You can blame it on Biden and Trump, who had their last presidential debate in June 2024 watched by 51 million people. The explosive coverage began immediately. Both men appeared very old—Biden was eighty-one and Trump was seventy-eight—and both showed signs of aging.
What followed was chaos. Representatives, Senators, television commentators, news reporters, and the general public seemed to have an opinion about such an old person running our country.
Before the debate people generally spoke of the elderly politely.
The age group of 85 and older is the fastest growing in American society. As we watch our loved ones age, we see our parents, spouses, partners walk with difficulty. Speech is slower; they forget words and names. They are easily distracted and cannot concentrate on conversations.
Finally, as much as we hate to talk about it, old people will die. It’s vital to be informed about the many likely decisions you will face as your or a loved one approaches the end. Ideally each person will make those decisions in advance. A framework should be developed about how to make critical complex medical decisions that include every aspect of medical care: how each person wants to live and die.
You can blame it on Biden and Trump, who had their last presidential debate in June 2024 watched by 51 million people. The explosive coverage began immediately. Both men appeared very old—Biden was eighty-one and Trump was seventy-eight—and both showed signs of aging.
What followed was chaos. Representatives, Senators, television commentators, news reporters, and the general public seemed to have an opinion about such an old person running our country.
Before the debate people generally spoke of the elderly politely.
The age group of 85 and older is the fastest growing in American society. As we watch our loved ones age, we see our parents, spouses, partners walk with difficulty. Speech is slower; they forget words and names. They are easily distracted and cannot concentrate on conversations.
Finally, as much as we hate to talk about it, old people will die. It’s vital to be informed about the many likely decisions you will face as your or a loved one approaches the end. Ideally each person will make those decisions in advance. A framework should be developed about how to make critical complex medical decisions that include every aspect of medical care: how each person wants to live and die.
Preface
As I write this, the television news is nearly exclusively focused on the two presidential candidates. Both men are “old.” Interviewers and experts are discussing this, trying to sort out what effect and impact, if any, aging has on performance. Many spokespeople express concern. Some express alarm. People are worried about the consequences of an aging President and whether he will be able to handle global problems and catastrophes effectively and in a timely manner. There are two front runners: Joe Biden and Donald Trump.
President Biden is 81 years old, and Donald Trump is 78 years old. In their first debate, they both exhibited signs of aging. Not long ago, there was worry about Senator Diane Feinstein continuing to serve prior to her death. When Nikki Haley was running, she called for younger leadership in America, likening the US Senate to a privileged nursing home.
This is not a political book. I am not going to discuss the candidates. Consider this more of a primer on aging.
According to the National Council on Aging, in 2020 there were about 58 million people over the age of 65, 38% higher than in 2010. The number of people over 100 tripled in 2020 over the number in 1980.
The U.S. Census report commissioned by the National Institute on Aging predicted that Americans over 65 will double in size by 2030 reaching 72 million. The group 85 and older is the fastest growing group in American society.
So, let’s cut to the quick: what happens to a person as they age?
And, once we understand that, how do we use that knowledge to not only make choices about tasks like voting but, more importantly, how to make life choices for ourselves.
Because those people lucky enough to keep celebrating birthdays will age. Changes will occur. Everyone should come to reconcile that their futures may look different than their pasts.
Once you understand that aging has, and will continue to, change your needs, it will encourage you to strongly consider your future choices rather than repeat what was comfortable or practical in the past. And some inevitable decisions will have no precedents.
Because only one thing is certain: everyone will die. And whether one makes choices about the final phase of their life, eventualities occur.
Many years ago, I was asked to speak to the Association of American University Women in Boca Raton, Florida, about decisions for the end of life. After I spoke, an audience member approached me and said, “When I heard what you were going to talk about, I said, ‘Who would want to listen to that?’ She then thanked me for all that she learned and was grateful for the knowledge.
What I conveyed then and what I hope to accomplish here is to raise awareness about critical decision-making in complex medical situations so that when we make important choices for ourselves or people we love, we can feel comfortable and confident that our decisions informed, valid and beneficial.
This book is written for the following people:
Everyone who is old and all of those who hope to be.
Everyone who is lucky enough to have aging parents, partners or other loved ones.
Everyone who may be called upon to make complex medical choices for themselves or others.
Remember “second childishness” from Shakespeare? That, along with jokes and humorous quotes about old age, portrays this life stage lightheartedly. At the other end, John Prine’s ‘Hello in There’ and John Denver’s ‘Old Folks’ are songs that dwell on the dark side of aged living. Old: What Happens As We Age? by Doreen Parkhurst (a senior medical doctor) is somewhere in between: it cuts to the quick of old age without shutting out the brighter side!
How old are you? If you’re 55-plus, regardless of your present health condition, you need to read this book. It discusses vital questions like whether you’ve thought about your death, how and where you would like to die, whether you’ve written a living will and appointed a surrogate or proxy, whether you’ve specified which treatments or medications you would refuse if you were terminally ill and unable to communicate, and a whole lot more. In addition to being 55-plus, if you have one or more age-related diseases, are on permanent medication, etc., then there’s no excuse for delay! You are encouraged to plan for your death straightaway!!
I loved reading this book because it addresses that one life event none can ignore: death! Another is the author’s rich expertise. She has over 30 years of experience as an ER doctor. She has studied Thanatology and provided complete (including medical) care for her mother (who lived to the ripe old age of 102) in her final years. This background is why her book is rich in highly relevant, scientific, up-to-date info on aging/death. Let me cite two examples to highlight how valuable this book is. Turn to p.80, where you’ll find the author’s personally written living will. To me, it was like a big ‘solved example’ in math. With her invaluable experience and knowledge, she has addressed all the needful points so you can be sure nothing important is missing. Therefore, if you use it as a template to write your own will, you can rest assured it’ll be perfect (or nearly!). For the second example, read the chapter ‘Hospice,’ beginning on p.81. It convincingly explains why it’s wise to admit those who are terminally ill and expected to die in about six months to a hospice rather than a nursing home.
This book is short and informative. The lines are double-spaced, and each chapter averages about three pages, making it an easy and quick read. There are occasional errors, but they are minor and don’t affect your concentration. Due to these, and primarily due to its relevance, I give it a full 5-star rating.
Death is a matter of universal relevance and importance. Hence, I recommend this book to all categories of readers, first in the USA and other English-speaking countries and next in non-English-speaking ones. I urge every household or group of cohabiting people consisting of at least one person over 55 and one under 50 to buy a copy and use it as needed. I firmly believe you won’t regret it later!