Chapter 1
I first saw light when Ma left the safe place. I opened my eyes, and there was a tiny and bright crescent of light in the distance. I didn’t like it, so I squeezed my eyes shut and shrank back into the warm, earthy depths to wait for Ma to come back. I longed for her warmth and her scent—the scent of home and safety.
Time passed, and I felt the chill of the emptiness all around me. There were fewer heartbeats in the safe place. My favourite brother was gone, and I didn’t know where he went. My big sister too. But I wasn’t alone: there was one more heartbeat. I heard a quick and trembling breath, so I nudged her. She whimpered. I opened my eyes again and saw her white-tipped ears and terrified face.
She was small and weak. When she trembled, the safe place didn’t feel safe anymore. I bit her on the shoulder and told her to be quiet, and she retreated and pressed herself against the dirt at the back.
I laid down and stared at the dim crescent of light and waited for Ma to come back while White-Ears continued whimpering. “Shut up,” I hissed, but she didn’t answer. Her breath came quick and shallow.
Whine. Whine. Whine.
I stood up and walked over with my teeth bared. A growl ripped from my throat. White-Ears froze and closed her eyes. I stood above her and waited for her to look up and defend herself, but she never did. A few moments later, the whimpering started again. She was scared. Ma was gone, and I was scared too, and I didn’t want to bite her anymore.
I nuzzled her neck with my nose. I felt her body relax, and we fell asleep together.
⛰️
Ma smelled like many different things. Good and curious smells, but also unfamiliar and scary smells. I climbed her head and mounted her snout and tried to get a better sniff. Sometimes she was patient with me, but other times she shook me off with a grumble. When that happened, and it happened often, I left her alone and played with White-Ears.
I pinned her on the ground and pretended to bite her neck. She whimpered, and eventually, I let her go. White-Ears wanted to play more, so we did. We ran around each other until I pinned her to the ground again. Then we stopped to catch our breaths. Light filtered into the safe place, and her ears glowed faintly.
For the next few nights, I let her sleep next to Ma.
⛰️
I heard voices, paw steps, and the rustling of danger that made my fur stand on end. White-Ears hid at the back and shook and whimpered, so I stood up and walked over to her. I licked her face until her breathing calmed and she opened her eyes again.
“Come meet the family!” Ma’s song was low and calm, and the wind of the outside brought her scent.
“I’m scared,” White-Ears whispered.
“Don’t be,” I said. “It’ll be an adventure.”
We stepped out together. It was very bright outside. The light hurt my eyes, so I closed them. The air chilled my body, making me shiver. I didn’t want to go any further. I took a step back and shrank into the dirt, where it was familiar.
Something pressed into my back and pushed me forward. Grass tickled the bottom of my paws. Scents of earth, wind, trees, flowers, muddy sour wisps, soft sweetness, and sharp fragments made me inhale twice. A gust of wind blew my eyes wide open, and I saw the blue sky and brown trees and their shiny green tips. The air buzzed, and the trees trembled, and I heard the breathing and heartbeats of Ma and White-Ears and the others.
I looked up, and Ma was smiling, and her mouth was open, and her tongue dangled. She nuzzled me. Her body was vibrating with energy, and it was contagious, and I smiled too.
“The forest is alive. You are alive. Do not be afraid. You are here, and nothing will hurt you,” Ma sang. She backed up, and we took a step towards her, and the safe place receded behind us. The world was bright and beautiful, and I knew that we were going to be okay. Ma took another step, and I leapt forward, straight into her outstretched paw.
Someone stood behind her. I flinched, fell to my side, and closed my eyes as I whimpered. “I’m here,” Pa said. I felt his cold nose against the top of my head. His scent was familiar. I opened my eyes and saw him, a great white wolf behind Ma’s slim grey figure. Behind Pa stood a big white wolf with a bright yellow mane and a pair of scruffy, patchy paws. He called me little brother and smiled a great big open-mouthed grin.
I took in their scents. It was safe. I was still in the safe place. The safe place had simply gotten bigger.
They danced all around us, yipping and yelling, inviting us to join. I felt my paws tap against the soft, spongy earth, and soon enough, I was running in circles. I tackled White-Ears and pushed her to the ground. She growled and pushed me off, and she chased me until we both climbed up Ma’s huge paws.
The adults gathered in a circle and Pa gently grabbed us by the neck and pulled us off Ma’s soft, warm fur. Together, Ma and Pa and Scruff-Paw and White-Ears and I stood on the ground of the safe place, and we sang our songs as a family.
⛰️
The days were long, and they became hotter every day. The adults napped on the leafy ground, sometimes under a tree, sometimes in the hot sun. Their ears twitched as they slept. They didn’t seem to mind the heat.
When the adults left in the afternoon, I adventured around the safe place. White-Ears was too scared to take more than a few steps, but I didn’t need her. I went by myself, but without White-Ears, the world seemed a lot bigger.
I went as far as the stump before the trees started to close in. I felt small, and I didn’t want to keep going without White-Ears. I brought back a bitter, piney branch for her to smell. She sniffed it, far away at first, then closer and closer until her shiny nose was pressed against the bark. Her face slowly lit up. We ran around each other, then around a tree, round and round until I fell over. I bounced off the forest floor and rolled around the leaves and rubbed myself against the dirt. When I got up to shake myself, I saw movement and in the corner of my eye.
White-Ears froze and leaned her head forward with her ears perfectly straight. My eyes darted around, and I sniffed the air. Hints of fur wafted into my nose as the ground rustled, and I leapt towards it. I jumped at the same time as White-Ears, and we crashed into each other, stumbling. The tiny, brown rodent scurried away between bushes until it scaled a thick tree trunk. I charged at it, but it just climbed higher.
We circled around the safe place, from the stump to the big rock to the huge oak tree to the south. There, I sat down on a mound of dirt and stared at the shimmering lake in the distance.
“I’m going to go there,” I said, pointing with my snout.
“I’ll come with you,” White-Ears said. She smiled, and her tongue dangled from her mouth.
“No, you won’t,” I said. “You’re too scared to explore.”
“Please?” she whined.
I shook my head and turned around and ran back to the safe place, but the sound of her pawprints followed closely. “Please please please?” she said, and she wouldn’t stop bugging until I relented.
⛰️
Ma brought us different types of meat, and some of them tasted sharp, others sweet and mellow. I licked the corners of Ma’s mouth until she heaved, and the scent of meat overwhelmed my nose. Chunks of bright red meat came out of her mouth, and I pounced on it, and it was delicious.
White-Ears was a slow eater, so I took her meat. But only sometimes, and only when Ma wasn’t looking.
⛰️
“Come, my children,” Ma said. She nudged us away from the safe place with her soft, cold nose. I leapt off the dirt and onto the grass, step stepping all the way out to the old oak tree, and just as I was about to take off running, she told me to stop and wait.
I turned around. Ma walked slowly, and White-Ears hid under her belly. Ma nuzzled her and whispered to her, and they shuffled up to the tree together. I jumped on Ma’s legs and rubbed myself all over the wet, sticky clumps of fur. She smelled like meat.
“Where are we going?” I said.
“Follow me closely,” Ma said. “We saved the best meat for you.” She bent down and nudged White-Ears, who whined loudly. “Shhh, it's okay.”
White-Ears looked at me, and then up at Ma, and nodded. “Adventure,” she said. I stuck my tongue out at her and licked her face.
Ma stepped past the old tree first. Her paws squished against the mossy earth, and it went plop, plop to the same beat as her tail. The black tip of Ma’s tail swished in front of me, and I followed it, feeling the bounce in my steps.
I heard White-Ears stop, so I turned around and saw her staring at the sky. The tips of the trees rustled in the wind. A branch crackled, and a black bird flew from it, squawking loudly.
“They’re good animals,” Ma said.
“Have you eaten them?”
“No, ravens are not for eating,” Ma said. Her eyes followed the path of the raven as it flew west. “They lead you to the food.”
We walked along the moist and soft ground, and all along the trees, it smelled like family. Ma took us southwest, under bushes and over fallen trees. When the sun was covered by a thin layer of clouds, we took a break near a patch of water, then kept going.
Meat wafted into my nose, and I tilted my head up to get a better sniff. “We’re here,” Ma said. She sang, and we joined her, and two low voices answered our songs. Ma nudged us to go to Pa and Scruff-Paw, so I leapt into action. Ears folded back and wind brushing against my whiskers, I ran as hard as I could. I was faster than White-Ears.
The scent of meat and family became stronger with each step until I crashed through a thick bush and straight into the open chest of the carcass. There was bright, sticky blood all over the forest floor and all over my fur. I reached into the belly and pulled out a chunk of meat, and I ate it whole, feeling the tender strands pop in my mouth, mashing against my teeth before sliding down my throat. Meat was sweeter when it was fresh.
White-Ears squeezed herself in beside me and lunged at the same piece of meat I was chewing on. But it was mine! I got here first, and I wasn’t done, so I bit her on the neck. I didn’t bite very hard, but she screamed and stumbled.
Ma growled, and I whimpered. I told White-Ears I was sorry and that I wouldn’t hurt her again. She said, “Okay,” and we kept eating.
⛰️
When the sun was low, the sky darkened and cracked and screamed. Ma hurried us back to the safe place and stayed with us. We hid in the depths of the safe place, and Ma stuck her head in and blocked the rain from coming in. It was dark and comfortable. She spent the evening telling us stories about the ocean and the fish. For the whole night, lightning flashed and the smell of rain was everywhere, but I wasn’t scared, not even a little bit.
⛰️
“Lake?” I nudged White-Ears. Her fur was uncomfortably warm from the sun.
We left for the lake and stuck to the base of the trees, where it was cooler. As we walked south, the trees became more sparse, and eventually, the sun started shining through. I slowed down, and so did White-Ears.
“It’s too hot,” I said, “and the lake is very far away, and it’ll be dark by the time we get back.”
“I don’t mind the dark,” she said.
“You will,” I said. “It will be dark and scary.”
I found a tree with a thick knot at the base and laid down in its shadow, nestling myself in the shade and putting my head on the ground. She laid down beside me, and we napped until Ma’s song echoed between the trees. It was dark then, and we started heading back to the safe place. Her eyes glowed in the dark. She pulled on my tail as we walked.
“I’m not scared,” White-Ears said. She was right, and it wasn’t so scary. The dark wasn’t so dark, and with the moonlight, I could see almost as far as I could during the day.
I swung my tail to detach her jaws and turned around to face her. “I’ll race you,” I said. And before she said anything, I bolted away. It felt good to run at night. I loved the cool air against my face and the sound of White-Ears struggling to keep up behind me.
⛰️
This time we ran all the way to the lake, far past the great big stump, through the wet sticky marsh, and then a great windy field filled with white flowers. The lake sparkled in the sunlight and the air buzzed with bugs, up and down and all around me, and everything smelled like freshwater.
The surrounding shore was full of large rocks that made my paws hurt, so we walked slowly, feeling the crunch of rocks under our paws, careful to avoid the sharper stones until we got to the pebbled sand near the water. Cold, clear water lapped the sand, pushing up tiny bubbles and receding, leaving a shadow that slowly disappeared before the next wave.
The sun was directly above us, and I was overheating. I bent over to drink, and as I did, White-Ears jumped on me and pushed me into the water—splash!—cold water rushed in my face.
“Hey!” I growled. She laughed with an open-mouthed grin, so I got out of the water, shook myself dry, and chased her, feeling the burn in my chest with each step. And with each turn, I closed the gap until I was right behind her. Her tail flicked in my face as she turned, and patches of grey and white fur brushed against my whiskers. I opened my mouth and grabbed White-Ears by the tail, and we tumbled in the dirt together.
We napped in the shadow of a boulder. I fell asleep to the sound of water splashing up against the shore. This was a different kind of safe place. It only smelled faintly of family, but it was fun, and it was mine.
In the afternoon, when clouds came to cover the sun, we played a game of tag. White-Ears was slower, and I came close to catching her, and as she slowed down at the eastern edge of the shore, I lunged for her. She jumped into the water and swam away. I jumped in, and I snapped at her tail, flopping in the water, but I didn’t have enough strength to actually grab on.
White-Ears was fast and agile in the water. She darted forward, nose first, parting the waves as she went. I followed behind. I could feel the force of her kicks, but I wasn’t about to give up. I lifted my head out of the water and kicked harder. I was going to win this round, even if I had to chase her to the other end of the lake.
White-Ears turned and disappeared beneath the surface, so I dived after her. The water rushed into my ears and my face and all around my mouth. I opened my mouth and the water flooded in. I tried to breathe, but bubbles came out of my mouth. I thrashed. Water surrounded me, and it was dizzying, so I opened my eyes. It stung, but I could see the cavernous depth of the lake receding into the blackness. With all the strength I could find, I kicked out my back legs and pushed myself to the surface.
White-Ears stood on a large rock not far away, looking down at me with her tail held high. “Loser,” she said.
I snapped my teeth at her and swam to the boulder. The bottom ledge was green and slippery, but my claws soon caught a grip, and I pulled myself onto the ledge. I leapt on the rock, feeling my wet spongy paws against the hot and sundried surface until I caught up to White-Ears. I stopped at the tip of the rock, and I bit her nose and told her I caught her and that she was the loser. She laughed and laid down on the rock, and I shook myself dry and did the same.
“Do you see that?” she said.
“See what?”
“In the water. Look.”
I looked and saw only bright ripples of light against a dark blue basin. “You’re stupid,” White-Ears said, “look over there.” She had pointed with her snout, and I followed her line of sight. There, on the shaded side of the rock and buried in the blue water, were silhouettes of fish. They were still and then they moved. I lifted my head to smell the fish, but they had no smell—or at least they were no different from the smell of the lake.
I stood up and jumped down to the lower ledge. As I landed, I stumbled and slipped on the surface. My claws cracked a piece of rock, which flew and splashed in the water. The black shadows darted away. I balanced myself and stood and watched motionlessly. Slowly, one at a time, they swam back and became perfectly still again.
“I want them,” I barked as I turned my head towards White-Ears.
“Go get them, then.”
I looked down at the shapes in the water. They glimmered. I couldn’t take my eyes off them. The sounds of the air and the buzzing of the lake disappeared, and all there was was the fish in the water and their tiny movements. They had tails and mouths and beady little eyes, and I wanted them more than I wanted anything else.
One shape started to move. I took my aim, lowered my body until it was almost flat against the ledge, and leapt. I came into the water with a thundering splash, and there was water everywhere, against my fur, in my face and ears and mouth. My eyes snapped open, and I saw the fish there, just a few paws below me. I curled my body down and kicked with my legs and opened my jaw and felt the smooth, slimy shell against my teeth, and I bit down.
It was strong, wiggling in my mouth, thrashing, its powerful tail kicking whirls in the water and pushing water up my nose. I bit harder, feeling my teeth sink into the cold, throbbing flesh. Blood burst into the water, and the thrashing lightened. I shook my head in the water, feeling the lack of air. Kicking. Pushing water aside, pulling with my paws. The moment I burst from the water, there was an explosion of scents. The fish smelled like old earth and cold blood and the underside of meat on the wet ground.
I swam back to the boulder and dug my claws against the rock and pulled up. Above me, claws clicked against rock as White-Ears jumped up and down. I leapt up the first ledge to a face full of sunlight with the fish still flopping in my mouth. Her tail went wild. I climbed the boulder until I found White-Ears. She stood eagerly waiting, so I set it down. The fish flopped weakly, and White-Ears put her paw on it and sniffed it.
Then she bit its head off.
