DiscoverPoetry

Heart Fire

By

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A book of heartfelt poetry that covers very difficult subjects and wonderfully expresses the suffering of going through narcissistic abuse

Synopsis

This collection of contemporary poems and ideas is the product of two years of suffering and healing. Written by a medical student beginning the rigors of medical training, it depicts a narrative that may light a fire in the hearts of many who choose to read it. It touches on the importance of friends, family and the experiences of mental illness and psychological abuse. Free form in nature, the poetry contained within the book represents the raw pain and emotion- and the multifaceted nature of life- that has since been transformed into confidence and hope within the author.

“janam-
soul.
listen.
hold me like this:
like I’m a precious metal in
desperate times.
I will break if dropped,
mold your outline with me.
your eyes see beautifully-
cup me in your hands,
let me bloom, shy.
let your shoulder- that gorgeous rock- be my pillow. joonam- precious one.
I cannot be close enough.
touch me again,
so I can breathe.”


The book starts with a heartfelt introduction to the author and their struggles. I always find it better when poetry books start with this kind of introduction as it sets the tone for the rest of the book and enables you to see more in the poetry than you may have otherwise been able to. 


I found the poetry to be wonderfully written and very emotional. The best poetry makes you feel as you read it and I found that in this book. The journey the poetry takes you on as you delve deeper was a similar one to what I have been on myself, especially that of being in a relationship with a narcissist and the many confusing emotions that accompany that experience. Thus I found the book to be a balm of sorts and think others who have been through similar may also find it to be. 


“dear past me, (you poor thing)
you can’t win a game against a
narcissist
they live by no rule but
do unto others, before they do unto you.
best wishes, wise future self.”


A quote I think every survivor of narcissistic abuse needs to read. I found the book to be incredibly touching and a positive journey from narcissistic abuse to finding and loving yourself whilst coming to terms with your suffering. I’d definitely recommend this book!


Disclaimer - I received a free digital download of this book from Reedsy Discovery in exchange for an honest review.

Reviewed by

Books are one of my main passions and have been since I was a teenager. I‘Be completed two goodreads challenges so far with 125 books in 2018 and 200 books in 2019. I decided to start my blog and bookstagram to document my book journey and bring recommendations to others.

Synopsis

This collection of contemporary poems and ideas is the product of two years of suffering and healing. Written by a medical student beginning the rigors of medical training, it depicts a narrative that may light a fire in the hearts of many who choose to read it. It touches on the importance of friends, family and the experiences of mental illness and psychological abuse. Free form in nature, the poetry contained within the book represents the raw pain and emotion- and the multifaceted nature of life- that has since been transformed into confidence and hope within the author.

Prologue

One day this year, I don’t remember when, I woke with a song in my heart again- a song which I had long forgotten. A song which I soon recognized from my childhood. I was a young child who spent all my time with my nose in a book. I spent the mornings in middle school, before the bell rang, in the library. Lost in other worlds. And I don’t think my mind ever stopped spinning and chugging out ideas and realizations. This never stopped, even as I grew older. Time passed. As life threw its talons into my skin, I began to sustain injury.


           Pain, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, may pile itself up in our hearts and souls until we become numb or profoundly sad. I had dreams, however, that kept me going. I had a plethora of outstanding family members and friends – to whom this book is dedicated. Above all, I have God who has been here always, and will always be here. One day not so long ago, I had a mental breakdown. Nothing poetic about that. I was catatonic, I was floating in the pool of my backyard, with the hot sun beating down on me and my mom was moving my legs for me. I couldn’t move them; they were paralyzed with depression. I remember looking up at the green, plastic-like leaves of the ficus in our back yard- the breeze was blowing lazily. It was paradise, for the desert. But the beauty of it made me even more sad. I knew then that I had never been lower.


           Eventually, my mother took me to my primary care doctor. I was lying on the exam table oscillating between maniacal laughter and tears. I knew that I had lost it. My doctor walked in that room and told me I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t thinking straight. He was gentle, he was wise, he was graceful. His words were directed, I’m sure, by God. I remember he made my mother cry, too. He told me that I had to get well, otherwise I could not start medical school. I was so weak, then, that I couldn’t drive a car. I lay there, unable to imagine any future for me. The tears on my cheeks were very hot. From there, we started a few medications to help me begin to function again. Slowly, I began to get better. Weeks passed and I went on to medical school, which has been the greatest adventure of my life. The first weeks were a whirlwind of challenges, but I carefully built myself back up.

           

           Somewhere in the following months, I -unfortunately- fell in love with a very unkind person. After they broke my heart, I fell very low again- almost to my old breaking point. I lost 15 lbs. I couldn’t eat or sleep. My studies suffered. I grew very ill once more. Time passed, and God then brought physicians into my life both to teach me and to heal me. He gave me the greatest friends who have since brought me back to life. I found myself laughing again. From this blessed, precious healing comes this book. With each beat of my heart, a word has surfaced into this collection. There are both rhyme and reason here, but it is my gift to you that you decide what these words mean to you. I hope you treasure these words in your own way, and that the healing of my soul might be a story to read time and time again. Choose your cadence. Choose your viewpoint. Read the words, and know me better.



pg. 12:


no flame as of now

still heart, I am naïve

as a dove is to vanity


my words are not mine

at this time, I am an echo

of what is around me


a purpose set before me,

that I know is true

but I don’t know why

thus, I start here

in stillness


nothing moving

nothing changing

I don’t know what I wait for

all I know is that I am waiting



pg. 23

bleu


it’s not that I hate

what you smell like.


I just hate that I can smell you even when

you’re far from me.


so it’s like you’re here, but you aren’t

and it is not my nose

that can love you.


It is my hands, my eyes- I want the

easy fragrance of you-

sweet and cool

to be touched by my fingers and

held by my arms.



pg. 166

love


it has struck me that the love

I have craved hasn’t been love at all.

I have so much love already, endless,

right in front of me.


I’m not alone, as I feel.

I’m not worthless, as I think.

I am not drying up or fading.

My bones aren’t brittle, they’re strong.

My skin isn’t weak, it’s thick.

The hair on my head is only thinning

to make way for new growth.


And all this time, I hoped for more-

it never came-

because really,

I already have everything.




About the author

The author is a third-year medical student. Native to Arizona, her travels are currently taking her to Montana where she will be completing clerkships. Her goal is to become a cardiovascular or general surgeon and eventually support individuals with disabilities. view profile

Published on July 02, 2020

10000 words

Genre: Poetry

Reviewed by

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