MY TESTIMONY “MY STORY”
Each of our lives is a book being written by the finger of God. Each of us, in our own unique way, is a kingdom message to the world. My book is vast now thick and worn. I can assure you that each page is filled with the glory of God’s goodness. The ink is holy golden oil. He is teaching us—me, the kids, all who were involved in this ministry—to pray and, by doing so, we become a living part of what God had entrusted into our hands. Praying The Lord’s Prayer by Cheddie Keith here I was in Rochester NY, the place I had lived most of my life. I was in agonizing emotional and mental pain from the news I had received about this fantastic job opportunity that my husband received. The reality was my husband and I would be moving thousands of miles away from our home in Rochester, New York, to Deland, Florida. I was numb, in shock, in disbelief. My hometown was the place where I created all my childhood and adult memories. The place where I grew up, got married and had children. The place where I had built two successful businesses, Tonja’s Personal Touch Hair Salon and Headz Up Hats Boutique. The place where I grew my spiritual roots that developed into the tree that resides within me even now. As I feed my spirit, it continues to grow. The tree of me requires pruning from time to time, and life’s circumstances have a way of shedding light on the areas in need of the cut. For the health of my tree, the removal of spiritual dead branches and stubs makes room and promotes healthy growth. I encountered all sorts of unwanted thoughts that caused plenty of frustration and distress. These thoughts all stemmed from my attachment issues, familiarity, and self-centeredness. To be separated from the things that gave me a sense of security and safety was a big blow. It felt like death. I would soon depart from the place I called home. Amidst it all, I had to show up at work in my daily world without missing a beat. On the external and surface level my face was giving outward smiles, meanwhile inwardly I was contending with the thoughts and feelings of what felt like a severing. I stood overwhelmed. Where I once offered only cheerful superlatives, I now stood showing no signs of optimism, enthusiasm, or cheer. It was as far off from my personality as the new distant state of Florida. The squeeze was on! My prideful ego and self-conscious mind were going a mile a minute; it had taken over and gotten the best of me. I was emotionally set back and apprehended by the fruit of my lower-level carnal thoughts. I was in grief. I was fighting to survive. I had spiraling thoughts. I worried about my livelihood and all that I had worked so hard to accomplish in business for over the past 33 years. I felt cuffed, arrested, and imprisoned in my mind. I thought of all the years of hard work, research, the blood sweat, and tears, all my focused years of creating and all the business relationships cultivated and built. This would take a mere year to dismantle. I was consumed by constant thoughts of what else I would be leaving behind. Yes, there was the material and emotional business side of it. But now I thought about all the interpersonal bonds between my immediate family members, the regular face-to-face interactions with my son, my mom, my dad, my siblings, my closest friends, and other family members in the Rochester area. My family and friends represented safe havens and comfort for me. These loving interactions were something I relied on. Rochester was the place where relatability and familiarity were constants. These factors were not easy connections to release. Soon those relationships would be non-existent, or so it seemed. Unplugging my life from Rochester would certainly be a process. To say I was very resistant is a vast understatement. My inside groanings and thoughts screamed! The echoing sounds in my mind radiated with these words. I worked so hard to establish myself here with family, friends, and business. I have a good supportive customer base. Many of my clients and customers have become family. I was sinking in a mire of plaguing thoughts. I don’t even know anybody in Florida! Out of all the inside chatter going on, the number one concern was What the *HEAVEN* would I do in Florida? I don’t know anyone in Florida and for that matter anything about Florida. I cannot assume that the hat store business would even work over here. I do not want to start another salon! On and on these harassing, spinning thoughts bombarded my mind. I was riddled with despair, anxiety, and doubt. I felt genuinely hopeless, I could not see the forest for the trees. I had entertained and engaged my intrusive thoughts too much. Meanwhile, my husband would need to report to his new job in July of 2016. He and I agreed that I would travel back and forth to Florida for the year while I worked on closing my businesses. (God Was with Me Guiding Me). I can recall that when traveling to Florida, each time I flew, no matter who the passenger was that I sat next to, it felt like an assignment from God. God would do that thing he had done many other times in my life no matter where I was. That thing I am talking about is He would use my gift of insight, counsel, encouragement, and exhortation. Anyone who knows me will cosign to this. Without fail for as long as I can remember God had used me to uplift, encourage, and inspire others. This was part of my nature as it didn’t require thought. If needed, I had a listening ear as God quickened me to provide answers to others in their time of need. Without fail, this happened wherever I was. Even in the distressed state of mind I was in, I was used this way. It was as if I was a magnet for those in need. I recall on one trip a young man opened up about questionable feelings he was having. He was living with friends, and they started having conflicts that were escalating and becoming increasingly more frequent. The company that he was keeping was not the ideal situation for his emotional well-being or his physical safety. By the time the flight was over, he knew what he should do and where he should go. On another flight I got to listen to an individual talk about how he buried his brother. He was now executor of his brother’s business. Leaning forward in his seat, he gave details about handling his brother’s estate and business affairs. He was stupefied by the lack of respect the employees displayed. He observed the employees steal from his deceased brother and offer him the goods from the company with no regard. He was treated as if he had no personal stake or interest in the company that he was overseeing. A listening ear and sound advice shadowed in on each occasion. On yet another flight I listened to a middle-aged woman who found herself on life’s journey facing the reality that she had not physically mothered any children. She questioned herself at this point in her life whether she had made the right decision by not having children. Each of these random encounters placed me in a posture to listen. In each case the person I met was met exactly where they were at their point of need. God would speak through me, and calm and resolve happened yet again. God was in fact using me to help others. I got the feeling when I saw the way each person opened up to me so freely that I had been strategically placed. Each encounter felt purposeful after talking. Although these exchanges happened, looking back on it now, I feel like Jacob in Genesis 28:16 when he put a rock under his head and fell asleep. God began to speak to him in a dream and when he woke up, Jacob said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.” The ruminations over moving to Florida continued. All I could think about was what I would be losing because of this move. At one point I told my husband, “You go without me! I’ll stay here.” He had received a job offer that advanced him into senior leadership, an opportunity of a lifetime, one that he could not refuse. My disposition and attitude left no room for me to feel happy about the good news that he had received. I was caught up in the drama of my prideful ego. It was my faith that sustained and helped me coast through this struggle. My faith! I prayed and read my Bible often. God would use random people to confirm that we were on the right track as far as the relocation was concerned. One such incident happened when a long- time client gave me a gift of liquid hand soap. The gel inside the bottle was a pretty hue of green but that was not the kicker. First, there was no special occasion that merited me receiving the gift at the time she gave it. This gift predated the news of my husband’s job opportunity and our relocation. When I was given the soap, the words she used stood out to me; they were unforgettable. She said, “This is for you and your family.” Not sure why her comment was such a big deal, but it was and soon enough I would understand. It wasn’t until after I received the news about the relocation that the name on the liquid soap bottle struck me. The name of the soap read “Dalan,” a name I had never heard of or seen before. I also remembered those words,” This is for your family.” Come to find out, we would soon start our transition to Florida in a place called DeLand, Florida. This felt like a sign to me. I cannot deny this really felt like it was in line with God’s plan for us. However, I just wasn’t in line with God’s plan for us. I continued to have internal unrest. My husband spoke to a few ministers, and they encouraged him to move forward with the relocation. So, forging forward is what we did. Fast forward to living in DeLand, Florida. Where would I begin now that I am in this new and unfamiliar environment? This was a question that continued to plague me. Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge I am so grateful for my long-time dear sister and friend, Vanessa, who traveled from Rochester to Florida and made her way over to visit with me in DeLand. In a wonderful way, God used her to pull me out of my funk. After coming to DeLand she took me around and introduced me to my new surroundings. We drove to Daytona Beach, where she showed me all sorts of places and things I didn’t know existed. It really helped lift me out of my mire. Vanessa and her husband had lived in Florida some years ahead of my husband and me, so she knew her way around and took pleasure in showing me what was at my fingertips. I am not sure if she was aware of it at the time, but I was her assignment. I am sure of that now. Finally, while in her presence, I exhaled. She introduced me to a place called Altamonte Springs. It was a 45-minute drive from DeLand, but I didn’t mind at all. I would go over and walk around this incredibly beautiful reservoir of water at Cranes Roost Park. It was amazing. God used her to introduce me to a church called River of Life Christian Center in Orlando, and I loved it there. God breathed fresh life in me. My faith in God, the place where I found answers in certain and uncertain times, increased. God proved faithful whenever I asked, sought, and knocked. God’s door was open then and still is always open with answers. Now, I might not always listen to what He is saying or even want to hear what He is saying to me, but he always provides answers when I ask. Remembering this was my turning point. But when the father sends the advocates as my representative, that is, the Holy Spirit, he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. — (John 14:26 NLV) I started watching what I was thinking. Various scripture readings that I had read, sermons I heard, songs I sang, promises I uttered to God, were all brought back to my remembrance. God had taken me up on my words uttered to him during times of intimate prayer, praise, and worship. I recall telling Him, wherever you want me to go I will go! Whatever you say I will do! I was literally taken up on my words. Once God asked me If he could prove me. At the time I was reading scripture, where God said, bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it. (Malachi 3:10 KJV) At the time I read this, the context in which God was speaking to me had nothing to do with tithing. God was telling me that he will fulfill his promises to me, I only needed to test him (prove Him.) I was not ready for Him when he flipped the question and asked me “Now, can I prove you? Tonja, will you keep your promise of your words of commitment made to me? You know the times when you were engaged in prayer and worship?” He said, “Do you trust that I have your best interest at heart? Do you trust that I will lead you to your purpose and destiny even though it looks like it’s going against the plans and preferences you have for yourself?” God helped me remember all the other times and other conversations I had with him. “Sooner or later, man has to decide whether he worships his own power or the power of God.” -Arnold J. Toynbee I finally realized that this entire move was a huge part of my proving process. I am reminded of a time when a beautiful Black woman came into my store, Headz Up Hats, in Rochester, during the time I was wrapping things up in that year's span of time before the move to Florida. She was very excited when she discovered that the store was Black owned. She was new to the Rochester area and was discovering new people, places, and things. Having newly relocated from New York City, she found herself living in a suburban area near Rochester called Fairport, an environment much different from the one she was accustomed to. She said she was used to mingling with a diverse group of people. She asked me, “Where are the Black people?” I spontaneously answered, “Has it occurred to you that is why you are here? To create the very thing you do not see, you know the thing that is missing.” She said, “I never thought of it like that!” And that very statement I said to her is the very statement God flipped right back on me. For I will have you know, as I migrated to Florida, God often brought those exact same words back to me. “Has it occurred to you, Tonja, the things you don’t see? Tag you’re it! You are supposed to be it. Create it! Bring it! Plant it!” So, as you can see, He went there with me. He nudged me and said, “If you don’t see it, chances are you’re supposed to be the catalyst.” And yet again, he was proving me. God so graciously reminded me of Romans 12:2—"And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you might prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” My interpretation of this scripture meant that my life should reflect the demonstration and reality of who God is. I should also seek to have his mind and thoughts about all things that I face. In so doing, this has become my spiritual act of worship. As I was reminded of this, I knew I needed some attitudinal work in my heart, mind, body, and soul. I continued paying more attention to my thoughts. In my new environment, I felt compelled to take daily nature walks. At times this turned into 7-mile walks— alone--just God nature and me. I would pray during these walks. I also made it a habit to listen to nature speak, chirping birds, the colorful butterflies, the dragon flies, the many beautiful vibrant flowers. The palm trees and the majestic oak trees, the prickly pine, the sandhill cranes that walked through the neighborhood. The hawks, turtles, ducks, squirrels, all populated the neighborhood. My walks became a meditative reflective time. I took notice of the amazing clouds here in Florida that hang so low, it appeared to me as if I could touch them. Experiencing nature in this way gave me a closer view of God in ways I had not noticed before. I took specific time to center and quiet my mind, body, and soul. I meditated and prayed in a more focused and unique way than my norm. I craved and developed a thirst for this type of quiet discipline. I incorporated Qigong, which is coordinated body-posture, and movement. These slow movements proved to settle me down even more. I loved it! It all felt good. In a study done by the Cleveland Clinic, Qigong was found to reduce symptoms of depression. The study showed that those who practiced Qigong experienced less anxiety and better moods compared to those who did not practice. Qigong was also shown to have positive effects on bone and cardiovascular health and improve balance. Proverbs 3:13 says, “Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.” I certainly found wisdom in incorporating prayer, meditation, walking, deep breathing, and Qigong. I calmed down more and more, and I added various self-help books along with scripture. One of those books was The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn. One lesson from the book that I will highlight is the lesson of sowing and reaping, not just on the physical plane of sowing and reaping, but also sowing in the spirit, mind, and imagination too. The book was filled with biblical principles, and I found it a great compliment to my healing journey. It was good. I read, and it read me. I read more, and it read me more. I soaked in my tub, and read, prayed, and meditated. I read it, and it read me. I humbled myself, and a shift happened with an understanding that “humility takes the form of a servant, and a servant obeys its master.” (Romans 6:16 NLT). Do you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. Remembering this, I realized I was serving the wrong thing-- my carnal flesh. This produced the fruit of me being out of alignment spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. As this became apparent, I decided who I wanted to serve. I also looked at what was serving me best. I made the shift and that, my friend, was another moment I had begun to become recentered around my God given identity and purpose. I read scripture and more wisdom literature, and it would read me. I started leveraging the best of me by remembering who I was beyond people, places, and things. I embraced being led to my mirror. (1 Corinthians 11:28, KJV) But, let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup. I took the plunge into the deep pool of self-examination. It was here as I looked into the mirror of my spirit, mind, and soul that I started to see more clearly. I began to cultivate a community. I made myself accountable to one of my besties. She created a safe space for me to share every detail of my process. I joined a group of ladies called Mentor My Sisters led by a longtime friend Jennifer Owens. We shared our experiences and different wisdom tidbits within the group to encourage and help each other. What stands out to me most about this group is the planting of the seed to choose a word for the year upon which to medítate on. So, for the past three years each word chosen has served and aided me by fostering awareness of myself first and then others. This building block helped me in taming my ego. I needed as many supporting aids as I could get because the ego dies hard. I did not just haphazardly pick a word. I prayed and asked what word I needed to concentrate on that year. The first word I felt drawn to choose was “focus.” The next year the word for me was “allow,” and the word I’m currently working with is “observe.” Each time a word is chosen, I seek to allow every tense of the chosen word to have its way in my life. This has proven to anchor and ground me too. They reminded me that I have a purpose, that I have a destiny, a future and hope. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good. And not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT). It was here I found the answers I needed to encourage myself out of the ego mindset that so easily beset me. Here I was able to see clearly enough to know how to put in place what was needed for my overall well-being. Mirror work consisted of learning to quiet my mind's chatter. This required many tools. To aid me with mind management skills, I Incorporated some practical things that I could integrate into my daily life. I started learning about deep breathing, how it helps to improve focus, helps with stress and anxiety, helps with better sleep, and faster recovery from exercise. There are many methods out there, but I like Dr. Weil’s method of deep breathing 4-7-8, and I found it simple and easy to follow. It cost me nothing except a willingness. My willingness created the time. This method proved to be extremely helpful to me. In this practice I would breathe in through my nose for a count of four, hold my breath for a count of seven and then I would blow air out through my mouth for a count of eight. I would do this for a total of four breathing cycles, 2-3 times a day randomly. I would also do alternate nostril breathing. This proved to be very relaxing for me. I was able to access this practice via YouTube. Prayer, something that I was no stranger to, had been my regular practice. I found while doing these breathing practices it was very simple to incorporate prayer. I sprinkled meditation in as well. I started learning about TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) as Qigong derives from TCM. This practice really aided in calming my body and mind. I follow Kseny along with some others on YouTube. She has many videos that are great for beginners. She has a paid subscription, but I follow her free practice. There are so many instructors out there; It’s only a matter of finding your own fit. As I was developing, I grew in my spirit, mind, and body. Renewal, rejuvenation, and transformation felt like an energizing burst. I would read scripture and wisdom literature, and it would read me. I read more, and it would read me. This is extremely centering and has become my lifestyle. I felt flows of creativity spring up inside of me. I released my creativity through cooking more and developing healthy recipes. Next came a flow in creativity with hair, art, music, and an inspirational body of writings. You will soon witness my body of writing as you read the book. I am currently working with someone to produce my songs. It has been an amazing time of learning and growing. I met people who have said, “I was sent to Florida specifically for them.” I can honestly say that God’s hand has certainly been involved. While driving for Uber and Lyft, I accumulated a wonderful family and a few trusted friends here. One of the families that I am still connected with is my African mother and her granddaughter. I was privileged to pray with and stand by her shortly after meeting her. She started as my Uber passenger. Mother, which is what I call her, had not too long ago buried one of her daughters. Her daughter was thirty-five when she passed away due to breast cancer. I started driving privately for her and her granddaughter. This all clicked like puzzle pieces. You may recall that thing I mentioned that seems to happen to me no matter where I am, well, it happened yet again. From that day to this one, God has used me to fill in the gaps and serve. I assisted with field trips, hair styling, cooking, tube draining after cancer surgery care, mail pick-up, storage filling, you name it. In many unbelievable miraculous ways with this family, as well as others I have encountered here God has used me. At any given time, the twists and turns of life can have you feeling like you are on a desolate deserted island, alone, just nature and you. Never forget God is with you too. God caused me to get to this space in my life of honest self- examination. Life’s journey will require nothing less than introspection. “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get!” - Forrest Gump In the year 2000, one of my favorite movies, Cast Away, an adventure drama was released. Actor Tom Hanks did a phenomenal job playing his character, Chuck Noland. In the film, Chuck worked for FedEx. He went to work on what appeared to be a normal day, the same as he had done on all the days before. He kissed his fiancé Kelly goodbye, hopped on the airplane with no inkling of what would happen next. Out of nowhere, the flight that was going smoothly became turbulent. Chuck’s airplane crashed in the sea, and he ended up the only survivor on a deserted Island. He was stranded on that island for four years. It would take a fighting mindset to survive and devise a plan to get off this deserted island. We all know FedEx delivers packages, so when the plane crashed packages began to float to shore. Chuck started opening the packages with hopes of being able to salvage and use whatever could come in handy. He needed all the support and aid he could get while stranded. It was very apparent that he wanted to get off the Island and get back to life and civilization as he knew it. In his loneliness, he created a companion named “Wilson” out of a volleyball. Wilson would serve as someone to talk to. What he didn’t realize was that an attachment was brewing. Chuck continued his pursuit of getting off the Island. He cut down trees, used VHS tape that he found in one of the packages, he used tulle fabric from a ballerina outfit, nothing seemed insignificant. He opened every package except one. This one package that he left unopened served as a symbol of hope for him. I must mention that the package had angel wings on it. Chuck was determined that he would indeed get off that island and deliver that package. Chuck attempted to brave the waves in his first attempt to leave, but he was unsuccessful. One morning, he was sleeping in his cave and was awakened by a sound beating up against the rocks. The tide had rolled in a plastic siding of a porta potty that he used as a sail on the raft. This was the last thing that the tide rolled in. How is that for all things being provided just in time? Chuck ventured out on his second attempt at getting off the island. It would prove successful but not at all without trial contemplation and examination. Chuck suffered loss upon arriving on the deserted island, and he suffered loss exiting off the island too. The loss of Wilson, his personified friend, left him heartbroken. During Chuck’s exit, Wilson dropped into the ocean unbeknownst to Chuck. When Chuck realized it, it was too late. Wilson was gone. Distraught over Wilson’s disappearance, Chuck's small raft continued to sail on in the big South Pacific Ocean. Emotionally wounded and tattered, he was leaving seclusion behind and floating back to civilization. When Chuck finally made it back home, he discovered how much the world as he had known it had changed in four years; I had power over nothing and that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew somehow, I had to stay alive. Somehow, I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope, and all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So, that’s what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I’m back in Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass. And I’ve lost her all over again. I am so sad that I don’t have Kelly. But I’m so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring? I absolutely love this movie! The messages I have received from it are of utmost encouragement on life’s journey. I read that the movie Cast Away was inspired by real-world explorers, so I translate that to mean that this actual story is a work of fiction, but it is no less powerful with the depictions it shows about survival and strength of the human spirit when dealing with isolation, trauma, loss, limited resources, and survival. I loved how the movie shows what happens when a character goes through a series of events that shed light on the spiritual and physical growth, the development aspects of what happens to every living human at one time or another. Life’s journey has a way of testing our will to survive. I encourage you no matter where you find yourself on life’s journey, no matter if your challenges are physical, mental, emotional, or psychological to allow all challenges to develop you from physiological challenges to a spiritual awakening. It is here that I pray that you find it within yourself to Evolve to Vitality. I have put some practices in place to assist us on the journey. I transparently admit that I am not perfect by any means. Although I have not arrived, I am actively perfecting my practice. I am committed to the practice of continuous self-examination mirror work and introspection on a regular ongoing basis. I resist daily low-level defeating thoughts by feeding on biblical and other wisdom literature. I will not neglect my gift! I do watch my life closely as I work on not vilifying my ego but taming it. While I am not perfect, I am better than I was previously. I am committed to God and all the practices that keep my spirit, mind, body, and soul Evolving to Vitality. As an observer of myself I have learned to be more focused and accepting with acceptance as my vehicle. I have learned that I can live without attachments. I have yet to learn to rid myself of my preferences as I do not always know what’s on the other side of what I see as circumstances. I have learned that something bigger is evolving. The death of one thing is making room for the birth and life of another thing. Jesus was crucified on the cross and rose on the third day. This is my third day! The resurrected Christ is risen within me. I invite you to get to your third day. In the film, Cast Away, it took Chuck four years to escape his isolated deserted island. The process that I have gone through has taken me about three years. In October 2022, it will be five years since I have been in Florida, and I am happy to say that I have created a path to master my thought life. I invite you to create a path that will challenge you to master and create your thought life and Evolve to Vitality
