From the corrupt and deranged mind of C.T. Jackson, comes his second book that teaches you how to reach the top of the world by being the most horrible person you can imagine.
Feel like you deserve more than you actually do? Do you see people as mere obstacles in your quest for money and power? Then oligarchy may be for you!
In this satirical leadership guide for eager exploiters and money grubbers, learn how to lie, cheat, and steal your way to the top of capitalism while destroying everything and everyone in your path.
Join former government lackey turned humorist C.T. Jackson as he takes you from the poorest dregs of society to your full, oligarchical potential, all the while cashing in on the narcissistic examples of pure, unadulterated capitalism.
From the corrupt and deranged mind of C.T. Jackson, comes his second book that teaches you how to reach the top of the world by being the most horrible person you can imagine.
Feel like you deserve more than you actually do? Do you see people as mere obstacles in your quest for money and power? Then oligarchy may be for you!
In this satirical leadership guide for eager exploiters and money grubbers, learn how to lie, cheat, and steal your way to the top of capitalism while destroying everything and everyone in your path.
Join former government lackey turned humorist C.T. Jackson as he takes you from the poorest dregs of society to your full, oligarchical potential, all the while cashing in on the narcissistic examples of pure, unadulterated capitalism.
âCapitalism has brought with it progress,
not merely in production but also in knowledge.â
â Albert Einstein, Famous College Poster Model
Before learning about the early tenets of capitalism, letâs
take a moment to define what is an oligarch. After all,
you are about to begin the journey to becoming one.
The term originates from the early 1990s when the Soviet
Union was dissolving under the hefty, voluptuous weight of capitalism.
A cadre of enterprising individuals started to buy up all
the natural resources and state-owned assets for pennies on the
ruble. By the mid to late 1990s, they all had become billionaires
and owned a majority of the Russian economy. Meanwhile the
rest of the people, now in blue jeans (which were illegal during
the Soviet reign and had to be smuggled into the country), were
still essentially poor.
Today, the term refers to any mega-rich person as most own a
lot of assets and they control plenty of political influence in their
country, much like the OG oligarchs of Mother Russia. Anyone can be an oligarch, but especially you, dear reader. Why, you ask?
Because you bought this book, which means you are determined
to take everything that is yours as well as everything that isnât
yours. For those who control the money, wield the most power,
and thus control the world. But letâs not get ahead of ourselves.
Take a step back and learn about where all this free-market glory
began.
There is a rich history of capitalism, which has provided
important benefits to one specific class of people, oligarchs. The
expansion â and then exploitation â of capitalism over the
centuries has ensured that the oligarch class has been able to live
comfortably while the rest of the world suffers under their yoke.
Just as nature intended. Ainât that right, Attenborough?
She Sells Seashells
Before we can begin the glorious journey toward the highest
annals of wealth, we must start at the beginning. The grandfather
of capitalism is money, and moneyâs grandaddy happened to be
seashells about 3,500 years ago. Although, the Shekel was created
even earlier â around 5,000 years ago. The primitive societies of
yesteryear !rst began to barter between each other. These early
ancestors even used special drills to hone the shells to increase
their value. The shells were traded across the globe, with Europeans
calling them wampum. Even today, you can see these valuable
shells being sold as necklaces on American beaches and
boardwalks to teenagers with blond streaks in their hair and
popped t-shirt collars.
As societies modernized and the shelf life of shells ran out,
new ways of trading and gouging emerged in the rapidly
advancing world.
Change You Can Believe In
Long before the absurdity of crypto coins, there were physical
coins. As early as 1000 BCE in China, the !rst coins were
stamped out of metal. This was most likely done by prisoners who couldnât stamp license plates. The Greeks also began
stamping coins out of metal a few centuries later. After the 2008
financial crisis, Greece has gone back to utilizing these coins until
they can handle real money again. Societies were able to stamp
faces of gods, kings, and their favorite emojis onto coins. In fact,
Charlemagne issued the silver penny in Western Europe stamped
with the eggplant emoji. It would be the predominant coin for
nearly 500 years, and a sexy coin at that.
Make It Rain
The development of paper money and thus the first âcurrency
showerâ in strip clubs coincided with the creation of paper
money around 800 CE in China. If it werenât for this timely
invention, the world may have been deprived of the likes of T-Pain
and Lil Jon. So, thank you, China. Thank you for early
2000s rap music videos.
This lighter form of currency allowed
for easier international trade because
traders didnât have to lug hundreds of
pounds of gold and silver and it was much
easier to make. This helped traders avoid
their trousers from falling down due to
the weight of the coins. It is a toss-up on
whether it was the belt or paper money
that solved the Great Pants Plague of
1254 CE.
Paper currency not only gave us the
ability to âmake it rain,â it also gave us a
reason to use briefcases for bribes, snort
cocaine, and more easily pay for goods and services as a tertiary
benefit.
Although they may not have had the gracious nomenclature
of being called an oligarch at the time, our rich ancestors were
often Kings or Queens, which was a reason they were able to
acquire such great sums of wealth, whether it was paper, gold,
silver, NFTs, or Magic The Gathering playing cards. Some became so rich and powerful, they were often seen above the
rulers of the places they occupied as they could buy power,
mercenaries, and anything else. After all, a ruler is only powerful
if they can pay their bills. It is tough to rule a civilization when
you have to cook ramen noodles by candlelight. The following
people certainly embodied the spirit of oligarchy, exploitation,
and hoarding.
- Crassus (Rome) â Marcus Crassus has been argued as
being one of the wealthiest men to have ever lived. It
is estimated he held around 200 million sesterces,
which could be as high as $20 billion in todayâs
dollars. He wasnât just an early oligarch, but also a
general of the Roman armies, and later a powerful
politician that helped found the Roman Republic.
Crassus was so powerful and rich during his time that
he bought and trained his own private army. He
created his own military force akin to the Blackwater
mercenaries of today. If all roads led to Rome, all
funds led to the pockets of Crassus â assuming his
robe had pockets at the time. They might have been
like womenâs pants today.
- Mansa Musa (Mali) â âMansaâ means king and, boy,
did Mr. Musa live up to that role. As the likely first
recorded oligarch in Africa in the early 14th century,
Mansa Musa had access to vast piles of gold and salt
in the region. In fact, he is sometimes considered the
wealthiest man to ever have lived (so far â youâll get
there if you can get through this book). In todayâs
dollars, it is estimated that at his height, he had more
than $400 billion. Stupidly, he began to travel around
the region giving gold to the people to expand his
empire. He gave so much away it actually devalued
gold. So, the lesson for you here is to never give away
anything you own.
- Wu Zetian (China) â When you are the Empress of
an entire nation like China, you can rack up quite a
bit of wealth. Empress Wu is not only considered the
wealthiest woman of all time, but the wealthiest
person. In todayâs dollars, her estimated wealth was
equivalent to $16 trillion. You read that right, she had
as much as the GDP of half the countries in the
world today. Zeitan was ruler of China for decades in
the 600s CE. She was smart in keeping her wealth and
power by having her own children killed. Who needs
heirs anyway? They just waste your wealth. You may
want to consider offing your own offspring too.
Looking for a hilarious book about how oligarchs were able to rise to power and commit atrocities? So You Want To Be An Oligarch: A Go-Getting Guidebook for the Purposeful Plutocrat by C.T. Jackson does just that with a step-by-step guide so easy you too can become an oligarch! The novel opens with a brief history of oligarchs before the practice was cool and a quick questionnaire to ensure you have the killer instinct needed to crush people underfoot on your way to the top. Readers will also learn how to build philosophies the busy public wonât see the logical fallacies of. Donât worry if this sounds difficult, there is a framework for hiring others to do all the thinking instead and how to buy a media company who can spew that nonsense themselves. There is also information about why rich people never use their money and the legal loopholes used to ensure they can keep it to themselves. An excellent place is on a fancy island or in a Swiss bank.Â
This novel is a quick read that is sectioned into small chunks that are easy to come back to. I recommend So You Want to Be An Oligarch to people who like informative comedy and have a healthy distrust of billionaires. People who are unable to keep up with jargon in the fraud schemes of politicians and the Kardashians will find this bookâs explanations helpful. There are some references to crude behavior that wealthy elites tried to get away with, but otherwise, the book is suitable for most ages. There are discussions about murders sponsored by wealthy elites to curb revolts and unions which may be unsettling. To get a feel for C.T. Jacksonâs original writing style please preview his author biography on Reedsy.Â
Readers using EPUB will notice issues with images being cut off and paragraph splicing between pages. Readers may have to switch pages back and forth to read each half of a paragraph. Changing the font helps, but it could still use some editing. The book is well-proofread. Readers will enjoy the unique image caption jokes and white page jokes. There is a fake works cited page, but no actual references for some of the historical information used in the novel. The book takes a light-hearted approach to learning about oligarchies that is refreshing.