Introduction
I once had a client say to me during a therapy session, “A lot of what you tell me, I already know. I just needed to be reminded of it.” This client couldn’t have been more correct, and I was glad to know I was doing my job right. All the answers and solutions a person is searching for already sits within them, and the more self-awareness a person develops, the more they will find themselves saying, “I already knew this.” Often, all you need is someone to remind you that you already possess the answers you seek.
If you read my first book, Wanderlust Healing: A Journey Back To Self, you are familiar with my personal journey of healing from a life built around societal expectations and creating a life I truly wanted to be living. After leaving my job as a mental health therapist, I started my own writing and coaching business, which combines the practices of Western psychology with Eastern philosophy and ancient healing modalities. My decision to move into coaching and start my own business was influenced by my own journey of self-discovery. I wanted to teach and share with others what worked for me and what I’ve witnessed work for others who integrate a more holistic approach to healing and facing life’s challenges.
In traditional Western psychology, the mind is studied objectively, as an object. This approach applies the same to every person. However, the conscious mind is a portal, an entry point into the subconscious mind, which cannot be measured objectively from the outside. The subconscious mind can only be studied subjectively from the inside, by the individual whose mind is being studied. Because of this objective approach in Western psychology, the soul, spirit, and energetic body of a person are completely denied and left out of any treatment plan. But it is an individual’s soul that makes them unique, and without this consideration, a one-size-fits-all approach tends to be used.
This is not to say that science and Western-based psychotherapy modalities are not helpful or that they do not work. But I have found that they are merely one piece of a larger puzzle when it comes to healing the mind, body, and spirit. When modern-day Western psychotherapy approaches are combined with ancient healing practices, real healing is possible. It is a healing at the deepest core levels of the soul, which traditional Western psychology tends to leave out.
After my ayahuasca journey, which marked the ending of my first book, I travelled back to Asia, after not being there for over ten years. This time, my purpose was to advance my own knowledge of traditional and ancient Eastern healing modalities. I did energy healing and somatic therapy in Bali, explored different types of yoga and breathwork practices in Vietnam, and continued to learn the art and importance of mindfulness in Japan.
As I began implementing this knowledge and these practices in my own life, my general approach to and perspective of life shifted. The day-to-day life challenges and stressors everyone experiences didn’t magically vanish; I just learned how to face and deal with them differently. My coping skills and problem-solving abilities improved. Today, friends and family often ask me, “How are you so calm about x?” or “Why do you make y look so easy?” The simple answer is this: I trust that everything is working out for my highest good, and I have faith that I am being divinely guided by something that is bigger than myself.
Evolved: Transformative Solutions for Common Problems is less focused on my own journey of healing and self-discovery and more focused on our journey, as a collective. After all, we are all connected.
Through my work as a mental health therapist in a variety of settings—including addiction recovery, community mental health, criminal justice, and general practice—I’ve witnessed firsthand the day-to-day life challenges we all deal with, from relationship issues to workplace stress and burnout, from anxiety to low mood and grief.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard clients say they’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. They’ve tried all the recommended talk therapies, prescribed medications, and different types of doctors and therapists, but are still left feeling empty, unfulfilled, and unhappy with their life. All their issues and problems are still here, and I’m usually the fourth or fifth therapist they’ve tried. They’re all hoping I can give them the formula or magical solution that will finally improve their life.
Every time, I tell my clients the same thing: the solution is within you, the answers are within you, the magic is within you. No one but you can change your life. Sometimes, this is met with curiosity; other times, pure frustration. Many clients are hoping someone other than themselves will have the answers to fix all their problems and set them on a path to a happy life. Faced with the statement that all the answers they seek are already within them, some clients want to explore more with me, while others simply want to end the conversation and find another therapist. These clients are not yet ready to accept the fact that they already possess all the power and wisdom they need to change their lives and that it will not be discovered outside of themselves. They are not yet ready to step into their power and take control of and responsibility for their life. There can be many reasons for this. Maybe they do not truly believe they hold this power. Maybe the idea of accountability and accepting that they created the life they are currently living is too much to face. Maybe they don’t know how or where to start and are too scared to try. Maybe they simply don’t have the faith or confidence in their own ability to change their life. This can be due to conditioning from society as a whole all the way down to individual family and cultural expectations that tell people who they should be instead of fostering an environment that allows them to be who they want to be.
Evolved: Transformative Solutions for Common Problems addresses the most common life challenges I’ve identified in my work with thousands of clients and in myself. This book provides workable solutions and exercises for these challenges, drawn from both Western psychology and Eastern philosophies and healing practices. The goal is to help you reconnect with your true self.
Your true self is the purest, truest version of you. It is buried deep beneath the conditioning you received from your parents and the defense mechanisms you developed from trauma, past negative experiences, and any fears you may carry. All of the guidance and answers you seek already reside within your true self, but you need to learn how to access this part of yourself, tap into it, and trust it.
There is no guaranteed one-size-fits-all approach to living a happy, successful, and fulfilling life. Society claims to have the answers to unlocking true happiness: get educated, meet someone special, marry, buy a home, have a family, get a good job with a pension and benefits. This may very well be the path to happiness for some. The problem arises when people begin to think that it’s the only path to happiness and that not fulfilling this formula will mean your life is incomplete and you’ve failed to meet society’s measure of “true success.”
In a world filled with this type of messaging, it can be difficult to remember that we all have a unique path and purpose and that only we—not society, not our parents or grandparents—are the ones who know what that is. We all came here with a unique blueprint of who we are meant to be and become. This blueprint includes a plan for all areas of our life. Things such as your career, your health, your relationships, your vision, and your purpose have all been set out for you. The secret is in knowing how to tap into this wisdom that resides within you and align with it to create a life of meaning and purpose. Once you align with that purpose, life gets better. Things begin to flow. Invisible doors begin to open. The more you walk that path, the clearer it all becomes.
As Carl Jung said, “The shoe that fits one person, pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” approach or way of living that works for one person may not work for another. This is why it’s so important to tune into your inner voice, body, and higher self and listen to the messages they’re sending you. When we are fully connected to our minds, bodies, and spirits, we will start to understand who we truly are, what our purpose is here, and what major life lessons we are meant to learn. To do this, though, we need to connect with ourselves and with who we are outside of the bonds of societal expectations or conditioning that has been imposed upon us since childhood from family, culture, and institutions.
This path of self-discovery into your true self can take many forms, such as writing, journaling, meditation, yoga, travel, or all of the above. This journey is a personal one, unique to each individual, just like our blueprint. Once you tap into this unique path that’s designed only for you, dreams become reality and fears become only an illusion that you have the power to change. Peace will surround you, success will flow to you, and there will be less resistance in all areas of your life.
The most important thing is staying true to your purest self, which guides your purpose. Your job is to forget about any messaging you have been fed from your external world—even from well-intentioned people who think they know what is best for you. These messages can come from parents, friends, extended family, and colleagues, but none of these people are you; only you know your path.
Everyone is looking for a magic pill for happiness and success. The secret is, it’s within you.
