at, nothing to get its mutations into. It won’t know what’s going on until it’s too late.[SZ8] ”

She paced the room for a minute. “Unless it passes the test. Which I doubt it can. In the end, there won’t be much of a time changing between this strategy and the murder doing, or a war approach, which has failed badly in the past too. War has accomplished absolutely nothing. Makes me wonder what it’s good for. With this new blueprint, the disease should be on its way to extinction. Eradication, by the time you boys are returning back to Base. Our function here is to execute the plan and disappear any attempts to challenge Group’s goal. Without doing murder.”

Jack raised his hand, looking much like a third-grade student.

“I follow all this, but I don’t like the part about the gorillas. Isn’t there some way to change that part of the blueprint[SZ9] ? Leave the gorillas out of it?”

“Nobody likes the section about the gorillas, Jack. Understand what’s true. It’s how the machinery is working. The gorillas must go.”


Steve Zettler
Steve Zettler shared an update on TICK... TICK... TICK...about 2 months ago
about 2 months ago
Publication date - 25 March 2025

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About the author

Steve is the author of the thrillers Two for the Money, Careless Love, The Second Man, Double Identity and Ronin. He is also the coauthor of the Nero Blanc Mystery Series. He has worked as an actor in New York, Los Angeles, and created a memorable role in a Pulitzer Prize winning play. view profile

Published on March 25, 2025

Published by Vine Leaves Press

70000 words

Contains mild explicit content ⚠️

Genre:Science Fiction

Reviewed by