I used to have the wrong notion that if I joined the military, I wouldn’t have nearly as many problems, issues, or concerns on my job – or in my life, for that matter – as I would have in the civilian sector. But show me anyone who has ever served in any branch of the armed forces, deployed overseas, served in combat, or has experienced the traditional military lifestyle, and then I’ll show you a diversity of people who have experienced the heartbreak of divorce, failed relationships, unhealthy addictions, financial hardship, depression, identity crisis, betrayal, and a variety of other traumas. The question then is, why are there lingering problems [post-military] in my personal life left unresolved? What about the plight of the divorced? With divorce rates being so high in the general public as they are, why are they even higher in the military community? Does the military value family as they claim they do? And if they don’t, should their employees?

I’m just saying what everyone else wanted to say but couldn’t. As a leader, how in the world was I supposed to know everything? And when I didn’t, why was I considered incompetent? Why did saying, "We don't have the resources to do this or that," make me feel inadequate?

The stress and anxiety I endured in both combat and non-combat situations were astronomical! At times, I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, but that would have been unprofessional, right? Because “Effective leaders know how, when, and where to show emotion,” they said. Although I agreed with that notion, my self-identity and human emotions took a major hit.

** Why did saying, “We don't have the resources to do this or that,” make me feel inadequate?

For years, I was conditioned to put the needs of the organization and its people before myself – before my wife, my family, my finances, my spirituality, and even my mental health. As a result, I lost touch with myself and the key people in my life. My heart was turned towards the organization and its people rather than my own flesh and blood.

I’m just pointing out what everyone else was thinking. Why did I not mind missing family functions, birthdays, and gatherings? Why did I stop celebrating my own birthday? Both my grandmothers, grandfathers, and three of my aunts passed away, but I couldn’t cry. My father got really sick one time, but I procrastinated and took my time getting back home to him because I thought that my absence would hinder work productivity. I turned into an unemotional, detached, stony-hearted shell of the person I once was.

I’m just weighing in on what other folk like me have ignored for years, even decades. For example, am I the only Veteran who thinks getting hammered at a military ball is ridiculous? And we wonder why, over time, typical “casual drinkers” turn into full-blown alcoholics in the military. Are certain military traditions increasingly becoming enablers of alcohol abuse, or am I over-exaggerating? I don’t know; maybe it is just me. And why are there craploads of payday loans, check-cashing loans, and military lending companies conveniently camped right outside of every military base? Are they preying on us, or is it just a coincidence? Look, by no means am I a conspiracy theorist, but could it be possible that they [the military and the lending companies] are secretly working in partnership with each other? Nah, they’d never! Regardless, why would anyone with access to free medical care, dental care, and housing allowance need to resort to a would-be civilian payday or “military loan” – a loan they’ll likely be paying on until retirement? Oh yeah, I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

With 22+ years of combined active-duty service between the Navy and the Army, including six combat deployments, I had the opportunity to observe the personalities, work ethics, and character of multigenerational Sailors and Soldiers estimated somewhere between 4,000-5,000 personnel total. But this new wave of young people concerns me.

I’ll make it plain and simple. The military as we know it is in trouble! There, I said it. No, seriously, where did these people come from? Why is this generation of young adults so disrespectful, privileged, and self-absorbed? Nowhere in my military contract was it stated that I was required to negotiate to get folks to come to work. Why are they so God-awful, lazy, and unhealthy? Who told them that physical fitness was optional?

News flash, we are supposed to be trained killers, you know! How foolish would it sound for a person to join the military thinking they wouldn’t have to run for miles on end, train, and wake up at the crack of dawn all the time? Have they not watched a single military movie? Why did I always have to put on my motivational speaker’s hat and preach to Soldiers about doing the right thing? For the love of God, why couldn’t they just stay out of trouble? And while I’m on the subject, what on earth made me think that I was their savior?

Sometimes, self-reflection and tears are the only outlet to recovery, especially after a combat deployment. After back-to-back tours to Iraq and Afghanistan, I didn’t need anyone to tell me I needed to seek mental therapy. But like most leaders of my era, I didn’t take any professional help. No way was I going to allow that stigma to attach itself to my name. No way was I going to have my mental disorders and innermost secrets revealed and put on record, or so I thought. In retrospect, there’s no wonder why so many of my colleagues drank obsessively and were cigarette chain smokers and chronic adulterers. Although detrimental to their overall health, those practices subconsciously helped them manage their internal struggles and the external circumstances that take shape in the day and the life of a full-time Soldier, Sailor, Marine, Airman, or whatever the case may be.

Fortunately for me, alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs weren’t my go-to. Mine was a safer, more respectable, but drug-like addition, nonetheless. I described it as dedication, hard work, and commitment – others called it workaholism.

If I’m being honest, I was an outright workaholic for pretty much my entire military career. And I was kept under lock and key. I ate, slept, and dreamt of work. It didn’t matter what my spouse said, what my family thought, or what my Pastor preached; I could not break free from it. My office space, the field, deployments, and anywhere else military training and operations were going down were all serene atmospheres for me. The way I dealt with work stress was to simply create more work for myself. It was a stress management technique I used that somehow helped me get through two decades of emotional drought.

Contrary to popular opinion, the military profession is one of the premier, self-rewarding, and satisfying careers of this lifetime. There aren’t many job opportunities out there that can match the experience, education, resources, travel, and benefits the military offers. I am such an advocate that I would do it all over again if I could. It was a part of me for a very long time and will always be a representation of me long after retirement. At this stage of my life, I can honestly say that the military doesn’t owe me anything, and I stand by that.

This book was written especially for those who long for a more comprehensive understanding of the facts of what it’s really like behind the scenes in the day and the life of military service members. This book provides snapshots of real-world events, places, and people that I know will resonate well in the hearts and minds of many. My brutal honesty will help put things into perspective and hopefully provide answers to the “why” questions mentioned in this introduction. If you’ve read one war story, you’ve read them all, right? Not exactly. This book unveils true and unadulterated stories that provide verifiable insight and will yank back the curtains of information you wouldn’t ordinarily have access to otherwise. In complete transparency, I will fully disclose my own personal and professional military experiences that I am certain will leave many faced with a myriad of emotions, opinions, and aha moments.