“Mom wake up”. 

“MOMMA WAKE UP.” 

“Melody please get up where are Ni’s shoes?” 

“We’re gonna be late for school.” 

I walked away so I could cuss her the fuck out without being heard. Shit, I was bold, not stupid I liked my head right where it was, and make no mistake my momma would have knocked it right off my shoulders and kept chewing that old ass bit of Fifth Avenue Bar that she fell asleep within her mouth just a few hours before. I thought to myself I am sick of this same shit every morning. 

And of course, my little sister was in her usual spot at the kitchen table swinging her legs and laughing at me while I lost my mind. I swear I think I had high blood pressure at 13 seriously. Finally, I hear my mom yelling 

“Verne it's not that serious look in the freezer” 

Of course, like any normal person, I’m like the freezer? 

“What The Fuck’ 

Why would her shoes be in the freezer? 

But without even questioning it I yell 

“Yes ma’am” Right back and then proceed to look in the freezer because this is Melody after all anything is possible. 

I opened the freezer door and sure enough there they were. My sister’s sparkly ass rainbow brite tennis shoes were right between the Chicken and some Freeze pops. 

What can I say it was our usual routine what do y’all expect it’s Wednesday. Now to help this all make sense to y’all let’s take a trip back to the ’80s. 

Let’s see I think 1984 can give y’all some insight into who Melody was. 

Many people thought they knew her but I disagree they knew of her. See my mom was the baddest bitch I’ve ever known! She got up every morning, kissed me, did her hygiene routine which included a full face of flawless makeup and hair, got dressed, and of course, retouched her nails which were so long and curved as a child I often wondered how she would wipe her butt? 

She’d put on all her jewelry and head straight to the kitchen to fix her coffee everybody around knew the way she liked it. 

One tablespoon of coffee 

Three Spoons of sugar

And enough milk to look very light-skinned 

Trust me Melody could tell the difference! 

If you tried to rush and cheat her out of an ingredient, it would be some major problems and ain’t nobody got time for that.

Back then she worked in nursing so she would have on that old school white nurse’s dress with the matching white hat and what looked to me at the time to be some old-ass orthopedic nursing shoes. 

I'm telling you it’s like these shoes were worn by the very first nurse ever! And I do mean literally the exact same pair of shoes. 

The soles on these shoes were so thick she could have walked on hot broken glass and not felt a thing. 

Do you hear me, they weren’t even thick they were Obesed. 

My mom would kiss me and my grandma goodbye and tell us she loved us and she was off to get her money. Which truly didn’t even matter to her I’m sure because she just loved to take care of people. That was just her, it was her life’s purpose. But, this was only one side of my mom now the other side of Melody was quite different. 

When she wasn’t working she would take me everywhere she went. 

She drove a Silver Chevy Nova you know the kind of car my generation considered 

“A Fuck It Bucket’’ 

Now if you’re not familiar with that phrase then you’re either too young or too old. If this is the case, sit back and learn a few things. 

During the day my mom was literally looked at like an angel in my grandma’s eyes. She could do no wrong and honestly, she played that role to a tee. 

She still deserves an Oscar to this day for a lifetime of award-winning performances! 

But all jokes aside she was a genuine sweetheart. 

I would be excited whenever it was time to get in the Nova I knew it was going down. Now when I was a little girl the Eastside of Oklahoma City was beautiful! We lived on 40th and Prospect and right down the street about a mile away on Springlake Drive there used to be an Amusement Park and just a mile or so further down was 

Lincoln Park. 

Now Lincoln Park was the place to be back then every young black person who wasn’t a square hung out there. 

I was a very perceptive child so while all of my peers were playing I was watching the plays the adults made. Everything that could be sold and bought was. Everything that could be used was. Every game that could be played was played right there and I’m not talking about hopscotch. If I told any of the things I witnessed at Lincoln Park, way back then a lot of people would need DNA tests right now because those were the real ‘Players’ cheating back then was an art form. 

My mom’s best friends which she considered her sisters were a small group of young ladies who enjoyed themselves. 

They worked together, sometimes lived together, partied together and if you messed with one of the males or females they were going to get together and beat your ass. They were very loyal to each other shoot the dudes knew if they got caught fucking around that the whole crew was coming for his head. 

Looking back on it now, it’s very funny because I know for a fact that they had them men shook! 

My momma in particular was not always kicking it even though she worked very hard every day she was a Hustler and I watched her make a lot of money at Lincoln Park. 

And she was running circles around these men in every way. 

This was pretty much her routine work on a daily hustle on weekends and after dark. However several bone-chilling events were about to change our lives forever. And, nothing would ever be the same. 

For as much as I watched people occasionally, I would miss some things. A perfect example of this happened in the spring of 1984 my mom did something that had me questioning whether I ever even knew this person. The day started like any other. 

I got on the bus and went to school. 

I had what I considered a good day. When I returned home from school my grandma was very secretive about my mother’s whereabouts. 

She did tell me she was in the hospital and would be gone for a few days. I was nervous just hearing that my mom was in the hospital and the fact that she looked perfectly fine to me before I left for school just didn’t make sense to me. 

I knew something was wrong but, I grew up in the stay in a child's place era so I was very cautious not to push those boundaries and ask too many questions. Honey the fear of that ass whooping was real. 

I was an obedient child and didn’t need to get my ass whooped and I wasn't about to change my status that day. No ma’am not me. But, the more days that passed the worse I knew the situation was. 

Finally, I came home from school and I could hear my mom’s voice as I came into the house. I dropped my backpack and ran to the room. It seemed as if the hallway was a mile long but, when I got into the room (oh my god) the betrayal! 

There Melody was sitting on the bed looking as if she had not just up and disappeared for a week without any warning or explanation. And, to make matters worse she was holding what at first glance looked like a small naked mole-rat swaddled in baby blankets. 

Now it’s not that my sister was hideous it’s just the sheer shock that she even existed. I mean where did she come from where she had been. How come no one discussed this with me. 

Were we keeping her? 

I had so many questions. 

Have y’all ever have one of those 

‘When the fuck did we get ice cream moments’ 

I never saw any signs of this baby. 

I was so conflicted. 

Where was she going to live? 

Who was her mother? 

Where was her mother and when was she coming back to get her. 

I looked at that baby then looked at my mother. I repeated this process several times before making my concussion that ole’ Melody had pulled a fast one on me. She had snuck this whole baby in on me and you know thinking back my mom never really explained to me how she got us into that situation. 

After further evaluation of the child, I realized she was kind of cute and I guess since we had to keep her I could at least try to get to know her. I have to say though overall the kid wasn’t half bad as far, as siblings go. 

My mom in true Melody fashion decided to make it up to me by throwing me a sleepover and this was the real beginning of the end of childhood for me. The night of the slumber party I was so excited because this would be my first sleepover ever. 

Keep in mind I grew up in my grandma’s house who was already in her 70’s when I was born. 

Hell up until that point, the wheel of fortune used to be the highlight of my evenings. 

For christ’s sake, my Saturday was spent garage sale and swap meet hopping and my treat was an Onion Ring from Sonics! 

Soooo yes I had high expectations for my sleepover.

My guests were of course the cousins my grandma invited. Pam who would only sleep with grandma which was fine to me because she peed in the bed. I was not mad about it, believe me. 

Then you had Ashley and Lysa who were both in love with everything in the kitchen. Food was their life and as if that wasn’t bad enough they were scared of everything and I do mean everything shit they made me anxious. 

Hell, I was scared to eat slowly for real fear they were going to take my food but I was also scared to take my plate and leave the table. 

They had me paranoid even though I knew damn well it wasn’t anything to be scared of. 

And you guessed it after the Wheel of Fortune at 6:30 PM we got into the pull-out bed in the den except for Pam’s pissy ass and eventually we all fell asleep.

 (TRIGGER WARNING) 

I woke up to being carried out of the house through the back door to the back patio. Now the back patio is pitch black and it’s enclosed so not even the neighbors can see inside of the patio. I'm terrified because I can't see who’s carrying me. But, I can tell it’s a man. 

Finally, he laid me down on the couch that was on the patio. 

It was one of those old fashion ones so it creaks and slightly rocks every time someone moves. Everything happened so quickly after that he was sweating heavily as he fondled my nonexistent breast then he put his hand over my mouth as he stuck his hand inside my panties. 

I could hear him panting like a dog as he rubbed my vagina as if I was a grown woman at this point I still could not see who this was so I was trying to both focus and detach at the same time I just wanted to see who this was so I could make him pay but I also feared to see who it was thinking he would hurt me when he was done. He shoved his penis inside my panties but not inside me. 

He seemed to be content rubbing his nasty penis up and down my vagina until I heard him damn near howled as all this nasty wet stuff went all over my legs and butt. 

Afterward, he never said a word just took me back in the house but, as he attempted to lay me back down on the pull-out bed I saw his face. I knew right then I was in danger because my cousin was a dangerous grown man. 

He ran out of my grandma’s house quickly. I got up so fast and ran to my grandma’s room as if she already knew. 

She asked me very specific questions and I answered honestly. 

This is the first time I realized the problem with a lot of Black Christian Households they keep the worst secrets to keep up with the Jones even if it means serious damage for the children in the family. Now let me tell you about my grandma first I will say I'm her great-granddaughter and her namesake. 

She raised me for reasons we will get into later on. My grandma was as tough as they come; she was not to be fucked with. No one tried her NO ONE. Hell, she put 3 husbands in the grave and that’s no misprint I said it correctly she put 3 husbands in the grave. So for me once she was aware of the situation I felt it was going to be taken care of. She did ask me not to speak to anybody else about this, not even my mom. 

And now looking back I have a blurred double perception of her true motives for not wanting me to tell anyone especially my mother about it. 

Because the events that happened next have haunted me until this very day and I still never had the courage to confess this to my mother. I feel as though I cause my mother the worst pain of her life with this situation and it could have been avoided if I would have just excepted what happened to me, sucked it up, and shut the fuck up! The next morning was Sunday and all of us little girls went to church with my grandmother. 

Abruptly my grandmother snatched us out of Sunday school. 

I should have noticed that my cousin didn’t go with us but, I didn’t when we pulled up to our streets there were police cars everywhere. I could see my uncle Ned who is my grandma’s oldest son and decorated police officer. He ran to my grandmother and I ran past them into the house. What I saw to this day remains the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever witnessed. 

My mother was bloody from head to toe. Her face was unrecognizable and it looked like ground beef. She was dead and they were trying to resuscitate her. I will never forget the movie The Wiz was playing on the TV and to this day I can’t watch it. My big cousin Shelby was holding my baby sister, a newborn screaming he beat her. He said “Bitch I’m going to kill you” and there he was standing like he’d done nothing wrong. 

As the police cuffed him and walked him past me he said to me “This is on you and If you would have kept your mouth shut you would have learned to enjoy it but, little bitch you told grandma I bet you’ll learn to shut the fuck up from now on” I was devastated. 

Did I just get my mother killed and I looked at my grandma thinking you put 3 husbands in the grave but you let your grandson live? 

For weeks no one even told me if my mother was at least okay. But they damn sure made sure I didn’t take family business out of the house. 

The secrets a family will keep. 

I have since found out that I wasn’t his first victim or his last in the family and people kept his secret.

He eventually killed his handicapped brother and was rewarded with a plane ticket to Michigan.

As for my mom she eventually recovered but, never even knew why she was attacked.

The cousin that witnessed it was murdered 3 weeks later so that secret has stayed secure until now. 

But it was just a prelude to my hell now I can tell y’all the real shit. 

This was child's play come on people we’re going in.