This is a story about healing. From recognizing pain, to unveiling its origins, only to discover the power behind your failures. This is a journey towards self-love and recognizing that everything you are searching for starts with you. All it takes is the courage to do the work.
This is a story about healing. From recognizing pain, to unveiling its origins, only to discover the power behind your failures. This is a journey towards self-love and recognizing that everything you are searching for starts with you. All it takes is the courage to do the work.
When I was a little girl,
I dreamed of conquering the world
and all its ailments.
Perhaps that’s where my problems began,
thinking I could bear the burden.
I am tired. Of the unhappiness. Of the sadness. Of the anger. Of the emptiness. What a joy it would be, to be happy about something, even if it seems like nothing at all.
[Searching for salvation]
I have learned to master the art
of picking myself up when I fall.
I’ve asked myself, “How do you do it?”
How have you not broken down yet?
Truth is
I’ve broken down in many ways.
The worst way
was pretending
I have it all together,
when I was dying inside.
[Faking the funk]
These emotions are too heavy
for me to carry.
Even when I let one go,
out comes another.
Maybe this is my body telling me
to feel the moment,
then let it drift away.
[But I can’t]
How do I forgive those who aren’t sorry?
How do I accept an apology I’ll never receive?
How do I practice grace upon those who wronged me?
Maybe forgiveness isn’t the answer.
Maybe it’s overrated.
[Choosing anger]
I have watered those who sucked the life out of me. I have given so much that I’ve become empty. I want that water back. Maybe give it to me, to remind myself of fullness. But I’ve become so empty that I no longer care to be watered. Just noticed. Appreciated, and tended to. I have nothing left to give to myself. So now I’m searching for something, anything, to fill me again.
[Hopeless]
This is a stunning collection of poems. From the first poem I was captured by Mahmoodi's depiction of mental health, heartbreak, and self-acceptance. She displays her emotions so openly and passionately that I could almost feel the pain of some of the poems resonating off the page. I find poetry so personal, so individual, that I either entirely connect with an author's work, or I cannot relate at all. I really resonated with many of the poems in this collection, and I think that anyone who has struggled with their feelings, found it difficult to accept themselves, or experienced a transition from self-doubt to self-love will also enjoy this collection.
The collection is split into five sections, each one dealing with a part of Mahmoodi's life and her journey towards self-acceptance. She challenges expectations of love and pain, trauma and heartbreak, and is able to convey so much in only a handful of lines. She also does not shy away from sharing and questioning elements of life that society has deemed 'taboo'. A couple of the larger sections do jump between topics, but I feel as though this, whether intentional or not, mimics the way the brain cycles through thoughts quite chaotically, especially during times of sadness and introspection, so I didn't mind it. I tabbed so many of the poems that I really connected with, and will probably find myself returning to them often.
I think this is a wonderful collection for anyone that is struggling or has struggled with their mental health, recently gone through a heartbreak, or is attempting to love themselves. If you are looking for a way to articulate some of these thoughts, or recognise that you are not alone in your journey, then I highly recommend this collection. I really enjoyed it, and will look out for more of her work.