You’re not perfect, my dear. And the man you hope to meet will not be perfect either, not entirely. But that doesn’t matter. The important thing is how you feel about each other, and whether you both make each other happy. Because that’s what this is all about, you see. The sharing of true happiness. For nothing else can tell you that you’re perfect together.
Pristine Miller, The Mysteries of Eros
When single women talk of romance, they often speak in terms of what’s ideal to them—the qualities they desire in a man, that is—as well as what they hope for in a happy and satisfying relationship. Many look for guys with handsome faces, well-toned muscles, and good instincts for accumulating wealth, for instance. Other women want their partners to be tender and affectionate, thoughtful and intelligent, or just plain fun-loving and sweet and skilled at cunnilingus. The wish lists vary, but one thing every woman has in common is a universal dream of finding love and lasting happiness with someone who is perfect for them.
That is where this book will come in handy.
In the pages that follow, you’ll find a treasure trove of ideas, information, and instructions that can radically transform your love life into everything you’ve ever hoped it could be. This isn’t an exaggeration. What you’re about to read here is a vast and comprehensive guidebook meant to utterly demystify relationships for you. We cover everything. Attraction. Dating. Body language. Conversation skills. Seduction. Men’s fantasies. Sex. Commitment. Love. And that’s all just for starters. There are literally thousands of in-depth, useful topics to explore, over 180 chapters stuffed with secrets, tips, and practical advice to help you win your heart’s desire. Truly, our goal is to empower you to meet the partner of your dreams and keep him spellbound. And it doesn’t matter if you’re plump or skinny, young or not so young, pretty or plain, shy or extroverted. Whoever you are and whatever you’ve been through, the power to enchant a man is in you. All you need to do is turn it on.
Two hearts beating as one
Before we continue, we’d like to introduce ourselves and give you some insight on why we’re considered experts on this subject. Let’s start with a little history.
We met in college while pursuing doctorates—one in psychology, the other in philosophy. We both felt disillusioned by the Southern California singles scene. We’d “been around.” We’d each wasted a lot of time on doomed relationships and partners who weren’t right for us.
But after our first date together, everything changed. We soon learned what it meant to really be in love with someone. To feel delighted by each other. Captivated. Smitten. Fascinated. We felt as though our souls had caught on fire and engulfed us in a blaze of youthful passion. Indeed, we felt as if we shared a soul. And that was only the beginning.
After graduation, we got married and have kept that fire burning for more than two decades.
Since then, life has been a whirlwind of adventure for us. We began a family: two beautiful girls who have since grown into talented, astonishing young women. We also founded the Goodhart Matchmaking Academy, a service which has helped more than 11,000 women find true love with partners worthy of them.
And if they can do it, so can you.
It all starts with this book
What you’re holding in your hands right now is power. As the title hints, the knowledge you’re about to gain here will equip you to find, attract, and keep a man who’s perfect for you.
We began to write this tome nine years ago as a reference manual for our clients as they learned how to meet men through our academy. But the work evolved, of course. We eventually realized that the lessons it contained were much too valuable to women for us to restrict to our exclusive members-only romance service.
To gain more unique insight on what men want and why, and the many ways in which romantically successful women find and keep their partners, we interviewed 4,700 married couples: 2,350 women and 2,350 men of all ages, each of whom described themselves as totally and happily in love. This research was enlightening, to say the least. We asked them for whatever useful tips they could share, as well as the details of their long relationships. What were their original impressions of each other? What attracted them to their partners? What did they do to be attractive? When did they know they were meant to be together? How did they make it last? And so on. Hundreds of questions, each tailored to get right to the core of that eternal mystery: What does a woman need to do to make her dreams of finding love come true?
We’ve got the answers for you. We want you to know that good, healthy relationships are possible for you. To not lose hope. To understand that no one needs to put up with those cads and scumbags who play games to get your panties off. To not settle some noxious, lesser man when 20 million better ones are just around the corner. Love is out there, waiting for you.
Here’s how we will help you find it.
First, unlike most other “How to get a man” advice, the methods we promote are honest and completely free of trickery. We do not advocate deceiving men or playing head games with them. We’re entirely opposed to manipulation tactics and trying to make anyone do anything they do not want to do. Those techniques are best left to the liars, cheats, and con artists who practice them. Instead, we recommend sincerity. We advocate your being able to present the best possible version of yourself, and thereby be adored for who you really are.
Second, we are rational. We believe the best approach to overcoming challenges is to think logically about them, and to base one’s actions on reality, not flights of fancy. Forget the love gurus who blabber about star signs, fate, and pseudoscience. Here, we defer to the real world and what’s actually possible. That means we’ll be blunt at times and offer you hard truths, some of which may seem offensive to some readers. But it also means we’ll prepare you to achieve the happiest romantic outcomes in your life, avoid getting your heart broken by scoundrels, and to steer clear of the pitfalls of misinformation and bad judgment.
Third, we emphasize in-person connections. Looking for romance on the Internet is like trying to do facial recognition at a masquerade. Computer screens are masks, and you never really know who’s hiding on the other side. Besides, men of quality do not have online dating profiles because they don’t need to advertise themselves. If you want somebody real, you’ll need to find him in the real world. But don’t worry. The lessons in this book will prepare you to get out and do it.
With all this in mind, it’s time to get you started on your journey. To help you navigate this guide, we’ve grouped the chapters in “parts,” each dealing with a series of related topics, such as “Making Conversation” and “Perfecting Your Sex.” These segments, in turn, are structured within larger themes:
• IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU. This theme focuses on who you are as an individual. Our goal is to help you enhance yourself from the inside out. The chapters cover everything from improving your self-confidence and inner beauty to boosting your sex appeal.
• UNDERSTANDING MEN. All the things you’ve ever wanted to know about the minds and motives of mankind, and then some. We delve into the shadows of men’s true desires. We shed light on their secrets: their turn-ons, fears, and fantasies. We show you how to decode men’s unspoken feelings just by watching how they move their bodies.
• FINDING HIM. Discover hundreds of fun places to go meet somebody. Learn how to strike sparks with men in dark nightclubs, coffee shops, and while you’re traveling. There are lessons here to help you spot a good guy when you see one, as well as strategies for keeping clear of losers, jerks, and psychopaths. Plus, if you’ve ever hoped to become more than “just friends” with a guy, we’ve got you covered.
• MEETING HIM. This is where we get into the nitty-gritty details of first impressions. How to get approached and be alluring. How to break the ice with a guy. How to flirt effectively, have amazing conversations, build rapport, and leave him wanting more. The skills you master in these chapters will ensure that you’re never lacking men’s interest.
• THE PERFECT FIRST DATE. Get asked out and have a great time on your first date. We talk about the best places to go (and to avoid). How to prep yourself ahead of time. What to bring in your first-date survival kit, and why. The ins and outs of restaurant etiquette, including who should pay for dinner; how to fascinate him with table talk, and the smoothest ways to ensure a magical first kiss.
• KEEPING HIS INTEREST. Once you begin dating someone, the next step is to build an excellent relationship with him. We reveal how to become the best girlfriend he’s ever had—someone he would never dream of breaking up with. We offer advice on a variety of couples-oriented topics, such as meeting each other’s friends and children (if applicable), defining commitment, handling sexting, dealing with gender roles, and deepening your intimacy. We even supply professional techniques for taking sexy photos of yourself, just in case you want to give your man some hot reminders of your “virtues.”
• THE PHYSICAL CONNECTION. Think of this as sex ed for adults. Twenty steamy chapters dedicated to passion, foreplay, lovemaking, and all the down-and-dirty details you need to be a goddess in the bedroom. Curious about what really gets a man turned on? Take a peek at “Becoming the Lover of His Dreams.” Want an illustrated guide to intercourse? Check out “Sexual Positions That Will Drive Him Wild”. This segment also contains essential information on ways you can protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancies, coercive partners, and other risks. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. Our advice will help you keep it that way.
• LOVE, ETC. Here’s where we deal with deepening your partnership. Understand the different ways men fall in love with women, and how they often fall back out. Learn about the right time to move in together, how to live with someone you’re in love with and create a happy home with him, and vital tips for getting his parents to adore you as a member of the family. We help you deal with drama, too: arguments, bad moods, hurt feelings, and so on. We finish with advice on preparing your relationship for marriage.
• TO HAVE AND TO HOLD. The last part is about engagement. This is where we cover the best ways to get your partner to propose to you. We talk about the ring, of course, and how to help your man warm to the thought of marriage without being pushy. We also list warning signs for when someone may have cold feet about marriage or no real intention of walking down the aisle. Of course, if you follow our advice on finding a great man and nurturing your relationship with him, this may never be an issue. You’ll have no trouble finding someone wonderful to spend your life with.
So that’s the book in a nutshell.
Feel free to read it straight through, if you want, or jump ahead to any chapter that looks interesting to you. Keep it on hand for quick access to the information you need, when you need it. How to Find & Keep Your Perfect Man is more than just a guidebook: it’s a wise, friendly companion for your quest to discover true love.
Rychard and Virginia