I’d only seen an uncaged bird twice in my life. Running into the woods behind our house, I slipped on something, falling, and there it was: small and brown, lying in the dirt. I reached out to touch what I thought was a toy, but the slight movement of its chest made me jerk back. It was unheard of to see a bird outside, free. No crowd of children to push through like for the hawk exhibit, no velvet rope between it and myself like with the stuffed owls behind glass. It wasn’t one of many trained cranes performing for food. This was just a single, lonely bird that twitched every few moments. I thought it was sleeping, ignoring the flies and the smell. I found a small box and made a bed of grass for it, excited to show my mother. But when I did, she jumped back, smacking it out of my hand. I cried like most five-year-olds would when something spectacular is taken away, even if that thing is dead.
The second one still feels like something out of a dream. My house was the last stop on the bus ride home from school, and one day, through the window, I saw the bird perched on our mailbox. I thought maybe Grandpa had put something out for decoration until it stretched its wings.
“No way,” I said, jumping out of my seat. There was a tingle in my chest, the same one I would get when catching some blue in the sky between the clouds. I was ready to believe it was a ghost as I made my way to the front of the bus. The doors couldn’t open soon enough. I quickly stepped off, hoping I wasn’t the only one seeing it. I was afraid to blink, fearing it would disappear. It was a crimson-feathered, black-faced, yellow-beaked creature, small enough to hold in my palms. Where did it come from? I stopped myself when I realized I was getting too close.
“Rita, Rita!” I whispered, trying to signal to my friend as she stepped off the bus behind me. I stayed fixated on the animal, letting its beauty quench my desperate need for something more. I reached for Rita as she started toward my house. I breathed in slowly, trying to quiet my heartbeat from scaring the bird away. “Oh, Mae! Why couldn’t your grandfather build your house closer to the road?” she complained as the bus drove off, kicking dust into the air.
“Rita, are you seeing this?” I called again, trying to keep sight of the creature. But once the dust cleared, my bird was gone. “Seeing what?” Rita looked over at me.
“There!” I pointed, finding the red against the gray clouds. Rita joined me to see for herself, but the bird was gone for good.
“A cardinal, a red cardinal, was sitting right there on my mailbox.”
I’d recognized the bird from a book I’d found. I took a few steps as I scanned the sky, seeing if it was still nearby. “There was a cardinal. It was here seconds ago!”
“Really? I didn’t see anything.”
“I promise I saw it.”
“Okay,” Rita said with a tight smile as she turned to walk towards my house.
“It was there, I promise!” Then I stopped, quieting my voice.
“That was incredible,”
I kept my eyes on the horizon, squinting and searching, but there was nothing. That wasn’t the first time I had claimed to see something that hardly existed. From time to time, I would see a strange animal around my house. I learned to stop telling people because they always thought I was lying. I’d seen a rabbit once, and a chipmunk twice— though it could have been the same chipmunk. My parents were rarely around, so they never saw anything other than the dead bird I had brought them. They just ignored me if I mentioned seeing animals. And my friends—well, the people at school, anyway—just made fun of me. The only person who would take me seriously was Grandpa. He was outside as much as I was and saw animals sometimes, too; but he wasn’t known for his sanity.
“Mae!” Rita called, pulling my attention away from the sky.
“Come on, let’s get this hike to your house over with.” Rita threw her schoolbag over her shoulders. I looked defeatedly at the mailbox, placing my hand where the bird had stood, and then I followed Rita home.
We made it to the rocky white driveway that led into the woods. My house was far from the main road, hiding behind trees, causing visitors to miss us easily. I wouldn’t blame anyone who believed we were keeping secrets, living so far from the city.
“I thought your grandfather would pick us up from school today. If my mother finds out I took the city bus, I’ll never hear the last of it,” Rita said, gripping the straps of her bag under her arms. I was supposed to say something like “Your mom will get over it.” But I was staring at my palms, rubbing my fingers against them, remembering the first time I’d touched the feathers of that dying bird.
“Mae?” Rita called. “Lost in the clouds again?” I looked up, realizing she wasn’t in front of me anymore.
“Huh?” I said, looking back to find her. Rita had stopped walking, waiting for me to respond. “Yeah, your mom will get over it, I’m sure,” I replied.
“Okay, what’s wrong? Are you thinking about that bird?”
“Nothing, I was just…thinking. Anyways, let’s get this hike over with.” I smiled and walked ahead. Above the path that led home were arched, tangled, bare branches of trees shielding us from the sun. They were nice to have when Eradeem’s weather became sweltering, which was most days. Pebbles crunched under our feet as we continued up the hill to my house, making the trek more brutal than it needed to be. Rita dragged her feet, breathing heavily and sweating. I set my book bag in front of her.
“Here,” I said, kneeling. “Put some of your
books in my bag so you don’t pass out.”
“Please!” Rita dropped her bag like it was a boulder. I took a couple of her books and a camera.
“What’s this for?” I asked, rotating the camera before adding it to my bag.
“It’s for a side project. I want to get some photos of myself as I start my change. I thought of it when my Abnormal started.”
“Ooh, let me see. Did it change much?”
“No, it won’t change that fast. I just got it this morning.” Rita tucked her straight black hair behind her ear and pulled down her collar, exposing a dark gray, veiny mark the size of an apple. It was more noticeable against Rita’s olive skin than the Abnormal I had seen on my dad or the one that would appear on me. Our dark skin obscured the Abnormal from afar, which was a positive, I guessed.
“I’m not looking forward to it,” I said, grabbing my bag and continuing the walk.
“Really? You used to be so obsessed with Abnormal,” Rita replied, fixing her collar. “It was like you couldn’t wait until it happened to you or something.”
“I wasn’t obsessed. I was just curious. I don’t know why people think curiosity is weird.”
“They thought it was weird because you were against wearing anything to cover it up. You were like an advocate against wearing a flesh mask.” Rita chuckled.
I tightened my lips. “That was last year, and it’s over now,” I said. “You don’t have to keep talking about it. I thought you were coming over to work on your Lukenic project, not to take pictures of your neck.”
“Well, yeah, the photos are a side project.”
“For what exactly?”
“Just for me. I decided that I shouldn’t wait to become a researcher when I can just do it now.”
“You’re taking a time-lapse of your Abnormal, but I am the weird one?”
“As I said, it’s for myself. Anyways, do you think your grandfather
would look at my project to see if it’s good enough to get into Lukenic Academy?”
“I thought that’s why you were staying over this weekend.”
Rita turned her face, hiding the redness.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed. I know how bad you want to
get into Lukenic.”
“No! I mean, yes. I want to get into Lukenic. But I came over because your house is more peaceful than mine. Plus, being in a house of Lukenic alumni could give me good luck.”
Every year, academic leaders of Eradeem would come from Lukenic to accept two students in the eighth grade from every school. It was the only way to get into Lukenic with good grades alone. Rita was hoping to be one of those students that year from our school. As we continued walking, up ahead, pebbles crunched against the driveway as a black car approached us from my house. We both let it pass. Its shiny rims and body seemed untouched by the dust. I tried to get a look at who was in the car, but the windows were tinted black.
“Who’s that?” Rita asked. “One of your grandpa’s scientist friends?
That’s a nice car.”
“No one I know,” I said, looking back as the car turned onto the main road. “It’s nice you think of Grandpa as good luck, though.”
“He’s the only Lukenic alumnus I know other than your parents, and he’s always around. So, it’s better than nothing,” Rita responded. The dark color of my roof peeped through the naked tree branches as we approached. Once we reached the edge of my driveway, Rita gasped for air, letting her bag hit the ground.
“How…are you… not… tired!” Rita panted.
“Less studying, more outdoor-ing. Therefore, you get to go to
Lukenic, and I get to go to normal school.”
“I haven’t…been accepted…yet.”
“Who’s that?” I said, walking closer to the house. Both of my parents were in front of the house talking with a couple of men.
“I thought your parents were gone until next month,” Rita stated, trying to stand up straight.
“Yeah, so did I.”
I took a couple of steps, focusing on the men my parents were with, both in all-black uniforms with the lower parts of their faces and heads covered. Rita’s jaw was slightly dropped.
“Why are Vigilant officers here?” she asked. We looked at each other as if we both knew what had happened. The Vigilant would only show up to take someone away. We continued walking toward the house until my dad noticed us. As one of the men left, I picked up speed to, avoiding eye contact with the Vigilant as Dad took me in his arms.
“Mae Flower!” he said, kissing my forehead. I pulled back to see his face since it had been a while since I’d last seen him, but his eyes were swollen from tears. “Let’s go inside,” Dad said, signaling Rita to follow. Mom stood on the porch watching us. Her arms were folded tightly under her chest as the Vigilant continued talking. The door closed behind us, and I immediately scanned the room for Grandpa.
“What’s going on?” I asked, letting my book bag slide down my back to the floor. Grandpa’s glasses were sitting on the coffee table in the living room. They were usually there when he was taking a nap on the sofa.
“So,” Dad began, sitting at the kitchen table. He leaned forward, running his hands against his face and hair, then resting his chin on his knuckles.
“Is this about Grandpa?” I asked. Dad stared off. He was almost
frozen for a moment.
“Mae, I know this is most difficult for you. You were the closest to him, and—”
“Does…” I interrupted but then paused. I didn’t want to ask, but I had to. I’d spent the entirety of last year fearing this moment—that I’d come home one day and learn Grandpa had been taken away “Does it have something to do with me?” I made myself finish, dreading the answer.
“Mae, no!” Dad said immediately. “It has nothing to do with you.”
“That’s not very convincing, after everything that happened last year!” I yelled, feeling my voice cracking. “You said they were going to remove him if I didn’t stop talking about his stupid star research.”
“Mae,” my father stopped me. “I promise! It’s not about you. I’ve been hearing great things from your teachers about your improvement.”
“But I’m the one who got him in trouble!” I cried, looking over at Rita, who was staring at the both of us, squeezing her school bag to her chest. Dad signaled to me. He took my hands and looked into my eyes, which had filled with tears.
“It’s not your fault. You were behind in your education because Grandpa filled your head with all that star stuff and Abnormal theories. He is the one who kept you out of school for years, making us think he had permission. He influenced you a lot, but this has nothing to do with you.”
I lifted my gaze to my dad. I tightened my lips. “Why did they take him, then?” Dad opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes wandered behind me instead.
“You don’t need to worry about that, Mae. Grandpa’s going to be fine,” my mother said. I turned around to see her standing by the door near Rita.
“You guys aren’t going to tell me, then!”
“Mae, we aren’t one hundred percent sure what’s going on,” Mom said.
“Well, what did the Vigilant say? Who told them to arrest him?
And what are you guys even doing here? You must have known this would happen!”
“MAE!” Mom’s voice overpowered mine. “Take Rita upstairs to your room; we will talk about this later.” And like that, it was done. The conversation was over, and Mom left.
“Dad!” I called, looking over at him. He was always too gentle, but still, I hoped he might stand up to her.
“We can talk about this later, Mae,” Dad said.
I ran upstairs to my room, throwing my bag onto the bed. Rita followed, and as soon as she entered the room, I slammed the door, making sure it shook the house. Both of my parents were usually away from home working as biologists for a government-owned company called IRRAT. My grandfather used to be a scientist, too, until he was forced into early retirement because of his controversial studies. Everyone grew up believing that stars were just make-believe, existing only in old stories. The only consistent things in our sky were clouds. We could feel the sun, and sometimes we could even see the moon. But never stars. So, since no one had ever seen a star, that was proof it wasn’t real. Grandpa always taught me that stars were real; however, teaching children that they existed was treated as child abuse. Until the prior year, I didn’t care what people said or thought of my grandfather. He’d dedicated his life to proving the existence of stars. He would say, just because we couldn’t see them wasn’t proof, that they didn’t exist.
It seemed like the only person who supported my grandfather’s research was me. My family threatened with removing Grandpa from our home if he didn’t stop teaching me nonsense. The scientific community insisted Grandpa’s studies were based on fantasy, not logic. So, the year I started eighth grade, I had no choice but to change my ways.
“They’re barely here, and this happens!” I shouted.
“Mae, calm down; I’m sure he is going to be okay,” Rita said. I sat at my desk in the corner of the room between my bed and window. My back was to Rita as I stared outside. I couldn’t help but blame myself. How could I not? I should have just done the work I was assigned at school the first time, listened to what I was told the first day, and taken an interest in things my classmates were into. Kids laughing at me when I talked about my grandfather’s star research had been hard to deal with, but being someone I was not was more difficult. Still, I tried as hard as I could. I had spent that whole year attempting to stay away from Grandpa. It was hard living with someone and trying to keep my distance from them. Especially because, other than Rita, Grandpa was my best friend.
“What else could it be, if he wasn’t arrested because of me?” I whimpered. Rita sat on my bed and took in a deep breath for me. “You’re the person who has been around him the most, but I don’t think you should blame yourself. It could be anything. Did you notice any strange behavior from him lately?”
I pulled my feet up onto the chair, resting my chin on my knees. The window beside my desk was large, stretching from floor to ceiling. Looking into the woods helped loosen the muscles in my shoulder. My mind was always clearer sitting there. There was a view of this path that led farther into the woods behind our house, where my grandfather’s lab was. I’d see Grandpa when he left to go out to his base to be alone or work on a personal project. Since I had started school, he hardly went to his base. He focused his free time on me. But there had been something different about him for the last few months.
“Wasn’t there an announcement at school about a curfew change?” I asked Rita.
“Yeah, I think the youth curfew is eight p.m. now; why?”
“It’s just...” I started, then stopped myself, knowing how I was going to sound.
“So...” I began, turning my chair to look at Rita. “Grandpa had been going out to his base more lately.”
“You mean out in the woods.”
“Yeah, but more than before.” I paused, trying to collect my thoughts. “For a couple of months now. Every Friday night. Around midnight.”
“Why would he do that?” Rita asked.
“I don’t know. It’s hard for me to sleep, so I always see him going out there.”
“And what does that have to do with the new curfew?”
“The new curfew is only on Fridays, right?”
“So... you think the curfew has something to do with your grandpa?” Rita said as she raised her brow.
“Well, I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure out why they took him. Maybe he was working on some secret project, or he found something. Something so dangerous that the curfew was moved.”
“Could be,” Rita said. “Maybe something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Like his research on stars; and if that’s the case, maybe it’s a good thing he was taken.”
“What?” I shot back. Rita’s body stiffened. “Look, Mae,” Rita stuttered, “I’m just saying that...” She paused, then took another deep breath.
“Your grandpa needs help.”
I was stuck. I stared blankly, unable to believe she could say that to me.
“I thought you understood that,” she continued. “Do you still believe in the stuff your grandfather talked about? You need to
grow up.”
“I didn’t say I did!” I snapped back. We were both silent. This was a first, hearing Rita talk to me like this. She had always admired Grandpa, at least in front of me.
“Mae. I’ve always been on your side. I’ve taken up for you when people said horrible things about you and your family. So, don’t treat me like this. At some point, you must realize that things are probably what they seem.”
“Right,” I said, turning back to the window, as my face dropped.
“Look, Mae, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings,” Rita said, shuffling her bag of schoolwork onto the bed and taking another deep breath. “Okay, it’s possible that the curfew change may have something to do with your grandpa getting arrested. I just don’t want you to go back to how things used to be. You’re finally doing better in school, you’re making friends, and you’re not struggling anymore. I just want you to be happy.”
I pressed my lips together, slumping down in my seat. “I guess you’re right.” The three years of loneliness slammed against my memory like a bag of bricks. Since I was taught at home for the first five years of my education, I’d had no friends until I started school. I was weird, outspoken, and talked about stars a lot. I didn’t know better.
I didn’t know that I wasn’t normal. I might as well have come from outside Eradeem. I had to let go of my grandpa’s beliefs to become a better student, but it only left me feeling empty. Rita was right, except for the part about me being happy. Going to school was difficult, but at least I had Grandpa to come home to. Regardless of whether my grandpa was wrong about his research, I didn’t want to regret not investigating why he was taken.
“Okay, just let me do this one thing, Rita. I’m more than likely going to Grandpa’s base past curfew tonight. I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t. You don’t have to come; you made it clear how you feel about Grandpa.” Before she could respond, a knock came from the door and my dad’s head peeked through the crack.
“Hey,” he said with a low voice. “Just checking in with you guys.”
“We’re fine,” I replied, jumping to my feet.
“Okay,” he said, opening the door to step in. He pressed his lips together, glancing around the room. He hardly came into my room when he was home. Work took a toll on my parents. When they had a break to come home, they mostly slept.
“Oh,” he said, looking over to the wall where my bed was. “Where’s Grandpa’s poster? You used to have it there.” I looked over to what was now a poster of a boy group called Lost Generation.
“Someone from the school came by, so I took it down. I mean, I didn’t put up Lost Generation because of that,” I said, hesitating like an imposter. “Rita and I went to their concert a few months ago.”
“Oh. Glad that you are enjoying your youth, honey.” He nodded at the poster. “Your mom used to have this room set up just how yours is, except her walls were covered with boy bands and musicians.” I looked at the one music poster and then the rest of my room. I had several sketches of animals I had posted, a string of lights that framed my bed and desk, some animal figures sitting on a bookshelf, and random plastic dots that glowed in the dark, covering the walls and ceiling.
“I guess I’m still a bit immature,” I said, taking hold of my arm.
“No, I love it. It’s just good to see you becoming a normal teenager.” I didn’t reply.
“Anyways,” Dad started as he cleared his throat. “We are going to get Grandpa back. So don’t you worry about him.
“Thanks,” I said, still standing, shifting my eyes to Rita. I hoped he hadn’t heard my plan to go to Grandpa’s base tonight.
“Mr. Meadows,” Rita said, “Dr. Cefend was planning to help me with a project to get into Lukenic. I wasn’t sure if you might be available to look over it.”
“Sure, I can do that, Rita. I know it can be stressful trying to get into that school,” Dad said. Rita’s eyes widened as she scooted closer to the edge of the bed.
“If you aren’t too busy, that would be great.”
“I’m pretty free for the rest of the day, so just come find me when
you’re ready.”
“Okay, thank you, Mr. Meadows.”
“All right,” Dad said, glancing at me as he closed the door.
“Well, that worked out,” I said. Rita didn’t respond. She grabbed her bag and walked over to the full-size mirror next to the door. She reached into her bag and pulled out a thin, clear baggie with a flat, translucent, palm-size square.
“Is that a mask piece?” I asked, walking over to get a better look.
“Yeah, my mother gave it to me this morning when I showed her my Abnormal. I thought I would try it out once I got to your house.”
“Can I see it?” I asked. Rita handed it to me. I opened the bag,
pulling out the artificial skin with the tips of my fingers, wobbling it in the air.
“Gross.” I gagged.
“Stop it.”
Rita sticked her palm out in front of me. I placed the mask skin in its bag and handed it back to her. “It’s not gross; it’s normal, Mae. You are going to have to use a mask sooner or later. In your case, probably later, since you have the mark of a toddler.”
“I hope I never get the Abnormal,” I replied. I pulled my collar away to look at the mark on my chest. It lay right above my heart. A dark gray spot that grew with age and usually stopped in puberty. It wasn’t until I’d started school that I realized that mine was much smaller than my classmates’. Some of my classmates had marks the size of a handprint, while others reached down to their belly button. Mine was the size of a coin.
“It’s not so bad having a small mark,” I responded. “They said it would grow the more I was around other kids my age, but it hasn’t changed much.”
Rita took a hair tie from her bag, pulling her hair back in a ponytail. She placed the mask piece on her neck where her Abnormal was starting to grow. She patted it down with her fingers and then took a little makeup to help it blend in. Once she was done, she rubbed her fingers around it.
“Wow, it’s gone,” I said, touching her neck where the Abnormal was. “How does it feel?”
“A little weird, but I can get used to it.”
“Yeah, but imagine when you need to use it all over your face.”
