The Age of Single is about the metamorphic journey intimate relationships have undergone. Much of the social revolutions of the 60s have evolved into the so-called new gender politics. A march that accelerated in the 60s, became academic by the 90s and ever since has been popularised. The new gender politics we are currently grappling with challenges the deepest meaning of our identities, sexualities and relationships. The masculine and feminine stereotypes attached to traditional heterosexual gender roles have been gradually rejected with no new societal norms to replace them. New gender politics is shrouded in conflict and controversy, while it has transformed everything we knew about sexuality and relationships. Our ability to imagine new gender identities has effectively created a new society. So while more of us are without a partner, we undergo something of a disruption in the heterosexual frame. There is a bigger story to be told here, one that we are yet to fully understand. The disruption in heterosexuality is perhaps the story of our time.
The Age of Single is about the metamorphic journey intimate relationships have undergone. Much of the social revolutions of the 60s have evolved into the so-called new gender politics. A march that accelerated in the 60s, became academic by the 90s and ever since has been popularised. The new gender politics we are currently grappling with challenges the deepest meaning of our identities, sexualities and relationships. The masculine and feminine stereotypes attached to traditional heterosexual gender roles have been gradually rejected with no new societal norms to replace them. New gender politics is shrouded in conflict and controversy, while it has transformed everything we knew about sexuality and relationships. Our ability to imagine new gender identities has effectively created a new society. So while more of us are without a partner, we undergo something of a disruption in the heterosexual frame. There is a bigger story to be told here, one that we are yet to fully understand. The disruption in heterosexuality is perhaps the story of our time.
Chapter 1. What Is the Age of Single?
âI have absolutely no idea why in the world I am still single.   But here I am, crashing it in this singles game âŚâÂ
@sj__basically, social media postÂ
Whatâs the Problem?Â
This isn't the worst of times, nor the best, but itâs a time to party and a time to part; itâs a time to link up and itâs a time to break up; itâs a time of joy and a time of despair. Itâs the age of messaging apps and sharing apps; dating apps and divorcing apps; hooking up and fading out; ghosting and breadcrumbing; the list goes on ... The world is full of opportunities and we have more freedom than weâve ever had; yet, on our way to a better world, something has happened to our relationships: theyâve gotten shorter. More of us are single and for longer periods than ever before.  Â
Currently, the number of people living without a partner is at an all-time high. Long-term relationships are not that long anymore, and for many, marriage seems to be off the agenda. In the US for example, the number of unmarried people is higher than ever. In 2016, 45% of the total adult population was unmarried. That's about 110 million people. The year after that it was 115.9 million, and by 2019, two million more. The numbers keep on growing.[1]
There are millions of single people everywhere, especially in Western countries. In 2020, in Europe, more than [AD1] one-third of the population (33.2%) [AD2] were living alone.[2] Of course, not everyone living alone is single. Even so, these millions of adults would include those who find themselves in a familiar place: out of meaningful relationships and for longer and longer periods of their lives. As more and more adults are without a partner, the nuclear family, comprising of a mum, dad and two children, is now no longer the most common social unit.[3] In the US, the number of children raised by an unmarried, single parent has nearly tripled, from 13% in 1969 to 32% in 2017. This trend can be seen throughout the developed world, and the proportion is growing.[4]  Â
               Many who fearmonger about the rising number of single people tend to have a somewhat conservative view of life. We are in an era where an increasing number of people are happy being single. At the same time, most say that they would still like to get married and start a family someday.[5] Many believe that being single is more of an eventuality than a choice â a result of conditions beyond their control. There are many explanations among psychologists and social scientists as to why there are more single people than ever.    These explanations include the modern economy, the rise of womenâs financial independence, feminism, changes in family values, individualism, porn, social media and so on. It would be impossible to put it all down to one cause or another, but one thing is certain: it wouldnât be an exaggeration to say that the changes in male-female relationships that have occurred over the past 50 years are far beyond anything that had happened in the previous thousand years.  Â
               A new reality has set in and it compels us to rethink everything, from how we go about finding the partnership we want to how we do relationships.Â
âAs we enter, what I think is unchartered territory, for the first time in human history, we are trying to develop relationships that are not based on coercion. Coercion of women by their economic and legal dependence, coercion of women by their bodies; coercion of men by the social and economic structures. We are trying to find maybe a new balance.â[6]
Stephanie Coontz, sociologist
In this new reality, we are facing a new range of relationship problems hardly known to previous generations. The âsituationshipsâ we find ourselves in come with an array of new terms designed to help us define these new relationship styles, many of which increasingly move away from the monogamous matrimonial model. But there is a bigger story to be told here; one that we are yet to fully understand.
Itâs true that much has changed in the last few decades, and this certainly includes how we meet, date and have relationships. The technological advances in social media and dating apps have had an impact, but they are just part of the story.Many societies, especially in the West, are freer from gender prejudice and the coercive forces of the past. More than ever, our relationships are based on free choice. The relationship landscape has been transformed. On the one hand, we have moved away from prescribed gender roles toward more egalitarian relationships, including all kinds of new relationship styles. On the other hand, with greater economic opportunities and diminishing societal constraints, more and more of us are going it alone, and this is something we werenât exactly expecting. We are left wondering: are we single by choice, or have our choices left us single?
Relationships are a popular topic and there are numerous narratives in the media about love, marriage and singledom. But perhaps we are getting an ambiguous message, fuelled by our fantasies of living in the perfect relationship rather than actually being in one. It is difficult to know. Being in a relationship is a less stable status than we might imagine. We may think we are in a relationship one day, but find out itâs actually a âsituationshipâ that has turned into a âshituationshipâ. And so, considering all the possible difficulties, there is no reliable way to measure a single category effectively, which makes the subject even harder to investigate.  Â
How âSingleâ Is Single?
âDating in 2021 ⌠Questions that you have to ask men these days: so, are you single âsingleâ, or sleeping with your ex âsingleâ, or no longer living with your wife âsingleâ?â  Â
@alineh_a, social media post
Singles are a diverse group. The single person is any adult who is not in a long-term, intimate relationship. They could be people recovering from their last breakup. They could be heartbroken or heartbreakers, or both. They could be divorced, lone parents. In fact, the single person is anyone unpartnered who considers themselves single, excluding those in a relationship who still act as if they are single i.e. cheaters.
But why are so many people single? Perhaps because they are too busy with their careers or because their last relationship put them off trying again. Some are just too fed up to deal with another bad date. They might have lost interest or be experiencing dating fatigue. Other singles might still be living with the fallout of lost love, wondering whether they can get their ex back or whether they could ever love again. And then there are those who do not want to commit. They rather enjoy the novelty of meeting new people, flirting and casual sex. But, most probably, the majority of singles are those who have just not yet found the relationship they want.[7]
âI am a satisfied single ⌠what this means to me is that I'm fine with being on my own. It's easy. Would I like to meet 'the love of my life' or 'the man of my dreams', my 'soul mate' if you will? Sure, I'd be alright with that, in fact, it would be great. But I'm not holding my breath. Am I willing to spend hours and hours poring over profiles, reading messages from guys that put little to no effort into writing them? Nope. I have better things to do. But if I stumble upon my Prince Charming by chance? Cool. The world is available to us, but that may be the problem. Truth. Itâs exhausting.â
@Stephanie *Eff your feelings*, social media post
Despite all the freedoms we experience in the modern era and all the technology we have at our fingertips, meeting the right person has become more difficult. Many people we meet so easily give up on us; many just don't seem to know what they want. Some of us are dazed, some are confused, and many more of us, if not all, are bruised.
âI would rather be single and alone than deal with another emotionally unavailable and immature person.â
@e1zardbreath, social media post
The Sex Recession
If we searched any social media platform, it would seem as if young people today are all about sex. However, recent research has found that young people are having less sex. According to a recent BBC podcast, in Japan, 70% of men and 60% of women in their twenties do not have sex.[8] In the USA and Britain, similar research has also found that young people are having less sex than previous generations. In 2018, psychology professor Jean Twenge caught the publicâs attention with a study that revealed a decline in sexual frequency. She claimed that American adults were having 13% less sex compared to adults in the late 1990s. That [AD3] might not sound a lot, but multiplied by millions of people, this is a whole lot less sex. According to Professor Twenge:
âAmericans are having sex less frequently due to two primary factors: an increasing number of individuals without a steady or marital partner and a decline in sexual frequency among those with partners.â [9]
We can see from these findings that, in recent years, Western society has been undergoing something of a sex recession. A âsex recessionâ? This may sound odd, as if sex is a commodity traded on the markets. So, what does this really mean? Are we having less sex than previous generations? Is regular sex no longer a priority? Is there a change in norms or moral values or in our approach to sex? Or is it something to do with the way we do or donât do relationships today?
Sex is just as complex as relationships, and itâs common to have fears and feel pressure about sex, whether itâs to do with sexual performance or emotional attachment and loss if the relationship doesnât last. Gaining a sense of certainty in relationships is often elusive [AD4] in this era, and so anxiety would be the natural reaction.Â
The sex recession forms the backdrop to the age of single. Generally speaking, singles are supposed to have less regular sex than their partnered friends. Therefore, the more single people there are, the less sex there is overall. Indeed, the anthropologist and co-director of Match.com, Helen Fisher, confirms this hypothesis by linking the sex recession to a ârelationship recessionâ. Currently, about 60% of young adults under the age of 35 are without a steady partner.[10] But, as we shall see, linking the sex recession to being single is not as simple as that.Â
There is a decrease in sexual frequency across all population groups, whether they are married or not, the most notable reduction being among those born in the 1990s. These findings do not apply to the US alone; similar reductions are reported in other Western countries. In the UK, for example, a Cambridge University professor, David Spiegelhalter, found that people [AD5] are also having less sex. [11][AD6]  All of these studies show that it is likely that the baby boomer generation were having more sex back in the 60s and 70s. So, is there something going on with the modern libido?Â
Figure 1.1 The decline in sexual frequency in married and unmarried adults in the US[12]
The chart above compares sexual frequency in married couples and unmarried individuals. The grey line shows an overall decline in sex frequency for married couples since the 1990s. The black line is particularly interesting as it shows that sex frequency among unmarried individuals was significantly below married couples in the early 90s but that it dramatically increased between 2000 and 2010, around the time internet dating began to spread. Single people are having more sex than their married friends, although sexual frequency is down for all.
There are many disparate theories for the decline in modern libido. They range from the availability of everything from porn to vibrators, from information overload to sleep deprivation, from psychological anxiety to antidepressant drugs, from a drop in testosterone to oestrogens leaked from plastics, and so on.[13],[14]Â But all these theories just confuse us. It is hard to know what to believe when we are freer than ever to do what we want.Â
Kate Julian, a writer for The Atlantic, asks, âWhy Are Young People Having So Little Sex?â [15] She surmises that it has something to do with a paradox around sexual freedom and the fear of failure. On the one hand, we are encouraged to be experimental and independent and have fun â an evolution of the tenets of the 60s sexual revolution. On the other hand, we are constantly reminded that the stakes in love are high â we must do it in the right way and be careful. The difference between success and failure in love is a fine line to tread and too great a risk.
Sociologist and psychotherapist Leslie Bell explains that the paradox of sexual freedom makes it hard for people to square the continuous bombardment of contradictory messages.[16]Â Many wonder whether things have ever been this hard.
For many of us, modern life has triggered a response associated with danger; we experience anxiety, loneliness and alienation. Not feeling comfortable in our own skin inhibits our desire and only reminds us of how vulnerable we are to getting emotionally hurt.  Â
However, the term âsex recessionâ is perhaps hyped up and misleading. How can âsex frequencyâ be accurately measured? What about other sexual activities; do they count? There are too many variables for us to know anything about sex with great certainty. Moreover, the implicit suggestion that less sex is a bad thing would mean that a âsex boomâ is a good thing.[17] This can be somewhat problematic too. Sometimes sex is better not being had. Quantity is not quality. A lot of sex does not always mean good sex. Journalist Hope Reese summed it up as follows: ââŚÂ What has been dubbed a âsex recessionâ could be, in effect, more of a healthy sex diet.â[18]
Many singles today are talking about their romantic dormancy as triggered by unpleasant experiences and disappointments. They donât want to have bad sex. They talk about the decision to abstain from relationships as if they were on a sex sabbatical. Conversations about âsex dietsâ exist on social media, reflecting on the benefits of abstinence. One user, in responding to a similar question about sex, said:Â
âMore and more women are realizing that it doesnât serve them. It doesnât serve their interests or their needs. Not all women arrive at this conclusion but the women who arrive at abstinence, without having any kind of religious motivation, are realizing that we are currently at a time, when the objectification of women has become so mainstream and so accepted, and the manipulation of women in dating has become a niche ⌠why participate in something that does not serve you?â
@mahamaven, social media post
Perhaps, therefore, there is something rather alarmist in the panic around the so-called âsex recessionâ. No one has ever died from too little sex. However, too little sex is not good for us either.[19]   There are plenty of studies that show that sex has positive consequences for health and wellbeing.[20] Sexual activity encourages touch and affection, which, in turn, facilitates positive emotions and satisfaction in other aspects of our life.[21] Many studies show that having sex makes people happier, but this too has its limits. One study found that, across all age groups, at a frequency of about once a week, sex is associated with greater wellbeing. However, engaging in more sex than this will not necessarily make you happier; more is not always better.[22]  Â
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
âThere are two types of single people. One desperately wants to be in a relationship. And the other wants to stay single as long as possible. I am both.â
@Hae_Bae, social media post
The process of trying out different relationships, breaking up and starting all over again, can make being single a complex and protracted period of our lives. The pain of the aftermath of a relationship that did not work out interferes with all aspects of our life. We are at a place where many of us who would make good partners cannot find the right relationship and, when we do, we canât maintain them. Being single has begun to take up a bigger and bigger portion of our lives.[23]  Â
âIs anyone else shit bored of being single? I am so fucking bored of being single. I so want to come home from work, and find a good man to come home to, eat pizza with, watch Netflix, snuggle on the sofa, a glass of Rum, yeahhhh âŚâ  Â
@misscdt86, social media postÂ
It is no secret that, even today, old and outdated tropes are used to describe and visualise singlehood. There is the assumption that being single is somehow an incomplete existence and that being in a relationship is the norm; that no one would be single if they could avoid it. So, although there has never been more acceptance of alternative lifestyles, there remains some negative stereotyping about being single. There tends to be a focus on negative emotions, particularly loneliness. This kind of focus has dominated popular discourse as much as academic research.[24] The single life is seen as an emotional minefield. Those looks of pity when you say you are not in a relationship, or other forms of single-shaming like being questioned about your romantic prospects. They never ask: How come you're still in a relationship? In this kind of societal mindset, women are often portrayed as the needy ones and men as detached. These stereotypes perpetuate the notion that being single is a problem, especially for women.[25]
âWhat do some people say that is offensive, but they donât know that it is, they mean well? Iâll go first: when people say, âhow are you single, youâre beautiful and funny and smart ...?â   I know, I am a catch, I am not the problem, why are you making it sound like I am the problem?â
@shannonsmith3239, social media post
Even the phrase âsingleâ is defined in terms of a particular relationship one does not have. Itâs all about the role of that missing relationship in our life. This stigmatising of people who are not in a relationship is termed âsinglismâ â analogous to the terms racism or sexism. But it is not just the things people say â the prejudice in the way singles are described; sometimes there is actual discrimination against single people, such as getting excluded from social events or being denied certain tax breaks.
And then there is the prevailing attitude that if you are feeling miserable being single, the problem is not the fact you are single, the problem is you and how you feel about yourself.
âThis whole thing about âyou need to love yourself first before you can love someone elseâ â that needs to end. We need to STOP telling single people that they are broken. What kind of advice is it anyway. Of course you should love yourself whether youâre single or taken or whatever. And why do we automatically assume that if someone is single itâs because they do not love themselves? What if they like being single âŚÂ  We need to realize that self-love is a journey and not a destination. Itâs unrealistic to think that you are gonna love yourself 100% of the time for the rest of your life once âyou get thereâ. You can fall off the wagon whether youâre single or in a relationship. So I think we need to recognise that it shouldnât qualify us from finding love ⌠Itâs super dismissive and condescending when people say this ⌠âOh youâre single, it must be because you do not love yourself enoughâ⌠How insulting this is?â
@Riktok_on_tiktok
This preoccupation with negative emotions in relation to the single life encourages us all to see the worst in single people. They continue to be wrongly tagged as âself-centredâ while being stigmatized and stereotyped. Every person who is single [AD7] could probably come up with some examples of their own, and itâs tiring. Itâs not unusual, therefore, to see trends on social media saying: âSTOP telling single people, âyouâll meet them when least expectedâ. Shut up! ⌠Shut all the way up!â [26]
What if we actively look for the positive in singlehood? For years, the modern Western lifestyle has included clusters of nuclear families living in suburbia, but the appetite for these arrangements is fading out. For many people, being single is not necessarily a bad thing. They resist the commonly-held belief that singlehood dooms us to a life of loneliness. There are a lot of good reasons to stay single, and a growing number of single adults are demonstrating that you can have a good life.[27]
âI love being single, ok. One of the best feelings to me, is when you donât like anyone, right, because your peace is intact, your focus is on you. Youâre so focused on your career, yourself, your self-care, and all the good things; youâre busy, youâre happy, and thereâs no man at the back of your mind and youâre like âI wonder where he is, or did he text me back ...ââ
@reneeariel, social media post
The progressive media and the academic domain maintain that there is still insufficient counter-culture promoting singledom and challenging traditional stereotypes. There are few narratives out there conveying the message that being single is OK; that being single is a choice. There are many benefits in being single that are still to be found, and we should learn how to turn the single life into a positive experience, even if being single is not our ultimate goal.
âSo I am buying a house that I can rent it every year for half a year, so I can live in Europe, which sounds wonderful and amazing, and people tell me all the time, âoh, I am so jealous, youâre doing thatâ. But it comes from a place of pain. It comes from a place of being very sad for many years that I didnât have a partner. That I did not have the love of my life, and all my friends are married and have children, and have grounding in the community. And, I am by myself most of the time, which I love being alone and I love myself. So I have a wonderful life, but Iâve had a deep pain about not having a partnership. And finally, Iâve life-coached myself about it and say, OK, so I donât have partnership right now. Who knows, maybe Iâll never find my partner, and thatâs OK because if I donât have partnership and I donât have a family, and I donât have that kind of grounding in a certain community, so what do I have? I have the ability for travel. I have the ability for experiences. And I have the ability to go everywhere and anywhere I choose. And so, I am going to take this adventure.â
@coachrachelleindra, social media post
In the last few years there have been many articles in the mainstream media about the benefits of being single, such as âSingle with benefits: the self-fulfilling power of not datingâ, in Marie Claire magazine, or âHealth Benefits Of Being Singleâ in the Huffington Post.   Or a recent CNN report claiming, âThere's never been a better time to be single.â[28] New studies have found that a relationship doesn't necessarily mean higher self-esteem and that marriage doesnât necessarily mean better health, thus debunking some of the most common cultural scripts.
Â
In The Guardian, an article by Lizzie Cernik quotes Abi Jackson [AD8] who says that, at a time when relationships are fragile, we should find resilience and quality of life in being single. After her five-year engagement broke down, Jackson said she fell in love with the single life. âItâs easy to become hyperaware of that fairy tale narrative, especially for women, but I donât think being single should be framed around looking for love. Itâs about developing a positive relationship with yourself.â[29] So, if you like being single, itâs not just you, itâs a growing trend.
Fleur Britten writes about being single for The Times[AD9] : âLife is joyful precisely because there is none of the anxiety, disappointment or heartache that usually accompanies relationships.â[30] She sets out to celebrate the power of being single and the new trend of âsingle-positiveâ people who like to be independent and are actually happy with their lives.  Â
Another writer, Sophie Tanner, in an attempt to fight the âsingle-stigmaâ, uses the tongue-in-cheek concept of âsologamyâ. In her novel, Reader, I Married Myself (2019) Tanner prioritises her relationship with herself and says that sologamy was developed as a gateway to self-acceptance. She writes: âAs a society, we are obsessed with finding The One. We tend to believe we canât be fully happy unless we have that, which is just not true. Itâs not the norm for people to find their soulmate. Still, because we put so much pressure on the importance of being with someone, people lower their expectations or put up with average or even toxic relationships.â[31]
An increasing number of single-positive people reject the notion that romantic love is the only path to happiness. Some celebrities have even joined the conversation. The actor Emma Watson spoke of how being self-partnered is more liberating than being in a relationship.[32]Â Although this mindset prioritises having a positive relationship with yourself over seeking a relationship, there is an important nuance here to consider: having a positive relationship with yourself is essential, no matter what your relationship status is.
While being positive about yourself is essential, at the same time, it doesnât mean that there is anything wrong with you if you feel a need to be in a relationship. Most people do not want to stay single forever. So, even if we have learnt to say that we are happy being single, nothing can distance us further from finding a relationship than the promotion of ideas about the âwondersâ of being single. This polarity develops an ambiguous position towards the idea of the single life. One social media blogger tries to explain this paradox of choice: âYes, I am single by choice, not my choice, but still a choice.â[33]
Although there is nothing wrong with being single, there is also nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. Despite all of these complications, most of us dream (secretly or not) of finding love. Love that gives us meaning offers us happiness. These desires are not limitations; it can, in fact, be a positive motivation. Being single can be seen as a stage in our journey to maturity. A time to learn more about ourselves, identify our true desires and acquire professional and life experience.  Â
âI used to be one of those girls that was like âGod, I canât even imagine not having a career, what would I do all day, just stay home ⌠I could never be a stay home mum.â I agree, maybe stay home is too far, but ⌠a stay home wife, sounds fucking lit! I canât believe I used to truly feel so empowered by being like â âI would never let a man support me fullyâ. It took me two years in corporate America to be like â fuck yourself bitch, I would love it if somebody came in here and took care of me. I will wash the dishes, I will go to yoga and make my little ass even cuter for you. Baby, letâs look like weâre in the 50s again. Thatâs what I fucking want. I am over it!â
@kmclutter, social media post
So, while the progressive message of single positivity can be liberating, it is not the whole story. Most of us did not choose to be single. We have the choice of not being in a relationship we donât want, but we donât always have the choice of being in the relationship that we do want.Â
âI am OK being single; I am not going to freak out or 'bend over backwardsâ in finding a relationship; if it comes, very well; but if it doesnât, thatâs OK too. Personally, I am not prepared to compromise, and therefore, I stopped looking. I consider the possibility that I will stay single forever because of this. In the past, I used to feel the pressure, and then I said to myself, breathe, itâs OK. I would be happy for love and coupledom, but not at any price.âÂ
Anonymous commentÂ
If you are single today, more likely than not, you feel caught between a rock and a hard place.   On one hand, you have the freedom to do whatever you want, but on the other, you have no one to enjoy these freedoms with. If you choose to stay single, it may be your choice, but if itâs not your choice, it is probably not your fault. We live in conditions that distinguish this generation from all previous ones. Now, more than ever before, we are moving away from the traditional social framework of marriage and family and we are left to choose how to adapt to the new, undefined norms of being single. And while we grapple with all of this, we wonder whether to go on (or not to go on) our next date.
âHave you ever been in this place in your life, where you like being single and you like your own time and space, but you still want somebody to talk to every day, and like, you wanna snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, and you want to hold hands and hug, and you have an incredibly high sex drive for the first time in your life, but you donât want just to sleep around, you want to find somebody that you can sleep with consistently, but you donât want that person sleeping with anyone else, but you donât want to be in a relationship, but you donât really want to be single either âŚ?â
@stirrupd.and.stilettos, social media post
Intimate relationships, or the lack of them, affect us all in the most personal of ways. Perhaps we need to rethink the ways in which our world has changed in the age of single.
[1]Â http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/10/11/the-share-of-americans-living-without-a-partner-has-increased-especially-among-young-adults/?utm_content=buffer538bd&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
[2]Â https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/statistics-explained/index.php?title=Living_conditions_in_Europe_-_poverty_and_social_exclusion
[3]Â https://www.sbs.com.au/news/insight/forget-the-norm-the-australian-family-is-changing
[4]Â https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/04/27/about-one-third-of-u-s-children-are-living-with-an-unmarried-parent/
[5]Â Ibid.
[6] Stephany Coontz @ Monogamy, Explained, Netflix
[7] http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/10/11/the-share-of-americans-living-without-a-partner-has-increased-especially-among-young-adults/?utm_content=buffer538bd&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer  Â
[8]Â https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0bm8vk2
[9] Twenge, J. M., Sherman, R. A., & Wells, B. E. (2017). Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989â2014. Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 46(8), 2389-2401.Â
[10]Â https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/10/11/the-share-of-americans-living-without-a-partner-has-increased-especially-among-young-adults/
[11]Â https://www.indy100.com/science-tech/what-one-of-britain-s-leading-academics-can-teach-us-about-sex-7263131
[12] Twenge, J. M., Sherman, R. A., & Wells, B. E. (2017). Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989â2014. Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 46(8), 2389-2401.Â
[13] Costa, R. M., & Brody, S. (2016). Obesity, overweight, female sexual function, and penile-vaginal intercourse frequency. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 42(4), 293-296.Â
[14] Brody, S. (2010). Body mass index but not pulse pressure is associated with lesser penile-vaginal intercourse frequency in healthy young men. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7(5), 1853-1857.Â
[15]Â https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/
[16] Bell, Leslie C. (2013). Hard to Get: 20-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom. University of California Press
[17]Â https://medium.com/s/jessica-valenti/bad-sex-consent-and-other-reasons-behind-the-sex-recession-b5bc6c76b7a2
[18]Â https://daily.jstor.org/dont-fear-sex-recession/
[19] Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E. A. (2016). Sexual frequency predicts greater wellbeing, but more is not always better. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(4), 295-302.Â
[20] Esch, T., & Stefano, G. B. (2005). Love promotes health. Neuroendocrinology Letters, 26(3), 264-267.Â
[21] Hull, T. H. (2008). Sexual pleasure and wellbeing. International Journal of Sexual Health, 20(1-2), 133-145. Achieve Recognition of Sexual Pleasure as a Component of Well-being (ch.8)
[22] Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E. A. (2016). Sexual frequency predicts greater wellbeing, but more is not always better. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(4), 295-302.Â
[23] Rosenfeld, M. (2018). Are Tinder and Dating Apps Changing Dating and Mating in the USA? In Families and Technology (pp. 103-117). Springer, Cham.Â
[24]Â https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201708/the-emotional-life-single-people
[25] Reynolds, J. (2013). The Single Woman: A Discursive Investigation. Routledge.Â
[26]Â @heldiiona, social media post
[27]Â http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-26/more-people-than-ever-are-single-and-thats-a-good-thing/8473398
[28]Â https://www.huffpost.com/entry/health-benefits-of-being-single_n_2678357,
 https://www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/sex-and-relationships/being-single-679833, https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/05/health/single-people-partner/index.html
[29]Â https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/06/consciously-uncoupled-the-joy-of-self-partnership
[30]Â https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-power-of-being-single-there-s-a-new-wave-of-single-positive-people-who-are-independent-happy-and-self-fulfilled-9m9bdw53l
[31]Â https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/06/consciously-uncoupled-the-joy-of-self-partnership
[32]Â https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/nov/06/self-partnered-emma-watson-is-right-we-need-more-ways-to-be-single
[33]Â https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/21493936-clumsy-storyteller
 [AD1]Although âoverâ is commonly used, it should technically be âmore thanâ when talking about exceeding a number of something; âoverâ when talking about a span of time
 [AD2]33.2% is actually a smidge under a third, so one of these statements is inaccurate (either itâs more than a third or itâs 33.2%, it canât be both)Â
 [AD3]Good practice to avoid starting a sentence with a number
 [AD4]I assumed you meant hard to find rather than illusory/unreal?
 [AD5]No need to repeat this as it is made clear in initial subclause
 [AD6]url to âpage not foundâ
 [AD7]to avoid ambiguity as âevery single personâ is a common alternative to saying âeveryoneâ
 [AD8]this gives the impression that Abi Jackson is the journalist who wrote the article rather than someone who she quoted, hence my suggested changesÂ
 [AD9]I couldnât check if this had the same issue as above as itâs a subscription only article. However, if Fleur Britten is someone quoted rather than the journalist, Iâd recommend making a slight alteration to the wording similar to how Iâve done so above
The Age of Single is a fascinating social commentary backed by historical and literary facts. The text is supported by graphs and tables and embellished with relevant images. Author Eitan Lee has encapsulated a vast array of research. Single, as a term, in this book refers to individuals unattached by the legalities of matrimony. A single person may be in a relationship or cohabiting but not married.Â
The contemporary phenomenon of singledom is not as modern as we may think; Lee traces its origins to the "free love" movement of the 1960s. In the background of the Vietnam war and the rise of capitalism, the Hippie movement was breaking all forms of social impositions. The current times are no less different with a multitude of issues defining our social, economic, and ethical priorities.Â
The Age of Single aims to understand why youngsters are choosing to be single and what it implies on a psychological and economic level. Is "being single" the epitome of happiness, with its promise of independence and free will? Or, "singlism" and emotional complexities make "singledom" not a fairy tale that we assume it to be? The intricate nuances of the relationship status - Single - are brought out in detail in this book through quotes from social media, books, and research papers.Â
Lee talks about the role of feminist writers like Virginia Woolfe, Helen Gurley Brown, Judith Butler, and classic novels in stoking the independence streak in women and the definition of gender in our times. This book draws up nuggets of social revolution history to trace how we reached where we are today. It talks about the new gender identities and "new gender politics" in the "relationship terrain."
And, does this trend of unattached relationships have any long-term consequences? Well, yes, it does as Lee continues to inform. From lowered birth rates and child-rearing to declining physical intimacy, "the age of single" is creating several consequences for the coming generation. "Waiting is the new secret norm." Time slips away as we wait and the wait may be momentarily fulfilling but not necessarily brimming with happiness.
Lee's book is a must-read for a range of audiences. From teachers and preachers to the young and their parents. Unless we understand the currents that are shaping the life of our youngsters, we can not have relevant conversations about "undoing gender" and "gender-fluidity", along with the future of marriage as an institution. "In this new reality, we are facing a new range of relationship problems hardly known to previous generations." I loved the book for its crisp narrative and meticulous writing. It is a breezy yet meaningful reference book.