An Accident
Friday, January 16, 1920
Newark is thriving, as the transportation hub of America, there are boats of various kinds at the port, trains constantly pulling into the station, the place is alive with the activities of its people. Newark has 60 live theatres, 43 movie theatres, and a wonderful nightlife, or so I am told by my fellow nurses. I wouldn’t know.
Though I would bet that Margaret has visited nearly every one of them with her male suitors. While I enjoy the hustle and bustle of city life and the business that the hospital keeps me, I don’t find much thing for the social expectations my peers have. These American men here just aren’t the same as the men back home. They are rougher, in more of a rush and I want a man to put an effort into our courtship. Besides, I don’t plan to actually be here long. Everyone seems to be in such a rush since the war has ended. Rush to get married, and push out as many babies are possible for that wholesome family life people have been dreaming of since chaos erupted around the world.
When I completed my nursing training at Hamilton General Hospital three years ago, my dream was to go abroad and help in the war effort. Instead, I found myself here. The hospital at least does help some of those who were injured on the battlefield, but so many didn’t even make it to the field hospitals. I release a sigh, thinking of all those good men we lost back home. Whole families just wiped away like they never existed in the first place. There’s farms now that have no one to be handed down to, and no one to work them. The families will likely become bankrupted and be forced to sell off the generational land. I am glad my father and brother both returned, that at least was one worry off of my mother’s mind.
‘Lottie!’ Ruth snapped her fingers in front of my face. Clearly, I had gotten deep into my thoughts while sterilizing the operating equipment.
‘Yes, Ruth?’
‘I said, what do you think about the candidates for the election?’. Oh, I thought, as this was far from what I remember her talking about last. I wondered how much I missed, while thinking about what I am doing with my life.
’ I suppose that the candidates are both fine,’ I mumble, as I set down the needles that I was cleaning. ‘I won’t be able to vote either way. I’m not American.’
Ruth looked at me as though she had forgotten, but she talked about how I’m different from the other nurses all the time. Course, she’s not too bright really, her current courtship is with a four-flusher. I would never say that to her though. I know the difference between real wealth and the people who pretend to be wealthy. There’s a subtle difference; flashy diamonds and outrageous outfits compared to pearl necklaces and tailored suits… I doubt he will be able to support her need for public outings and social hours much longer.
‘Well, either way, I want my first ever vote to mean something and for it to count for something. I think I’ll likely be voting for Harding. It’s too bad Roosevelt died last year. I could never vote for Wilson’s party! He’s the reason we have so many patients now. What with all the violence and attacks he has caused by his favouritism with Great Britain! The Irish and Germans are in the right state; it’s no good for anyone…’
I nodded as she continued to prod on and on about politics. Someone save me please. I am not a citizen so even though women are finally able to vote, my voice doesn’t matter here, nor did my opinion any other time I shared my views on the matter. I have 2 more sets of glassware to clean before I can escape her continuous monologue. I would have liked it better in the smaller hospital, but with more patients comes more surgeries, and at $15 per month, I certainly need the job to send that what little extra money I have left money to send home.
‘Ruth!’ With my patience finally at its end, I snapped at her. After a breath, I calmly asked through gritted teeth, ‘Why don’t you go see if Margaret wants a fag, and to plan something out for tonight after work. I wouldn’t want you to miss out on whatever adventure she’s plotting.’
Ruth finally took the hint and left me to finish sterilizing the last glass set before we signed out for the night. I closed the door to the autoclave and was about to turn to leave. But, at a second glance, it seemed as if the door didn’t latch properly. The machine has already started. I grasped at the handle trying to lock it into place, waiting to hear the tell-tale click of the locking mechanism. Putting all my strength into the latch, I started to smell the ether vapours that are escaping and surrounding me. I mutter out loud to myself, ‘Lord, help me close this door so I can get out of here.’
The autoclave sparked to begin the sterilization and the ether ignites. A blinding light dominates my vision and the world spun as I was knocked back onto the floor, smashing my head on the concrete in the process. My star-speckled vision slowly came back into existence and my head is pounded as the ethers and the likely concussion join forces. The last thing I saw before darkness descended again was the bright, crimson blood beginning to pool around me.
I yelled for help, I think at least. Knowing that Margaret and Ruth should be close by, I let the darkness overtake me. My mind shifted as what could be my final thoughts and questions ran though it.
How long has it been since she left? 5 minutes? 10?
I’m going into shock…
I hope I survive this…
This job wasn’t supposed to cost me my life…
My thoughts trailed off into the vast nothingness that was quickly upon me.
***
My eyelids fluttered open and I felt scratchy sheets under my hands. I squint open my eyes and the brightness of the midday sun shot through me. Quickly closing them again, I searched my mind and felt the throbbing pain as I struggled to remember where I am, and what day it is. My whole body feels sore. My head feels like it exploded, it feels like one of these bombs, which my father told my mother about whenever he talked about the war, after they thought I had gone to bed. I try to open my eyes and take in my surroundings.
‘Well Lottie, you gave us quite the scare,’ says the man looking over my chart. I can’t remember his name, but he’s vaguely familiar.
My mouth is so dry and my voice raspy, as I said, ‘My apologies for not thinking of you’. Some woman in the corner stifled a laugh. I try to turn towards her to see if I can recall who she is. As I turn, the pain bursts through my head. Okay, not a good idea to move. I am in bad shape if I can’t even turn my head.
‘Good, glad to see that you haven’t lost your award winning smarts. Just as much of a hellcat as always. Now, how about wiggling those toes of yours?’
I groaned and closed my eyes again, as I put all my effort into wiggling my fingers and toes, or moving anything at all if I was to be completely honest with myself. Through the fog that seems to be surrounding my brain, I know that this is to check for paralysis.
‘Good,’ the man who I assume is the doctor said. ‘I’ll check in on you later,’ he mentioned as he put down my chart and began to walk away.
‘Doctors, they don’t have the bedside manner you and I do, that’s for sure.’ The woman moves the chair she’s been sitting on closer to the bed. I don’t want to talk anymore. I just want to sleep. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes, letting my mind drift off again to the comfort of the darkness that surrounded me.
‘Oh no, none of that. You have a severe fracture to your skull, Lottie. One of the girls will be here all night waking you up every hour or so, now that you’ve come to.’
Well, that explains why my head is scrambled eggs, at least. She continued, ‘You may have some memory gaps and hopefully over the next few hours and days, things become more clear.’
‘Great,’ I mumble. ‘What happened? I know I was working.’
‘The autoclave exploded when you were finishing off your shift. You should have known to be more careful. The girls and I are glad you are awake now. Do you remember who I am?’
My mind stumbled through the thick fog until a name comes forward, the same as my mother’s. ‘Mary,’ I say.
‘That’s good, Lottie. Real good. Try to get some sleep and heal.’
***
Monday, January 26, 1920
My head still isn’t quite right. I lose focus even more than before the accident. I’m still healing, but I am recovering at home. The doctor says it’ll take a few months to fully recover, if I ever fully recover at all. The fracture should be healed in a few weeks. Margaret and Ruth came to help me back to our apartment three days ago. A month in the hospital has really had me questioning continuing my work here and if I am wrong for judging those who are enjoying what life now offers them.
‘Lottie, what are you thinking about?’ Margaret asks.
‘Margie, I think I want to go home. This just isn’t fulfilling me anymore. Ever since the accident, I’ve had some time to think about what I want in my life. I think I want actually time to figure it out. Before I waned to help with the war effort and see abroad.’
‘How do you go and do that? You’ll have to go back to Canada and I will miss you!’
‘Well, first I suppose I would have to write a letter to see if there are any teams from the Mission’s board heading out and what the process to apply would be. I could do that from here, but first off, I need to get back to work. I have let you and Ruth pay my bills and I know you don’t have the funds to spend anymore. Besides, I am not sure if I would pass the medical evaluation with all this. Maybe if I can get onto a team next year, they will look over the injury since it will be fully healed by the time the group leaves.’
‘Where would you want to go, Lottie?’
‘I’m not certain. India or South Africa perhaps. Somewhere exotic, but somewhere that needs the help too. A lot of places are just recovering now and I’m sure their people will need help.. ‘
‘I could never leave Jersey.’ Margaret shuddered, ‘You’re already moved so far from home and now you’re thinking of even farther?.’
I took in her words and said, ‘You’re right Margie. But first I should write to the Board of Missions and see what missions they need help with and even if I would be a viable candidate. I’m sure there are a lot of places that need healthcare providers. It’s not like I have much here anyway. No man here is worth the time or energy and who knows what could happen on a voyage to the other side of the world.’
‘Isn’t the only way that you can go abroad is with the church?’
‘Yes. I am not really a fan of the church as you know. But, so long as they aren’t forcing religion on people.’ She looked skeptically at me. Margaret and I have always been at odds about this. She comes from a strict baptist family. Church on Sundays, following the gospel… She’s a few years younger than me and engaged. She’s already set the date and put in her resignation as married women shouldn’t work outside the home. I don’t want anything to do with that. Women in Canada got the right for property, bank accounts and other rights nearly two decades ago. Women in America are still fighting for that. I don’t want to stop helping people or working if I ever get married. I don’t believe that a man should be the only person working outside the home. I don’t believe that a man can be the only one capable of doing good.
‘Well, write your letter, but until you receive a reply. I will do my best to show you that the men around here can be worth the time and effort.
Talking with Margie about my thoughts really cemented them for me. As she leaves for her shift, I thought about how I should write to the Board asking about any missions leaving later this year, or early in the next, that need nurses. I pull out a blank letter and pen and begin to compose the letter that could change my life.
Dear Missions Board, I am writing to you to inquire about any positions within the missions leaving in fall of 1920 or in the year 1921, preferably leaving to India or South Africa. I am a single woman, aged 26, in good health, and have been classically trained as a nurse at the Hamilton General Hospital in Ontario. I am currently employed as an operating room nurse at New Jersey Presbyterian Hospital in Newark, N.J. Though my plans for this year are as yet uncertain, I would appreciate it if you would send me an application form. I have great interest in providing my skills to foreign fields. Sincerely, Charlotte Male
If I mail this today, it should take a fortnight to reach Canada and possibly another to get a reply. Perhaps they don’t have any groups that are leaving soon. If not, I will have to continue to work here and put up with Margie’s schemes. But until I get a reply, I set my mind on healing and getting back to work. My appointment with the new doctor is in a few hours. I cannot afford to lose any more wages… My thoughts trailed off as I shouldered my thick coat and winter gear and head out to my appointment. Along the way I’ll drop off the letter at the post box. As I open the door leading outside, a cold blast of wind makes me second guess my decision to walk to my appointment. I really dislike the cold. Instantly my mind is turned from walking the 45 minutes to the hospital. I lift the phone to connect to an operator so I can call for a taxi. As I wait for the hailed taxi on my doorstep, I decided to quickly run across the street to place the letter in the post box, taking a deep breath as I drop it in. ‘Well that’s that; no going back now‘, I say to myself, as I cross back over to my building. Ten blisteringly cold minutes later, a taxi pulls up and as I climb into the back seat, a scruffy Irish accent asks,
‘Where to, dollface?’
‘New Jersey Presbyterian Hospital, please.’ I replied coolly.
The driver takes the way that goes through the Four Corners. The busiest intersection in Newark and most certainly in the whole of America. Traffic is heavy here. I watch out the window of the taxi, pondering if writing that letter was the best idea. Maybe I should just see what I can do in another area of Canada, or America. The driver tries to make small talk, but I just don’t have the mental faculties to manage that today. Finally, we arrived at the hospital and I walked straight in through the entrance, praying I would get the clearance. I needed to return to work.
I head towards the office of Dr. Hawkes and meet Mary in the hallways on the way. ‘Hello Miss Murray,’ I say, stopping to chat with the Superintendent of Nurses for the hospital.
‘Hello Miss Male, off to see Dr Hawkes?
‘Yes ma’am. I am hoping he will clear me to work in the operating room again, with this appointment.’
‘Bees! I hope you are cleared, we are really missing your exceptional and diligent skills since you’ve been recovering.’
‘Well I am hopeful. I feel much more myself today than I have in the last fortnight. Although, the time off has given me time to think about my future here. I have been contemplating returning home to Dundas and working back home where I can be closer to family. It is hard to be the only family member so far from home.’
‘Oh. Well maybe after you receive clearance to return to work, you’ll change your mind. I cannot fathom running this place without you, it is already in shambles from just the two weeks you have been gone. Please let me know what you decide when you do. I really will miss your skills if you decide to go back home to Canada.’
‘Thanks Miss Murray. I will inform you when I get clearance and can return to work here. I am still uncertain of my future. It will take some more contemplation, but you are right. My feelings may change once I can work again. I have been going out of my mind remaining at home while Margie and Ruth run in and out of the house.’
‘Lottie, I’m sure whatever you decide, that it will be the right decision for you. Besides, you always say there’s not one suitable man around this busy town. Perhaps, you will settle down with one of those strapping farmers up there,’ she lets out a laugh at that.
‘Perhaps. For now, at least I have to get through this appointment.’ I wave to her as I continue to walk past and towards the office. Walking down these halls, I begin to feel anxious to start working again. To feel useful again. I let out a deep breath as I knocked on Dr. Hawkes door.
‘One minute,’ the deep voice of Dr. Hawkes penetrates the wood of the door. It’s a voice that you can feel deep into your bones. One that demands your attention. I take a step back and wait for the door to open. I can hear Dr. Hawkes moving towards the door of his office.
The door swings open. My breath is taken away as this young doctor walks out to greet me, ‘Hello Miss Male.’
‘Hello Dr. Hawkes,’ I replied.
‘Please call me James. I know that this is your first appointment with me. However, as you also work here, I would like to be on a more cordial term with you,’ he stated. Looking at him, I would like to be on a more than cordial term with him. His height surpasses mine by a good 8 inches. Though it’s not hard to do at only 5′3“ tall. His beard trimmed and styled to show off the angles of his jaw. His dark brown hair that I would love to run my fingers through. This man is immaculate. He’s dressed smartly in a suit and tie. With his white coat sat neatly over his one shoulder, I think I forgot to breathe. I’m staring. Gosh, Lottie, this is your doctor and coworker, stop acting like a chippy. No thinking about the sculpt of his arms or what his medical knowledge would lead to outside of this appointment. Okay, I say to myself, snap out of it, remain professional.
‘Of course… James. I suppose that you may call me Lottie then since we are acting on a first name basis. I would really enjoy getting back to work, so let us get on with this examination.’
‘A woman who knows what she wants. Well then, right this way Lottie,’ he says as he opens the door for me. I jump up on the examination table and James follows me. He pulls out his stethoscope and begins his examination.
‘Any headaches or tingling? You had quite the blow to the head by the looks of the radiograph.’ he states as he listens to my lungs and heart beat. I don’t think about how close his hands are to my body, as I struggle to maintain my composure.
‘I have had some light headedness and headaches, but they are getting fewer and further apart,’ I reply. ‘I really feel much better and like I stated earlier, I just want to get back to work.’
He looks into my eyes and nods. ‘Well I don’t see any medical reason to keep you away from work as long as you promise to take it easy and keep me and Miss Murray informed of how you are feeling on a day to day basis,’ he reassured.
‘If it means getting back to work,’ and seeing more of that chiselled jaw, I think, ‘I suppose that I can make the daily sacrifice to inform you of my health.’
‘Berries. I hope I can see you outside of this hospital. As you know I am new here. Perhaps you can show me around Newark?’
Berries? I haven’t heard that one before. It must be like Margie’s bees comment. Americans have the most absurd language.
‘Of course.’ I nod to him. ‘Perhaps we can venture out for dinner sometime.’ I doubt I can keep myself composed if I begin something with this man. Besides, knowing my luck this man is a cake-eater, and who wants to be married to a doctor. He probably has the same views. That women must work at home after marriage. I haven’t had a date yet here that they haven’t mentioned me leaving my position after marriage.
‘I shall go find Miss Murray and inform her of my return to the roster,’ I say as I leave the office.
‘Perhaps I will be working alongside you tomorrow where we can discuss dinner some more,’ he replies. I feel dizzy as I walk out. Did I just accept a dinner date with my doctor? What was I thinking? The weight of the decision to move back to Dundas and seek out a path to foreign nursing sets in a little heavier as I find Mary and let her know I am approved to return.
***
Thursday, January 29, 1920
My return to work is today. Although Mary thought I should take a few more days off to rest before getting back to duties, despite James’ assessment. Ruth and Margie are waiting at the doorway as I finish putting on my nurses cap and shoes to walk with them to the hospital. They will likely get the hard jobs on our 12-hour shift today. I will likely just be shadowing the doctor and taking the required patient notes in their charts and serving meals to the patients who can eat. I feel awful for making Ruth and Margie pick up the other duties while just the three of us are on the floor today. The walk to the hospital, the girls are having a bull session about their last dates.’Girls! My cousin set me up on a blind date with some man she knows, or her husband is related to, I forget. We went out to that speakeasy downtown. The dancing, my lord… I think I found my match with him!’ Ruth announced.
‘Well, that’s great news Ruth,’ Margie replied. Glancing down at her engagement ring, she continued, ‘You should continue to see him and you never know it could be you, and not just myself and William on the path to betrothal!’
‘Now, now,’ I say. ‘You can’t tell that from one blind date! You don’t want to be carrying a torch for this man, while he’s out with other dolls. He may be all hotsy-totsy today, but outside of the speakeasy he could be a real flat tire. One date and you’re turning into a real sob sister, Ruth darling’
‘Oh Hokum. You’re just saying that because you haven’t had any real dates in months. When was the last time that you went out with a man, Lottie?’ Ruth rebuked. Margie chuckles at Ruth’s comment. Maybe I should tell them about James’ request for dinner, or should I give them the run-around. If I tell them, I won’t be able to get out of the dinner request with James.
‘I’ll have you know, Ruthie doll, I had a request for dinner just yesterday,’ I spat back after seeing her face. Her face betrays her and shows that she believes that I am a pushover and she is better than us. Margie, who has been quiet, after gaining her composure, ‘What? Who asked you for dinner yesterday Lottie?’
‘You didn’t even leave the house except for your doctor appointment!,’ Ruth interjects snidely. I leave it for a few seconds of walking, not wanting to give Ruth the satisfaction.
‘Come on Lottie. Please tell us. We promised not to say anything. I just can’t imagine who would ask you since your accident! Everyone has heard about it’ Ruth insisted while Margie just looked over through her eyelashes with her big, brown doe eyes.
‘Dr Hawkes actually I’ll have you know! Now please can we just drop this and focus on getting to work on time.’ Both girls stared open mouthed at me. They looked like the fish that we pulled out of the ponds back home in the summers. I ignored their stares as I picked up the pace of our walk into work.
She turned to Ruth and whispered just loudly enough for me to hear, ‘I told her just the other day that some men here can be worth her time and effort. He’s definitely one of them! Can you imagine, marrying a doctor and becoming a doctor’s wife. ‘
‘Girls, quit your dilly dallying.’ Mary snapped at us while we made our way to our floor. Ruth and Margie were still whispering about my earlier revelation. I was still internally cringing at the pathway she just suggested.
‘Yes, Miss Murray. What do you have me assigned to do today? I know its my first day back, however I am ready to get back to work’
‘Lottie, I think I have you just updating patient charts and taking notes at appointments today. There are no operations scheduled for today, so we won’t need you there.’
‘That sounds manageable.’
‘In another week or so, you should be able to be back at full strength and I expect you to be able to fulfill the full scope of your duties here. Have you given any thought to what we spoke about a few days ago?’
A cough interrupted our conversation, and as I turned to see who intruded on our conversation, I saw James standing there.
‘Excuse me, Miss Murray. Lottie, could I speak with you?’
‘Of course, Dr Hawkes.’ Mary hesitated, looking in my direction, while Ruth and Margie fell into whispers and glances towards the two of us. Those two really know how to beat their gums. As I step away from the girls and head towards the hallways, James briskly walks ahead to open the door. What a gentleman.
‘Thank you, James.’
‘Lottie, level with me here. I believe I have been too forward in my request for dinner. I hope you have not taken offence.’
‘Oh you slay me. I am looking forward to dinner with you. I believe that I have February 4th off of work. Perhaps you can check with your agenda to see if we can sort out an evening out.’
‘Swell. I believe I have that date free. Let’s plan to get a wiggle on then.’
‘Absolutely.’ I looked up into his eyes and noticed how his eyes hadn’t left my face. I am going to need to convince one of the girls to find a man and come with me. Otherwise, I’ll end up doing something I shouldn’t have. Just as I am about to gather my thoughts and continue A nurse from another floor comes rushing through a door down the hall, calling for Dr Hawkes.
‘I’ll be right there!’ he shouts back and as he turns and briskly walks towards her. He calls back to me, I’m looking forward to Wednesday.’ With a smile he disappeared down the hall. Well I suppose that’s the end of that conversation. Now, back to work and figuring out if I can get Ruth or Margie to plan a night out.
