In the Face of Death
Introduction
As of the date of this writing, my husband died sixty days ago. His unexpected death left me devastated and broken. For weeks, I walked around in a fog of despair with my heart skipping beats throughout the day. The one I loved for twenty-four years disappeared from my life.
In one moment, everything about my life changed forever. I could not articulate my inner turmoil to those around me, even those who desired to understand and loved me enough to want to help. My loss cut me so deep. I wanted my heart to stop bleeding, but I did not want to move on or move forward. The woman I had been vanishedbefore my eyes. The loss of my husband was great, but the loss of myself was even greater. Everything I thought I knew about God wasshaken, but the only one who could heal me from such a severe trauma was God Himself.
In this book, I will share God’s heart for the widow. Hopefully, by peering into my life experience, you can get a glimpse of His divine plan for your life. By gaining an understanding of God’s heart for you this will help you see that the death of your spouse is a part of God’s plan. Clarity in this area will also help you settle into a place of peace that will encourage you to move forward.
My desire is that you will align your heart to God’s heart. Then,you can begin to take steps toward receiving His healing. Each day your heart will heal a little more, making you more emotionally available, so He can release clarity about the next chapter of your life.Healing and clarity are two elements you will need as you approach the sea of widowhood. I pray that my story and God’s Word can be a window into life after death.
What I Hope to Communicate to You in This Book
This book will explore the life of the widow in 2 Kings Chapter 4. This bible story shows us how your life can shift from devastation to thriving in purpose. If we accept where we are, obey, and partner with God, then we can heal. God helps us heal, but we must participate in the process actively. Additionally, this book examines how we can cultivate our hope in God after devastation and loss, and how we can move from brokenness to a place of purpose and promise.
You Can Heal
If we allow God can do the work in us to become emotionally and spiritually healthy, then we can look forward to a winning outcome for our lives. However, we hold on to what we believe about the Word of God. Romans 8:28 (NIV) says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
I lost my husband, but I did not lose my purpose. God’s hands are strong enough to hold my heart and my family’s hearts. He will keep us on the right path, and He is preparing us for something new.Whether your grief is fresh or you are well ahead of me in the journey, know that it is okay to feel the emotions swirling around inside you. All of them are valid. If you loved your spouse, you should feel brokenness and deep disappointment. Your soul was tied to another human spirit for years. The breaking of that sacred covenant should hurt. Remember, you must feel before you can heal.
Do not try to force yourself to get over it because grief is complicated. Some days you will be doing well. Then the next you hit some difficult lows. No amount of busy work, travel, shopping therapy, or alcoholic drinking can eradicate the pain you feel. You may find temporary alleviation from time to time, but the grief will come back to visit you — often. Let it run its course.
I hope that in the pages of this book, you will find encouragement to rebuild your life and reinvent yourself. May youalso will find comfort in the fact that your Savior will be with you each shaky step you take into the next season.
Chapter One
In the Face of Death
I clenched my hands over my heart when the doctor called to tell me that my husband did not make it through the night. The previous day his vitals were doing fine, but I noticed that he was unable to focus and look me in the eyes. Instead, he kept looking past me. I kissed him good night and told him I would return early the next morning. I knew something was up, but I did not know this would be the last time I would look into his eyes. Twenty-four years ago, I had taken a vow. Till death do us part. I had no idea we would be here so soon.
The love of my life had been called home by God. How could I come to terms with that? I wrestled with the unfairness of my reality, but it was a losing battle. Anxiety and fear became my new best friends. They visited with me regularly and every so often they brought their friend grief along.
In the midst of my uncertainty, I had to console my children, make many decisions, and plan my husband’s funeral. I felt lost, forgotten by God, and alone. But in the weeks, that followed, I discovered that I was not the only one dealing with this type of tragedy. Every year about 700,000 women become widows in the United States. This astounding fact is cited by Marilyn Murray Willison in an article she had written shortly after losing her husband of 20 years.
When we lose our spouses, we reenact every moment incessantly and go on a “what if” tangent. We blame ourselves and others. Those of us who have lost, and have lost big, try to find some meaning for the cause of this pain. We go back and forth with God trying to find some answers as to why, at this time in our lives, this had to happen to us. I often wondered, why would God allow my husband to die so young? My husband and I had so many plans. There was so much more living my husband and I had to do, but God begged the differ.
Additionally, we may become mentally exhausted, our physical health declines, and our faith is challenged as everything we thought we knew about God is questioned. I was a powerful force in God’s kingdom — serving in ministry and helping those who God called me to assist. However, losing Peter left me with a depleting confidenceand feeling just as lifeless as my dead husband.
Nothing in life can prepare us for losing a loved one. On the surface, we understand that life and death exist in our world, but we are not built to handle such a volatile interruption. Our Creator is a life-giver. We have an innate desire to enjoy life, but death stands as a direct contradiction.
However, there is life after death, and you still have a life to live. You just need to make the decision to live it. In order to live after our spouse’s death acceptance is the first step. Accepting that your spouse is no longer with you is not a rejection of the love you shared. It does not mean you let go of your husband and your sweet memories. The acceptance of the sovereignty of God in your life will honor his memory. Nothing in life challenges your faith more thanlosing your spouse, but God wants to fill the life you think is emptyright now. He wants to expand it. There is a new direction that God is taking us toward and it is just on the horizon.
Moment by moment, with God holding your hand, you will get to the other side of the valley. You will not simply move on; you will move forward. You will find the energy and peace you need to live past this crisis.
At the age of forty-seven, I became a widow. I lost all confidence about the future, and I desperately sought an explanation from God for the season I entered. Marilyn Murray Willison cited in that same Widow Facts article, another startling statistic. On average, widows survive for about fourteen years after their husbands’ deaths.That statistic forced me to really take a good look at my futurebecause death was staring me in the face again. My heart was broken, but I knew I had to live. I knew I needed to discover my Creator’s supernatural plan for my life to ensure that I came out on the other side victorious.
As the loss of my husband shook the very foundation I stood on, God was also molding my recovery. He was building an ark inside me that would transport me from the world as I knew it to the new chapter He planned from the very beginning, before I was even born.God can take care of us when life seems unbearable. He will give us a special supply of comfort and a new elevation of faith. He promises to comfort us in the hurt and pain. Matthew 5:4 (NIV) says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
The Holy Spirit helps us navigate the choppy waters of grief and loss. Even as I continued to seek God for understanding, I made the decision to keep my faith in God. Scripture was my instructional guide for living. The Bible always has a word to help us endure anything we may encounter in life —even death.
1 Corinthians 15:50 (NIV) says, “I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.” The physical body cannot enter heaven because heaven is a spiritual place. The reading and meditation of this scripture was a defining moment for mebecause of the way I am built. I am analytical by nature, so I studied God’s Word and begin to understand God’s way, it helped me understand what’s ahead for my life. It helped me to deal with the loss and it will and can help you heal as well.
A few weeks earlier my husband became very sick. Doctors could not pinpoint what was causing his illness. I watched my beloved’s body deteriorate slowly and painfully. There was nothing I could do to help him. I knew his current state was not God’s will for his life here on earth —he had to move on. I wanted my husband to stay with me, but in order for him to advance to his next phase, he had to move on to be with the Father. How could I stand in the way of him arriving at his destined place? This was a tough reality to face.
For those of us who have given our lives to Jesus Christ, the kingdom of God is our inheritance. While we are on earth, we get an opportunity to partner with God to do some amazing work and our focus is to draw others into a relationship with Him.
The physical connection I had with my husband, though powerful, does not hold a candle to the spiritual one. My husband’s passing did not diminish the love I had for him; it elevated it.
