The question of a right to life: What is the risk?

“These six things the Lord Hates, 

Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:

A proud look,

A lying tongue,

Hands that shed innocent blood,

A heart that devises wicked plans,

Feet that are swift in running to evil,

A false witness who speaks lies, and

One who sows discord among brethren.”

(Proverbs 6:16–19, NKJV, emphasis added)

When you read the verses above, you can see the phrase emphasised in the middle. God hates hands that shed innocent blood. Those who have become hardened, they will do it again, however, most in this predicament prefer to skirt around that verse. 

There’s no way out but it presents an opportunity to question their own consciousness. Those caught in this situation may ask: What is an abomination? Will the Lord hate me? 

These are crucial questions but, know the following: the Lord always tests our decision-making processes. A fair example of this is from Moses when he said to the people: “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.” (Exodus 20:20, NIV)

Now, as sure as the words of Moses are true, we learn to fear the Lord, even as we consider a tricky question like “What is an abomination?” But we have an even harder question to answer. “What is the answer to the dilemma over the question of abortion that confuses our world?” It’s complex and it’s personal. 

For me, as a man, it is an issue that is at the core of my understanding, my heart and the base of my reasoning. This includes my physical and spiritual life. It cements my relationship with God, personifies and personalises my life together with that of humanity, as well as with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. 

Personally, I do not go around shouting over the rooftops concerning my relationship with Jesus. However, it is the most essential part of my daily prayers and life. I pray for more enlightenment, which will be forthcoming into our world, so people may more fully understand and comprehend the implications surrounding this confusing and complex subject. As far as I am concerned, it should be part of everyday language within every healthy family unit. Can and do the fathers in most families engage with their children on this subject before it is too late?

Our beginning lies in a short story about one of tens of millions of abortions that take place throughout the world annually. In spite of all this, one needs to reconcile that those are millions of murders, because, yes, every single human has a beginning; we are here to glorify God, we have a right to do so. There is a beginning, not because I want one, or have the desire to have one but, as I declare, I have been led by the Holy Spirit of God to start there! 

First, let me clarify the questions, I know you’re probably wondering about me. What is your experience? What is your position? What do you know? How do you feel about the subject of abortion?

I was twenty-three and living with a girlfriend, Martha, out of wedlock. A rather unstable relationship, for a short period, when I reflect on it. 

Out of the blue, one day, Martha approached me. “I’m pregnant.”

We didn’t know what to do. Realising that the pregnancy was clearly unplanned, and now sprung upon us, it was simply out of the question. What would our parents say? What would we tell our friends? After all, we did not plan nor want a child right now. A child would interfere with our hectic social lives, “no, this thing could not happen”.

As a youngster, just setting out in life, I was generally afraid of people. I had no real direction. Apart from a father whose voice made us children tremble, I was also classed within the era of baby boomers. When we look at the characteristics of baby boomers, we can draw conclusions that children born between the years 1946 and 1964, the boomers, have certain misgivings. Gibney says boomers have no real experience of trauma or deprivation, which resulted from the days of the Great Depression. 

Some boomers may consider being disciplined, resourceful, competitive, having a strong work ethic, being mentally focused, and being team orientated as part of their strong points in life that give them the edge over previous generations. However, their self-assurance and goal orientation, in my view, may have been weakened without ethics, compassion and a sense of humbleness. Although I was born during that era, I tended to avoid many of these characteristics, out of some sort of natural aversion. When I look back and reflect, I realise this aversion was a time when the Lord carried me in that single set of footsteps.

Home was serious stuff in South Africa over the post-World War II era, from 1948 to 1994. Many families had overbearing, oppressive parents, fathers in particular. Maybe this was caused by a yearning to get away from the deprivation of their former years? In the past, my faith was weak; I did not give much thought to God and His way. Although I had been baptised and had given my life to the Lord, I still had not seen His blessings. In short, I was fearful of God, as well as those in authority.

At the time, no one talked about abortion. No one would venture near that taboo topic. 

As for myself, abortion was a topic I gave no thought to, after all, it was considered an abomination in our society, as well as being illegal. You could go to jail, be locked up, for having or carrying out an abortion.

I remember that once I counselled a friend who was “up-the-pole”, a common expression at the time for being pregnant. My advice was not to get rid of it but to give it up for adoption, which she did. I did not even venture to take my own advice.

As we were desperate, we thought that an abortion was the only alternative to deal with the baby inside my girlfriend. We felt that we had to act fast and get rid of the “thing”. No thought for anyone but ourselves. 

As far as we were concerned, it would have been impossible to allow the pregnancy to go ahead, due to me studying, her working in a very new job, having just relocated to Durban. This solution suited us. No one need know. 

Martha who was older than me, having completed her studies in radiography, had been working in the medical field for a few years. She had first-hand knowledge of how a dilation and curettage (“D&C”) procedure was carried out (Martha called it “dust and clean-out”). Let me briefly explain what D&C procedures are about. A doctor will open the cervix, through medication or instruments, then remove tissue from inside the uterus. Generally, this procedure is for the treatment for various conditions, such as heavy bleeding, or to clear the uterine lining after an abortion or miscarriage. The lining can be scraped or subjected to a suction method.

Martha knew a lot; she was privy to many complex and complicated pregnancies. This procedure was carried out in certain problematic situations and Martha had been involved with many of them, in one form or another, over the past years, with various patients. 

Martha said, she could organise the situation; she knew a doctor whom she could trust who could solve our problem. It was decided there and then, without further consultation, that it was the way we would go. No discussion, just a simple request to a friendly doctor. After all, the doctor knew that D&Cs didn’t count as abortions. Perfectly legal. They had done this procedure, together, many times before.

Martha travelled by train to Johannesburg, where she had lived and worked previously, for the D&C. She returned about a week or two later, no problem. 

Our situation had changed, the abortion had been contained, and the problem solved or, had it? What about that which is often unseen, the wind? A life lost, a solution at the expense of an unborn child. For the two of us, blind as we were, we felt that we had escaped from a difficult situation and we could now get on with our lives. As I reflected later, I had no way of knowing if Martha was truly pregnant. Perhaps she had faked it to keep me from leaving her. Further, I did not even know if she had a D&C or not. I was none the wiser. I took no time discussing the matter further, no praying about it, nothing!

Many years later, I wondered whether the pregnancy issue was about Martha trying to keep a boyfriend who was slipping out of her fingers because he had other interests? Nevertheless, pregnant or not, Martha and I parted ways not long after she returned from Johannesburg. I resumed my life in Durban, Martha returned to Johannesburg where she was happiest.

When the Lord speaks

“Iron sharpeneth iron; so, a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17, KJV)

Randall Vaughn, of E-MIN, had the following to say in one of his blog posts:

“God communicates to us in many ways: sometimes through other people; sometimes through circumstances; sometimes through our perceptions – which needs a bit of explanation. After much study, I understand that we conduct our relationship with God in our spirit, not our conscious mind. This is where He communicates with us and interacts with us. (And, by the way, our conscious mind is not our spirit. These are two distinctly separate things.) We do not, for the most part, “hear” Him in our mind. Rather, our conscious mind perceives what He communicates in our spirit and presents it to us in a way we can understand it … Most people are able, to some degree, to at least hear a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ from God. But as you grow, you become more sensitive (receptive?) and can reach the point that you are having a conversation – sort of. (It is difficult to explain).”

For my part, I do agree with Randall, however, I believe that I do have conversations with God, even if they are one-sided some of the time.

I am aware of what God wants from me, every moment of every day, that is, to praise His Holy Name. Yet, carrying through with the task is yet another story. Constantly I fail, yet, I know I should return daily and say, “Holy Father, I have sinned against you and your Holy Spirit, please forgive my sins seen and unseen. Give me the grace to continue to put my trust in you.”

I prayed this short prayer of forgiveness for years. Then, out of the blue, one day, during a mediation session, the Lord spoke to me through a conversation. 

The Lord asked me, “What have you done?”

I did not know what He meant. 

Again, He asked, “What have you done, Michael?” 

The question puzzled me for some days. I had almost forgotten about it when, out of the blue, a young girl asked me “Michael what about the baby?” 

“What baby?” 

She said, “You know very well. After all, she was just a virgin.” 

Well that was it, I fell in a heap. I collapsed with remorse and shock for what I had been part of. What had I done? This direct question came to me from the Lord. I believe it was something like Paul’s Damascus road experience. 

Pregnancy, true or not? I did not know anymore! However, what I had experienced, and what God the Creator had shown me, was my first lesson in accountability. A first lesson, to a deeper understanding that there is more to life than oneself, the alter ego. This fact shattered me as a physical being and the things of the flesh, which I regarded so highly.

It was then I realised, despite all the biblical teaching, church attendance and praising God I had done in my life – I had killed a person. The song by Queen, “Bohemian Rhapsody”, rang through my head for a few weeks, I could not shake out the words, “Any way the wind blows, doesn’t really matter to me, to me. Mama, just killed a man ...”. Yes, the feeling of absolute shame and carelessness, my lack of perspective, perception, humility, and my gross selfishness, came rushing towards me. I was standing in the wind. 

When the Holy Spirit moves you, you will know. I realised then that many of the words of music that I liked, and listen to, came from an era of the sixties and seventies. Many of these songs’ lyrics often had scriptural extracts within them. The more I listened, the more I was led by the Holy Spirit to understand how Our Lord spoke into, and through, the music of the baby boomer generation. I guess this scenario has not changed much over time as society searches for answers to its ills. My search came to an abrupt end.

In helping the reader understand what the experience was like, the gravity of it, why, when the Lord’s Holy Spirit comes into your life, nothing can, nor will remain the same. Love changes everything. My personal processing principles came into play.

I was horrified by my own actions. This was my new point of view, as I looked around, I realised that I was standing in the wind. I was suddenly prepared to take responsibility and face the consequences of my previous careless deed! My Christian thoughts urged me to change my shame into guilt. But how would I accomplish that?

I had made a decision not thinking. Not even applying my mind to its consequences, nor even giving it a second thought. Just like taking out the garbage. I had been part of a decision to dispose of an innocent unborn baby. I agreed to destroy the life of a potential son or daughter – simply flippant and foolhardy?

I felt like my world was being eaten up by my sinful, foolhardy and ignorant attitudes. I spent weeks pondering, praying, and meditating over the situation. My life was in shambles. This impact recoiled within my innermost being.

A revelation from the Lord through the question of an unknown young girl. For me, it was the lowest ebb of a worthless life. No matter how I looked at it, I was not dreaming. My life would never be the same again. 

Just what had I done? These five words rang in my head for days as I took time to come to grips with this encounter with the Lord. I did not realise, at the time, the significance of what had happened, at first. However, this occurrence would play itself out in my life, time and again. How many times I have returned to reflect on it as a turning point? I cannot say. All I know is, to me, it was an encounter as part of my walk with God.

Today, forty years later, I live with the realisation of my guilt. Nevertheless, Christ provided a solution. Real or imagined, today I am freed from sin. Jesus turned my shame into guilt. He saved me through the blood He shed for me! I walked a life of shame for many years. The Lord brought me through it; He brought me back through His Word. He has shown me and taught me how to change shame into guilt. 

I believe that there is a need for Christians in all walks of life to understand the relationships of regret, shame and guilt. A simple explanation is to look at the feelings each inspire. Regret is about a feeling (realisation) of sadness for a past wrong committed intentionally or unintentionally. Shame is about a similar feeling of sadness, but it may be caused by another person or situation, which pushes one into thinking they are unworthy. Guilt is the realisation one has the capability to change a situation, so that one may act in a more moral way. In explaining the difference between guilt and shame, the Gospel Coalition explained: Guilt says, “You did something wrong.” Shame says, “That’s why you need to hide. You’re no good. You deserve to live in darkness. Come with me; I’ll lead the way.” 

By understanding and accepting the guilt of Adam, that is, being the first to sin against God, provided for the realisation Adam felt as he understood that he should now act in a more moral way. Remember, he was the first one to sin against God. Christ, the second Adam, perfect in every way, revealed His love for me, a poor sinner. Jesus showed me His grace, the reason why He shed His blood for me as well as for each one of us. Further, He helped me to forgive myself and others. Jesus showed me how to live a victorious life, a forgiven life, a life protected by Jesus, a life in His presence and without fear. 

Jesus showed me how, in spite of my sin, I can, through Him, bring hope and comfort to those who are going through various phases of torment. Even to those who know the pain of having killed and disposed of a foetus, their own child! To bring hope to those who may also be considering abortion as an option or a way out. 

Who owns a termination, an abortion?

As one grapples with the responsibility of the sinful action, various questions arise in the mind, presumably as part of a tempting escape route. I have to understand who owns a termination or an abortion, as it is referred to. 

Abortion is not a decision that can be owned by a single person or body. Far more is at stake once a woman becomes pregnant. The life of the unborn does not belong to a woman. It is not her decision; it is far more than that. The Gospel of Matthew (10:28, NIV) says: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” 

For me, this verse tells us that life is about the soul, the life we share with others and how we, as humanity, are connected to all people of this world. Nobody can own a termination; it is one of the ills in our world as a consequence of the sin of Adam. There is a moral obligation, which drives me towards a world where termination is not an option.

As a believer, Jesus has shown me how one can live through this termination drama and still be blessed beyond measure. It is not simple; it is not easy. This life can only be lived victoriously through the blood of the lamb, which has been shed for each one of us. Blessing after blessing has been given to me, a sinner. I took the time to repent and surrender my life to Jesus. His capability and capacity to give exceeds my wildest dreams. I now have joy in my heart.

What about you? Is your heart filled with Joy? Do you believe in God, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus, God’s Son? Have you received the promise made by God, Jesus His son, and what Jesus left for us the Holy Spirit, to live within you? 

Give it a try, Jesus never lets you down.